The pressure society places on us to change can be quite intense. Commercials encouraging us to whip ourselves into shape so that we can look like runway supermodels.  Friends goading us to nix our career dreams in favor of safe, lucrative professions -- from law to medicine -- in which we may have zero interest. Co-workers pressuring us to talk more since our quiet disposition puts them ill at ease.  This can all make us quite tempted to fundamentally change our personality and interests -- to curry favor with others, to win their approval. What these ads and individuals don't tell you is that changing who you are is antithetical to a happy life.  If anything, it's a recipe for adverse physical and emotional health outcomes, potentially leading to anything from eating disorders to anxiety or depression. Do realize that marketers and the people in your own life all have an agenda. The former are trying to appeal to your emotions so as to get you to part with your hard-ear...

Some of the people we have to deal with in our daily lives are, shall we say, difficult. Our bosses may impose unrealistic demands on us, oblivious to the fact we may have a sick child or parent to attend to. Our relatives might meddle in our business, bringing pressure to bear on us so that we take the course of action they think would make us happy rather than the one we're confident will. (As if they would know us better than we know ourselves.) And even our closest friends can be tough to stomach on their worst days. They may take their frustrations out on us without necessarily intending to, potentially causing a rift in the friendship. Here are a few tips to prevent you from losing your cool: 1. Remind yourself it's only temporary. You may intend to stay in that job another year before moving on. The family member giving you grief -- your cousin Eddie, for example -- may only be in town for another few days. And your friend, normally of a jovial temperament, m...

What makes us powerful is not that we're better than anyone else, for everyone has flaws. It's that we're different from them. Sure, "different" can carry a negative connotation if it means the person is, say, a drug addict, woman beater, or compulsive gambler. In this context, however, different means unique. Maybe you know no one who can whip up a mean apple pie like you can. Perhaps people lean on you for all things spelling and grammar because they regard you as the ultimate wordsmith. Or, you're an expert a fixing cars, playing the violin, chess, or scubadiving. We all bring a different set of talents to the table -- ones we should not only embrace, but continually aim to strengthen. Having unique skills shouldn't be perceived as an excuse to show off or pretend one is above others. Instead, it affords us the opportunity to: 1. Demonstrate to others the kinds of things we love (which may not align with their interests, and that...

There's something to be said for those who embrace their uniqueness wholeheartedly, impervious to pressure from other people to subscribe to the so-called herd or pack mentality so many fall victim to. Unfortunately, fake people want others to be fake just like them, even if it calls for turning one's back on the very principles, beliefs, and interests that make them who they are. For some, the need to be liked overwhelms their desire to project their most authentic selves to the world, prompting them to act in ways that, deep down, may feel wholly unnatural to them. This may impact everything from their style of dress and political views to their choice of hobbies. Never allow yourself to be ensnared by those seeking to "convert" people into carbon copies of themselves -- all to inflate their egos and compensate for their insecurities. Follow your true passions. Pursue whatever career calls out to you. Hold fast to your beliefs and core principles. Do not b...

A telltale sign you're around the wrong people is if and when you find yourself bending over backwards to impress them. I'm not talking about those occasions that may warrant making a good first impression, like a job interview or first date. I'm specifically referencing everyday situations, like Happy Hour with coworkers or weekend outings with friends. Sure, we all want others to think favorably of us, but once it gets to the point where we're changing our habits and yielding to them on everything just to win their approval, something is off kilter. We all have a voice and should be allowed to use it no matter the relationship. That means the other person should be amenable to going along with whatever we may propose at times. Those who want to dictate the agenda every time are selfish and narrow-minded. Even worse are the ones who are relentless in their quest to push you into thinking or acting as they do. If you're an adult, guess what? Those high...

The strongest people do what John Adams (1735-1826), the second president of the United States, advised us to do over 200 years ago: "Always stand on principle...even if you stand alone."  Put another way, Adams suggested that we stand up for what we believe in without ever giving in to pressure to change. Doing so isn't always easy, and few knew this better than Adams himself. For example, he was roundly criticized by his own party for trying to avert rather than push for war with France, which carried out a series of attacks on U.S. shipping between 1798 and 1800. Had he pursued the latter course, his Federalist party might have come out victorious in the Election of 1800 against Thomas Jefferson and the Democratic-Republicans, who sided with France. But Adams refused to let politics get in the way of his bedrock principles. His are words that we should all live by. While none of us want to ruffle people's feathers by not doing what they want or not th...

The untimely deaths of fashion designer Kate Spade and celebrity chef Anthony Bourdain this week -- both from apparent suicides -- have rocked the entertainment world and left many people asking one key question: How can people who have so much -- money, fame, a bevy of accomplishments to their name -- commit suicide? Interestingly, I wrote separate entries in recent days that touch on these topics peripherally. Here they are in case you missed them: 2 effective ways to combat depression A sad truth about many people we know The first entry suggests helpful ways of keeping your mind off of whatever is dragging you down, like staying busy through mentally rigorous activities. The latter post attempts to dispel the notion that money and material possessions translate into indefinite happiness. Spade and Bourdain's deaths are the latest in a string of celebrity suicides in recent years. You may recall that Robin Williams, one of world's most celebrated actors, took...

Many people claim to despise Facebook these days, as they say it serves as a constant reminder of things they either don't have or that aren't going as smoothly as they'd like. Those who are single and yearn to be in a relationship are forced to see a barrage of posts of their friends cuddling with their significant other. Those who are in a relationship and long to be married (but they can't for financial or other reasons) have to sit through endless wedding pictures. And then those who are married or in a relationship -- and have either chosen not to have kids or desire them but haven't had them for one reason or another -- often see their Wall saturated with baby pictures. Let's not forget those who boast of their shiny cars, vacations, or dining experiences seemingly every single day. This leaves many of these people feeling like losers -- ones who can't get anyone to "like"or comment favorably on their content because it revolves a...

Don't rely on people to be happy. Turn to them to be happier.  Notice the subtle difference in wording. Counting on someone to be happy-- whether it's a friend or partner -- means that everything from your mood to your self-value is inextricably tied to how that person makes you feel. You're essentially conditioning whether you have a great day (or life) on him or her. I don't know about you, but to me that seems like an awful lot of pressure placed on any one individual. If you do this, you're setting your expectations unreasonably high. People will disappoint you sooner or later -- there's no way around it. By expecting someone to think and act as you would want them to all the time, you're making it virtually impossible for them to meet your standards. You're setting them up for failure without even realizing it. People are human. They will do things sometimes that will leave you scratching your head in bewilderment. You may turn to them...

I stumbled upon this quote on Facebook and felt it resonated with me, as I'm someone who suffers from anxiety and has worrywart tendencies. What I've realized, though, is that incesssant worrying does nothing to ease the nerves; if anything, it frays them. Instead, we should aim to be warriors, people who confront life's challenges head-on. Warriors get excited over what could go right rather than concerned about what can go wrong. They're bold, optimistic, and determined to see their dreams come to fruition. They see setbacks as temporary. Criticism and negativity from others (and themselves) fuels them to work ever harder toward achieving their goals. I realize it isn't feasible to be a warrior 100 percent of the time. It's only natural that we worry sometimes, especially in the face of intense pressure. But we must never let doubt paralyze us. The more we worry, the less likely we'll make progress. We won't reach our destination unle...

It's a question that gets thrown my way quite frequently. While others may maintain that only one soulmate exists for every individual on this planet, I contend that there's more than one person in the world with whom we can have a fruitful relationship/marriage. Otherwise, no one would ever remarry in the event that their first marriage goes awry. To assert that the person you're with is the only person you can achieve a deep physical, mental, and spiritual connection with -- and that no one else could fill those shoes -- is, in my view, very naive. What if you'd been born at a different time or in a different place?  What if you had met someone a year before you came across your partner? What if you had opted not to go to that college, party, coffee shop, or other venue where you and your significant other first locked eyes? Exactly. You could very well be with someone else right now. Context and happenstance matter. I'm not saying that we can hook ...

If people laugh at you because you're different, laugh right back at them for being all the same. I've written several posts on the importance of embracing one's uniqueness -- and disregarding what people say we should and shouldn't do -- because I think far too many of us fall victim to the herd mentality that has become so pervasive in society. On Thanksgiving night, my brother-in-law put me on the spot for not drinking. He still can't wrap his head around the fact that I don't drink. Then, two days later at my niece's afternoon birthday party, I returned the favor by asking him, "No alcohol for lunch today?" That made him a little defensive -- he pointed out how he only drinks two or three times a week -- and hopefully it conveyed that it's time to put the issue to rest. Peer pressure is even less effective on me when it comes from someone I hardly come into contact with throughout the year, like him. Here's another example: ...

In several of my posts, I've stressed the benefits of keeping a small circle of great friends as opposed to a large group of people you may not even be that close to. But here's the truth: the wider your circle of really good friends, the better. The reason for this is that even the people you call your best friends can flake out on you from time to time or behave uncharacteristically.  Maybe the person has hit a rough patch, is unusually busy, or just doesn't care to invest as much time in the friendship anymore. Thus, it's good to have back-up friends you can turn to in the event one proves unreliable.   The same can be said in the realm of dating. Most of us have witnessed people we're dating go from seemingly interested to flaky almost overnight. It's much easier to stomach the vagaries of one's behavior when you have other prospects lined up.  Think of it like job hunting. It's always easier to find a job when you already have a jo...

Many childfree individuals like myself get asked repeatedly when it is that we plan to have children. The pressure is even more pronounced for women, who society expects to kick into baby-making mode as soon as the so-called clock begins to tick. What doesn't add up, though, is that many of the parents asking the question are the same ones who complain about the stress and headaches brought on by parenting. They're endorsing the very thing that's making them go haywire. It's like being miserable at work as an accountant and encouraging others to follow the same career path. As hard and stressful as it may be, having kids is the norm in most people's eyes. It's just "what you do," and if one decides not to have children, people assume sterility is to blame or that something else is wrong.  It's unfair to say that all parents are envious of the childfree, but it's certainly likely that a few of them are. After all, the childfree hav...

Quote of the Day - How to Understand People Today's quote comes from Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882), an American lecturer, poet, and essayist who championed individualism and played a central role in the Transcendentalist movement of the mid-19th century. "To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment." - Ralph Waldo Emerson Even though Emerson lived in the 1800s, I feel this quote is still quite relevant in today's world. When he says "the world," he is really referring to society as a whole, which often pressures us to live up to certain expectations. There's always going to be something about you that people take issue with. This might include the fact you're: A virgin Not into drinking, smoking, drugs, or other substances Not married Child-free (and may never plan to have any children) Shy or introverted In a non-traditional, low-paying field (teaching, etc.) Of a...

My wife and I went to a family get together at her parents' house last night, where one of her brothers and two of her sisters-in-law got completely wasted. Her family knows full well that neither my wife nor I drink. It's not as if I've never tried. I've tasted a slew of drinks and have found all of them, with exception to the fruity daiquiri, to be almost intolerable. I simply lack the taste buds for alcohol. As for my wife, she likes only a couple of drinks, but for the most part refrains from drinking as well. As you can expect, this doesn't exactly sit well with them. For years now, they've made every attempt to get us to take a few sips at every gathering. The pressure to drink last night was more palpable than usual, ostensibly in light of the fact that my wife and I are now married and I am "part of the family." I fret at the pressure society puts on people to conform to what everyone else in the group does. When it comes to drinking, I t...

I realize this isn't the first time I've written on this topic, but it's something that continues to boggle my mind more and more with each passing day. Why does society pressure us so much into following a certain course of action -- that is, the route everyone else has taken? Just the other day, my coworker heard me saying I wanted to get a cat instead of a dog and gave me a 10-minute spiel on why getting a dog is the right choice. A mom of two, she based her argument on the assumption that my wife and I will have kids someday, and so she gave me her "mommy perspective." It's astonishing how people just assume things this way. Most people think everyone aims for the big-house-with-white-picket-fence-plus-three-kids--and-two-dogs deal, but that just isn't always the case. In addition to wanting a cat instead of a dog, here are a few other ways I might be going against the grain: I want to buy a condo, not a house (cheaper and less maintenance) I...