It's hard to believe that some victims of infidelity find it in their hearts to forgive and give their cheating partner a second chance. Is it worth taking such a gamble? Let's dive in. Taking back a significant other who's shown disloyalty to you can be a definite slippery slope. It's for this reason I would advise against making this move.  For one, who's to say they won't do it again? You may think you can rebuild trust in them, but in all likelihood, you'll be increasingly tempted to check their texts or e-mails. Perhaps you might question when they come home late or why they're having lunch with a co-worker of the opposite sex. In other words, your insecurity switch gets turned on. That's not to say that no one who's ever cheated has not been genuinely contrite for their mistakes or sincere in their effort to change their ways.  But let's be frank. By forgiving a cheater, you're essentially allowing them to have their cake and eat it...

In light of all the reshuffling that Covid has produced in the workplace, there's now a popular phrase being used to describe when workers essentially "check out" and do the least possible to keep their jobs while searching for better opportunities on the down low: quiet quitting.  This had me thinking: Could quiet quitting not also be applied to relationships? Indeed, many of us have been in that unfortunate situation: Our partner unofficially quits on us and the relationship by doing the absolute minimum. Once we confront them about their not pulling their weight, they become defensive if not downright hostile, charging that we're being overdramatic. Easy for them to say, right?  Carrying the entire relationship on one's shoulders is a major cross to bear. When we suspect our partner isn't doing their part, it can be mentally and emotionally devastating.  All kinds of unpleasant thoughts begin to cross our minds. Are they cheating? Are they no longer attract...

Has anyone ever told you you're the only one for them -- that they vow to be faithful to you for the rest of your lives -- only to turn around and cheat on you? Few things could be as devastating.  Imagine that: Someone who you envisioned spending the rest of your life with shattering your trust so egregiously. The fact of the matter is that they were never being sincere about how they felt. Because when someone truly loves you, they wouldn't dare jeopardize the bond you share -- let alone by cheating. And none of these count as justifiable: Drinking too much Being stressed at work Being seduced  Feeling unhappy in the relationship  You don't go around canoodling with other men or women when something is awry in the relationship or, more generally, in your life. You make your partner aware of it so they can help you. You communicate. You discuss your options.  If you see the relationship as no longer bringing you fulfillment, you either agree to seek counseling with ...

"You must find the courage to leave the table if respect is no longer being served." The above is one of my all-time favorites because it perfectly encapsulates one of the primary reasons relationships go awry. I've lost track of the many times I've held on to a relationship for far too long in hopes that the individual would come to respect me and value everything I brought to the table.  Unfortunately, it didn't happen. Here are just a few examples of ways people demonstrate they possess no respect for you: They cheat on you. They lie, and lie, and lie some more. They take you for granted. They stab you in the back.  They're abusive, whether physically or emotionally. They fail to value your point of view.  One thing is to feel genuine remorse for one's actions. But some of these individuals are cognizant that what they're doing is wrong and yet they persist in their unbecoming behavior. Sadly, most of these people will never change. Their declaratio...

If there's something you should never permit in a relationship, it's for someone to trifle with your emotions. Whether you've known them for two days or two decades, whether they've apologized profusely or not even once, your feelings should be considered and respected. If your boyfriend vows he'll never cheat on you again but you discover him canoodling with other women -- whether on social media or in person -- on multiple occasions, he is making a mockery of your feelings. If your friend asserts that she only has the nicest things to say to other people about you but you receive word that she has made talking behind your back a pastime, she is little more than a wolf in sheep's clothing. Sadly, these opportunists will use every manner of flattery to reel you in. They may profess feelings of love and warmth, but beneath the surface they're up to no good. And, to make matters worse, they do such a good job at carrying on with the charade that yo...

A study published just this year reveals many of the motives people give for cheating on their partner. And though they may claim that they were justified in their decision to do so, nothing they can see can give them a free pass because cheating is wrong in every sense of the word. 1. Falling out of love: Over three quarters (77%) of participants indicated that a lack of love for their partner and/or greater love for someone else prompted them to stray. 2. Seeking variety: Nearly 75% of respondents cited boredom in their relationship as a factor that drove them to cheat. More men tied variety-seeking to their infidelity than did women. 3. Feeling neglected: Participants (70%) revealed that their partner's lack of attention ultimately led to their wandering eye. This reason was offered by more women than men. 4.  Situational factors: Roughly 70% of participants said their infidelity wasn't necessary premeditated and/or carried out due to discontent in the relationsh...

In the last couple of months, a few of my readers have reached out to me seeking advice on how to cope with the fact that a relationship that once held great promise has imploded completely. They imagined themselves spending their entire lives with their partner, so coming to terms with the harsh reality that the individual didn't turn out as they expected and is no longer around has been immensely difficult.  They feel anxious, depressed, and lost. Despite the fact that they realize the person isn't right for them (as much as they wish they were), and that going their separate ways is for the best, a part of them clings to the hope that they can patch things up.  This prompts them to reach out to their ex against their better instincts. They keep looking for a sign -- one moment, one conversation -- to convince them that things are on the mend.  Alas, that sign never seems to come.  The more they talk, the more my readers seem to argue with the...

Whether it's in an old friendship or a new romantic relationship, you should never have to apologize for making clear how you feel. Being remorseful for one's feelings is like saying, "I'm sorry for being real." Openly communicating one's feelings is healthy and beneficial -- as long as it is done in a tactful fashion. Of course, declaring one's feelings in the throes of a fiery rant won't yield great results. If you don't put your feelings on the table, your friend or partner won't know what's going through your head. Once their eyes have been opened to your feelings, they should show respect and compassion toward your perspective, even if they roundly disagree with it. While being forthcoming in this way may not always rub people the right way, it is certainly better than keeping those feelings hidden out of fear of backlash. In the latter scenario, the person may feel they lack an outlet, prompting them to (1) divulge perso...

It's a question I'm asked almost constantly, so I felt it was time to write an entry on this topic. Some people have no qualms about maintaining contact with their ex, while others are categorically opposed to it. This is one of those cases where, at the end of the day, it's at the discretion of the person in question. But there are certainly a few factors to consider that may help them make a decision. First, if the person is in a new relationship, their partner should have a say in the matter. They may question their significant other's motives in remaining chummy with the ex. Or, they may very well be swell with it, but they still have a right to know. If for whatever reason you feel ill at ease disclosing this to your partner, take it as a sign you probably should not maintain ties with your ex. If your partner finds out you've been keeping things from him or her, their trust in you will become seriously compromised. Another thing one has to question...

Whether it's our partner, a friend, or a relative, we should refrain from idealizing other human beings -- or it may come back to haunt us. Let's start with what "idealizing" means. According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, to idealize is to "give an ideal form or value to." In other words, it's the tendency to attribute ideal characteristics to things or people. There are quite a number of situations we can think of in which people regard others as being more perfect than they are in actuality. I'm sure you know at least one person who has taken a stab at online dating (perhaps it was you). The longer two people carry on exchanging pictures and talking on the phone -- without actually meeting in person -- the greater the potential for idealization. Why? Since you've never interacted with the individual in person, all you have to go by is what you've seen on your screen or heard by phone. You are most likely clueless as t...

We've all been there: Someone who we trust deeply stabs us in the back, and our world comes crashing down in an instant. We may be in denial at first, refusing to accept the fact that someone so near and dear to us could fritter away our trust. Once we come to terms with what has occurred, we may find it difficult to confide in anyone again for a while. Perhaps you discovered that your partner cheated on you. Maybe you caught your coworker spreading rumors about you behind your back. Or, you realized that your friend of 20 years has been stealing money from you. No matter the form of deception, it can be devastating. In the worst cases, such events can wreak havoc on one's self-esteem, leading to depression and other negative health outcomes. So what happens next? As the victim, that's really up to you. You were wronged and can pursue whatever course of action you deem fair. If he or she displays genuine remorse -- including a sincere apology that feels like it...

Though falling in love and staying in love might seem the same, they're certainly not. So what's the key difference? We fall in love by chance, but we stay in love by choice. Of course, whether we stay in love depends just as much on us as it does our partner. If one or both partners cease doing these things, it's possible one or both can fall out of love: Surprising the other with love notes, leaving little gifts, going on romantic walks at the beach, and doing other things that drew you closer together in the beginning of the relationship Allocating time and energy for each other as opposed to always putting work or friends first Infusing the relationship with variety so that things don't become routine (e.g., trying out new restaurants, visiting new destinations, etc.) Being there for one another in good times and bad, whether it's to be present for a birthday or console the other following the death of a loved one Striving to better them...

You know it is time to pull the plug on a relationship when you've done everything conceivable to make your partner happy, but they fail to recognize your efforts and refuse to do their fair share. You've done everything imaginable to make the relationship work, but he or she continues to cheat, be lazy, take you for granted, or give you the cold shoulder. It's at this point you no longer feel guilty about walking away. In fact, doing so makes you feel liberated because it means you can finally pursue a relationship with someone who will invest the time and energy you do. A relationship that weighs you down -- one that leaves you feeling more dead than alive at the end of the day -- is no relationship at all. Rather, it is more like an albatross over your head that is inhibiting your growth. A good partner enhances our lives with traits that we may lack or that complement our own -- whether it's a great sense of humor, a flair for adventure, or a love of the a...

In life, human beings are prone to break things -- everything from vases and clothing to lips and legs. But this post specifically addresses three non-tangible things that should never be broken. Can you guess what they are? The three things that should never be broken in life are trust, promises, and hearts. We're all human and can acknowledge breaking one or more of these on at least a couple of occasions -- just as we can cite specific cases where others have done it at our expense. All three of these revolve around commitment. When you place your trust  in someone, you are counting on them to come through in some way. It can be anything from babysitting your child to expecting that they'll pay their half of the rent every month. Sometimes, though, certain situations merit a declaration of assurance -- whether written or verbal -- that the person will do something. A promise is essentially a pledge or vow that we tend to associate with wedding vows ("I ...

It isn't your partner in life. It isn't your best friend. It's you. If you don't love yourself, how do you expect to love others? If you don't believe in yourself, how can you believe in those around you? It all starts with you . Happiness resides on the inside. Material items and other people may make you happier in the beginning, but if deep down you aren't happy with yourself, that feeling is ephemeral. You should never rely on a partner or friend to complete you. A significant other, friend or relative only enhances your life, not completes it. It's unfair to put that kind of burden on another human being. And let's face it: People aren't always dependable. When least expected, they may cheat on, lie to, or backstab you. Or, they may not be around one day when you really need them. What then? You should never rely upon external factors like people and material stuff to make you feel happy or complete. The things that give us the m...

If you had a choice between stealing or cheating, which one would you do? And, no, "neither" isn't an option. Also, assume that you won't get caught or go to jail if you pick the former, and your partner will never find out you cheated if you choose the latter -- unless, of course, you spill the beans yourself. Tough choice, isn't it? Cheating and stealing both feel very wrong. This would be a very difficult position for anyone to be in. Here's what I'd do: I would steal, but then find a way to return the items. The way I see it, stealing is something you can "undo" simply by getting the stolen goods back into the hands of their rightful owners. It's just a matter of hanging on to them until you can track down the victims and give them back their belongings. Cheating, on the other hand, can't be taken back. Once you sleep with someone other than your partner, it'll haunt you forever, the guilt likely driving you to come clea...

Its slogan is straightforward: "Life is short. Have an affair." Ashley Madison, whose website boasts it's the "world's leading married dating service for discreet encounters," was breached last month by a group of hackers who now appear to have made good on their threat to post nearly 10 gigabytes' worth of data on the internet. The data includes names, street addresses, and email addresses associated with millions of payment transactions. Investigators say the data -- chunks of it, at least -- appears to be legitimate. Is this the work of karma kicking these adulterers in the behind? Having an affair is, to me, among the most despicable acts a person can commit. The second people even contemplate cheating on their spouse, that's when a serious conversation is in order. If they aren't sure they can remain faithful, they should file for divorce before things snowball out of control. The ramifications are far worse when children are involved....

Jealousy in relationships can be a double-edged sword. For one, it conveys that you genuinely care enough about your partner to get bothered at seeing him, say, get friendly with the blonde bombshell who works at the local convenience store. On the other hand, jealousy can signal deep-seated insecurities and communicate that you're afraid your partner may bail on you for someone prettier, smarter, or more successful, for example. I think it's normal to become a little uneasy when we think about or see our partners talking to someone they might otherwise be interested in if they were single. But if we can put our full trust in that person, there should be nothing to worry about. Let's not be naive, folks: We're all human, and naturally we're going to find certain people of the opposite sex -- other than our partners -- attractive. But just because your boyfriend or husband might find her attractive and seems to enjoy conversing with her doesn't mean the...