We all know how easily toxic people -- with their knack for negativity and gossip -- can throw a monkey wrench into our days.  But what if we leveraged that toxicity to our benefit? How, you ask? There's a myriad of ways to do this. Among them are these:  1. When they say you can't accomplish something, do you let their words derail your hopes and dreams? No, you use them to further  fuel your motivation to accomplish your goals. After all, who are they to judge? 2. When they criticize you for your style of dress, interests, or any other facet of your personality, do you scramble to change? No, you double down on preserving what makes you unique, which in turn will build self-confidence and boost your self-esteem. 2. When they disrespect you, whether by spewing outright lies or demeaning your character, do you turn around and do the same to them? No, you're better than that. You stand up for yourself, firmly if civilly, without hurling insults. This will equip you with th...

Chances are there has been someone in your life whom you called a friend -- only to realize they were anything but. It can be soul-sucking when someone in whom we've invested a great deal of time, energy, and -- more importantly, trust -- lets us down. But all it shows is that no matter how well we think we know someone -- no matter how strongly we believe we have a firm sense of their true character and motivations -- they can deceive us at any point in time. Here are three signs someone is only pretending to be your friend: 1. They talk behind your back. They're two-faced, saying good things about you when in your presence but doing the exact opposite when you're not around. This signals that they not only disvalue your trust, but also your loyalty. 2. They only seem to surface when they need you.  If you get a call or text from this individual, they need money, a cable jump, or some other favor. Being the good friend that you are, you're always happy ...

Self-awareness is critical to a happy, balanced life. The dictionary defines it as "conscious knowledge of one's own character, feelings, motives, and desires. Take a deep dive within yourself and explore that which makes you happy, sad, excited, nervous, peaceful. Analyze your words. Assess your motives. Delve into your deepest desires. Only by paying attention to your feelings can you truly get to know yourself -- the things that make you unique, the inherent qualities that set you apart. It's not about criticizing yourself, but rather being cognizant of your patterns of thought and behavior. Just because you acknowledge your faults doesn't mean you dwell on them. But recognizing them enables you to decide which ones you're willing to accept as well as the ones that call for change. Self-awareness doesn't necessarily stop you from making mistakes -- it allows you to learn from them so that you're less apt to repeat them in the future...

If you had a choice between being reviled for who you are, or valued for who you're not, which one would you be? Sadly, many people would go with the latter because they're under the misguided impression that we need others' approval in order to feel whole. So they go so far as to take on others' beliefs even if they don't agree with them, and others' interests despite not being drawn to them in the slightest -- all to get in their good graces and feel accepted. But here's the thing: If you feel you have to go to such lengths to cultivate a good relationship with someone, you're in the wrong company. While there's nothing wrong with being flexible on some fronts (e.g., trying out new foods, exploring new activities), if you find yourself fundamentally trying to change the very essence of your character and personality to appease others, something is not right. Never try to be someone you're not just to impress people who, at the end o...

A real relationship is, plain and simple, one in which two imperfect people refuse to give up on one another. Let's face it: If one expects a flawless partner -- let alone a perfect relationship -- they're sure to have a rude awakening. If there's one thing we can all attest to, it's that relationships have their ups and downs. Sometimes partners will do things to test each other's patience and loyalty. Some may come to the brink of calling it quits. But if two people genuinely love each other, they'll do all they can to find common ground. They won't always agree on the best way to tackle a problem, but they'll each make some concessions so that each party feels as though their voice is being heard. A relationship will undoubtedly falter if both people are always out to get the upper hand. Relationships are about navigating challenges together so you can grow stronger together. But seeking to prove the other wrong or catch him or her red...

You know you're with the wrong person if you find yourself behaving in ways that don't come naturally to you just so you can appease your partner. In other words, you fundamentally change aspects of your personality and character just to secure the person's approval, which you're sure will translate into relationship bliss. As I've suggested in earlier posts, there's always room for some flexibility and compromise, but you should not feel like a radically different person when you're with your significant other. Perhaps you're not into spicy food, football, or museum hopping like your partner is, but you make the effort to partake in such activities because he or she enjoys them. At the same time, you might expect them to participate when it comes to your leisurely pursuits, whether fishing, painting, or watching National Geographic. But let's say you're a quiet, introverted person by nature, and gradually you come to the realization th...

If there's one thing I've learned in my observations of people, it's that many of them put looking good before being genuine, which is a huge mistake. They try to say the right things to win others' approval. They never admit they're wrong. Some even go so far as to change something about themselves just to appease a friend, love interest, or relative. In other words, preserving their image trumps qualities like sincerity and integrity. They try to live the kind of life society expects them to have, even though deep down it isn't the one they desire. They're lying to others -- and themselves. Moreover, they're willing to fake anything and everything about themselves just to appear more driven, more successful, more likable, or whatever it is they're aiming for. At the end of the day, none of us are perfect. We become wiser people through our experiences, which often include making mistakes we learn from and, hopefully, never repeat. If on...

Alexander Hamilton (1755-1804), the first treasury secretary of the United States and the subject of the hit Broadway musical Hamilton, once said: "Those who stand for nothing fall for anything." Hamilton sure hit the nail on the head with that one. I understand that not everyone is naturally bold and assertive. Many of us -- particularly the ones who call ourselves introverts -- hate drawing any attention to ourselves. It isn't a matter of changing your personality, for as I've stressed in other posts, you should never change your personality just to appease other people. It's about standing up for yourself when people level criticisms at you that are unfair or blatantly false. It's about defending yourself against insults to your character. It's about not letting someone get away with trying to sully your reputation. But Hamilton's quote goes beyond merely standing up for oneself. Maybe there's a cause you're deeply passionate a...

Worry about your character , not your reputation . Your character is who you are . Your reputation is who people think you are . Stop for a moment and ask yourself this: Do you care more about what you think of yourself, or what people think of you? I sincerely hope it isn't the latter.  For one, no one has ever stepped or walked in your shoes but you. So, really, who are they to judge?  People can perceive you as being a certain way -- whether shy, obnoxious, self-centered, lazy, or dull. But perception, as you well know, isn't always reality. Our individual experiences shape us into the people we are, and people will never know the full extent of those experiences because they weren't there. And even if they were, they didn't live through them exactly as you did.  Why care about what someone thinks about you if they may turn your back on you or leave your life at any moment? Sure, there are people in our lives who mean a great deal to us ...

It's easy to see the many ways that relationships -- whether with friends, family members, coworkers, or significant others -- add value to our life. In a healthy relationship, both individuals give and receive love, affection, kindness, compassion, advice, and support. Both invest the time and energy to make the other feel special and acknowledged. Neither takes the other for granted or bolts at the first sign of trouble, whether in the relationship or outside of it. A toxic relationship, on the other hand, is suffused with negativity and riddled with conflict. Distrust snowballs into deep resentment. Lying, lambasting, and lashing out become par for the course. While occasional arguments are normal in a relationship and can be beneficial in the sense that both people learn to work toward achieving common ground, too much fighting can escalate to the point where (1) both individuals are at each other's throats (2) they grow so disillusioned that they stop caring altoge...

In the absence of information about you, people resort to passing judgment. To fill in the gaps, they make unfounded assumptions about your personality and character. Here are a couple of examples: Because you're quiet, you must be weird, antisocial, or stuck-up. Because you don't want to have kids, you must be selfish.  Because you don't drink, you must be boring, religious, or uber conservative.  Because you don't eat meat, you must be vegan. Because you relish simplicity and have no interest in flashy gadgets, jewelry, or cars, you must not have a lot of money. Anything that goes against the grain of society tends to be judged harshly. People frown upon those who do or say things that run counter to the so-called herd mentality.  The fact is that you have no obligation whatsoever to justify your views, beliefs, or attitudes to anyone. While they have a right to think as they wish about you, you're entitled to live life as you wish without ...

If there's one trait that blemishes a person's character like no other, it would arguably be selfishness . I come across people every day -- at work, in the gym, at the grocery store -- who exude a palpable air of selfishness. You can just tell they put themselves before everyone else; they're constantly looking out for their best interest, even if they have to step on others' toes or rip them apart in the process. I'm sure you've met many a person who falls under this category. Here are a few words that typically describe selfish people: Manipulative Scheming Opportunistic Calculating Insensitive Self-centered Self-absorbed Greedy Contemptuous  Difficult Egotistical Stubborn  Dishonest Selfish people can be quite unpleasant to be around, especially when they can't manipulate you to get their way. They also tend to be quite unreliable, expecting you to be at their beck and call but refusing to be there for you when you need them. ...

A beautiful person doesn't need to have great hair, gorgeous eyes, or a ravishing body. A beautiful person isn't necessarily the smartest or most self-confident of the bunch. While these attributes certainly enhance the overall appeal of a person, they don't make him or her beautiful . What truly makes someone beautiful is their inside . Beauty is only skin deep. I know there has to be some level of physical attraction, but society makes it out to be far more important than it should be. When you meet someone, ask yourself these questions: Do I see myself being with this person for the rest of my life?  Do I see myself remaining with this person even in our later years, when his or her good looks begin to fade?  (Remember, yours will too.) If you truly prioritize finding someone with a great heart above all else, the answers to the above questions should be no-brainers. A beautiful person puts others before oneself, remains positive under even the...

Throughout my entire life, I have always been a relatively quiet guy -- the type who lets work and writing do the "talking" for him. I tend to observe and gather my thoughts before stepping in. I don't usually open my mouth unless I have something meaningful to say. I avoid small talk like the plague. These are the well-documented hallmarks of an introvert. Though I have always found comfort in my introspective ways, this certainly hasn't sat well with some people I've come across at school and in the workplace. In middle and high school, I had several peers (and even some teachers) question why I was so quiet. My taciturn demeanor and reluctance to speak up, unfortunately, made me an easy target for bullies, some of whom I came very close to getting into fist fights with. It isn't as though I didn't have friends or speak to classmates; I simply kept a low profile and minded my own business. I've encountered the same issue at work -- that is, peo...