Have you ever depended on someone -- maybe a little too much -- to fill your day with happiness? I think most of us can concede that we've been there.  Whether we're talking about our closest friends, relatives, or our partner, there's no doubt that these individuals greatly enhance our lives.  But a distinction needs to be made between "enhancing" and "completing." When someone serves as an enhancement, they add to an already enriching life. They're icing on the cake, if you will. However, when we lean on the individual in order to feel complete, it suggests something was missing to begin with and we're looking to them to fill the void. This is problematic in more ways than one. Ask yourself these point-blank questions: 1. What if they were to betray you? 2. What if they were to move and forget about you? 3. What if they were to cheat? 4. What if they were to lose interest in the relationship entirely? 5. What if they were to pass away? I'm ...

I feel many people have a misguided sense of what a partner's role should be.  They assume a partner is there to fix their every problem, to complete them.  But this is erroneous thinking and could very well lead the relationship down a dangerous path.  Relationships can promote personal growth and help individuals fulfill their own goals. For example, your partner can help you become a better person by teaching you how to play the guitar; taking you to the local museum to explore immersive exhibits; and opening your eyes to new perspectives, like benefits of eating more veggies and less red meat.  The idea that a relationship can help an individual become a better person is a phenomenon termed self-expansion. Indeed, relationships that provide more expansion are tend to be of higher quality. But this needn't be mistaken with relying on a partner to allay your every concern, resolve your every dilemma, and continually boost your self-esteem.  We need to take res...

Experiencing something -- the savory taste of a pepperoni pizza, the sound of gentle waves lapping sugary white sand -- can be an utter delight to the senses.  But according to studies, the experience actually pales in comparison to the anticipation of that experience.  Here are just a few examples: 1. Planning and looking forward to a vacation vs. actually being there. 2. Planning to buy clothes, a car, or other items compared to consuming them.  3. Picturing yourself eating a hearty meal (especially on an empty stomach and/or while watching a restaurant ad) vs actually eating it.  Dopamine, commonly considered the happiness or "feel good" chemical, is more involved in the anticipation of an event or feeling than in the actual feeling of happiness. Often, the experience falls short of what we imagined, whether because it rains on the trip, the food leaves us with gas, or we get buyers' remorse for something we later discover we could have bought elsewhere for much c...

Has anyone ever told you you're the only one for them -- that they vow to be faithful to you for the rest of your lives -- only to turn around and cheat on you? Few things could be as devastating.  Imagine that: Someone who you envisioned spending the rest of your life with shattering your trust so egregiously. The fact of the matter is that they were never being sincere about how they felt. Because when someone truly loves you, they wouldn't dare jeopardize the bond you share -- let alone by cheating. And none of these count as justifiable: Drinking too much Being stressed at work Being seduced  Feeling unhappy in the relationship  You don't go around canoodling with other men or women when something is awry in the relationship or, more generally, in your life. You make your partner aware of it so they can help you. You communicate. You discuss your options.  If you see the relationship as no longer bringing you fulfillment, you either agree to seek counseling with ...

The two most consequential decisions you'll ever make in your life concern your choice of career and your choice of partner. Many of us happen to make these decisions in earnest -- at least for the first time -- when we're fairly young and lacking in life experience.  Perhaps we're just out of high school and we decide on law or pre-med as a major while embarking on a new relationship with someone who ostensibly has "long-term potential" written all over them. As we well know, though, life gives us many different twists and turns, sometimes veering us in directions we never could have imagined.  Events such as these can affect our life trajectory: Going away for college A death in the family  A break-up Switching jobs or careers  Layoffs Starting a business Moving to a new city  Getting married Having kids Illness  But there's no doubt that the decisions we make in our professional and love lives figure prominently in our life satisfaction, or lack thereof....

If you're like me, you've noticed many of your Facebook friends (or acquaintances, or people you've known since kindergarten but seldom talk to, or those who might be friends of friends of friends) fleeing the platform like it's no one's business.  But why the exodus?  It's quite simple: People have grown tired of the same old same old.  Many would concede there are benefits to logging on every so often -- from catching timely news to distracting oneself with trending memes or videos of the week. But being barraged with baby pictures and vacation photos for days on end becomes a little tough to stomach after a while.  Granted, some people mean no harm in sharing these special moments with others. It's their way of conveying to the world that they're making the most of their lives and are grateful for the things and people that enrich them. We should try our best to be happy for them, even if we may harbor a smidgen of concealed envy.  However, people und...

As most of us have been spending a great deal of time at home lately amid the threat of the coronavirus, it has afforded us the opportunity to stop and reflect -- something we seldom find the time to do in the hustle and bustle of our regular lives. Perhaps you're now considering finally making a career change you've been mulling for years. Maybe all the sobering talk of recession has you dreaming up ways to save or invest money. Or, spending more time with your partner has brought you closer together -- or driven you further apart -- raising questions about your future on the love front. Nonetheless, here are four lessons to be learned from these unprecedented times: 1. It's the little things that matter. We get so caught up in trivial matters -- when the next iPhone is coming out, who the neighbor is cheating on his wife with -- that we lose focus of the things in life that truly count. Spending an extra hour each day playing with your daughter. Finally gettin...

When you read the title, perhaps you thought I was going to touch upon depending on other people to feel complete -- as I have in prior posts. While many people do fall into that unfortunate habit, this post focuses on the tendency to rely on a job to attain happiness. There's no question that being gainfully employed beats unemployment. Even if our jobs may be far from perfect -- and let's face it, no job is -- they still provide structure in our lives, they make us feel useful, and they allow us to feel the sense of pride that comes with earning a living to provide for our families. However, society and the media are to blame for peddling the notion that, much like a soulmate, a job should complete us. Should we try to get into a line of work we enjoy? Absolutely! You'll quickly come to hate life if you spend 40+ hours a week doing something you absolutely despise. But here's the thing: There are way too many factors outside of one's control in the...

It's a fact of life: Whether at work, on the dating circuit, or even in our own families, we come across people who try to undermine us. Our first instinct may be to try to prove them wrong. But this is precisely what you shouldn't do. The quicker one realizes that their happiness doesn't depend on anyone but themselves, the faster they can enjoy the sweet smell of life fulfillment. Here are a few tips for dealing with such individuals. 1. Don't let them get the best of you. It's only natural to become defensive when someone attempts to make you feel small. But it can only bother you if you allow them to. As hard as it may be, you must keep your emotions in check. Rather than indulging them in a shouting match, walk away. 2. Don't seek their validation. Striving to obtain others' approval communicates a few things: (a) You think they're above you (b) You think they're right and you're wrong (c) You wish to be more like them than your ...

While you might think living a happy life should involve no shortage of bells and whistles -- fancy cars, big houses, a wide circle of relationships -- people can find joy and contentment in things that may not cost much (if anything at all). Here are three tips for finding pockets of happiness in daily life: 1. Live simply. Sure, who doesn't like being a nice car, watch, or pair of shoes every so often? While treating ourselves to something nice is a good thing -- we do, after all, work hard for it -- we should never depend on material stuff to make us happy, much like we shouldn't turn to human beings for fulfillment. Aim to appreciate the little things in life that bring us joy -- a beautiful sunset, a hot cup of coffee, a game of fetch with the dog. These are things that require little to no money and leave us feeling better. Some people feel happiness eludes them, but there's happiness to be found in the simplest of things. 2. Love generously. What better f...

Want to know who's most responsible for your happiness? That's easy. Look in the mirror . It isn't your partner, children, siblings, or friends. Happiness emanates from inside, which means only you complete yourself. Eleanor Roosevelt once said that no one can make you feel inferior without your consent -- one of my favorite quotes, I might add. Oprah Winfrey quipped that you cannot wait for someone to save you, to help you, to complete you. No one can complete you but yourself. And, as Mandy Hale puts it, happiness is an inside job, and you should never assign anyone else that much power over your life. Instead, you should wield that power to make a better life for yourself. Do whatever makes you happy -- whether it's exploring new continents or simply laying by the pool at home. Happiness starts with you -- not with your job, relationships, or money. If that weren't the case, there wouldn't be people in the world who have found a way to enjoy ...

While everyone around me seems to do anything they can to fit in and follow the herd, I strive to highlight what makes me unique. Many people are leery of being too different from other people because they fear they won't be able to relate to them. In the worst cases, some even fear social isolation. Being a huge bibliophile, history geek, and psychology lover sets me apart in that most people don't delve into these things for leisure and personal fulfillment. They see it merely as work -- something that has no place outside of a corporate or college setting. I love to hit up museums and historic sites while on vacation. Most people would derisively call that a field trip, not a vacation, and proceed to sunbathe on a picturesque island somewhere. The fact that I have such a strong proclivity for learning and ideas doesn't make me any better or worse than the next person. It just means that I'm probably more intellectually curious than most individuals I come a...

Do what is right for you . No one else is walking in your shoes. No one knows you -- your fears, your passions, your goals -- better than you do. Never let anyone chart your path for you, for only you know the ultimate road to fulfillment in your life. Never let anyone convince you that whatever you wish to pursue isn't right for you -- only you have the final say in that. Never let anyone dissuade you from attempting to accomplish even the loftiest of goals. If your heart and mind are in the right place, you can achieve anything. Your parents' or friends' experiences won't necessarily be your own. Just because they failed at something doesn't mean you will. Perhaps they lack your will to persevere in the face of long odds. Sometimes people secretly want you to fail; never, ever give them that satisfaction. There's no greater feeling in the world than proving someone who said you couldn't achieve something wrong . Only you have the right to say you ca...

If there's one thing that inhibits happiness and reaching one's full potential, it's a lack of freedom to make one's own decisions . It's no surprise that most of us eagerly await our 18th birthday, when we're finally old enough to hit up clubs, smoke, and vote. It's also the age most of us kiss our parents goodbye and embark on our college journey. Can you imagine living with your parents your whole life? You'd never have the opportunity to make your own decisions, having to submit to the orders and whims of those whose roof you live under. Needless to say, that kind of arrangement would wear thin on you quickly. The same applies to relationships. If you're with someone who orders your food for you at restaurants without letting you get in a word edgewise, your freedom is being trampled on. We've all heard horror stories of domineering partners who rob their significant other of their voice in the relationship. From decorating the home t...

Unless you work for a charity, hospital, or other organization that has a "feel good" quality to it and allows you to make a difference in some concrete way, work can feel hollow for so many of us. I'm thankful for my job and know the reason why I give 40+ hours of my time each week to my company is to support my wife and myself. I actually like what I do (writing, editing, proofreading), but sometimes I'm left with a nagging feeling of emptiness. When I think beyond my day-to-day tasks and look at the bigger picture, I realize my job is mainly to help make the company money so that the big wigs can line their pockets. It's the bottom line -- literally. Thankfully, this blog serves as a conduit through which I can not only exercise my creativity and share ideas, but make decisions on my own without having to navigate politics. In corporate, deferring to others -- sometimes to people who are less skilled and knowledgeable than you -- is par for the course. ...

So said author Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862), whom I've quoted here in the past. Here's the quote in its entirety: "Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you've imagined." Maybe your dream is to be an astronaut, salesperson, or environmental researcher. Perhaps you want to be the next Denzel Washington or Michael Jackson. No matter what your goals are, never let someone dissuade you from pursuing them. Never let them convince you that they're unrealistic or unattainable. We only have one life to live, folks. Even if we don't succeed at achieving exactly what we want -- or all we want -- we can at least say we gave it our best. Notice Thoreau says to go "in the direction of your dreams." Never does he explicitly say that those dreams have to be fulfilled. Let me give you an example. My dream would be to make big coin as a renowned historian -- I'm fiercely passionate about the subject. While it's c...

...you found yourself alone with and hit on by someone you deem incredibly attractive? I posed a similar question in a prior post, which asked readers whether they think they could remain loyal to their partner if they found themselves stranded on an island with no one but a highly attractive person of the opposite sex. Most people would probably answer "no," but it's the circumstances in people's relationships -- and more broadly, in their overall lives -- that ultimately dictate whether they'll engage in acts of infidelity. For example, many people would be much more likely to cheat if their relationship is on the rocks. They could be having marital or relationship problems for a number of reasons, including: Lack of sexual intimacy/fulfillment  Financial problems Tired of feeling tied down Having fallen out of love Not feeling physically attracted enough to the other person Such conditions certainly make people more vulnerable to cheating. In ma...

Today's quote comes from Albert Schweitzer (1875-1965), a respected organist, theologian, physician, philosopher, and medical missionary in Africa. "Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful." - Albert Schweitzer  I think Schweitzer is coming through loud and clear on this one. Many people feel that happiness can only be measured by how successful you are -- say, how much money you're making, how many material possessions you own, etc. But if you're happy with what you're doing to begin with, the money and goods are just icing on the cake. That's precisely why so many people have outlets outside of their regular jobs through which they can flex their creative muscle and do the things that truly matter to them. Let's face it. Most of us aren't lucky enough to work in jobs that grant us the creative latitude we so desperately crave. We're told what to do ...