We all know how easily toxic people -- with their knack for negativity and gossip -- can throw a monkey wrench into our days.  But what if we leveraged that toxicity to our benefit? How, you ask? There's a myriad of ways to do this. Among them are these:  1. When they say you can't accomplish something, do you let their words derail your hopes and dreams? No, you use them to further  fuel your motivation to accomplish your goals. After all, who are they to judge? 2. When they criticize you for your style of dress, interests, or any other facet of your personality, do you scramble to change? No, you double down on preserving what makes you unique, which in turn will build self-confidence and boost your self-esteem. 2. When they disrespect you, whether by spewing outright lies or demeaning your character, do you turn around and do the same to them? No, you're better than that. You stand up for yourself, firmly if civilly, without hurling insults. This will equip you with th...

Ever heard the saying "It's not about the journey, but the destination"? If don't allow ourselves the freedom to enjoy the ride -- even if we don't reach said destination when we want (if ever), happiness will always lie out of reach.  That being said, we should never attach our happiness to outcomes.  In other words, don't set your expectations sky high so as to set yourself up for disappointment in the event things don't work out as planned.  We all want to have lifelong relationships, to have a lot of money, to have the perfect job. While some people may be lucky enough to have one or more of the above, chances are you may hit snags along the way that prompt several detours. Our lives will never be perfect. What we imagine in our minds doesn't always materialize, and that's okay.  Though miserable at first, we may realize later that where we ended up was the vastly superior path.  For example, your 15-year relationship may end abruptly. After pr...

Relationships go belly-up when partners expect them -- and, more specifically, their significant other -- to be perfect.  Many fall into the trap of setting unrealistically high standards for their partner, finding themselves crestfallen when they realize or she doesn't quite measure up.   If you seek perfection, I'm here to tell you that you'll never find it. There will always be qualities inherent in one's nature that won't go over well with others. Some people are exceedingly meek, while others are overly pompous. Certain individuals are unambitious while others can't seem to put their work down. Whether these are seen as positive traits or negative ones really varies by person.  Sure, it doesn't mean we can't work toward making the relationship as strong as it can possibly be by addressing our flaws, listening to our partner's grievances, and withholding the compulsion to finger-point and pass judgment.  But a relationship should never be regarde...

Worrying never goes away completely, but it's on us to keep our concerns over the future at bay. Teens worry about what college will bring, especially if they plan to go out of state. Seniors worry over their will and making arrangements for when it's their time to go. Expectant parents are nervous about whether they'll be able to handle parenthood. Recently laid off employees feel angst over whether they have enough money to provide for their family while looking to snag another job. Our relationships, dreams, fears, goals-- not to mention the stage of life we find ourselves in -- each play a role in shaping the very worries that plague our minds. While it's imperative we keep our concerns under control so as to mitigate the anxiety that undoubtedly ensues, worries -- and a little pressure, for that matter -- aren't always bad. In fact, they may propel us to resolve problems and strive to achieve goals we might otherwise not pay much attention to....

Sometimes you need to stand alone to prove -- not only to others, but to yourself -- that you can still stand. I believe strongly in turning to friends and family for support amid tough times. But oftentimes the answers lie in us, even if we may not realize it at first, and all we need to do is follow our gut. For instance, maybe you've been dating someone whom you know deep down isn't the right match for you, or working in a career that you've known for a long time doesn't make full use of your skills. Perhaps others prod you to continue dating this individual because they're certain the future looks bright for the two of you. (They may have been the ones to fix you up as well.) Or they implore you to remain in that job because, well, things are bad out there and surely you can't find a position that better suits you, right? While many of these people mean well, who better to know who or what is right for you than yourself? Indeed, arriving at c...

Have you ever sensed -- based on the way someone treats or talks about you -- that they're green with envy? You're not alone. Here's what I believe envy to be, even though it differs slightly from the definition found in the dictionary. Envy is a veiled form of admiration.  It's when someone realizes you possess something -- whether it be a physical object or intangible attribute -- that they perceive as lacking in their own life. Maybe they wish they had a position as high up the corporate ladder as yours, a partner as attractive as your spouse, or a temperament to match your calm and collected demeanor. Sadly, these people don't realize we all face unenviable battles of some kind -- from personal illnesses to financial hardship -- about which we may remain tight-lipped. Why would you envy someone else anyway? Just because they have a lot of money, for example, doesn't mean they're truly happy beneath the surface. If they have to work...

Relationships can take us to the heights of passion and the depths of despair. There are days we look at our partner and ask ourselves how we got so lucky. Then there are occasions where we can't stand to be in their presence, if temporarily. Nevertheless, relationships entail taking the good with the bad. It doesn't mean you have to settle for less, or let the other person get away with everything. Nor does it mean expecting them to be flawless or of like mind in every way. Here are two musts in order for a relationship to be successful: 1. Appreciating each other's similarities.  Maybe you're both rabid football fans, hardcore comic book geeks, or the biggest Beatles fans anywhere. Or perhaps you're both optimistic, financially responsible, or averse to rollercoasters. There's no question that in order for the relationship to run smoothly, both partners should have some overlapping interests, fears, views, or all of the above. Otherwise, yo...

Be leery of someone you're dating who tries to cajole you into moving much faster than you're comfortable with. If someone is worth your while, they would never pressure you into doing anything -- whether it's sleeping going on a trip to a faraway island by yourselves, or tying the knot -- before you feel you're ready for that major step. If they can't respect your wishes, too bad! They're more than welcome to move on and find someone who similarly desires to move at blazing speed. That's not you. No, you refuse to betray your values and principles, whether that means waiting until marriage to be intimate or not wanting to give into the other person's desire to move to another state together after dating for a mere two months. You'd be right to question why he or she seems intent on moving at breakneck speed. Does he just want to use you? Is she looking to use you for your money until she gets back on her feet? Is he on the rebound, aiming to use you...

Sometimes we don't give ourselves enough credit for all we've accomplished up to this point. What's more, we lack confidence in our ability to achieve goals and meet future challenges. But this should not be the case. While venturing into the unknown can be daunting, you must never underestimate your capacity to weather change and hardship -- whether it be a layoff, an unexpected health condition, or a relationship setback. Sure, getting back on your feet might not happen overnight. But rest assured that if you press on -- not allowing anything or anyone to stop you -- you shall prevail. Indeed, life rewards us for our mettle and perseverance, for our refusal to throw in the towel when all hope seems lost. Even our darkest days aren't eternal. Eventually, the sun comes up again, and we rise stronger, wiser, and more resilient than ever before. You're more powerful than you realize. Do whatever it is you need to do to regain your footing, whether pr...

Without even realizing it, some people get into the hard-to-shake habit of always trying to find something to nitpick about their lives. They could have the kind of life others can only dream of -- a bank account flush with cash, a loving spouse, sterling health, wonderful kids, a capacious house, an enviable career. But it's just never enough. They need the latest iPhone. They feel compelled to whip up drama in their relationship once they go too long without having an argument with their partner. They grow bored of every job after six months, despite the fact they're paid handsomely and have nothing to complain about in the workplace. These hard-to-please individuals will be perpetually dissatisfied until the day they realize that life isn't about having the most or best of everything, but about making the most of what one has.  That's not to say that one can't strive to achieve goals and better their station in life. After all, whether we wish to lau...

A New Year means fresh possibilities -- the chance to press that reset button and start anew. An opportunity to leave all the grudges, drama, and negativity that beleaguered you in 2019 behind. The chance to look forward to pursuing goals (new or existing) with renewed vigor. It isn't just about losing weight, getting a better job, or finding true love. It's about becoming a better individual all-around. It's about leveraging what you've learned up until this point through your mistakes and experiences so you can continually become a better, smarter, wiser version of yourself. While we can set out to adopt this mindset any time of the year -- no one says it has to be January 1 -- most of us see that date as a convenient jumping off point for starting with a clean slate. Whatever your preference, one thing is for sure: It's never too late to effect change in your life that will put you closer to fulfilling your dreams. Life is what you make of it. If yo...

Ah, the bumpy, unpredictable world of dating. Whether we're meeting someone for the first time on a blind date or being fixed up by a mutual friend, dating can sure seem like a labyrinth sometimes! Not to mention you never really know what to expect. Some people may turn out to be total weirdos. Others may seem like the complete package, only they're already married and looking for some on the side. Still others, despite appearing to be nice people, are ones we're just not attracted to, no matter how much we try to will ourselves toward liking them more. In this post, I'd like to share a dating tip that will improve your odds of finding Mr. or Ms. Right. Ready? When you're getting to know someone, aim to see them for who they are rather than who you want them to be. This is easier said than done sometimes during the so-called honeymoon stage in which hormones are raging and stomachs become flooded with butterflies. But sooner or later, a person...

We've all heard sayings like "patience is a virtue," "good things come to those who wait," and "everything happens at the right time." But are these valid assertions, or just tired platitudes? The fact of the matter is this: Life is a balancing act between striking the right level of patience and working toward one's goals . There's no question that you shouldn't force what you know in your heart isn't for you. For example, if your gut tells you that the position you interviewed for isn't right -- and you can afford to hold off a little longer -- don't accept it if an offer is extended. Or let's pretend you've been single for two years and would do just about anything to hook up with someone. Unfortunately, desperation can drive people to settle for someone who they know deep down is a poor fit. Needless to say, patience can pay huge dividends. You may second guess your decision initially, only to have a mu...

Do people try to make you feel guilty or foolish for wanting to do something that you know will make you happy in the long run, but that they perceive as wrong because it isn't something they'd do themselves? At the end of the day, it's your life! Whether you decide to date someone your friends may not be particularly keen on, venture into a field that does not square with what your parents envisioned, or nurture a hobby your co-workers may deem utterly dull, nobody's opinion should take precedence over your own gut instincts. Yes, the people near and dear to us may make well-meaning suggestions. But if they really think they know us better -- our passions, desires, goals -- than we know ourselves, they're flat-out fooling themselves. Let's face it: Sometimes going down a different path than others brings out their insecurities. People want you to think and act in ways that validate their own decisions. So when you do something that strikes them as...

Instead of striving to be superior to other people, we should aim to be superior to our previous selves. It can be easy to assume, judging from the content people post on social media, that they lead perfect lives. As we sift through photos of Facebook friends sunbathing in the Caribbean, sharing cheesecake at a 5-star restaurant with a partner, or driving away in a souped up Mercedes Benz, we may find ourselves green with envy. But comparing ourselves to others -- whether our coworkers, our neighbors, or are friends -- is an exercise in futility. Really, people are not some monolithic group. We have different tastes and interests, goals and fears, struggles and challenges. While it's good to look up to others and admire what they've accomplished, there's no sense in wishing for the lives they have. After all, they may be doing a good job at masking the fact that their lives leave a lot to be desired. They may very well be having health, money, or marital problems...

Many people I talk to (including some of my readers) have a tendency to compare their lives to those of the people around them. I encourage them against slipping into such a mental trap, which may potentially lead to resentment and, if such feelings spiral out of control, depression down the road. I advise them to stop for a moment and consider that the people they're comparing themselves to: Have a completely different path in life Have disparate goals, dreams, and personalities May be facing battles they know nothing about  May not be happy, even if they may appear so on the surface There's a difference between looking up to someone and wishing to emulate them (e.g. wanting to be accomplished like they arr because they've risen to the top of their profession), and lamenting the fact that your life isn't exactly like theirs. Let's assume you're in a troublesome relationship. After a bitter argument with your wife, you walk out to the yard and...

Sometimes people confuse envy  with jealousy , using them interchangeably as if they shared the same definition. But their meanings are in fact slightly different. Envy is wanting something that someone has that you perceive as lacking or absent in your life. Jealousy  is being afraid to lose something that is already yours. If you have a burning desire to have your co-worker or boss's job -- especially if you've been passed over for it in the past -- you're likely envious of him. If you wish you could have your neighbor's car, your sister's charisma, or your gym teacher's physique, you may very well harbor some envy . On the other hand, if your blood begins to boil when you see your spouse talking to the attractive cashier at the grocery store -- whose smiles and suggestive looks leave little doubt she's being flirtatious -- you're jealous.  In other words, envy involves comparing oneself to someone else and begrudging the fact that we...

If you sense that you're worthless to someone, don't fret. Smile, because you're priceless to someone else! To the world you may be just a tiny, insignificant speck. But to one person, you may be nothing less than the world. Even though we might have good,  caring people in our lives, many of us become preoccupied with the ones who treat us like dirt. We go to great lengths to rationalize why they're behaving this way, especially if we can't put a finger on what we ever did wrong. We let their mood sour ours. We call and text them numerous times in the vain hope that they will give us the time of day. In short. we let them get the best of us -- but why should we? Your value doesn't decrease just because someone is unable to see your worth. And just because someone perceives you as being of little worth doesn't mean others see you that way. In fact, if you have friends, family, and/or a partner who count you among the most important people ...

Never should we allow others to undervalue us -- nor should we let ourselves do it. At the end of the day, the only opinion about yourself that is completely accurate -- the sole assessment that really matters -- is your own. Self-worth, or self-esteem, results from our striving to treat ourselves with the love, care, compassion, and respect we deserve. Your self-worth can only be determined by you because it comes from within. The higher your self-esteem, the happier you are. And as I've stressed in my other posts, happiness emanates from inside of us. It's obvious that not everyone we come across in our lives -- from partners and friends to bosses -- will realize our worth. Still, that should never decrease our value in our own eyes. In relationships in which we don't feel valued, we have the option to address our feelings with the other person. If that doesn't bear fruit, we must decide whether the individual deserves a place in our lives. Now, this do...

If you lose someone, but find yourself in the process, guess what? You've won. Maybe it's an ex who walked away because they found you too unexciting or conventional for them. Perhaps it's a friend who stopped responding to your messages once they realized they couldn't control you or get you to validate their every decision. You've likely been in this boat at some point or another. At first, seeing the relationship go down the tubes hits us hard, and we may be apt to blame ourselves. But gradually, we come to realize that it didn't work out for a reason, and rather than inducing sadness in us, that fact brings us a great sense of comfort and relief. It reinforces something that we knew all along, but perhaps never contemplated too deeply: If we try to think or behave like others just to gain their approval, we are essentially selling ourselves out, handing them our self-identity in a bag. Sadly, I've spoken to people who will suppress what m...