As I've noted in prior posts, many people are regarded as shy, antisocial, or even weird just because they enjoy their own company. It doesn't matter that they make a genuine effort to interact with others. Because they're not constantly loud and seeking the spotlight -- and we see this happen all the time in the workplace -- they're labeled as awkward, secretive, and even stuck-up. And thanks to the press propagating the notion that all dangerous and mentally unstable people are loners, it has made the public fearful of anyone who comes across as reticent. What many people don't understand is that not everyone feels every thought that pops into their mind should be verbalized. Some of us simply like to observe and think through what we're going to say before opening our mouths. Introverts draw energy inward. After interacting with people for a good chunk of the day, they seek alone time in order to recharge their batteries. Such time allows them to ...

Have you ever wondered how narcissists manage to make good first impressions on us? Indeed, when we first meet people who later turn out to be narcissistic, they strike us as elegant, charming, and fun to be around. But over time, such positive impressions turn sour when we realize that these individuals are majorly self-absorbed and insensitive. Just how do narcissists manage to deceive us in this way? According to research, they're well-regarded at first because we mistake their arrogance for high self-esteem. As I've noted in earlier posts, there's a fine line between these characteristics. And when we're first getting to know someone, we want to give them the benefit of the doubt, so we perceive them as confident and high in self-worth. When sifting through photos of college students who'd completed narcissism and self-esteem scales, participants in four experiments rated those who scored highest on narcissism most likeable and highest in self-este...

Want to know the most ironic thing about those who are full of themselves? It's that people who are full of themselves are mostly empty on the inside.  If someone is heavily preoccupied with themselves, it can only mean that they're aiming to compensate for something they perceive as lacking. They can't quite put a finger on what's missing, so what do they do? Spend hundreds of dollars and countless hours on clothing, makeup, cars, and the like. So what might these people be trying to compensate for? It could include: Low self-esteem A sagging level of confidence Loneliness Feeling as though their life lacks direction  It's no surprise that many people who were perceived as bad boys/girls in their younger years later admit that they were the farthest thing away from tough and confident.  They simply rebelled as a way of channeling the discontent they felt about and in their lives. Let us make a clear distinction between confidence and co...

If you were to look up the word narcissist in the dictionary, you'd likely find a definition along these lines: A person who has an excessive interest in or admiration of themselves. That being said, if I were to ask you to name words you associate with narcissism, you might mention the following: Pride Self-absorbed Cocky Conceited  Selfish Egocentric  Full of themselves Indeed, narcissists love being the center of attention. Getting compliments and "likes" from others further fuels their unbridled love of self. If they're not in the spotlight, it's a lousy day as far as they're concerned.  In the worst cases, narcissists are willing to stab someone in the back or throw them under the bus to get their way.  Perhaps you've witnessed this kind of behavior at work with a toxic boss or slimy coworker who takes credit for your work and never misses the opportunity to laud their "accomplishments."  Or maybe you've had...

We've all been on terrible dates we have etched in our memory -- ones we wish we could undo with one snap of the fingers. When it comes to things that turn people off on dates, many people would agree that these rank pretty high on the list: 1. The person can't stop talking about themselves. They blather on about their car, job, or neighbor's cat, and you can't seem to get a word in edgewise no matter how hard you try. A person who's this self-absorbed and inconsiderate, needless to say, is not relationship material and should be weeded out. 2. They have bad manners. The first turn-off mentioned certainly falls into this camp. Beyond being a blabbermouth, the person might chew with their mouth open, look at their phone constantly, or flirt with the waiter/waitress. 3. They're argumentative. There's a fine line between putting your point across with conviction and trying to lock horns with your date just for the sake of proving you're right. 4...

If there's one trait that blemishes a person's character like no other, it would arguably be selfishness . I come across people every day -- at work, in the gym, at the grocery store -- who exude a palpable air of selfishness. You can just tell they put themselves before everyone else; they're constantly looking out for their best interest, even if they have to step on others' toes or rip them apart in the process. I'm sure you've met many a person who falls under this category. Here are a few words that typically describe selfish people: Manipulative Scheming Opportunistic Calculating Insensitive Self-centered Self-absorbed Greedy Contemptuous  Difficult Egotistical Stubborn  Dishonest Selfish people can be quite unpleasant to be around, especially when they can't manipulate you to get their way. They also tend to be quite unreliable, expecting you to be at their beck and call but refusing to be there for you when you need them. ...

I have a coworker who literally announces whenever he has to go to the bathroom. Another person I work with always voices when she is hungry. Still another coworker -- as soon as the clock strikes 12:30 -- verbalizes in advance that she is going to lunch. Why must people put everything on the table?  Are some individuals so narcissistic these days as to assume that others need to know everything they're thinking, doing, and planning? Something that has seemingly gotten lost on these folks is the art of mystery. One of the things I find so unsettling about the workplace is that these kinds of scenarios play out on a daily basis. And given how closely packed together cubicles are becoming to accommodate an ever-increasing number of employees, it's an inescapable reality. I think the reason people are this way is because, put simply, they're attention hounds. They're anything but self-contained. They're constantly looking for validation from others. They ne...

How do you know it's time to close the door on a friendship or relationship? It's simple: You know the time is now when you couldn't care less about the person. Not only do you become completely indifferent to the individual, but you reason that your life would be better without him or her. You feel there would be more peace and less hostility if that person were given the boot. Doing this isn't always the easy, especially when you've known the person for a long time. But let's face it -- legacy alone can't sustain a relationship through the passage of time. People and things change. A person you deemed your closest friend or soulmate 10 years ago could feel like a nuisance today. You know that's the case when you hear the person's voice or see they're calling you and you instantly roll your eyes. I'm actually going through this as we speak with a friend I have known since high school. Long story short, this once-humble guy got a good j...

My friend (let's call him "Don") has become a completely different person since hooking up with his girlfriend of 6 months (let's call her "Lisa"). I've known the guy since high school, and let's just say the humility that once set him apart from everyone else has fallen by the wayside. Long story short, he got a good job, bought a new car, and started kissing nearly every girl that struck his fancy. Now that he's with Lisa, he has souped up his car and prattles on and on about going to the gym and bulking up. Once unpretentious and hardly concerned with looks, popularity, and material things, the new Don gives fresh meaning to "flashy" and "cocky." There's nothing wrong with someone's self-confidence getting a boost. After all, we tend to feel really good about ourselves whenever we're making more money and getting increased attention from the opposite sex. But you can tell when a person is trying a bit too ...

Let's face it: The vast majority of people in the western world are extroverts -- they draw their energy outward and thrive on social interaction. We introverts, however, draw our energy inward and become heavily drained by too much social chatter. If introverts don't find a quiet room in which they can recharge, they simply cannot function properly. Maybe it's just me, but I find there to be more introverted men than women. Men generally seem more predisposed to rolling up their sleeves and getting down to business -- they aren't as emotionally-charged and talkative, I find. I have also noticed -- at least at the places I've worked -- that women are usually quicker than men to single out the "quiet one" in the office. "He is so quiet. Why doesn't he talk?" they might wonder. Though some guy may mention a thing or two in passing, it is the women who seem to harp on stuff like this. So, that begs the big question: Does it actually turn a...