If people take issue with who you are as a person despite the fact that you haven't done anything (that you know of) to deserve such behavior, it says more about them than you. The worst cases are those where the person has a beef with you for some reason, but rather than come out and say it, they ignore or bad-mouth you behind your back. It's these folks whom I characterize as cowardly and dishonest. If they take exception to your liberal views, religious beliefs, choice of career, or range of hobbies, why not be truthful about it? Perhaps the two of you were once close college buddies and over time, you've diverged in your tastes and lifestyle. As a result, your calls and texts seem to go unanswered now when that was never the case before. Or maybe you only met recently at work or at the gym, but something about you rubs them the wrong way -- prompting the individual to avoid you or become visibly distant.  It isn't a stretch to say that sometimes we mischaracterize p...

People need to stop comparing themselves to others, or happiness will always elude them. Someone will always be smarter. Someone will always be more attractive. Someone will always be younger. Someone will always be more popular. But they will never be you. Society makes being "the best" out to be the Holy Grail, but is uniqueness not more important? We bring a unique combination of qualities, skills, and quirks to the table -- ones that make us who we are. By comparing yourself to other people, you're essentially saying there is a standard against which you wish to compare yourself. This, for many people, leads to a sudden urge to want to be more like others, thereby relinquishing key facets of their individuality. Sure, you might admire smart, health-conscious, or stylish people and wish to surround yourself with those of that ilk so as to learn a few things from them. However, that should never translate into abandoning the very goals, principles, attit...

You know you're with the wrong person if you find yourself behaving in ways that don't come naturally to you just so you can appease your partner. In other words, you fundamentally change aspects of your personality and character just to secure the person's approval, which you're sure will translate into relationship bliss. As I've suggested in earlier posts, there's always room for some flexibility and compromise, but you should not feel like a radically different person when you're with your significant other. Perhaps you're not into spicy food, football, or museum hopping like your partner is, but you make the effort to partake in such activities because he or she enjoys them. At the same time, you might expect them to participate when it comes to your leisurely pursuits, whether fishing, painting, or watching National Geographic. But let's say you're a quiet, introverted person by nature, and gradually you come to the realization th...

Before you enter into a relationship, it's important that two conditions be met: (1) You love yourself, and (2) You feel happy and content without a partner. Relationship satisfaction is closely tied to personal life satisfaction, so the happier a person is in general, the happier he or she is likely to be in a relationship. Don't rely on a partner to make your life great; your life should already be great regardless of whom you're dating. If you don't love yourself, you'll always feel as though something is missing in your life -- even if your partner professes to love you to the moon and back. It isn't fair to depend on anyone else to fill that void. And why should they? A relationship isn't meant to "complete" you. A relationship isn't intended to "fulfill" you. It's meant to enrich your life. You're your own person with or without a partner. Just because you're single doesn't mean you enjoy eating a d...

Want to please everyone around you? Don't even bother. It's a fact of that life that people always find something to criticize you about, whether it's your new car ("it's so small"), the decorations used at your wedding reception ("they're so tacky"), or your profession ("she could have gone into something more lucrative"). Needless to say, someone will always take issue with something you do or don't do. Should you care? Absolutely not! As long as you're happy, that's all that matters. Be confident in your choices and do whatever gratifies you. It is, after all, your life and not theirs. I'm of the belief that people who have a knack for putting others' choices down are probably dissatisfied with their own. Perhaps feelings of envy are bubbling below the surface, and they try to make themselves feel better by undermining the other person's successes. Thus, misery loves company. It's a shame tha...

Just like the only constant in life is change, the same can be said for relationships. Can you point to a relationship in your life -- whether with a friend, your partner, or an old coworker -- that is exactly the same as when you first met the person? Relationships evolve, just like the people in them. They go hand in hand. Experiences and lifestyle changes lead to changes in both individuals, which in turn effects change in the relationship. If that weren't so, we'd remain very close with every person we've called a friend. But we all know factors like distance, scheduling conflicts, our job, marriage, and kids can change the dynamics of a relationship. It isn't always easy to swallow such changes, but that's what life is all about -- adapting to changing circumstances. Sometimes people change for the better -- like when they give up smoking, become more helpful around the house, and so on. In other cases, however, people can behave in ways detrime...

Being a kid is similar to being a parent in that someone else usually dictates and/or influences many of the decisions you make . As a child, you answer to your parents and abide by their rules. As a parent, your spouse and kids exert a major influence on your choices. Either way, your flexibility is limited, as other people in your life play a chief role in your overall lifestyle. Things are markedly different in our late teens/early 20s, however, as we transition into young adulthood. For most people, the college years are the only time in our lives where we're responsible for -- and answer to -- no one but ourselves. I don't look back on my childhood fondly. My parents got divorced when I was only 3, and my father was extremely overprotective of me. Having to go from one house to another each week was not fun in the slightest. Middle school and high school were largely forgettable. College, on the other hand, afforded me the opportunity to reinvent myself. I reli...

Being confident doesn't mean you think you're above anyone or everyone else -- that would actually define pomposity or conceit. Instead, it describes a person who knows others dislike or are opposed to something about them -- whether their looks, beliefs, or overall lifestyle -- and they're okay with it. No matter how much you try prodding them to change, they remain immovable. Here are a couple of examples of ways people are pressured to change: (1) They're pushed to smoke or drink (2) They're pushed to lose their virginity (if they remain a virgin into their 30s and 40s)  (3) They're pushed to be less quiet/more sociable (4) They're pushed to dress differently (5) They're pushed to date certain people (6) They're pushed into getting married and having children (7) They're pushed into certain careers. The second you begin catering to others' whims, you turn your back on all the things that make you you. At that point, you're liv...

Look in the mirror and you'll see the person ultimately responsible for your happiness -- yourself . It's a shame that so many people I talk to are quick to mention other people when asked what exerts the biggest influence on their happiness. Yes, some people bring us great joy -- our parents, spouse, children, closest friends -- but they should not bear the responsibility of making you happy all the time. Parents grow old, our spouses have their own issues to worry about, our children grow up eventually, and our friends can always drift away from us. No one has your best interests at heart more than yourself. No one confides in you more than yourself. No one experiences the highs and lows in your life like you do. Happiness shouldn't depend on how people treat you or what they think of you. In fact, in my view, you can't love others unless and until you love yourself first. We all want to feel loved and accepted by others. Great social relationships, in and...

One of my favorite quotes of all time comes from poet Robert Frost: "In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on." Indeed, for better or worse, things will never go back to the way they used to be in our lives. We change and the people in our lives change, which in turn means that our relationships evolve.  Some of us are lucky enough to have friendships that have remained mostly intact for many years -- ones we forged as early as childhood.  But such friendships are a rare breed.  Our experiences over time affect virtually every facet of our lives: personality, lifestyle, beliefs, attitudes, taste in food and music, and so on.  Nothing changes a friendship quite like a major lifestyle change -- from moving to getting married and having kids.  But change isn't always a bad thing. How would we grow if our lives all remained the same? It doesn't mean our relationships have to end; they simply evolve....

Did you notice how I put the word "your" in all caps? That was done for a reason. All of us have had family members, friends, co-workers, and acquaintances -- some well-meaning, and others not so much -- try to impose their opinions, feelings, and beliefs on us. But others' instincts should never override our own . After all, no one knows us better than we know ourselves. I often tell my readers that the best tool in their arsenal for navigating the world is none other than their gut. I have found my gut to be invaluable in guiding me to make sound decisions. Whether I've had to choose between different job opportunities or love interests, following my instinct has usually led to the best outcome.  I'm sure you've made decisions that, in hindsight, wound up being the wrong ones, prompting you to say wistfully, "If only I had listened to my gut." But listening to your instinct isn't easy when you have a cacophony of voices...

Friendships usually change a great deal when one or both people get into relationships . In a way, this is to be expected. People get busier and tend to put their significant before anyone else. And once kids come along, this is only magnified tenfold. The most noticeable shift is that face time with the friend becomes very hard to come by. In most cases, the friends still manage keep in touch via text, email, or Facebook, but plans made with partners now preclude outings to the movies, concerts, and elsewhere that the friends used to make at the drop of the hat. That's not to say that seeing each other becomes impossible once one or both friends are in a relationship, but it takes more effort and planning. Obviously, any proposed plans with friends now have to be run by the significant other, who may or may not be on board. That was never an issue when the friends were both single. A great example of this is my friendship with an ex co-worker of mine, Elizabeth. During t...

Our lifestyles are a direct reflection of various factors, including our personalities, jobs, and responsibilities at home. Parents' lives are presumably much busier and more stressful than those of the child-free. Teachers will lead much different lives than doctors, cops face a much different set of pressures than, say, couriers and chefs.  Some of us have more active social lives than our peers. While I have only three really close friends in my life, some people would need more than two hands to count all their buddies.  There are those who embrace a busy, strenuous life, and then there are people like me who prefer a more relaxed, deliberate pace. Neither is necessarily better than the other. We are each wired differently and derive stimulation from disparate sources -- the more introverted among us from reading, writing and other solitary activities, and the rest from social engagements like parties. Some of us go to church, others to sports games.  So...

After a stripper refused paid sex at a strip club in Florida, the unsatisfied customer demanded that she be arrested. I won't bore you with the details, but he paid her $300 expecting far more than she was willing to give. When she made it clear she wasn't going to budge, he demanded his money back, but the stripper refused to give in. A police officer eventually stepped in, and the customer finally stormed off thereafter. It's really a shame how so many women have to resort to such a lifestyle in order to pay the bills. My friends took me to a strip club for my bachelor party two years ago. Frankly, I felt uncomfortable the whole time I was there, and I felt especially bad for the strippers. The looks on their faces clearly conveyed that they didn't want to be there. They likely feel ashamed having to throw themselves at the beer-guzzling patrons day in and day out. Why they remain there is anyone's guess, but I hope that these women see and are aiming toward...