If people take issue with who you are as a person despite the fact that you haven't done anything (that you know of) to deserve such behavior, it says more about them than you. The worst cases are those where the person has a beef with you for some reason, but rather than come out and say it, they ignore or bad-mouth you behind your back. It's these folks whom I characterize as cowardly and dishonest. If they take exception to your liberal views, religious beliefs, choice of career, or range of hobbies, why not be truthful about it? Perhaps the two of you were once close college buddies and over time, you've diverged in your tastes and lifestyle. As a result, your calls and texts seem to go unanswered now when that was never the case before. Or maybe you only met recently at work or at the gym, but something about you rubs them the wrong way -- prompting the individual to avoid you or become visibly distant.  It isn't a stretch to say that sometimes we mischaracterize p...

If you expect people to think and act like you, I regret to inform you that those expectations are unlikely to be met! Of course, you do have control over the company you keep. If you want your friends to be liberal baseball fans like you who advocate for the environment, you can make a conscious effort to surround yourself with such folks. And it's only natural to expect others to share common values like loyalty, decency, and respect. Otherwise, why bother keeping them around? But even like-minded people -- from your partner to your closest friends -- won't approach every situation as you would. For example, just because your hubby proposes a markedly different solution to a problem than you would, i.e., how to tackle your kid's poor math grades, should not be taken to mean your suggestion is wrong. Similarly, just because your wife doesn't display affection in the ways you would -- or as often -- doesn't mean she doesn't love you. Neither pers...

Do people try to make you feel guilty or foolish for wanting to do something that you know will make you happy in the long run, but that they perceive as wrong because it isn't something they'd do themselves? At the end of the day, it's your life! Whether you decide to date someone your friends may not be particularly keen on, venture into a field that does not square with what your parents envisioned, or nurture a hobby your co-workers may deem utterly dull, nobody's opinion should take precedence over your own gut instincts. Yes, the people near and dear to us may make well-meaning suggestions. But if they really think they know us better -- our passions, desires, goals -- than we know ourselves, they're flat-out fooling themselves. Let's face it: Sometimes going down a different path than others brings out their insecurities. People want you to think and act in ways that validate their own decisions. So when you do something that strikes them as...

If you lose someone, but find yourself in the process, guess what? You've won. Maybe it's an ex who walked away because they found you too unexciting or conventional for them. Perhaps it's a friend who stopped responding to your messages once they realized they couldn't control you or get you to validate their every decision. You've likely been in this boat at some point or another. At first, seeing the relationship go down the tubes hits us hard, and we may be apt to blame ourselves. But gradually, we come to realize that it didn't work out for a reason, and rather than inducing sadness in us, that fact brings us a great sense of comfort and relief. It reinforces something that we knew all along, but perhaps never contemplated too deeply: If we try to think or behave like others just to gain their approval, we are essentially selling ourselves out, handing them our self-identity in a bag. Sadly, I've spoken to people who will suppress what m...

Can you guess what kind of person many people secretly fear? It's the one who neither needs nor expresses any interest in their validation. There's a reason quiet, unassuming people get lambasted all the time by their peers. It's because they -- at least the ones who refuse to give in to social pressure -- can't be bought or swayed into becoming shallow blabbermouths like themselves. Sure, many of these folks are cast in a negative light, with detractors going as far as to call them narcissists or sociopaths. But they could cast such aspersions until the cows come home. These individuals will not crack under pressure, no matter how hard they're pricked and prodded. The fact of the matter is that people loathe those who make them feel insecure. And the ones who make them feel that way couldn't care less about gaining their approval. It doesn't make them selfish or self-absorbed, as these people have friends and loved ones whom they hold in hig...

You will never be good enough for everyone, but here's good news: You'll always be good enough for those people who deserve you. It's a certainty that you will come across people who have something to complain about. You're too quiet or too loud, too clean or too messy, too skinny or too fat, too lazy or too ambitious. It's nearly impossible to meet some individuals' exacting standards. But who says we have to meet such standards to begin with? The right people -- those who accept you for who you are -- will never press you to change. They'll appreciate you whether or not you drink, whether you gravitate toward books or sports, or whether you're bold or docile. (Of course, if you're engaging in dangerous behaviors -- like abusing alcohol or drugs -- they have every reason to goad you to change in that regard.) The right people will acknowledge whatever it is that makes you unique -- whether it's your passion for learning, quirky sen...

We all know at least one person in our lives who strives to keep up with the Joneses. They look to others for inspiration on how to dress, what car to buy, how many children to have, what career to go into, and even which hobbies to cultivate. And that person might very well be ourselves. While turning to others for ideas isn't a bad thing, shadowing everything they do because you crave validation and want to feel as though you're part of the in-group is taking it a step too far. Essentially, you're obliterating all that makes you stand out! Who cares if your neighbor drives a Bentley? If you're satisfied with your Nissan Maxima, that's what matters. Maybe you're the only person at work who doesn't have a dog. So what? There's nothing wrong with being a cat lover. Or perhaps you're the only one among your peer group who isn't in a high-powered career. As long as you're happy in your profession, why should you bother switching fiel...

Many people swear by the notion that there is only have one person in the world whom we can call our "soulmate." In their view, destiny has picked out one individual who complements them on myriad levels -- physically, mentally, emotionally, and even spiritually -- like no one else. And the ones lucky enough to be in long-term relationships, not surprisingly, say they're confident their partner is their other half. But is this really true? Can only one person in this entire world -- mind you, there are 7.6 billion human beings living on this planet -- be ideally suited for us? While I would love to believe that life plays out like a fairy tale, I can't subscribe to the idea that we couldn't click and carry on successful relationships with several people -- whether we live in London or Las Vegas. Instead, I believe that we can have varying degrees of compatibility with different people, and it's up to us to decide which differences are too much to bea...

Many people have a penchant for imposing their views and opinions on others. This may very well be prompted by (1) their own insecurities (2) sheer arrogance (3) their inability to accept that others may not share said views or opinions. There's nothing wrong with offering well-meaning advice. But when people prod you to enter a certain line of work, date particular people, or pursue certain passions even after you've expressed no interest in them, that's when they've crossed a line. It's at that very point that innocent suggestions seem more like incessant hounding, and you have every right to put a stop to it -- even if it may spell the end of the relationship. These folks need to realize that they, like you, have their own lives to live and should not butt into other people's business. Some individuals have a serious problem comprehending -- much less accepting -- that others may not think or act like them. Just because they acted a certain way in...

They say the only constant in life is change, and people are certainly no exception to that maxim. Partners, friends, relatives, coworkers, acquaintances -- they evolve, for better or worse. Wishing things could revert to how they used to be in any given relationship sets one up for major disappointment. The fact of the matter is that you may have a friend who's very different today from how she was in, say, 2012. Shifting priorities, new experiences, and changing views each play a role in our evolution as people. Unfortunately, such changes can be detrimental to a relationship. Your friend gets married or starts a family and forgets you exist. Your boyfriend has to relocate for his job and now you hardly hear from his anymore. Your closest cousin is hanging out with a different crowd and no longer seems like the person you grew up with. It's understandable that such life events would make people less available. Gone are the days when you could arrange outings on ...

I know how tempting comparing our life to that of a friend, co-worker, or neighbor can be. He has a BMW and I don't. She has a Louis Vuitton purse, but I don't. They have beautiful children, but we don't have any. If you're constantly comparing your life to others', you'll never be truly happy. Why? Chances are, there will always be something someone has that you don't. I've talked in other posts about how people's need for approval can prompt them to act, dress, and live like their peers, even if it isn't what they really want to do. It doesn't matter whether they incur loads of debt or go against their core values as a result. Some people cannot resist the urge to keep up with those Joneses. The pressure to conform to societal norms is alive and real. But no one says you have to succumb to it. Do things -- whether it's buy a fancy car, dress in a certain style of clothes, or have children -- because you want to, not ...

I came across the following quote earlier this week while browsing the web: "What people think of you is none of your business." When I started to analyze the quote more carefully, I realized that there's a lot of truth to it. Sure, we all want to know what others think of us so that we can manage our reputation accordingly, including dispelling any misconceptions they may have about us. But that doesn't necessarily mean that you should change anything about yourself based on information you dig up. Regardless of what they think of you, if you're happy with yourself, that's all that matters . If you're not entirely happy with yourself and think they have a point -- whether it's that you should talk more during meetings or not talk over people in conversation  -- there's no harm in working to improve yourself in those areas. I want people to regard me as an intelligent man, so if I were to discover that they think otherwise, would I take o...

There are myriad ways for men to set a romantic mood. Among these -- which, by the way, stands as my personal favorite -- is taking his lady to a nice restaurant that combines delectable food, soft music, and first-rate service with a relaxed atmosphere and unobstructed water views. A nice, candlelight dinner isn't always easy on the wallet, but it's worth it to spring for this kind of experience at least once in a while. To me, this is the single best way to set a romantic tone. What do you ladies think? Do you agree it makes for the perfect romantic evening? Please share with your friends and check out earlier entries here:  How to Understand People

Are you different from most of your friends or family members in some way? Is there anything about you that goes against societal norms or expectations? I am happy to say that some of my interests and personality traits go against the grain, so to speak. As a result, I sometimes find myself at odds with people when it comes to planning a night out or deciding whether to partake in certain activities. Why would I be proud of this? Because they make me who I am, and I am not ashamed of it. There can only be one you in this world, and there's no reason to apologize for having views or interests that don't align with those held by people around you. Here are some ways in which I am a little different: I am an introvert: While most people find a night of drinking and chatter with countless people to be fun, I'm happy staying home with a good book and blogging away. Too much social interaction depletes my energy reserves; I need time alone in a quiet environment to r...