It can be painful when we learn that someone we trust, admire, and respect -- whether an old friend, family member, or colleague -- is talking behind our back. We feel betrayed, cheated, violated. And to add insult to injury, they try to act all nice when they're around us, as if they genuinely cared. If that doesn't sound like the quintessential fake person, I don't know what does. People talk behind others' backs for three primary reasons: 1. They envy something you have that they perceive as lacking in their own lives, whether your looks, social status, relationships, possessions, or title.  2. They aim to make themselves feel better by spreading falsehoods about you.  3. They know they can't emulate your lifestyle, so they figure talking smack about you -- especially around people who hold you in high esteem -- is the only way to hit where it hurts.  Our immediate impulse may be to go and rip them a new one. But see, that's exactly the reaction...

You know you're with the wrong person if you find yourself behaving in ways that don't come naturally to you just so you can appease your partner. In other words, you fundamentally change aspects of your personality and character just to secure the person's approval, which you're sure will translate into relationship bliss. As I've suggested in earlier posts, there's always room for some flexibility and compromise, but you should not feel like a radically different person when you're with your significant other. Perhaps you're not into spicy food, football, or museum hopping like your partner is, but you make the effort to partake in such activities because he or she enjoys them. At the same time, you might expect them to participate when it comes to your leisurely pursuits, whether fishing, painting, or watching National Geographic. But let's say you're a quiet, introverted person by nature, and gradually you come to the realization th...

Don't allow other people to define you. You define yourself . Your value doesn't depend on others' perception or opinion of you. Your value doesn't decrease based on someone's inability to see your worth. People will judge you no matter what you say or do; they will always find something to criticize about you. Even if you've done countless nice things for them, they have no qualms about dredging up the one time you made a mistake or displeased them. Unfortunately, if you allow other people to define you, you'll likely be defined by your shortcomings rather than your best qualities. People are entitled to their own opinions about you, but they're certainly not entitled to their own facts about you. You're the gatekeeper to your own happiness. Never relinquish that role to anyone else. Never give people the power to dictate whether you smile or frown, stand or fall, move forward or recoil. Embrace your uniqueness -- all that makes you diff...

Do you embrace your uniqueness? Do you like the fact that you have quirks, talents, and convictions that set you apart from your peers? Do you take pride in the fact that there can never be another you ? If so, the last thing you should allow is for other people to change you. I mean, really...who are they to dictate how you should think and act? Are you not a grown adult capable of making your own decisions? As I've stressed in several other posts, people will try to goad you into changing for a variety of reasons: There's something about you that's a little different, and that makes them feel uncomfortable and insecure. They subscribe to the herd mentality, believing everyone in their immediate circle should share exactly the same beliefs, habits, goals, etc. They secretly envy you: Rather than celebrate your good qualities, they'd rather see you lose them; instead of cheering your successes, they take delight in your failures.  Indeed, certain people we...

Some of the people in your inner circle -- whether friends, coworkers, or acquaintances -- may attempt to convince you that they know what's best for you, even if you beg to differ.  In essence, they're saying that they know you better than you know yourself! This is, of course, utterly preposterous.  No one but you knows all your fears, misgivings, hopes, and dreams. No one other than you has been at your side 24 hours a day, seven days a week, every single day of your life.  While your parents, siblings, or friends are likely to have taught you a few valuable lessons as you've gotten older, there are others you've learned through personal experience.  That being said, how can a person claim to have a better handle on you than, well, you? Be wary of these people, I tell you, for they aim to foist their own beliefs and opinions on you as if they were the law.  Whatever you do, do not cave. People do this for one simple reason:...

Stop for a moment and pay careful attention to the words that follow, for they could change your life in a big way: You are a wonderful person -- one unlike any other on the face of the earth. You light up the world with a unique blend of talents, skills, and quirks. You've achieved great things and have so many more feats awaiting you. Others look up to and admire you. You inspire greatness in others and radiate optimism. You have every reason to love yourself for who you are.  Inevitably, some people will envy you. Some will try to tear you down. Some will spread lies about you in an effort to get you to share in their misery. But you don't have time for such naysayers. You embrace your uniqueness and love yourself to the fullest, not allowing anyone else to cramp your style or dampen your high spirits. You recognize that no one knows you better than you know yourself. No one else pays your bills or is there for you every single second of your life. You're your ...

When you ask people what happiness means to them, most will respond with platitudes like "having a lot of money" or "being loved." To me, though, the real meaning of happiness runs a whole lot deeper. And if there ever was a definition of the word that captures the true essence of happiness, it would have to be the one below, which I found via a Facebook page a couple of days ago: "Happiness is letting go of what you think your life is supposed to look like and celebrating it for everything that it is." The first part of that sentence -- "what you think your life is supposed to look like" -- is simply another way of saying "social pressure." Many of us think that if we don't live up to societal expectations -- getting married, buying a house, having kids, landing a high-powered job -- we've failed ourselves and our loved ones. We're constantly comparing ourselves to friends, relatives, neighbors, and coworkers, ...

If people laugh at you because you're different, laugh right back at them for being all the same. I've written several posts on the importance of embracing one's uniqueness -- and disregarding what people say we should and shouldn't do -- because I think far too many of us fall victim to the herd mentality that has become so pervasive in society. On Thanksgiving night, my brother-in-law put me on the spot for not drinking. He still can't wrap his head around the fact that I don't drink. Then, two days later at my niece's afternoon birthday party, I returned the favor by asking him, "No alcohol for lunch today?" That made him a little defensive -- he pointed out how he only drinks two or three times a week -- and hopefully it conveyed that it's time to put the issue to rest. Peer pressure is even less effective on me when it comes from someone I hardly come into contact with throughout the year, like him. Here's another example: ...

While everyone around me seems to do anything they can to fit in and follow the herd, I strive to highlight what makes me unique. Many people are leery of being too different from other people because they fear they won't be able to relate to them. In the worst cases, some even fear social isolation. Being a huge bibliophile, history geek, and psychology lover sets me apart in that most people don't delve into these things for leisure and personal fulfillment. They see it merely as work -- something that has no place outside of a corporate or college setting. I love to hit up museums and historic sites while on vacation. Most people would derisively call that a field trip, not a vacation, and proceed to sunbathe on a picturesque island somewhere. The fact that I have such a strong proclivity for learning and ideas doesn't make me any better or worse than the next person. It just means that I'm probably more intellectually curious than most individuals I come a...