There are varied and various ways that toxic individuals may try their best to mentally and emotionally overpower you.  This doesn't mean they all employ every single one of these techniques. But it's important to know what kinds of tools these deceitful folks keep in their arsenal so that you're ready to fight back.   1. They try turning you into them.  Misery loves company, and because toxic folks aren't happy with their own lives, they want that misery to rub off on others. And there's no greater satisfaction for them than to hold a firm grip over your emotions. If they know they've gotten the best of you and ruined your day, they know their ploy worked. 2. They use the carrot-and-stick approach . Toxic people love to combine a promised reward with a threat to take something away from you. For example, your boss tells you that a raise hinges on your working Saturdays and Sundays, and that should you opt not to come in on those days, you'll lose your job. ...

Have you ever wondered how narcissists manage to make good first impressions on us? Indeed, when we first meet people who later turn out to be narcissistic, they strike us as elegant, charming, and fun to be around. But over time, such positive impressions turn sour when we realize that these individuals are majorly self-absorbed and insensitive. Just how do narcissists manage to deceive us in this way? According to research, they're well-regarded at first because we mistake their arrogance for high self-esteem. As I've noted in earlier posts, there's a fine line between these characteristics. And when we're first getting to know someone, we want to give them the benefit of the doubt, so we perceive them as confident and high in self-worth. When sifting through photos of college students who'd completed narcissism and self-esteem scales, participants in four experiments rated those who scored highest on narcissism most likeable and highest in self-este...

Want to know the most ironic thing about those who are full of themselves? It's that people who are full of themselves are mostly empty on the inside.  If someone is heavily preoccupied with themselves, it can only mean that they're aiming to compensate for something they perceive as lacking. They can't quite put a finger on what's missing, so what do they do? Spend hundreds of dollars and countless hours on clothing, makeup, cars, and the like. So what might these people be trying to compensate for? It could include: Low self-esteem A sagging level of confidence Loneliness Feeling as though their life lacks direction  It's no surprise that many people who were perceived as bad boys/girls in their younger years later admit that they were the farthest thing away from tough and confident.  They simply rebelled as a way of channeling the discontent they felt about and in their lives. Let us make a clear distinction between confidence and co...

Let's face it: Some people would rather argue or cut contact with you than actually make an attempt to clear the air. They'd prefer to hold grudges than work to resolve conflict. Perhaps they were in the wrong and refuse to say sorry. Or, you were at fault and have already apologized, but they persist in giving you the cold shoulder. Most likely, the individual is either (1) immature (2) resentful of something you have that he or she doesn't and wants to spread the misery (3) upset over other personal issues and taking it out on you. At any rate, a person who is that intransigent has to have a deep sense of pride. They want to win, and taking any sort of conciliatory posture in their book smacks of backing down, so they refuse to change. But you know something? One of the most admirable qualities one can possess is humility. Those who refuse to meet in the middle will have a hard time keeping friends and romantic partners. Who wants to be around someone so arrog...

A word I came across recently that isn't used all that much in regular discourse is hoity-toity. It's yet another one of those funny-sounding words that I like to feature on the blog. To be hoity-toity is to be haughty or snobbish. You can use it in place of words like disdainful, conceited, proud, arrogant, pretentious, and self-important. Interestingly, while we use use hoity-toity as an adjective today, it used to be a noun that meant "thoughtless giddy behavior." The word first appeared in print as a noun in 1668. All of us know at least one person -- be it a friend, co-worker, relative, or neighbor -- who projects this type of demeanor. I generally steer clear of hoity-toity people. I think humility is one of the most admirable qualities one can possess, and, well, hoity-toity folks seem devoid of it. While we can all be a little hoity-toity in certain instances -- say, showing off our new car or watch -- some people are this way nearly all the time. ...

You'd be surprised to know that some people actually admire -- and would love to emulate -- Donald Trump's personality. They say they wish they could speak their minds with no hesitation like he does. I'm not exaggerating when I say that Trump is the most bombastic, outspoken, and extroverted person I have ever seen on television. I'm sure most of you would second that statement. Interestingly, he appears a lot more composed -- almost slightly reserved -- in interviews with David Letterman and other TV personalities in the 80s and 90s. (You can find plenty of these on YouTube.) If you ask me, he looks and acts far more presidential in these clips than he does now. It seems he's gradually evolved into an irascible, unfiltered man who can't get enough of the spotlight. Scores of people are united in their contempt for the real estate mogul-turned-presidential-candidate, but some actually embrace his fiery, no-nonsense temperament. Among the latter are ...

Just last Friday, my boss and I sat down for my annual review. She had great things to say, including the fact that she has seen me "grow immensely" in the last year or two. Mind you, I've been with the company for close to five years. It isn't as if she went by hard data or any accomplishment lists to arrive at such a conclusion, for I provided none. I don't work any harder than I did a couple of years ago. So why is she so certain that I've demonstrated growth on the job? I think perception  -- the state of becoming aware of something through the senses -- is at play here. What is perceived as real can be more powerful than reality itself . The lenses through which we each see the world are dissimilar. I may perceive you to be a shy, rude, or arrogant person, but perhaps your neighbor views you as warm and happy-go-lucky. You may be phoning it at your job or in your relationship, but as long as your boss or partner "thinks" you're put...

Studies show there are two things most people hate saying the most. Want to know what they are? Are you ready? Here goes... People hate saying: "I was wrong" "I'm sorry" To be honest, this doesn't surprise me in the slightest. People seemingly are becoming more selfish and arrogant by the day. It seems the headlines are mostly dominated by news of robberies, hit-and-run accidents where the driver didn't so much as stop to help the pedestrian who was stuck, and more. Ours is a culture that revolves around "me, me, and me" -- one in which greed and self-absorption rule the day. Why is it so difficult for people to fess up to their mistakes and apologize? Why must people be so stubborn and selfish? One of the qualities I value most about myself is my humility. I own up to my mistakes and apologize for them. But most people just aren't like this. Rather than admit their mistakes, they point fingers and throw othe...