The pressure society places on us to change can be quite intense. Commercials encouraging us to whip ourselves into shape so that we can look like runway supermodels.  Friends goading us to nix our career dreams in favor of safe, lucrative professions -- from law to medicine -- in which we may have zero interest. Co-workers pressuring us to talk more since our quiet disposition puts them ill at ease.  This can all make us quite tempted to fundamentally change our personality and interests -- to curry favor with others, to win their approval. What these ads and individuals don't tell you is that changing who you are is antithetical to a happy life.  If anything, it's a recipe for adverse physical and emotional health outcomes, potentially leading to anything from eating disorders to anxiety or depression. Do realize that marketers and the people in your own life all have an agenda. The former are trying to appeal to your emotions so as to get you to part with your hard-ear...

A key reason why so many individuals are toxic is because, put simply, they have no boundaries.  They feel they have nothing to lose by making your life as miserable as they possibly can -- often because their lives are that way. They have little regard for your feelings, perspectives, and opinions, as they deem theirs far superior. If you object to their assertions, prepare to be scorned. Toxic people loathe dissent.  They are often narcissists masquerading as good, humble folks -- that is, until their chameleon tendencies come to light and you realize they have no one's best interests at heart but their own. It's no wonder so many of these mercurial individuals find themselves in top positions in the corporate world. They schmooze their way to the top, and once there, dispense misery upon unsuspecting worker bees, hastening those employees' eventual resignations. Their toxic tendencies extend to their personal relationships as well. Three or more marriages are typical. Th...

How many times have you encountered someone who's tried to push their beliefs on you, making you feel as though they'll cast you out should you dissent? I am here to tell you one thing: You need no one's validation but your own!  Really, who says others are cool and you're not? Who determines that your way is wrong and there's isn't? Why should you have to defer to others on matters of style? If society frowns upon some of your lifestyle choices simply because they're not in step with what everyone else does -- say, your decision to abstain from drinking or your reluctance to attend late-night parties -- so be it.  Be yourself! There is nothing wrong with being your most unique, individual self. As long as you love and are being true to yourself -- and you're not hurting anyone in the process -- why should your methods be deemed incorrect? If people feel so insecure as to consider no one else's perspective but their own, that's their problem. Whe...

The two most consequential decisions you'll ever make in your life concern your choice of career and your choice of partner. Many of us happen to make these decisions in earnest -- at least for the first time -- when we're fairly young and lacking in life experience.  Perhaps we're just out of high school and we decide on law or pre-med as a major while embarking on a new relationship with someone who ostensibly has "long-term potential" written all over them. As we well know, though, life gives us many different twists and turns, sometimes veering us in directions we never could have imagined.  Events such as these can affect our life trajectory: Going away for college A death in the family  A break-up Switching jobs or careers  Layoffs Starting a business Moving to a new city  Getting married Having kids Illness  But there's no doubt that the decisions we make in our professional and love lives figure prominently in our life satisfaction, or lack thereof....

Sometimes you need to stand alone to prove -- not only to others, but to yourself -- that you can still stand. I believe strongly in turning to friends and family for support amid tough times. But oftentimes the answers lie in us, even if we may not realize it at first, and all we need to do is follow our gut. For instance, maybe you've been dating someone whom you know deep down isn't the right match for you, or working in a career that you've known for a long time doesn't make full use of your skills. Perhaps others prod you to continue dating this individual because they're certain the future looks bright for the two of you. (They may have been the ones to fix you up as well.) Or they implore you to remain in that job because, well, things are bad out there and surely you can't find a position that better suits you, right? While many of these people mean well, who better to know who or what is right for you than yourself? Indeed, arriving at c...

At the end of the day, what people think of you is none of your business. Why? Because your happiness doesn't depend on other people. It resides within you! So why should the joy and satisfaction you get from life be contingent upon their opinion of you, which may be faulty to begin with? No matter how hard you may try to please others, you will always fall short in someone's eyes. How others see us is not necessarily who we are. They merely base their opinions on how they perceive us. And, remember, human beings are conditioned to accept perception as reality when they don't have all the facts. It's akin to judging a book by its cover. Never allow the noise of others' opinions drown out your inner voice.  The deeper we get sucked into others' opinions -- and the harder we seek their validation in order to feel whole -- the easier it is to lose ourselves. Obviously, we all want to do our part to cultivate a favorable image of ourselves. No one ...

Many people are under the misapprehension that only by gaining the approval of others can we truly be happy. But this couldn't be further from the truth. While people can certainly enrich our lives, some individuals lock themselves into the mindset that without others' validation, they must be doing something wrong. It compels them to plead with these people for answers. It pushes them to change in any way necessary to gain their acceptance. Granted, if the person in question is living recklessly -- say, doing drugs, mistreating his wife, or gambling away his savings every weekend -- it is not surprising that others may not wish to associate themselves with the individual until he changes his ways. But if he isn't harming himself or anyone else, there's no reason to deprive himself of experiencing happiness merely because certain people may not give their stamp of approval. But here's the thing: Happiness comes from inside of you. Others' approval ...

Is anyone in your life, to put it mildly, a pain in the rear end? Maybe it's your stubborn boss, narrow-minded neighbor, or obstinate father-in-law. The reason many people tend to be difficult is because they have trouble seeing things from a point of view that diverges from their own. To them, the sky is blue and can never be gray. Open-mindedness is simply not in their vocabulary, let alone their repertoire. What's worse, these very individuals are often reluctant to concede they're wrong even after realizing it. Egocentricity often goes hand-in-hand with intransigence. So what is one to do about people who have such a hard time being flexible in their views and opinions? All we can really do is make an entreaty for them to consider our perspective. If, however, it goes in one ear and out the other, then nothing will change until they come to the realization that others have a right to differ in their outlook -- and that their take merits consideration a...

You're not perfect. But neither am I. No one is. Give yourself credit from time to time for all you've accomplished. You've come a long way. You've overcome a slew of obstacles that life has thrown at you. Your life may not be perfect, but keep in mind that there is no such thing as the perfect life. If you can say that you look forward to the next day, and that each day consists of a handful of smiles and laughs coupled with special moments in the presence of people you love, you're doing far better than many out there. Cultivate self-compassion. Don't beat yourself up over past mistakes. Learn from them and move on. Don't blame yourself for relationships gone awry. While you may be at fault in some respects, a relationship requires that both people commit time and energy. It may be that they weren't pulling their weight like you assume they were. There's nothing wrong with continually trying to improve ourselves by setting new goals. ...

Many people have a penchant for imposing their views and opinions on others. This may very well be prompted by (1) their own insecurities (2) sheer arrogance (3) their inability to accept that others may not share said views or opinions. There's nothing wrong with offering well-meaning advice. But when people prod you to enter a certain line of work, date particular people, or pursue certain passions even after you've expressed no interest in them, that's when they've crossed a line. It's at that very point that innocent suggestions seem more like incessant hounding, and you have every right to put a stop to it -- even if it may spell the end of the relationship. These folks need to realize that they, like you, have their own lives to live and should not butt into other people's business. Some individuals have a serious problem comprehending -- much less accepting -- that others may not think or act like them. Just because they acted a certain way in...

The strongest people do what John Adams (1735-1826), the second president of the United States, advised us to do over 200 years ago: "Always stand on principle...even if you stand alone."  Put another way, Adams suggested that we stand up for what we believe in without ever giving in to pressure to change. Doing so isn't always easy, and few knew this better than Adams himself. For example, he was roundly criticized by his own party for trying to avert rather than push for war with France, which carried out a series of attacks on U.S. shipping between 1798 and 1800. Had he pursued the latter course, his Federalist party might have come out victorious in the Election of 1800 against Thomas Jefferson and the Democratic-Republicans, who sided with France. But Adams refused to let politics get in the way of his bedrock principles. His are words that we should all live by. While none of us want to ruffle people's feathers by not doing what they want or not th...

As Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu once warned, "Care about what other people think and you will always be their prisoner." Indeed, some people care so deeply about others' opinions of them that they allow those individuals to dictate the very decisions they make in their own lives -- whether it affects their love life, career, and so forth. For example, some people will not date a person unless they get the green light from their friends. Others will refrain from dressing a certain way, driving a specific car, or eating particular foods for fear that relatives will not approve. Worrying over what people say or think about you will only trap you mentally and emotionally, preventing you from reaching your full potential and living life to the fullest. And here's the truth: In most cases, these people aren't thinking of us at all! And even if they are, who's to say it isn't something positive? Perhaps they dig your new glasses even though you're c...

Ugh... fake people . We all have a couple of them in our midst -- perhaps at work, in school, or via Facebook. They wear different masks depending on the situation and context. They change  their attitudes, opinions, and stories whenever they know it will benefit them. They'll do and say just about anything to look good in front of others. And they can't be trusted . The moment you tell them something in confidence, they turn around and spill the beans. They'll step on your toes just to get ahead. They'll pretend to be your friends, then throw you under the bus when you're not around. They're backstabbing opportunists . They'll post a barrage of Facebook updates in which they gloat about their vacations, meals, cars, and jewelry. They pretend to have the perfect life in an attempt to make others jealous. Little do these fake people know that there are some highly perceptive individuals out there who can see right through their little charad...

Never allow anyone to invalidate or minimize how you feel. If you feel something, those feelings are real to you and ought to be respected. No one else can know exactly how you feel because no other person has been in your very shoes! No one else lives in your body. No one else sees life through your eyes. No one has the same interests, fears, quirks, and goals. No one shares your personality. No one has lived through the same experiences you have. That's why no one has the power to dictate or judge what you feel. Your feelings matter; never should they be dismissed or mocked. You deserve to be heard because your feelings are inherently valid. Don't allow anyone to make you believe otherwise! People are entitled to their own opinions, but not to their own facts. Though they may offer well-intentioned advice, they don't get to decide whether your feelings are justified in a given situation -- no matter how much life experience/wisdom they may claim to have. No tw...

Many people claim to despise Facebook these days, as they say it serves as a constant reminder of things they either don't have or that aren't going as smoothly as they'd like. Those who are single and yearn to be in a relationship are forced to see a barrage of posts of their friends cuddling with their significant other. Those who are in a relationship and long to be married (but they can't for financial or other reasons) have to sit through endless wedding pictures. And then those who are married or in a relationship -- and have either chosen not to have kids or desire them but haven't had them for one reason or another -- often see their Wall saturated with baby pictures. Let's not forget those who boast of their shiny cars, vacations, or dining experiences seemingly every single day. This leaves many of these people feeling like losers -- ones who can't get anyone to "like"or comment favorably on their content because it revolves a...

Women, especially very attractive ones who have countless guys chasing after them, can't help but feel totally attracted to men who challenge  them. Now, a distinction should be made between challenging women and playing games with them. If not returning texts and trying to make the woman jealous is his idea of challenging her, he's in for a rude awakening. As surprising as it may seem to some men, women don't want to feel or be told they're right all the time. They want a man to stand up for what he believes in, even if it ruffles her feathers and runs contrary to her longstanding beliefs or opinions. Why? Because it betrays a sense of confidence , which women find irresistible. It conveys that whether or not she agrees with him, he's going to speak his mind -- in a firm if diplomatic manner. Many men avoid doing this for fear that she'll get upset and lose interest. But this couldn't be farther from the truth. The last thing a woman wants...

Some of the people in your inner circle -- whether friends, coworkers, or acquaintances -- may attempt to convince you that they know what's best for you, even if you beg to differ.  In essence, they're saying that they know you better than you know yourself! This is, of course, utterly preposterous.  No one but you knows all your fears, misgivings, hopes, and dreams. No one other than you has been at your side 24 hours a day, seven days a week, every single day of your life.  While your parents, siblings, or friends are likely to have taught you a few valuable lessons as you've gotten older, there are others you've learned through personal experience.  That being said, how can a person claim to have a better handle on you than, well, you? Be wary of these people, I tell you, for they aim to foist their own beliefs and opinions on you as if they were the law.  Whatever you do, do not cave. People do this for one simple reason:...

Those who try too hard to be liked by everyone demonstrate two things: (1) they're insecure (2) they need others' approval/validation to feel better about themselves . They're the ones who cunningly adapt their personality to get in the other person's good graces. Consequently, they come off as being less genuine, willing to do almost anything to bolster their appeal. For example, they might say they share your passion for baseball or gardening when, in reality, they wouldn't be caught dead watching a game or fiddling with soil. I like to call these people fakes, charlatans, posers. There's a fine line between being gregarious and trotting out a deceptive persona. I urge people to be true to themselves -- to let the real them shine through. No one says that everyone has to like you. No one says you need the approval of all those around you. The day you relinquish the need for others' validation is the day you'll feel much happier in and about ...

I know how tempting comparing our life to that of a friend, co-worker, or neighbor can be. He has a BMW and I don't. She has a Louis Vuitton purse, but I don't. They have beautiful children, but we don't have any. If you're constantly comparing your life to others', you'll never be truly happy. Why? Chances are, there will always be something someone has that you don't. I've talked in other posts about how people's need for approval can prompt them to act, dress, and live like their peers, even if it isn't what they really want to do. It doesn't matter whether they incur loads of debt or go against their core values as a result. Some people cannot resist the urge to keep up with those Joneses. The pressure to conform to societal norms is alive and real. But no one says you have to succumb to it. Do things -- whether it's buy a fancy car, dress in a certain style of clothes, or have children -- because you want to, not ...

Have you ever encountered someone who doesn't know how and when to shut up? I can just picture you nodding your head. I don't think these people purposely do it to annoy others. They may not be cognizant of the fact that they go on and on far longer than others may care to listen. My coworker Veronica is this way. She talks about everything under the sun -- from her daughter's shopping habits to her dog's eating habits -- and doesn't know when to quit. Much to my chagrin, these drawn-out conversations -- what many of us would call chit-chat or small talk -- are usually devoid of substance. I would love to find people conversing about history, psychology, or the wonders of the universe for an hour, but that seldom happens. Those are the kinds of deep, enthralling subjects that great conversations are made of. Beyond that, there's an obvious reason a person shouldn't ramble on that long: a conversation consists of more than one person, and the othe...