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Why comparing ourselves to others is a bad idea

We all know at least one person in our lives who strives to keep up with the Joneses. They look to others for inspiration on how to dress, what car to buy, how many children to have, what career to go into, and even which hobbies to cultivate. And that person might very well be ourselves. While turning to others for ideas isn't a bad thing, shadowing everything they do because you crave validation and want to feel as though you're part of the in-group is taking it a step too far. Essentially, you're obliterating all that makes you stand out! Who cares if your neighbor drives a Bentley? If you're satisfied with your Nissan Maxima, that's what matters. Maybe you're the only person at work who doesn't have a dog. So what? There's nothing wrong with being a cat lover. Or perhaps you're the only one among your peer group who isn't in a high-powered career. As long as you're happy in your profession, why should you bother switching fiel...

Why so many people seem unhappy

Go to a mall, grocery store, or even your local gym and you're bound to see people with a sullen look on their face. It doesn't matter that they're carrying around a Louis Vuitton purse or driving a Mercedes Benz -- their sulkiness communicates that they're not happy. While we can never know for sure unless we ask, I would venture a guess that a great deal of them know they're not living the kind of life they want to live; instead, they're living the life others want them to live. Some people strive to impress others, essentially living their lives on others' terms.  Unfortunately, many of these individuals don't realize until later in life that we must each find our own path to happiness. What makes your friend or neighbor happy won't necessarily fulfill you, whether in terms of hobbies, romantic relationships, or careers.  Just because you're not on the same road as someone else doesn't mean you're lost. Finding your own p...

A sign that you're around the wrong people

A telltale sign you're around the wrong people is if and when you find yourself bending over backwards to impress them. I'm not talking about those occasions that may warrant making a good first impression, like a job interview or first date. I'm specifically referencing everyday situations, like Happy Hour with coworkers or weekend outings with friends. Sure, we all want others to think favorably of us, but once it gets to the point where we're changing our habits and yielding to them on everything just to win their approval, something is off kilter. We all have a voice and should be allowed to use it no matter the relationship. That means the other person should be amenable to going along with whatever we may propose at times. Those who want to dictate the agenda every time are selfish and narrow-minded. Even worse are the ones who are relentless in their quest to push you into thinking or acting as they do. If you're an adult, guess what? Those high...

A sad truth about many people we know

A few days ago, I came across a picture on Facebook that had the following caption: "We buy stuff we don't need -- with money we don't have -- to impress people we don't like." Perhaps you can name a few people in your life -- whether at work or at the gym -- who do precisely that. Maybe that person has been you from time to time. The sad reality is that people often become so hung up on the things they perceive as missing in their lives that they lose sight of everything they already have. In many cases, this results from direct comparisons to people in their circle, thus igniting the urge to "Keep up with the Joneses." As I've said before, there's nothing wrong with indulging yourself every so often. Eat at that fancy restaurant you've been wanting to try. Buy yourself that expensive pair of shoes you say online. You work hard for your money; if you have the means, why not? I take issue, however, with people who have to have the...

When people act like they're better than you...

When people act like they're above you, should you respond in kind? Should you do to them what they're doing to you? Absolutely not, as that would be stooping to their level. Instead, the best way to respond to these haughty people is by being better today than the person you were yesterday . In other words, rather than pretending to be better than others, demonstrate to these very people that you are continually outdoing  yourself . That's sure to get them even more riled up. The way I see it, if someone is going around boasting of their toys or accomplishments -- to the point they're deliberately trying to throw it in your face -- it communicates one thing: You pose a threat to them. You give them competition, and they're out to best you. Perhaps there's even something you possess or have achieved that they're envious of. But don't give in. That's what they want -- an all-out competition to prove they're smarter or more accomplished...

You weren't born to impress others

You see it at work, at the mall, and on Facebook. People seem to have this unbridled compulsion to impress their peers, whether it's through their looks or material possessions. Why should we care for others' validation so strongly? What ever happened to being comfortable in your own skin and not letting others dictate how you look and what you buy? In reality, the only one we should be aiming to impress is ourselves. Instead of comparing ourselves to our coworkers and neighbors, we should compare ourselves to the person we were 6 months or a year ago. That's how you assess whether you've made progress. That's the yardstick against which you should measure whether you've succeeded at whatever it is you've set out to achieve. You are your best judge and critic, so why entrust someone else who's never been in your shoes with that power? There's no harm in fishing for compliments at work or angling for a few likes on Facebook every so ofte...

Here's the irony about show-offs...

Ironically, people who show off think they're enhancing their appeal. Little do they know they look foolish in many people's eyes, losing their respect in the process. I once read the following quote online: "Work for a cause, not for applause. Live life to express, not to impress."  I have no problem with a person making accomplishments known that might otherwise go overlooked.  But a line can be crossed if one does not exercise some forbearance. For example, do you really have to announce to the Facebook world that you made a hefty donation or are on your way to the dealership to purchase a luxury car? There's a clear difference between mentioning your achievements or material possessions humbly and matter-of-factly, and bragging about them to everyone, no matter the context.  Show-offs don't realize that they can command others' respect without having to wave their goodies in their faces.  If anything, boasting unwitting...