If there's something you should never allow your partner do, it's to treat you like an option rather than like a priority. I've said time and time again that we should never expect our partner to complete us, as only we can achieve that. However, it's fair game to lean toward our partner when: We've had a rotten day and could use a little pick-me-up through their support and encouragement  We've experienced a happy moment or occurrence -- whether a promotion or achievement of some other personal/professional milestone -- and would like to share it with them We're facing a tough challenge or decision and would value their input  But if your partner treats you like you're secondary to other matters or people, you've got a major problem on your hands -- one that needs to be addressed immediately before tensions escalate further. Maybe you've been yearning for a date night with her for months, but says she has to work late or already made plans with ...

Contrary to popular opinion, walking away doesn't signal weakness on your part. It doesn't mean you're quitting on the relationship.  The truth of the matter is that we often walk away when we perceive the other person as having lost interest and given up. When you've exhausted all options -- from having frank conversations to trying to vivify the relationship by trying out new things to suggesting counseling -- you yourself are left so emotionally drained that you have nothing else left to give.  Failed relationships are usually the product of only one partner (or, in the worst cases, neither) investing time and energy in the other person. This can be challenging for some people because you have to be very intentional about it -- carving out time for your partner, coming up with ways to infuse life into the relationship, and so on. But most people use work, the kids, and other items on their To Do List as reasons for not being on the ball.  If your conscience tells you...

Whether you love reading history books or romance novels, fishing, cooking, dancing, or playing the piano, you should immerse yourself wholeheartedly in your hobbies -- and strive to cultivate new ones. Life is too darn short NOT to do the things that enrich us physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. And if we can find people with whom we can share such passions, it's all for the better. It's always nice to turn to something that affords respite from the daily grind, reminding us that our days shouldn't only be filled with stress, worry, and negativity. And it doesn't have to be anything extravagant. For many people, something as simple as taking the dog for a walk at a nearby park or reading science fiction stories counts as a favorite pastime. But when we're busy with work, chores, or the kids, we can be hard-pressed to work time for hobbies into our schedules. That's when having a friend or relative who can lend a hand -- even if onl...

Many bosses loathe the idea of having their subordinates work from home for one simple reason: It makes them feel as though they've lost some measure of control. Obviously, this doesn't apply to all supervisors, as many of us would agree our bosses are comfortable with our working from home as long as the work gets done. Those who fall into this camp are primarily: Old school, preferring everyone work from the office all the time Control freaks Slave drivers Micro managers Highly extroverted people who prefer verbal to written communication There's nothing wrong with preferring to work at the office because it affords you more structure, you have fewer distractions to contend with, and so forth. But many power-hungry bosses can't bear the thought of not being able to pop into your cubicle and press you on why the budget forecast isn't yet complete.  There's no physical office with their title slapped proudly to the door, visible...

Right now, many of us find ourselves working from home -- a mandate imposed by local and federal officials aimed at curbing the spread of coronavirus. Yet, some people have the flexibility to work from home as often as they'd like, even when we're living in normal times. Working from the comfy confines of our room or home office can be something of a mixed bag. As far as disadvantages, juggling work and childcare can be challenging. While there may be no shortage of distractions awaiting you at the office, having your toddler throw Fruit Loops in your face as you attempt to finish the expense report by the 3 p.m. deadline can undoubtedly test your patience. That's to say nothing of the chatty neighbor who comes knocking every few hours, the maintenance being done on the unit downstairs, the dog barking incessantly in the yard, or the simple temptation to plop on the couch and skirt your work duties. Having the fridge close by isn't doing our wasteline any ...

We've all been there: We tell someone we're drawn to them romantically, but it turns out they don't feel the same way. If someone isn't interested in a relationship with you, it can be pretty upsetting, especially if you've imagined hooking up with them for quite some time. Once you know the feelings aren't mutual, what should you do? Below are a couple of suggestions for dealing with rejection. (Note that many of these tips also work in the event that someone breaks up with you.) 1. Don't beg for another chance. If they've told or shown you they're not interested -- whether it's because they are taken, wish to remain single, or see you only as a friend, the worst thing you can do is press the issue further. This can be viewed as stalking or harassment, and the last thing you want is to ruffle the feathers of his or her partner, family or friends -- let alone get in trouble with the law. 2. Don't mope around at home or elsewhere...

How do you know if someone you hold in high esteem really feels the same way about you? What's a surefire way to tell whether they're in for the long haul, or if they'll disappear when least expected? Let them see you at your worst -- with health issues, money woes, and problems at home or work. Allow them to see you racked with self-doubt, anxiety, or depression. If, despite all this, they choose to stand by you, then you know they genuinely care about you. Those who bolt at the first sign of hardship aren't true friends or loving partners. They're likely in the relationship for selfish reasons, though they might try to create the opposite impression. Obviously, we should never take on the role of savior for anyone, as they're responsible for solving their problems on their own. Still, if we truly value the individual, what kind of a friend or partner would we be to abandon them in their time of greatest need? At the same time, those who only ...

A co-worker recently intimated to me that she isn't big on befriending people at work. When I asked her why, she said you never really know who you can trust. In her experience, sometimes the last people you would expect to stab you in the back are the ones who do. I couldn't refute what she was saying because I have experienced it myself. Some people pretend to be nice -- to like you, to be your friend -- but when the opportunity arises, they sell you out without blinking, wholly inconsiderate of your feelings. Does this mean we should be cynical with everyone we come across? Of course not. What it means is that you shouldn't confide in them until you know for sure that they're trustworthy, and that includes: Not divulging information about your relationships, finances, or other personal matters that they can then use against you if things go sour. Not doing favors for them (at least not constantly) before you know whether they've got your back ...

Studies show that our criteria for measuring success is markedly different now than it was several years ago. In the past, we typically perceived someone as successful if they boasted possessions that signaled wealth (e.g., car, big house, fancy watch) and appeared to have loads of free time on their hands. We assumed it meant that their net worth was such that they had no real need to work hard. In our minds, they likely spent more time sunbathing in the Caribbean than churning out reports in the office. However, the benchmarks we use to measure success have evolved over time -- not so much when it comes to material possessions, but in terms of overall lifestyle and work ethic. Studies suggest that we are now more likely to perceive someone as being successful if they have little to no time available for leisurely pursuits due to the many responsibilities they shoulder. For example, let's say Joe works 60 hours a week, has kids, and volunteers at a local non-profit. He h...

In an ideal world, we'd all be paid handsomely to work in a company we love doing work about which we're fervently passionate, all while being surrounded by wonderful people. If this sounds like your situation, congratulations -- you're the envy of many a disgruntled working bee in Corporate America. Most of us, however, take issue with some aspect about our jobs. Though many of these aren't easy to pinpoint until you've been on the job for at least a month or two, think twice about remaining in or going to a company where: 1. There's no room to grow. Are you the ambitious type? If all that stands in the way of getting that coveted VP spot is, well, ten other people, you're better off looking elsewhere. Even if you're just waiting for your boss to retire, you may be left waiting for a while. 2. You have no voice. If your boss and other higher-ups discourage creative freedom, you might grow to resent the job very quickly. Companies that are so r...

Many of us feel pressured to be the best at everything we do, whether in our personal or professional lives.  At work, you may feel as though you have to be a jack of all trades and master of them all, from creating complex spreadsheets to possessing the leadership skills to guide your subordinates. In your aerobics or karate class, you might be hard on yourself because you're not progressing as quickly as your peers. And at home, perhaps you're disappointed that you're not as great at cooking or handiwork as you thought. I'm here to tell you one thing: No one is perfect. It takes time to become very good at something, and given the fact that we're so strapped for time, we may never become as good at everything as we'd like. Unfortunately, far too many of us are reluctant to ask for help. We try to figure everything out on our own, only to get frustrated when we're not getting the results we want.  Even experts at their craft had to start som...

Everyone likes a little pat on the back for a job well done -- whether from your boss for completing a report on deadline, your spouse for building that time-consuming playhouse for the kids, or your friend for helping organize their party. Sometimes, though, this form of positive reinforcement can be hard to come by. And even if you do fish for compliments or credit in a subtle way, you don't end up getting any. So what do you do in a situation like this? You keep working hard. No one will ever be prouder of your accomplishments than you. If you can't get others to acknowledge your efforts, there's no harm in taking pride in them yourself. If it gets to the point where you feel you're being taken for granted, have a talk with your boss, partner, or friend and let them know your hard work often goes overlooked. If that fails to bear any fruit, it may be time to assess whether the job, relationship, or friendship in question is really worth keeping. Once it...

There's no question that planning is an integral part of lives. We schedule everything from meetings at work to haircuts and dentist appointments. But did you know that scheduling leisure activities like happy hour can actually make them less enjoyable? According to a series of 13 studies from the Olin Business School at Washington University in St. Louis, leisure, once scheduled, becomes more like work. That causes people to become less excited by and even resentful towards such scheduled leisure. In the end, people enjoy such activities as going to a movie and grabbing a bite to eat much more when they're unscheduled. It makes sense that we would derive less pleasure from activities we've jotted down in our planner or smartphone calendar. Think about it: We've all made plans ahead of time, only to blow them off because we weren't in the mood or just didn't feel like standing up and getting dressed. On the other hand, if a friend proposes that you g...

Waking up early for work is hard enough already. But doing so when it's raining outside getting up an even more arduous task. If you ask most people, they'd agree that the sound of rain is soothing -- the perfect complement to a dark room and warm, cozy bedsheets. While this makes for a good night's rest, it can put us at risk of oversleeping, causing us to start the day off on the wrong foot by being late for work. I woke up this morning around 5 a.m. As soon as I heard the gentle rain hitting my bedroom window, I was almost lulled right back to sleep. I always enjoy a Saturday or Sunday morning shower, though. To be sure, it's a welcome treat on days where I don't have to go to work or wake up very early to run errands. Thunderstorms, however, are a different story. I'm a light sleeper, which means that the sound of thunder wakes me up in no time. While I'm usually able to go back to sleep, sometimes the persistent rumble of thunder becomes t...

It's a topic I broached in an earlier post this week regarding kids returning to school: TRAFFIC. The time spent stuck in traffic is time you'll never get back -- ever. Whether you drive through a school zone on the way to work or are delayed by an accident or two, traffic congestion can be anathema to even the most patient drivers. Once our commute approaches or exceeds an hour, it really starts to grate on us, especially if it's something we grapple with several times a week. It makes us more irritable and tired, often leaving us feeling awfully achy. For example, many people who spend inordinate amounts of time behind the wheel complain of chronic back pain, headaches, and other health issues. Worst of all is the fact that long commutes cut into the time we can be spending doing other things -- hanging out with friends or family, putting in a workout at the gym, sleeping, watching TV, etc. As I noted in my post on back-to-school traffic, I read while waiting ...

Many people show more interest in other people when they're not around than when they are. We all have that coworker who may not talk to us for days at work, but somehow they notice when we're not there and proceed to inquire about it. Many of us have been in a relationship where the other person takes us for granted -- until we begin to show signs of getting fed up and cease putting in as much time and effort. Then there's the friend who only seems to care about the friendship once you've stopped calling and visiting them. If we want people to appreciate us, we have no choice but to force them to invest time and effort in us too -- not just the other way around. By doing so, the individual realizes that if they're taking their spare time to do something for us, they must truly care about us. The tendency to take others for granted is a theme I've broached in myriad posts on the blog. I understand that we get busy, and being unable to answer every ...

Ever notice that after a while, you get tired of the same things -- whether foods, TV shows, work responsibilities, or -- dare I say it -- people? Several people have asked me why this happens, so I thought it apropos to create a post that addresses this phenomenon. The more we're exposed to a given stimulus, the less satisfaction we derive from it over time. In psychology and economics, this is known as the law of diminishing marginal utility.  Here's the definition provided by BusinessDictionary.com: "The law of diminishing marginal utility is a psychological generalization that the perceived value of, or satisfaction gained from, a good to a consumer declines with each additional unit consumed or acquired." In other words, you can only eat so many Big Macs or watch the same movie so many times before you become completely sick -- which is termed disutility.  In advertising, wearout is defined as the declining effectiveness of a commercial or campaign ...

It isn't low pay or long hours, though they most definitely can be contributing factors in one's decision to bolt. At least those issues stand a chance of being resolved with some form of compromise, whether a raise or change of schedule. But being unable to get along with the boss -- no matter how hard we've tried -- is very difficult to stomach for 40 or more hours each week and the primary reason so many of us leave our jobs. In fact, many people admit that they leave specifically to get away from that individual; everything else about the job itself could be nearly perfect -- the salary, benefits, coworkers -- but they don't care. The boss has simply become too much to bear. What makes us reach that breaking point? It could be that the boss: Disrespects/belittles you Persistently takes you for granted Takes all the credit for your work Prevents you from growing within the department or company Shows favoritism toward others Is a slave driver Is a m...

Every day around noon, a group of five or six people gather in the break room at my company to chat over lunch. They get so boisterous that you can often hear them shouting over each other from the hallway! I've noticed that I hardly ever see these people alone in the building, no matter the day, time, or place. A similar dynamic plays out in my own department, where people do everything from grab coffee to walk to the bathroom together. (I kid you not!) I understand the value of building relationships at work and elsewhere, but these people take it to a whole new level. I think many people have been conditioned by society to believe that unless they do all or most things in pairs or groups, they're weirdos. Many people have a strong longing to be part of a group, and to them, the thought of flying solo is utterly terrifying. Yes, social relationships -- or, connections, as we like to call them -- do help people land jobs, get promotions, and receive other perks. ...

When we were younger, we were often asked, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" Some of the careers we had in mind at the time were real doozies, from baseball player to fireman to world-renowned singer. Needless to say, many of us went on to pursue careers that aren't remotely related to those we aspired to as children. Perhaps our interests changed as we got older, or we decided to venture into an area we found more practical. I guess you can say what I do now doesn't stray too much from what I envisioned as a kid. I always knew I wanted to be a writer, and that I became -- just in a different area. When I was 10, I thought I'd end up becoming a sports columnist. Instead, I wound up as a copywriter in the travel industry. It is my hope that even if you don't work in the field you set your sights on in your childhood, you love -- or at least can tolerate -- whatever it is you do now. We work too damn hard not to derive some enjoyment from our ...