I often hear people grumble over not having a Valentine or person to spend the holidays with, even though they acknowledge that singlehood still has its perks.  The biggest dating mistake keeping folks single is choosing the wrong people based on instant chemistry instead of long-term compatibility . Many people rely too heavily on that initial spark—mistaking attraction or excitement for a genuine connection. The initial connection is so infectious that they reason it has to be something deep and meaningful.  But chemistry alone isn't enough to build an enduring relationship. In fact, once the honeymoon phase has passed, both people's flaws and problems come to the fore. It is then you really know whether the relationship is built to last.  The key to breaking this cycle is: - Focusing not just charm or physical attraction, but on shared values and emotional availability  - Paying close attention to consistency over time—does this person follow through on what they ...

There are good relationships -- then there are relationships that are simply transcendent. There are relationships in which partners connect physically, intellectually, and emotionally. Then there are those in which both cultivate a spiritual bond as well, two souls connecting so deeply that nothing short of death could ever break their union. Oftentimes, a pair might point to the fact they can finish each other's sentences, make the other feel better merely by grabbing their hand, or empathize with them like no one else can as proof that they're truly in sync. The right partner awakens in us feelings that lay dormant, or that we never knew existed. Before we met them, maybe we were too afraid to pursue our dreams, or too reluctant to believe in ourselves. They have a special way of cheering us up when we're feeling down, perhaps with their characteristic smile or laugh. They may not always agree with everything we say or do (and why would they?), but they a...

Some of my readers have asked me how they can gauge whether their relationship is built to last. Those who are currently single have similarly wondered what the keys to a fruitful relationship are. To both camps I respond as follows: While there is no such thing as the perfect relationship, you know yours has the potential to last a lifetime if the two of you connect on four fundamental levels: (1) physically (2) emotionally (3) mentally and (4) spiritually . Below I touch upon what each connection entails. Physical connection:  While looks are certainly not the most important facet of a romantic relationship, they still count to a certain degree. You don't need a partner who looks like Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie to appreciate their beautiful eyes, nice legs, smooth skin, or wonderful smile. In other words, while the person may not be a "10" on the attractiveness scale, they still have physical assets that you, as their partner, can admire. But we needn't plac...

Earlier today, I submitted a post, Why love at first sight is a myth , which argues that establishing a deep, long-lasting connection with someone goes beyond the purely physical. So let's assume that a woman -- we'll call her Martha -- is physically attracted to a man named Joe and clicks with him on a more personal level, leading her to think she's in love with him. Now, let's make the scenario even more intriguing by adding another potential suitor to the mix named Matt, and we'll presume Martha is sure her feelings for Matt are no less intense than those she has for Joe. Is it possible for Martha to be in love with Joe and Matt at the same time? These are the kinds of story lines that great plays and soap operas are made of, but the question is whether it's even feasible in real life. Here's my view: I think Martha can love Joe and Matt at the same time, but to varying degrees. And who's to say that she loves exactly the same things abo...

As we hit our 30s and 40s, life becomes only more and more complicated. From juggling multiple jobs to maintaining a household and raising children, some of us have little time left over for anything else -- and that especially includes friendships. Thankfully, the internet has made it intuitive not only to keep in touch with people we know in person, but to forge "web" friendships with individuals all over the globe at the push of a button. The question is, can friendships forged in cyberspace be as fulfilling as the in-person kind? To me, it's an emphatic yes. I don't believe that you have to physically be with someone in person to establish a connection with him or her. After all, even after you befriend someone in person -- say, in school or at work -- don't the phone and internet account for a huge chunk of the time you spend talking to one another anyway? I find it's easier to strike conversations online -- and, consequently, go on to forge fri...