If someone in your life has a tendency to push you around, it's time to stand firm. It doesn't matter whether it's your partner, friend, sibling, or co-worker. No one deserves to be treated that way. The sad truth is that bullying isn't limited to adolescents who make fun of other kids' weight or beleaguer them for lunch money. Adults, too, can manipulate and take advantage of people in their orbit. One surefire way for things to reach this point  is by allowing people to perceive you as a pushover. Once they see you as someone they can run roughshod over, they'll carry on until you put a stop to such distasteful behavior. So, you're likely asking how you can tackle the problem. I always advise people to try to have an honest conversation in private first. You never know if the person harbors ill will toward you because of a misunderstanding, a false rumor, or a mistaken first impression. In that conversation, it's important to driv...

Have you ever wondered how narcissists manage to make good first impressions on us? Indeed, when we first meet people who later turn out to be narcissistic, they strike us as elegant, charming, and fun to be around. But over time, such positive impressions turn sour when we realize that these individuals are majorly self-absorbed and insensitive. Just how do narcissists manage to deceive us in this way? According to research, they're well-regarded at first because we mistake their arrogance for high self-esteem. As I've noted in earlier posts, there's a fine line between these characteristics. And when we're first getting to know someone, we want to give them the benefit of the doubt, so we perceive them as confident and high in self-worth. When sifting through photos of college students who'd completed narcissism and self-esteem scales, participants in four experiments rated those who scored highest on narcissism most likeable and highest in self-este...

Have you ever met a person who possesses enough charm and wit to win someone over in a matter of seconds? It can be anyone from the affable car salesman at the local dealer to a gregarious classmate to the amicable hiring manager you meet with for a job interview. Many people with sharp people skills are quick to employ them in order to get something they want, whether it's a sale or date. In psychology, the mere exposure effect is a phenomenon whereby people tend to develop a preference for something merely because they are familiar with them. In other words, familiarity breeds likeability. That's why, contrary to popular belief, things like follow-up calls and thank you letters can have a powerful effect so long as the individual made a great first impression. What's more, they will do little things to further build rapport, from pretending to agree with you on a wide range of issues (when deep down they diverge with you on many of them) to making it seem they...

The best people to be around aren't necessarily the nicest, prettiest, or most popular. It's those with whom you feel totally comfortable being yourself . This is how the best, most durable relationships are forged. If you find yourself holding back from being yourself or deliberately putting up a facade so that the other person likes you more, that isn't the kind of company you want in your life. Sure, when we're first getting to know someone, we may hold back somewhat or try to act more in line with the other person's expectations; we are, after all, trying to make a good first impression on them. Gradually, though, the walls should come down and you should feel more at ease letting your true beliefs, opinions, and mannerisms come out without fear of being judged. Those whom we call our friends never make us think or act in ways that feel unnatural or conflict with our values and personalities. If you abstain from drinking or smoking yet are constantly b...

Many people tell me that looks don't matter to them, whether we're talking about dating, friendships, or merely walking up to someone to ask a question. I can prove otherwise. Consider this for a moment; If you were out on the street and needed to ask someone for directions, who would you approach: a professional-looking gentleman wearing a business suit, a youngster wearing a baseball cap backwards, or an obese woman who looks like she can hardly walk? If you were at an animal shelter, which would you opt for: an adorable newborn kitten, or a 7-year old cat with respiratory problems? Assuming you were a recruiter, who would you rather hire: an inexperienced but very attractive  (think George Clooney attractive) 35-year old, or a highly experienced man who leaves a lot to be desired in the looks department? Be honest here. Don't sugarcoat your answers just to make yourself feel better! Think about what you would really do. As much as I want to believe people w...