Your life is good. You have a loving partner, great home, wonderful kids, and decent-paying job. You're in good health, and your finances in order. But something always feels missing -- a void you can never quite seem to fill. And this makes for a life you perceive as not entirely fulfilling.  It may very well be that you have what I like to call Bigger Better Syndrome, or BBS. As you can probably guess, it means always being on the hunt for something bigger or better.  That could be the latest iPhone, a new car every year, or a different job. Maybe you just had a kid and are already thinking of the next one, or the condo you purchased recently is no longer cutting it.  You see the grass as always potentially greener on the other side. You become deeply invested in something, but once you acquire or succeed at it, you're on to your next conquest. It's as if you live more in the future than in the present.  Just why do we do this? Seeking others' approval Keeping up w...

Your thoughts, positive or negative, trigger certain emotions.  Sometimes you may not understand why you're experiencing a certain feeling -- be it rage, regret, or optimism -- until you do a little mental gymnastics. Ask yourself this question: What specific thoughts crossed my mind to spark these feelings? Maybe it was thinking about your boss dropping a project on you at the last minute. Perhaps a commercial ran that you remembered first aired five years ago while you were having a terrible fight with your ex-spouse about his drinking habit, which ultimately derailed the marriage. Maybe your friend's putting in a good word at work for the new sales manager position you've been eying elevated your mood. Sometimes the most seemingly inconsequential event can stir up a range of emotions. I, for example, often find myself feeling a bit glum on cloudy days. Yet, you can probably relate to feeling rather ecstatic at the thought of Friday being just a few hours away.  Whether i...

Today is most certainly a gift. That's why they call it the present.  Yesterday is in the past and cannot be changed. Tomorrow has yet to arrive. While we can plan for the future in certain ways, we'll never be in control of it entirely. All we have is the present moment to shape our lives in whatever ways we see fit. Right now, the present seems a little bleak because of the coronavirus pandemic we're all grappling with. But as I advised in my last posts, there are myriad things we can do with the additional downtime -- from enjoying existing hobbies or cultivating new ones to striving toward goals like learning a new language or how to play a musical instrument. American composer Irving Berlin said that life is 10 percent what you make it, and 90 percent how you take it. In other words, we spend the bulk of our lives responding to events over which we have little control. And the rest of it really depends on us. We're responding to this health crisi...

Many of us become stressed by our inability to control the future. For example, you may be ruminating night and day about how different things at work will be once your boss retires. Or maybe you're on edge over the fact that you've only recently gotten into a relationship and you don't know if it's going to work out. Maybe your spirits are low because you've been looking to buy a house for some time now to no avail. If there's one certainty in life, it's that life is uncertain. The only constant in our lives is change. Rather than sulking about it, we have to roll with the punches. It doesn't benefit you to fear worst-case scenarios that may never come to pass. You can plan for the worst, yes. Just don't convince yourself that the worst is actually going to happen because that will only make you into a nervous wreck. If we do find ourselves in that situation, we deal with it at that point. But agonizing over it in advance will on...

By now, you may have picked up on a common refrain across many of my posts: That happiness lies in the present, which is why we should aim to live in the here and now. Sadly, however, many people live only for a better tomorrow. Then, when tomorrow comes, their focus is still on the future.  There's nothing wrong with being forward-looking and continually aiming to achieve goals. But unless one takes time every now and then to appreciate the present -- to come up for air and smell the roses, so to speak -- they will always find themselves in a state of yearning rather than contentment. For example, some people have an insatiable appetite for acquiring material goods, whether they be clothes, shoes, gadgets, and cars. No sooner do they get their hands on one than they already set their sights on their next conquest. They may leave the item collecting dust, rendering it obsolete in a few years. In essence, they're all about the chase. Once what they want is in their...

We've all been there: We tell someone we're drawn to them romantically, but it turns out they don't feel the same way. If someone isn't interested in a relationship with you, it can be pretty upsetting, especially if you've imagined hooking up with them for quite some time. Once you know the feelings aren't mutual, what should you do? Below are a couple of suggestions for dealing with rejection. (Note that many of these tips also work in the event that someone breaks up with you.) 1. Don't beg for another chance. If they've told or shown you they're not interested -- whether it's because they are taken, wish to remain single, or see you only as a friend, the worst thing you can do is press the issue further. This can be viewed as stalking or harassment, and the last thing you want is to ruffle the feathers of his or her partner, family or friends -- let alone get in trouble with the law. 2. Don't mope around at home or elsewhere...

There are no regrets in life -- only lessons learned. Regretting that which is now in the past -- and thus cannot be changed -- serves absolutely no purpose but to make us feel dejected. Learn from your mistakes so that you're not doomed to repeat them. In that way, you're actually channeling all that negativity into something positive and constructive. Regrets, then, can help facilitate growth so long as we have the right mindset. Let's suppose you cheated on a wonderful man or woman -- a terrible mistake you refuse to forgive yourself for. If you already apologized to your ex and have pledged to remain faithful to future partners, what more can you really do? Move on, and if you've learned anything from your misstep, you'll know not to jeopardize a relationship ever again. The same reasoning applies to missed job opportunities, friendships gone awry, or any other situations that would have turned out much more favorably had you behaved differently. ...

As we bid adieu to 2018 and welcome a new year, it's exciting to consider all the fresh, wonderful possibilities that await us. Whether you aim to lose weight, start a business, have a child with your partner, buy a new home, or simply read the slew of books collecting dust on your shelf, a new year affords us the opportunity to assess our goals and work toward them in earnest. And what better day to get cracking than on January 1? A new year means a clean slate -- a blank canvas waiting to be filled with your lines and splashes of color. While we're at it, why not make it into a masterpiece? Having a great year necessitates keeping oneself focused on the present . Resist the nagging urge to reflect on what you didn't accomplish or did wrong last year. Move on and focus solely on the ways you can make 2019 infinitely better than 2018. Aim for progress . Rather than comparing yourself to your peers, compare yourself to the person you were on December 31, 2017 and...

The American essayist, poet, and philosopher Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862) once said, "You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, find your eternity in each moment." Put simply, Thoreau meant that life is short, and we ought to make the most of every moment. He is also been credited for saying, "Our life is frittered away by detail...simplify, simplify." (In case you haven't read up on Thoreau, he lived in a cabin at Walden Pond for over two years. His purpose? To "live deliberately.") If Thoreau were alive today, he'd be aghast at how so many people in the country -- and the world as a whole -- have fallen pray to consumerism . Rather than finding ways to simplify their lives, people seem to be doing the exact opposite, saturating them with more stuff, more people, more noise. When Thoreau exhorts us to live in the present and launch ourselves on every wave, he isn't saying we should set out on shopping spree...

It's time to let go of the past and embrace all that awaits you. You can't start the next chapter of your life if you persist in reading the last one. Take the lessons you learned with you, yes, but don't allow your past to prevent you from soaring to new heights. Think of life as a game of football. The clock is ticking. You don't have time focus on the mistakes you made in the second quarter that cost you the lead. So long as you believe in yourself -- and mentally remain in the present moment -- you can persevere. Don't let painful reminders of yesterday get in the way of creating precious memories for tomorrow. Take a deep breath, relax, and tell yourself that you deserve to be happy! Whether your past includes a divorce, a failed business venture, or a series of mistakes you're having trouble shaking off, redirect your thoughts toward the present. While you can't change the past, your present is really what you make of it. Want to fi...

Can you guess what holds many people back from fulfilling their potential and leading a happy life? It's none other than their past. In the worst cases, the past can be a heavy anchor that pins us down, holds us back, and impedes our growth. People perceive their past differently, sometimes depending on how things are going for them in the present.  If things are not that great right now, they may view their past quite favorably, always lamenting that they wish things could be as they were in the "good old days." Then there are those who find it difficult to move past bad experiences. For example, those who went through a bad break-up might become paranoid about entering into a new relationship, turning down opportunities to go out with ostensibly promising suitors. They vow to never trust or give their heart to anyone again.  But we can never be truly happy unless we learn to let go of the past. The more you allow the past to paralyze or hau...

All of us experience some anxiety every so often. Maybe we're prepping for a big presentation, awaiting test results, or about to bungee jump for the first time. While a little anxiety is normal, it can quickly spiral out of control unless we're careful. Thinking incessantly about what may happen or go wrong -- otherwise known as overthinking -- can lead one to create problems in their mind that don't exist. We almost convince ourselves that we're going to bomb the presentation, that the test results won't be favorable, or that we'll seriously injure ourselves upon jumping. In essence, we allow fear and pessimism to paralyze us with their ironclad grip. But here's the thing: Anxiety doesn't come from merely thinking about the future. It's caused by trying to control the future. We really have no idea what the future holds, so it makes little sense to fabricate images in our heads of what it will look like. Who's to say things won...

Never be a prisoner of your past, for it was a lesson -- not a life sentence. There's nothing you can do to change what's already come to pass; all you can do is learn from it so that you don't make the same mistakes. There's no sense beating yourself up over past decisions that, in hindsight, you wish you hadn't made, whether that includes hooking up with your ex, taking a particular job, or making a poor investment. You should never lament anything that (1) once made you smile, even if it was at the very beginning (2) you ultimately learned from, making you a better person today. Our missteps, as a matter of fact, are our best teachers. It's through our mistakes that we gain the most wisdom. If we never made any, how could we ever better ourselves? Of course, that doesn't mean we should deliberately make foolish decisions for the sake of learning a lesson. But there's no question that all of us can cite at least a few choices we have made t...

Want to be happier in your life? Here's a strategy for achieving it: Strive to achieve balance . You might be asking, "Balance what, exactly?" Good question. Happy people strike a healthy balance between setting goals and appreciating what they already possess or have achieved.  Look, there's nothing wrong with being ambitious. Some of us already have the next goal in mind even before we've achieved the present one. Whether we aim to lose weight, start a business, get a master's degree, or climb Mount Everest, setting goals keeps us motivated. Many people feel that if they have no goals in mind, they're just settling, thereby inhibiting their own growth. But it's important not to lose sight of how far you've come. Unfortunately, some individuals are never content. They view everything (and everyone) in their lives as disposable, and they find themselves unable satiate their hunger for a more challenging job, a bigger house, a prettie...

Whenever we fall into a rut, we may be tempted to "escape" to the past -- a time, our minds tell us, that was surely better than the present. But don't give in or you might sink into a depression! Reminiscing every so often is healthy. We've all taken part in wonderful experiences we can -- and should -- look back on fondly. And if we're lucky, we captured such unforgettable moments in pictures and videos, which certainly heighten the nostalgia. But attempting to run away from the problems we face today by living in the past certainly doesn't solve them; in fact, it can exacerbate them. So why do people seek refuge in the past anyway? Because the past is safe.  We already know what happens. Whatever issues we grappled with then have already been resolved -- as opposed to now, where we don't know exactly what will happen in the future. The mind has a way of tricking us into thinking that things were a lot better in the old days than they are n...

Have you noticed how often we tend to dwell on little things that, in the grand scheme of things, are not all that important? One thing is to worry about a health issue or whether you have enough money to put food on the table for your family tonight. Another is worrying about small stuff we have little to no control over. Here are a few examples: Whether the panel you interviewed with for a new job thought you seemed too interested -- or not interested enough Whether your date noticed you had a small hole in your shirt  Whether your friend is losing interest in hanging out with you because he doesn't seem to call or visit like he used to Most of the things we agonize over can be investigated or resolved with a quick call or email. When you worry so much about things over which you have no control, it builds anxiety, which can adversely impinge on your happiness and well-being. Let things be. Once something has taken place, you don't get a "do over....

Many people find happiness more elusive than it should be. A happy moment is often a fleeting one for them because before long they are right back to thinking about the very things and people that dispirit them -- whether it's their job, ex boyfriend, or the laundry list of chores that awaits them when they get home. But happiness doesn't have to evade us. In fact, in can be a lot easier to achieve -- and sustain --than we think. Below are two ways to attain longer-lasting happiness. 1. Live in the present. Mother Teresa put it succintly: "Be happy in the moment -- that's enough. Each moment is all we need, not more." True happiness lies in the here and now, and we must guard against the temptation to escape mentally to the past or future when things in the present may not be going as smoothly as we like. Rest assured that as long as you remain positive and refuse to give up on yourself, your fortunes will turn around. You've navigated through stor...

Have you noticed how we come to value a moment or experience more fondly in hindsight than we do when we're actually experiencing it? In fact, sometimes we may experience an event we find unpleasant at the moment, only to realize later -- perhaps when comparing it to other situations occurring before or after -- that it wasn't all that bad? This can happen for two reasons: 1. We take the present moment for granted. Perhaps because we're too busy dwelling on the past or worrying about the future, we fail to appreciate and live in the moment. Study after study shows that we're happiest when we're focused on the present. 2. We look back on the past through rose-colored glasses.  Perhaps the experience really wasn't as titillating as our memories of it might lead us to think. That's because, when reminiscing about the past, human beings have a tendency to filter out the bad stuff, leaving only the Kodak moments we tend to capture in pictures. Never...

Albert Einstein once said, " Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow ." The vaunted theoretical physicist was not only succinct, but spot on. By learning from yesterday -- and what's implied is really learning from our mistakes -- we can create a better, more fruitful today. But we must guard against the impulse to dwell on those things we did wrong. Instead, we should see the start of a new day as akin to turning the page -- the chance to start anew. Yesterday is no more. Focus on what you can do TODAY so that it turns out to be an even better day than yesterday was. While no one likes to admit they've made a mistake, we're only human. As long as we recognize what we did wrong and aim to right the ship so that history doesn't repeat itself, we come out stronger and wiser in the end. Moreover, life is a precious gift -- one that can be taken away at any moment. We really don't know when it'll be our time to bid this world adieu,...

When negative thoughts attempt to take over your mind, don't let them! How do you prevent this from happening? By turning those negative thoughts into positive ones. You can cancel out a negative thought with a positive one in a number of ways: 1. By thinking about or looking at something that relaxes you or otherwise brings a smile to your face (e.g., pictures of kittens). 2. By listening to music or doing anything else that puts you in a good mood. 3. By thinking about or looking at something that makes you laugh (e.g. blooper videos). 4. By thinking about all the wonderful things you aim to accomplish in the future. Focus not on the past, but on the present and the future. 5. And, most importantly, by being thankful for what you have and reminding yourself that it could be worse. It's about never losing sight of the fact that you have it better than a lot of people out there do. Whenever I'm feeling a little blue, I do one -- if not all -- of these th...