Here's a big relationship no-no: Never hook up with Someone who only values your looks, bank account, or both.  I know what you're thinking: With some people, this isn't easy to tell in the beginning being that they can do a great job of masking their real intentions.  For example, you may have once dated someone whose penchant for gold-digging may not have become evident until two years after you began dating. Or, you may not have picked up on your boyfriend's aim to use you for only one thing until after the honeymoon phase passed. Fair enough.  Some individuals can be awfully deceptive. But as soon as they show their true colors, I implore you not to wait until they change (which is unlikely to happen) -- let alone embark to change them yourself. Just end it -- plain and simple -- before you become any more invested.  A partner worth keeping is one who covets what lies beneath more than they do the superficial. And that's because what lies deep within is what mak...

We live in a shallow world where one's physical appearance and material possessions can be the deciding factor in whether you get the job or the girl. In my estimation, intelligence -- and that includes deep intellectual curiosity -- isn't assigned enough weight by most people.  The stereotype against "nerds" and "geeks" is one we are well familiar with. We might have been labeled as such in our youth if we always got good grades, or had a bespectacled overachieving friend whose work everyone looked to copy. What I don't understand is this: Why can't being smart for its own sake be an it-thing?  While money can be lost and material stuff can rust, no one can take your intellectual prowess away from you. (Notice I said "no one" and not "nothing." I know there are terrible accidents and health conditions, like Alzheimers, that can rob you of your mental faculties. Some may argue, however, that you can deal self-inflicted wounds by t...

We've all heard the axiom, "True beauty comes from within." And I agree wholeheartedly, which is why I've used it in several of my posts. But, in my view, those who say looks don't matter at all are flat-out kidding themselves. Yes, looks should never be the thrust of any relationship. The glue that holds two people together is a deep, emotional connection. But the fact of the matter is that, for better or worse, the first thing our eyes go to is one's physical appearance. Allow me to pose a few pointed questions: Would you want to date someone who weighs 700 pounds? Would you hire the job candidate who shows up to the job interview unshaven and in bedraggled clothing? Would you set your daughter up with a kid sporting a shirt that says, "I'm your next one night stand"? If you answered "no" to any of the above, you care about looks and first impressions to a certain degree. The truth is that we all do, even if some of u...

There are those in our lives whom we consider genuinely good people. They're positive, helpful, accommodating. They've been there for us when we've needed them. We deem them a definite enhancement to our lives. It's for this reason we may be astonished to find that they're single, and chances are they've been a bachelor or bachelorette for quite a while. "But they'd make the perfect catch," we tell ourselves or others with bewilderment. We later discover it isn't that they can't land a date, for their good looks and charisma have been known to draw a healthy number of prospects. It's that they're super picky. We might try to fix them up with someone we know, but they always seem to find fault with something, and it is usually in the domain of attractiveness. For example, some women refuse to date men who are not taller than them. Then there are men who will not give the time of day to a woman who goes beyond a certain ...

Shallow individuals are those who place a great importance on things of a superficial nature rather than on meaningful ones that should carry the most weight. We all know at least one person (I know a few, as a matter of fact) who makes looks a top priority when assessing potential suitors. While looks certainly matter, a "face like Brad Pitt's" or a "body like Jennifer Lopez's" should not top anyone's list of must-haves. At the end of the day, physical chemistry may get the ball rolling, but it's the mental and emotional connection you establish with someone (and, hopefully, a spiritual one) that sustain a loving relationship. Sooner or later, we go gray, get old, and gain weight. We can't expect to look like we did in our 20s and 30s forever, nor expect as much of our partner. Beauty is only skin deep. Qualities like intelligence, kindness, loyalty, integrity, and a great sense of humor are reliable gauges of one's true characte...

You see it at work, at the mall, and on Facebook. People seem to have this unbridled compulsion to impress their peers, whether it's through their looks or material possessions. Why should we care for others' validation so strongly? What ever happened to being comfortable in your own skin and not letting others dictate how you look and what you buy? In reality, the only one we should be aiming to impress is ourselves. Instead of comparing ourselves to our coworkers and neighbors, we should compare ourselves to the person we were 6 months or a year ago. That's how you assess whether you've made progress. That's the yardstick against which you should measure whether you've succeeded at whatever it is you've set out to achieve. You are your best judge and critic, so why entrust someone else who's never been in your shoes with that power? There's no harm in fishing for compliments at work or angling for a few likes on Facebook every so ofte...

Many people don't know how to tell the difference between love and infatuation. Here's the chief differentiator in a nutshell: When you're infatuated by someone, you perceive them to be perfect for you without even knowing them that well.  When you truly love or are in love with someone, they're perfect in your eyes despite their known imperfections. In other words, mere infatuation is conducive to an "ignorance is bliss" mindset. In the early stages of a relationship, when you're still unaware of a person's flaws, all you have to go on are their looks, words, and gestures, which together form your initial impression of them. You can't be certain everything they've told you about themselves is true, but you're so taken with the person -- especially after being showered with cutesy gifts and/or notes -- that you're willing to give them the benefit of the doubt. However, you can't really love someone until you know more ...

In my last post, I argued that men's biggest complaint about women is that they generally don't know what they want in the arena of relationships. Some claim to want a nice, sweet guy, but they still end up with the exact opposite. What they say they want and what they actually go for don't always square. Does this mean that all women have a preference for bad boys? Nope, not at all. What all women do want, as I pointed out in that earlier post, is a man with confidence. Because these bad boy types exude self-confidence (sometimes women mistake cockiness for confidence, however), women find themselves drawn to them. A guy can still be nice and romantic as long as he does it in small doses. No woman wants a man to worship the ground she walks on, as it communicates that the guy is needy and trying to supplicate to her. That just isn't the way to build attraction. A guy who doesn't seem sure of himself and always looks to his partner for approval is not do...

Being confident doesn't mean you think you're above anyone or everyone else -- that would actually define pomposity or conceit. Instead, it describes a person who knows others dislike or are opposed to something about them -- whether their looks, beliefs, or overall lifestyle -- and they're okay with it. No matter how much you try prodding them to change, they remain immovable. Here are a couple of examples of ways people are pressured to change: (1) They're pushed to smoke or drink (2) They're pushed to lose their virginity (if they remain a virgin into their 30s and 40s)  (3) They're pushed to be less quiet/more sociable (4) They're pushed to dress differently (5) They're pushed to date certain people (6) They're pushed into getting married and having children (7) They're pushed into certain careers. The second you begin catering to others' whims, you turn your back on all the things that make you you. At that point, you're liv...

Which qualities do you possess that you wish other people shared? In my case, it's two in particular: 1. Non-judgmental: While many other people have a knack for criticizing something about everyone else -- whether it's their weight, house, or the clothes they wear -- I've remained largely non-judgmental throughout my life. As a kid, I was often teased about my weight, so I know firsthand what that's like. I also refrain from pressuring people into doing things they don't want to do, even if it goes against the grain. In general, many tend to criticize people's looks, decisions, and lifestyles when they deviate from the norm. I'm proud to say I've never been that way. 2. Intellectually curious:  Unfortunately, most people don't share my passion for learning. The vast majority of those I come across are unwilling readers. They admit that they haven't opened a book or watched a documentary since graduating from college. In my view, this...

Unusual question, huh?  But have you ever stopped and thought about this? Pretend for a moment that you're someone of the opposite sex who's close in age. Do you think the hypothetical you would feel attraction toward the real you ? I know some of you might be tempted to say, Duh, I'm awesome." But let's try to be pragmatic here. I'll go first. I think it really depends on the hypothetical me's personality and interests. If she happens to be uber-adventurous, with a need to be out and about every weekend, then no -- I would definitely not date the real me. The hypothetical me would only date the real version of me if she likes: Deep, intellectual conversations People who don't chit chat and waste words The arts -- writing, drawing, music, film Exercising and sports Men with an academic bent -- those who'd prefer to have a book in hand rather than nail and hammer Men who love to learn Men who are passionate about animals and helpi...

My friend (let's call him "Don") has become a completely different person since hooking up with his girlfriend of 6 months (let's call her "Lisa"). I've known the guy since high school, and let's just say the humility that once set him apart from everyone else has fallen by the wayside. Long story short, he got a good job, bought a new car, and started kissing nearly every girl that struck his fancy. Now that he's with Lisa, he has souped up his car and prattles on and on about going to the gym and bulking up. Once unpretentious and hardly concerned with looks, popularity, and material things, the new Don gives fresh meaning to "flashy" and "cocky." There's nothing wrong with someone's self-confidence getting a boost. After all, we tend to feel really good about ourselves whenever we're making more money and getting increased attention from the opposite sex. But you can tell when a person is trying a bit too ...

In observing the couples in my immediate circle -- be it friends, family, or co-workers -- I've made an observation that research in the field of psychology, incidentally, backs up: People pair up with those who resemble them physically. I'm sure there are always exceptions to this rule (like one partner being a lot younger than the other) but, in general, it seems people like hooking up with others who are in their same league looks-wise. Let's take Hollywood. You'd be hard-pressed to find the likes of Heidi Klum and Giselle with short, overweight men. Ever seen Leonardo DiCaprio with anyone who isn't drop dead gorgeous? Me neither. If both seem at opposite ends of the attractiveness spectrum, however, it may be a rare instance in which: Something other than looks brought them together -- maybe they've been friends from an early age The more attractive person stands to gain something from the pairing (money, perhaps?) Looks were never a factor (e.g. ...

Judging from what my female friends have told me -- and based on the guys I have seen them and other women on the street go out with -- I can say with confidence that women are generally less hung up on looks than their male counterparts. We've all seen the blonde bombshell alongside the balding older guy with a beer belly. Why is it usually not the other way around -- a super attractive guy with a not-so-physically-appealing woman? Maybe it's that, on some subconscious level, men are pickier as far as what genes they want transferred to their offspring. If the girl is, say, overweight, he might figure that increases the odds of his kid having weight problems. Men also seem far more interested in specific regions of the opposite gender's anatomy, not to mention size (big breasts, round butt, etc.) I don't think this way myself. In fact, my wife is somewhat overweight, which doesn't bother me because I have always had a preference for women with more meat on th...

You hear it time and time again: Looks don't matter; it's the inside that counts. Unfortunately, that's just a bunch of malarkey. If looks don't matter, why is it that: We flinch at the sight of a "disgusting" rat or roach, but we go gaga over kittens and puppies Employers generally choose better-looking job candidates for positions Studies show that good-looking people are perceived as friendlier and more intelligent than less attractive ones Women spend hundreds if not thousands of dollars each year on plastic surgery, makeup, and other methods of "beautification" Attractive individuals -- including models, athletes, and celebrities -- pervade all kinds of advertisements, including magazine ads and commercials When something -- or someone -- is pleasing to the eye, we naturally gravitate towards it. Saying that it's the inside that counts is true and certainly noble, but society has become far too shallow to really live by that mo...