How to Read People

How often have you come across someone -- whether at school, work, the grocery store, or even on Facebook -- who tries to meddle in your business? Perhaps you've just been laid off or come out of a tumultuous relationship, or maybe you've lost someone dear to you. Some people are hardly satisfied in just knowing why you've seen better days; they press you for more details despite your showing a desire to be left alone. Why are they this way? While some may be driven by a genuine yearning to comfort you, others may simply be nosy. Make no mistake about it: Certain individuals are constantly comparing themselves to others although doing so -- unbeknownst to them, perhaps -- only makes them less happy in the end. Sadly, some of these people take pleasure in other's misfortunes, and still others use it as fodder for gossip. Thus the reason I always advise my readers not to disclose too much information to others. If it falls into the wrong hands, it can open...

Know why people judge others? For starters, they seem to forget that they themselves are not perfect. They don't like others to judge them unfairly, and yet that's precisely what they're doing. They live each day under the false premise that they are somehow "better" than others, which entitles them to pass judgment on people they may not even know that well. In the absence of information, they can only go by what they see. So if the person casting a critical eye notices another wearing, say, a "tacky" sweater, they might assume the person is poor or lacks any fashion sense. In the worst cases, they might go a step further and speculate that the person has a lousy love life. As I've noted before, some people try to compensate for their own perceived shortcomings by focusing on those they "detect" in others. In fact, they may even attribute their own flaws and weaknesses to other people -- a defense mechanism known as projection. I...

Can you guess the one thing no one can take from you? If you said learning , knowledge , or education , you've hit the nail on the head. People can break into your house and steal your jewelry. They can snoop through your drawers at work and snag the million dollar idea you wrote on a post-it note. But no one can magically teleport into your brain and pilfer your knowledge. What's in the mind stays in the mind. That's why we should all aim to nourish our minds with as much information as we possibly can. The more we learn, the more we enrich ourselves. Human beings have a tendency to want to conserve their mental resources wherever possible. But thinking critically keeps the brain sharp, whether we're playing Scrabble or dreaming up ways to get a new business off the ground. Leonardo da Vinci once said, "Learning is the only thing the mind never exhausts, never fears, and never regrets." Fortunately, you're never too young or too old to lea...

Swiss psychiatrist and psychotherapist Carl Jung (1875-1961) once said, "Thinking is difficult, that's why most people judge." I think Jung hit this one out of the park. People, in general, are lazy thinkers. They try to minimize their thinking as much as possible, thus the reason my social psychology professor in college once told my class that human beings are "cognitive misers." I think this explains in part why people have become so reliant on reality television -- or, more broadly, TV in general -- for entertainment. In this era of Netflix and streaming content, the last thing most people are thinking about is reading Shakespeare for leisure. Technology, moreover, seems to be exacerbating the problem. The easier things become, the less inclined we are to think critically to arrive at solutions to problems. And why don't people want to think? Because it's difficult, taxing, strenuous. Most people wish to spend as little brainpower as poss...

We've all had people -- whether they be friends, neighbors, co-workers, or acquaintances -- ask us downright nosy questions that border on inappropriate. Here's a sampling of questions that might make you flinch: How much money do you make? How much money do you have saved up? How much did you pay for your home? At what age did you lose your virginity? Do you and your spouse/partner have a healthy sex life? Do you and your spouse/partner fight a lot? When are you going to have kids? (I addressed this one in a post this morning -- Are parents envious of the childfree? ) What health issues do you have? These are the kinds of questions I'd expect a shrink to ask of me, not Joe in accounting or the old lady who lives two houses down.  The worst offenders are the people who pry into your personal life, yet fail to divulge such details about their own lives.  If you ever run into a person like this, don't be afraid to politely change the subject. Or, j...