It's normal to put yourself first every now and then. After all, if we constantly bend over for everyone but ourselves -- the demanding boss, the friend who's always broke -- our well-being will eventually take a major nosedive.  The people we have to be especially wary of the ones who take, take, take -- but never give back. Relationships are about scratching each other's back. But this doesn't necessarily mean they always have to be 50/50.  There will be times where one person is more in need than the other, whether they're struck with an unexpected illness, they lose a loved one, or they get fired from work.  We all have to contend with adversity at different points in our lives, and we often turn to friends and family for support.  But what if they fail to accommodate you even after we've been there for them countless times? It should be an indication that they're in it for themselves. I can understand their not being able to lend you money each and ever...

"You must find the courage to leave the table if respect is no longer being served." The above is one of my all-time favorites because it perfectly encapsulates one of the primary reasons relationships go awry. I've lost track of the many times I've held on to a relationship for far too long in hopes that the individual would come to respect me and value everything I brought to the table.  Unfortunately, it didn't happen. Here are just a few examples of ways people demonstrate they possess no respect for you: They cheat on you. They lie, and lie, and lie some more. They take you for granted. They stab you in the back.  They're abusive, whether physically or emotionally. They fail to value your point of view.  One thing is to feel genuine remorse for one's actions. But some of these individuals are cognizant that what they're doing is wrong and yet they persist in their unbecoming behavior. Sadly, most of these people will never change. Their declaratio...

Ah, the friend zone... that dreaded place no one who's head over heels ever wants to venture to. When someone we care deeply for thinks of us only as a friend, a whole host of emotions can come over us -- from embarrassment to sadness to hopelessness. But we needn't despair. Here's what can happen going forward: 1. Once we realize the feelings aren't being reciprocated, we may decide to move on, causing the relationship to fizzle out. 2. We accept that the person wishes to keep it platonic and we carry on as friends. 3. We continue to pursue them even though they've made it clear they don't hold the same feelings for us. In this scenario, they may feel badgered and tell us to leave them alone. Or, they may eventually give in, much to our delight. Most of us have been friend zoned at one point or another. We have to remind ourselves that it's not the end of the world, even though we convince ourselves that we'll never find anyone as wonder...

Isn't it terrible when someone you care about takes you for granted? It could be a partner, a friend, or even a relative who: Turns to you only when they need something Leaves you in the lurch when you're in a rough patch yourself Insists they will change, but they never do Seems to prioritize everyone in his or her life except you No matter how often you convey that you feel angry, hurt, and taken advantage of, they carry on with the behavior, assuming that you're going to stick around. Their reasoning is: If you haven't left already, why would you now? This is precisely the kind of mindset that causes so many relationships to go under. Some people expect the other person to do all the work, thinking that alone will sustain the relationship. Or, they may do a little here and there, but never commit themselves to the degree the other person is. Sooner or later, the person being taken for a ride gives up and moves on. In certain cases, the other in...

Many of us find ourselves scratching our heads when our loyalty to certain people isn't reciprocated. Maybe it's a friend who turned their back when you needed them most. Perhaps it was an ex who you discovered had been cheating on you for months. Or maybe it was a coworker who swooped in and landed the position they said they would help you get. The reasons why people aren't loyal to us are varied, but here are the theee most common ones: 1. They're selfish. Some people enter relationships expecting loyalty from the other person, but think they're somehow exempt from doing the same for them. Reality check: Relationships are a two-way street. Those who persist in their selfish ways and are unwilling to take another's wishes and feelings into account are ill-prepared for the sacrifices that a relationship involves. 2. They take us for granted. A person takes for granted the things and people they don't value. And it's impossible to be loyal to...

Relationships go down the road to ruin without a willingness on the part of both partners -- not just one -- to do the following six things: Invest time in the relationship Invest energy in the relationship  Communicate their concerns and address any areas where they feel there is room for improvement  Remain transparent  Love and trust one another  Be understanding rather than judgmental  A relationship is like a car in that it requires routine maintenance. What would happen if you were to stop changing the oil and rotating the tires? It would cease to work properly, right?  The same logic applies to a relationship.  And here's the thing: When a car starts giving you problems, you don't immediately go out and get a new one. Similarly, you shouldn't pull the plug on a relationship without making the effort to resolve whatever problems the two of you are facing. Ending a relationship prematurely would mean giving up on somethin...

Don't allow anyone -- from your closest friend to your worst enemy -- to step all over you. No matter the circumstance, you are as deserving of the other person's respect as they are of yours. If you're in a relationship with someone who thinks they can run roughshod over you because you've spoiled them rotten, it's time to establish new ground rules or get out of the relationship. Otherwise, you'll continue to be taken for granted. Similarly, if your friend seems to remember you exist only when they need something, make it clear to them that there is no such thing as a friendship built on selfishness. As with relationships, both people should reciprocate time and effort. If your toxic boss is convinced you'll put up with anything just to keep your job, prove him or her wrong by arranging a closed-door conversation. Impress upon them that they have absolutely no right to treat you like garbage, and hint that you'll take your skills and experie...

You should never have to beg other people for anything -- whether it be their love, time, guidance, or affection. If it doesn't come from their heart, why should you have to force them to be more responsive to your needs? A good friend, partner, or relative is there for you with open arms when you need them. They don't have to be prodded repeatedly into lending a hand because they jump into action at a moment's notice. They don't make excuses for why they can't help you out. Instead, they go the extra mile for you, even if it's an inconvenience for them. Sure, there may be times where people might not be of much help because of special circumstances -- they're traveling, they're overwhelmed at work, they're at a special family function. But if this individual seems to run for the hills anytime you wish to see them or you need a favor, it raises serious questions: 1. What are they trying to get out of the friendship/relationship? 2. Ar...

I've written various posts on the topic of friendship in recent weeks, and with good reason. Friendships constitute an integral part of our lives, and, let's be honest -- it doesn't get any easier to make new friends or attend to the ones we already have as we get older and busier. Still, with a little time and effort, we can continue to forge new friendships while maintaining existing ones. Here are two ways to help facilitate this: 1. Zero in on commonalities, but express interest in other aspects of the person's life as well.  If you're like me, you share different interests with different friends. Maybe you have a health-conscious buddy with whom you dine and hit the gym, a fellow sports-loving friend who accompanies you to ballgames, and a friend from high school whom you occasionally visit at home to catch up. Whether it's a friend who haven't spoken to in a while or someone you've just met who seems to have "friendship" potenti...