'Tis the season to be jolly... except if it is 2020, of course. Thanks to the global pandemic, we have all had to navigate through an unprecedented year.  Layoffs/reduced hours at work, business closures, getting used to wearing masks, keeping our distance even from loved ones, lockdowns, curfews, schools going virtual, a bitter presidential campaign, and the list goes on. But many introverts would admit they have at least one thing to celebrate: Finally having a valid excuse not to attend large holiday gatherings. The Christmas party at the office. The noisy family get-together consisting mostly of distant relatives you see only once a year. It isn't so much that introverts hate holiday events; it's that they find the shindigs to drag on a bit too long -- not to mention they walk away feeling energy depleted. You see, heavy social interaction wears an introvert out. If they can't make for the exits early, they stake out the nearest quiet spot where they can refuel -- b...

Surely, everyone wants this terrible virus to be eradicated. News of vaccines being deemed safe and deployed to hospitals offered a ray of hope that soon enough the staggering death toll and number of cases will begin to drop. And only by putting an end to the public health crisis can we get the economy rolling again. But that doesn't necessarily mean everybody is on board with returning back to the way things used to be. Among those who appreciate the opportunity to work from home and not have to interact face-to-face with co-workers and the general public are: Introverts who are susceptible to being worn down by heavy social interaction Those, introverts or not, who prefer written to verbal communication  People who don't miss getting stuck in rush hour traffic driving to and from work The ones who value the extra time to be able to perform household chores and make home improvements  People seizing the opportunity to spend more time with their kids Individuals who are takin...

If I asked you which would be easier to tolerate -- hunger or loneliness -- what would you say? Hopefully, none of you have ever suffered through a prolonged lack of food or social intimacy -- both terrible circumstances far too many people are grappling with in this pandemic.  But on the question of which is more corrosive to our mental health, studies suggest they're two sides of the same coin: People who are forced to be isolated crave social interactions similarly to the manner a famished individual longs for food.  After one day of total isolation, the sight of people having fun together activates the same brain region that lights up when someone who hasn't eaten all day sees a picture of a bowl of scrumptious spaghetti. This bolsters the argument that positive social interactions aren't simply good-to-haves, but a basic human need. And acute loneliness, for its part, is an adverse state that drives people to repair what is lacking, much like hunger.  In both cases, ...

Many people absolutely loathe those dark, rainy days that, in their view, hold them hostage at home. They gripe that this prevents them from going to the mall, meeting up with friends for lunch at the cafe, hitting the gym, or crossing other things off their To Do Lists that necessitate venturing out. I see it quite differently, perhaps in part because I'm a writer. Inclement weather should be an excuse to stay home, all curled up with a good book and cup of coffee. If you're not a bibliophile, you can always catch a good flick while munching on popcorn. Or how about writing, painting, or napping to the sound of rain streaming down your window? Or, you can use the time to clean, do laundry, organize your drawers/closets, or take care of those other chores you continue to put off. As a proud, self-admitted introvert, I jump at any opportunity to stay holed up reading and writing in my home office, or watching knee-slapping shows with my wife in our cozy living ro...

As I've noted in prior posts, many people are regarded as shy, antisocial, or even weird just because they enjoy their own company. It doesn't matter that they make a genuine effort to interact with others. Because they're not constantly loud and seeking the spotlight -- and we see this happen all the time in the workplace -- they're labeled as awkward, secretive, and even stuck-up. And thanks to the press propagating the notion that all dangerous and mentally unstable people are loners, it has made the public fearful of anyone who comes across as reticent. What many people don't understand is that not everyone feels every thought that pops into their mind should be verbalized. Some of us simply like to observe and think through what we're going to say before opening our mouths. Introverts draw energy inward. After interacting with people for a good chunk of the day, they seek alone time in order to recharge their batteries. Such time allows them to ...

Many people assume that if someone is quiet and unassuming, they must either be antisocial or have low self-esteem. But this couldn't be farther from the truth. Unfortunately, those who make such baseless characterizations may assume that there's something about them that the quiet individual doesn't like. In other words, they take it personally. Or, since they know little about them, the easiest thing to do is fill in the gaps themselves and label the person however they please. This demonstrates that the ones passing judgment are either insecure, or they can't help but attribute negative qualities to the person before getting to know them. The truth of the matter is that some of us take a little longer to warm up than others do. In the case of a new job, we may need a few weeks before we feel comfortable enough in to socialize more (about non-work related matters, that is) with peers. Some of us are introverted. This doesn't mean we loathe people, but ...

Alexander Hamilton (1755-1804), the first treasury secretary of the United States and the subject of the hit Broadway musical Hamilton, once said: "Those who stand for nothing fall for anything." Hamilton sure hit the nail on the head with that one. I understand that not everyone is naturally bold and assertive. Many of us -- particularly the ones who call ourselves introverts -- hate drawing any attention to ourselves. It isn't a matter of changing your personality, for as I've stressed in other posts, you should never change your personality just to appease other people. It's about standing up for yourself when people level criticisms at you that are unfair or blatantly false. It's about defending yourself against insults to your character. It's about not letting someone get away with trying to sully your reputation. But Hamilton's quote goes beyond merely standing up for oneself. Maybe there's a cause you're deeply passionate a...

As George Washington, the first president of the United States, once said, " It is better to be alone than in bad company ." He of all people would know. He was constantly surrounded by them, from his days as general of the Continental Army during the American Revolution to his tenure as the nation's first commander in chief. Washington was touted as being a great judge of character. You can only imagine the tough personalities he had to deal with in public life. Though he was unanimously elected to two terms as president of the fledgling nation, he had no shortage of critics who were quick to pounce on policies  -- like the infamous Jay Treaty -- that they vehemently objected to. Washington had days where he probably felt the urge to tell his detractors to go fly a kite. Indeed, as the quote above suggests, he preferred his own company to that of certain people. For whatever reason, many people have been led to believe that enjoying their own company -- being a...

No matter how forcefully society may try to push forward the notion that solitude is something to be avoided, I relish it more and more each day. With all the noise we deal with on a daily basis -- chatty coworkers in the office, rambunctious kids at home, intrusive advertisements on TV -- we NEED to carve out some time for ourselves, even if it's a mere hour per week. Whether we want to gather our thoughts or clear our heads, it's very difficult to do so with people interrupting us. Sometimes we have no choice but to do it outside the home at a quiet locale like the local park or library. The fact you enjoy solitude doesn't make you weird, antisocial, or -- the most irritating of them all -- lonely. Maybe you're an introvert who draws energy inward and needs to spend time alone in order to recharge. Maybe you dream up your best creative ideas when no one else is around. That doesn't make you awkward -- it makes you human! Being lonely and being alone ar...

If you're quiet, you likely get plenty of flak from people around you. You're judged left and right just for keeping to yourself. Since people can't get you to open up as often as they'd like, they take the liberty of filling the gaps on their own. Some of them call you a snob, others say you're weird, and still others go so far as to label you antisocial. Saying you're introspective and that you think before you speak isn't good enough for them. Trying to explain that you're introverted -- that your energy is directed inward as opposed to an extrovert, whose energy is directed outward -- is a futile exercise. You tell them that too much social interaction leaves you drained, and that you can only recharge by spending time alone, but it falls on deaf ears. Sometimes it feels like no one understands you. But I'm here to tell you one thing: I get you. I know what you're going through because I've been there. As a quiet, studio...

Earlier today, I came across a Facebook page that features motivational quotes intended to improve people's moods and enhance their overall self-esteem. Interestingly, I noticed two quotes that focus specifically on quiet people: "Be afraid of quiet people; they're the ones who actually think." "The quietest people have the loudest minds." I've observed that most people's views of quiet individuals can fall under one of two categories: 1. The ones who say quiet people are antisocial, suspicious, snobbish, and/or full of themselves. 2. The people who say their introspective nature and propensity to be deep in thought makes them smarter than their more garrulous peers. The quotes above speak to this mindset. As an introvert known to be quiet at work and at social functions where I might not know anyone, I feel I'm well positioned to dispel any inaccuracies surrounding quiet folks. First of all, the above statements misguidedly put...

Living in your head is generally frowned upon in this extrovert-loving society. Introspection simply isn't prized in a world where so many people are jockeying to have their voices heard. In fact, pensiveness is often mistaken for snobbishness or social anxiety. And those who aren't as loud and assertive don't earn as much respect and perks as their more boisterous peers. You'll notice that most job listings emphasize teamwork and list excellent oral communication skills as one of the requirements. You'd be hard-pressed to find an ad specifically looking for a deep thinker. Unfortunately, quiet introverts continue to be put into the same bucket as serial killers and others who perpetrate horrible crimes. What many fail to understand is this: Many people -- myself included -- find living in their heads a refreshing change from the daily grind. Introspective types would agree that reading books -- whether of the fiction or non-fiction variety -- transpor...

The notion that opposites attract is a persistent myth that many people continue to swear by to this day. Opposites do attract to a certain degree, but only in the early stages of dating . And, to be honest, I don't know if I would even call it "attraction." A more appropriate word might be "intrigue." Meeting someone who seems like our complete opposite seems like a breath of fresh air at first. After all, we're used to having friends and dating people who share our interests, so this can feel like a pleasant change. However, as time wears on, the differences begin to really manifest themselves, and what once seemed like an interesting quality in the other person begins to get on our nerves. Here are a couple of examples: A liberal person dating a conservative one A neat freak dating a slob An avid football fan dating someone who loathes sports A well-heeled professional dating a person who's constantly broke and unemployed An introvert...

Our lifestyles are a direct reflection of various factors, including our personalities, jobs, and responsibilities at home. Parents' lives are presumably much busier and more stressful than those of the child-free. Teachers will lead much different lives than doctors, cops face a much different set of pressures than, say, couriers and chefs.  Some of us have more active social lives than our peers. While I have only three really close friends in my life, some people would need more than two hands to count all their buddies.  There are those who embrace a busy, strenuous life, and then there are people like me who prefer a more relaxed, deliberate pace. Neither is necessarily better than the other. We are each wired differently and derive stimulation from disparate sources -- the more introverted among us from reading, writing and other solitary activities, and the rest from social engagements like parties. Some of us go to church, others to sports games.  So...

As I've pointed out in other posts, being alone and being lonely are two completely different things. When people wish to be alone, they usually do so deliberately, whereas being lonely tends to be an undesirable consequence of a particular event, like breaking up with your boyfriend, moving to a new city, etc. People can desire to be alone for a host of reasons: To clear their heads To gather their thoughts To recharge after a long day at work To read or pursue other solitary tasks in a quiet environment They're not in the mood to be around people, especially after someone has done something to disappoint them And many more... Unfortunately, sometimes society makes people who crave alone time out to be weirdos. They're constantly given labels like "antisocial" and "stuck-up." Oftentimes, these descriptors have no basis in reality. Many people -- especially the highly extroverted, who thrive on social interaction -- fail to understand tha...

As much as I would love for Donald Trump to change his obstreperous demeanor, I'd never expect him to. He probably likes the way he is and wouldn't change his personality for anyone. For that, he should be commended, even though he'll have no choice but to bring it down a few notches if he wishes to appear even remotely presidential. Just a few moments ago, I heard my boss and co-worker conversing about the times they did drugs when they were younger and sharing videos of people making fools of themselves. I'd love to tell them to change, but who am I to do so? They must like being that way. But just as I'm respectful toward others, I expect the same treatment in return. I can't stand it when people question why I'm a certain way. "Why are you so quiet?" "Why are you so calm?" "Why are you so focused?" The implication is that something should be changed or fixed. They're making "loud and talkative" out to be ...

Many people use the words "alone" and "lonely" as if they mean the same thing, when in reality they don't. I wanted to address the key differences between both in what I hope will be a very illuminating post. The primary difference between these words is as follows: Being alone is done by choice, while loneliness is not sought by the individual. How many times have we said or heard someone say "I'd like to be alone." There are times when even the most extroverted among us seek solitude, whether it's to clear our heads, gather our thoughts following an unexpected breakup, or just relish some peace and quiet. On the other hand, feeling lonely is not something people typically aim for. Loneliness has a negative connotation to it because it reflects a yearning for someone else's company -- an unpleasant state we'd rather not be in. As I have mentioned in earlier entries, a person could actually feel lonelier in a group than by himse...

For those of us who have full-time jobs, we spend 40 or more hours per week around co-workers. That doesn't include the amount of time spent around babysitters, mailmen, cashiers, waiters, bus drivers, and anyone else we come into contact with on a weekly basis. While some of the individuals we interact with are certainly friendly, good people, there are others who flat-out drive us up the wall. As I've mentioned previously on the blog, I'm an introvert. No, that doesn't mean I'm shy. It means that I become drained when around people for too long. I need ample time alone in order to recharge. That's why I often eat lunch by myself and make it a priority to "disconnect" from co-workers by taking a couple of short breaks each day. I can only take so much chit chat on a daily basis. Oftentimes, I come home drained and crave nothing more than to unwind in my room -- in complete silence. Am I a complete recluse or misanthrope? Absolutely not. I unders...

I've had several people -- within the last month, actually -- tell me that being somewhere in utter silence makes them uneasy. It doesn't matter whether they're lying in bed, sitting in their car, or studying in the library. Some people can't stand complete silence, and it isn't long before they feel compelled to reach for their phone, a TV remote, or their cell phone to break the quietness. Frankly, this has me rather baffled to say the least. After being assaulted by the chatter of nosy co-workers all day at work, driving home with the radio off offers a welcome reprieve, as does holing up in a quiet room at home. Here are a few reasons people give for their aversion to overly quiet environments: They "hate to hear themselves think" When it's too quiet, they feel lonely They get bored They're just not used to that much silence Personally, being in a quiet setting helps me regain my energy. Too much noise and commotion stress me out, ...

I may be in the minority here, but I aim to live as tranquil and simple a life as I possibly can. I remember reading about transcendentalists like Henry David Thoreau and Ralph Waldo Emerson in school, both of whom stressed that true happiness lies only in simplicity and solitude. As I grew older, this resonated with me. While others around me have seemed perfectly fine living life on the fast lane, I've always been one to relish a slower-paced life -- one in which I can contemplate, absorb, and relish the moment. When it comes to reading, writing, and learning, I immerse myself in those subjects about which I am most passionate, including psychology and human behavior. If I feel as though I'm being rushed to absorb the material, I can become rather irascible. I realize that the world as we know it today does not exactly cater to people who favor a slower pace. Blue- and white-collar workers feel more pressed than ever to meet stringent deadlines. With all the responsib...