Here's one important tip to remember when navigating the vagaries of human relationships: You don't have to choose between being kind and drawing boundaries. Both can be done simultaneously. In other words, you can be courteous without permitting others to step over you. You can be firm without launching into an expletive-laced tirade. Unfortunately, some people struggle to walk this fine line. They can't help but vacillate between outright rage and saccharine kindness. You'venbecause a person likes you doesn't mean they respect you. And if you never stand up for yourself -- in a diplomatic manner, of course -- they'll just assume they can get away with everything and anything. This extends to all relationships in your life -- your marriage, your friendships, and your work relationships included. Now, standing up for yourself doesn't have to mean engaging someone in a fight, whether of the verbal or fist variety. In fact, merely walking aw...

There are no regrets in life -- only lessons learned. Regretting that which is now in the past -- and thus cannot be changed -- serves absolutely no purpose but to make us feel dejected. Learn from your mistakes so that you're not doomed to repeat them. In that way, you're actually channeling all that negativity into something positive and constructive. Regrets, then, can help facilitate growth so long as we have the right mindset. Let's suppose you cheated on a wonderful man or woman -- a terrible mistake you refuse to forgive yourself for. If you already apologized to your ex and have pledged to remain faithful to future partners, what more can you really do? Move on, and if you've learned anything from your misstep, you'll know not to jeopardize a relationship ever again. The same reasoning applies to missed job opportunities, friendships gone awry, or any other situations that would have turned out much more favorably had you behaved differently. ...

Society peddles the tired notion that one isn't truly content unless they're married or in a relationship. Our culture, as you've probably noticed, is highly relationship-centric. Valentine's Day, dating apps, celebrity weddings, juicy hookups bantered about at work. Our Facebook News Feeds replete with articles and memes pertaining to love and relationships, not to mention posts of people professing their love for their partner. We might as well call it what it really is: a craze. An obsession, if you will. There's no question that relationships are a wonderful thing. Who doesn't love to hear stories of couples getting engaged on the Eiffel Tower or celebrating their 50th anniversary? A person can derive a wealth of benefits -- physical, emotional, and financial -- from being partnered up. Provided one is in a healthy relationship, a person's significant other can greatly enrich their life, being there to cheer their successes and help them throug...

Before you enter into a relationship, it's important that two conditions be met: (1) You love yourself, and (2) You feel happy and content without a partner. Relationship satisfaction is closely tied to personal life satisfaction, so the happier a person is in general, the happier he or she is likely to be in a relationship. Don't rely on a partner to make your life great; your life should already be great regardless of whom you're dating. If you don't love yourself, you'll always feel as though something is missing in your life -- even if your partner professes to love you to the moon and back. It isn't fair to depend on anyone else to fill that void. And why should they? A relationship isn't meant to "complete" you. A relationship isn't intended to "fulfill" you. It's meant to enrich your life. You're your own person with or without a partner. Just because you're single doesn't mean you enjoy eating a d...

Many of us can't help but grumble about our jobs, whether it's the low pay, obnoxious coworkers, or lousy commute. But what we fail to realize is that we can make our jobs much more tolerable if we only made a couple of mental adjustments. Below are two things you can do that will most definitely make your job easier to stomach. 1. Don't depend on the job to fulfill you. While we should like our work enough not to feel miserable doing it day in and day out, we should never think of our jobs as the be-all and end-all. A job will never fulfill you completely; that's what hobbies are for. I know certain jobs can certainly be fulfilling (e.g., charity work), but let's face it: the vast majority of jobs have an ugly side to them. Politics, red tape, layoffs, and other negatives are part and parcel of virtually all organizations. The less pressure you put on a job to fulfill you, the happier you'll be. You can always leave for another opportunity if your current...

The key to being happier isn't having everything you want, for that just isn't feasible. The key to being happier is  achieving balance. It's recognizing that although every single thing in your life may not be perfect -- your job, your marriage, your relationships with friends and family -- it could be worse. It's acknowledging that you can work on bettering your life while appreciating what you already have. There are aspects to our job that we may love -- say, the salary, benefits, and very mission of the company we work for. But we may be less thrilled about the people we work with, starting with our boss. Your spouse could be helplessly messy and disorganized, and yet they're still a loving partner and parent. And while you may butt heads with your friends, they may always be there for you when you're in a bind. Life is all about taking calculated risks. The grass may very well be greener on the other side -- but it may not. We must guard ag...

Many people strive to amass as many friends as they possibly can. In my view, though, you only need two or three really good friends to feel fulfilled in life. There's a marked difference between having a deep friendship with someone you trust entirely, and having more of a superficial relationship, where you might converse with each other once in a blue moon on Facebook or at a special occasion. To me, building friendships isn't a numbers game. It's the quality, not the quantity, that truly counts. In fact, I only have three real friends, all of whom I made groomsmen at my wedding. I've known one of them since kindergarten, the other since high school, and the third guy since my first semester of college. While I may not be able to see or talk to them as often as I'd like, I know these guys are there for me when I need them -- just as I am for them. We have our occasional spats and differences of opinion, but the friendships are strong enough to survive a...

If there's something about me that has never once changed over the years, it's this: I despise being thwarted for something I want from someone, and then seeing the person come around when they feel like -- acting as if nothing happened. It's a classic case of having their cake and eating it too. I've gone through this on several occasions with different friends. They may disappear for weeks, never bothering to answer or return my calls. Then, out of the blue, they decide to awaken from their slumber and reestablish contact, and I'm supposed to act like all is swell. I don't think so! And their excuses have bordered on the ludicrous, saying that they've been stressed or that they keep forgetting to respond. It's ironic how once I see them showing interest again (e.g., calling and texting), it is then I go into "payback" mode and call them at my convenience, not necessarily when they attempt to reach out to me. And here's an exam...

Going back to my youth, there's one thing about me that has never once wavered: my affinity for deep relationships.  Perhaps this explains why (1) I've kept a small circle of close friends my whole life, and (2) I've always sought serious commitments with girls, as opposed to men who sleep around for a few years before settling down. It goes to show you that for me, it's always been about quality, not quantity. I think having fewer people around minimizes the drama in one's life. The more people you know, the more social pressure you get to conform to others' views and agree with their opinions. I make no effort to maintain superficial relationships in my life. Those people won't be there when I need them, so why even have them as a "friend" on Facebook?  Life isn't a popularity contest. Our high school days are long gone. I have never had any patience for games. I know that makes me come across as a stiff, but I've alw...

There are certain times in life where, after much sweat and tears, it only makes sense to walk away from something, whether it be a troubling relationship, dead-end job, or other unfavorable circumstance. Though walking away can often be difficult, life is too short to endure circumstances so trying that it becomes difficult to get out of bed every day and face the world. If you're in an abusive relationship, walk away. No one deserves to suffer that way at the hands of a partner who's lost their way and doesn't show the slightest interest in mending fences. If you're in a relationship where you're being taken advantage of despite being heavily invested in it (emotionally and otherwise), walk away. You deserve better than to remain with a person who blithely takes you for granted. If one of your friendships, whether new or old, no longer adds value to your life, walk away. There's a season for every friendship in our life; once distance and other lifes...

Whether it's in the realm of love, friendship, or even your career, you should never have to force yourself to do anything. If deep down you feel like something doesn't come naturally, it's probably not right for you. For example, if you find yourself rolling your eyes everytime the person you're dating calls you, chances are you're not into him or her. And if the thought of going on another date seems like a chore, that only adds fuel to the argument. Even if your friends or relatives prod you to give someone a chance, you shouldn't cave if your heart isn't in it. And the worst thing you can do is remain in the relationship only because you feel bad for the other person. All that does is give them false hope. You wouldn't want someone to do the same to you, right? Moreover, if you're forcing yourself to keep alive a decades-old friendship while your buddy seems to have forgotten you exist, there comes a point where you have to say, "i...

We don't always get back what we put into things in our lives -- our jobs, our friendships, our relationships -- at least not immediately. When it becomes apparent that someone no longer fits in your life, it's best to let them go. It can be hard to come to terms with the fact that someone who thought you'd spend the rest of your life with didn't turn out to be the person you envisaged. The same goes for an individual you thought you'd be lifelong friends with. Whether you or the other party is to blame for a faltering relationship, sometimes trying to make it work only results in deeper resentment. It is very difficult to part with something we've invested a lot of time and energy into -- something we assumed would last indefinitely. This can also be applied to jobs. Many of us have grand plans of staying in the same company for many years, if not our entire working lives. However, quarrels with our bosses or coworkers, unfulfilling/unchallenging ...

One of my favorite quotes of all time comes from poet Robert Frost: "In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on." Indeed, for better or worse, things will never go back to the way they used to be in our lives. We change and the people in our lives change, which in turn means that our relationships evolve.  Some of us are lucky enough to have friendships that have remained mostly intact for many years -- ones we forged as early as childhood.  But such friendships are a rare breed.  Our experiences over time affect virtually every facet of our lives: personality, lifestyle, beliefs, attitudes, taste in food and music, and so on.  Nothing changes a friendship quite like a major lifestyle change -- from moving to getting married and having kids.  But change isn't always a bad thing. How would we grow if our lives all remained the same? It doesn't mean our relationships have to end; they simply evolve....

I've written various posts on the topic of friendship in recent weeks, and with good reason. Friendships constitute an integral part of our lives, and, let's be honest -- it doesn't get any easier to make new friends or attend to the ones we already have as we get older and busier. Still, with a little time and effort, we can continue to forge new friendships while maintaining existing ones. Here are two ways to help facilitate this: 1. Zero in on commonalities, but express interest in other aspects of the person's life as well.  If you're like me, you share different interests with different friends. Maybe you have a health-conscious buddy with whom you dine and hit the gym, a fellow sports-loving friend who accompanies you to ballgames, and a friend from high school whom you occasionally visit at home to catch up. Whether it's a friend who haven't spoken to in a while or someone you've just met who seems to have "friendship" potenti...

When I consider my closest friendships, I always ask one thing:  Would we have clicked in the same way had we met a year later?  Five years later? Ten years after? Chances are, we would not. The reasons why we gel more with certain people are almost self-explanatory. In general, most of our friends are close to us in age. It's not at all surprising given we probably met them in school or doing some activity that people in our age bracket might enjoy. I met my closest friends in different stages of my life: one in elementary school, one in middle school, one in high school, one in college, and one at my second job out of college. Three of them are single guys with no kids, while the other two -- the best man at my wedding and a female coworker I recently addressed in a prior post -- are married with children. Can you guess which of these friends I see and talk to more? Indeed, my friendships with these two latter friends has changed drastically since they became p...

Friendships usually change a great deal when one or both people get into relationships . In a way, this is to be expected. People get busier and tend to put their significant before anyone else. And once kids come along, this is only magnified tenfold. The most noticeable shift is that face time with the friend becomes very hard to come by. In most cases, the friends still manage keep in touch via text, email, or Facebook, but plans made with partners now preclude outings to the movies, concerts, and elsewhere that the friends used to make at the drop of the hat. That's not to say that seeing each other becomes impossible once one or both friends are in a relationship, but it takes more effort and planning. Obviously, any proposed plans with friends now have to be run by the significant other, who may or may not be on board. That was never an issue when the friends were both single. A great example of this is my friendship with an ex co-worker of mine, Elizabeth. During t...

There are many givens in life, not the least of which is the fact that people will disappoint you . It can happen when least expected, and the ones who let you down are often the last people you'd expect to do so -- like friends, family, and close co-workers. This is no reason, however, to sulk, walk with your head down. and give in to cynicism. Life is isn't so much about what happens to you, but how you react to what happens to you. Experience teaches us how to cope with disappointment so that the next time we find ourselves in a similar situation -- whether we're dealing with the same person or someone else -- we won't be so quick to make the same mistakes. No one likes to get hurt, but it's just a part of life. People are mostly out to benefit themselves -- to say otherwise is to be untruthful. There's a reason why most of us have only a few select friends. I, myself, have just three really close ones, all of whom were groomsmen at my wedding. Bu...

Know how they say that too much of something tends to be bad? Well, that applies to relationships in myriad ways. But the one I'd like to discuss in this post is spending too much time together. Many people think that the more time you spend with someone the better, and that spending time apart can seriously weaken a relationship. The truth of the matter is that either extreme isn't healthful. When you spend too much time together, you leave yourselves with little to talk about. Things become routine -- you find yourselves going to the same restaurants and conversing about the same things. Spending a lot of time together works at the beginning of a friendship or relationship because you're both getting to know each other. Everything seems new and exciting, and the hours just seem to fly by. But once the relationship has matured and you've grown accustomed to each other's quirks, spending too much time together can begin to be detrimental. The things tha...

I know most of us try to avoid fighting with our partners and friends like the plague. After all, no one wants to be left feeling hurt or resentful. While arguments have been the primary culprit for the demise of many friendships and relationships, they've also been cited as the reason many became stronger over time. I've experienced this firsthand. In fact, I have had pretty bad fights with my wife and closest friends over the years. Somehow, though, I grew closer to all of them following the squabbles. I think an argument can only work in both parties' favor if they each concede some wrongdoing. Both have to be humble enough to admit that while they don't deserve full blame, some of the finger pointing is probably justified. If, however, one person refuses to acknowledge fault, fighting will only help the relationship see a quicker demise. Both parties must also be open to taking conciliatory measures. Saying "I'm sorry" is a good start. Both i...

Or so it seems... Have you noticed that many people only seem to show interest in you when you show little to none in them? It's like the pendulum has to swing one way or the other. Achieving equilibrium isn't easy, whether we're talking about friendships or relationships. The key reason why this happens is because human beings not only have a tendency to become complacent in their friendships or relationships, but they often take the other person for granted. Once we see someone willing to bend over backwards for us, we perceive it as weakness and try to exploit that vulnerability as much as we can. I'm not saying all people do this, but many of us do. So what happens when you do the opposite -- that is, act indifferent?  The less emotionally invested one person seems to be, the more leverage he or she holds. In other words, he who cares least -- or is perceived as such -- has more power in the relationship. There's always going to be someone who compla...