Do you get multiple requests from people daily, whether from coworkers or friends? Does it necessitate dropping what you're doing and tending to their needs? Do you find yourself unable to keep up with such demands? If you answered "yes" to any of the above questions, read on for some important tips that may very well turn your life around for the better. How you probably got here   I can venture a guess as to what's keeping you locked in this vicious cycle: You find it difficult -- if not impossible -- to say NO.  Let's face it: The vast majority of us are kind-hearted folks with an inclination to help others. The problem is that the more we say YES, the more people will come to expect it. This, in turn, creates fertile ground for being taken advantage of.  So what exactly does being taken advantage of mean? Well, it signals that your wants, needs, and feelings are being entirely ignored in service of pleasing someone else. Your time doesn't matter. Any poten...

Steer clear of those who fail to reciprocate the kindness and respect you grant them. Perhaps you've given them ample opportunities to clean up their act, to no avail. Maybe you've held out this long because you saw potential in the relationship or anticipated they might change. Or perhaps relations only recently broke down.  The fact of the matter is that everyone deserves to be treated in a kind, gracious matter.  The whole point of being in a relationship -- whether friendly or romantic -- is to experience/exchange love, warmth, loyalty, and respect. If the relationship is devoid of these, there's really no point to it.  If you're not being treated fairly, you have to question why. If it's something you did, presumably you issued an apology at some point that was accepted. He or she could have very well kicked you out of their life at that point rather than string you along as a form of retribution. And if you've done nothing wrong, perhaps you're being t...

In an unprecedented year marred by constant tumult -- a raging pandemic, widespread business and school closures/layoffs, a battered economy, racial strife, a bitter election -- it's nice to disconnect from it all and take a moment to give thanks for the people who enrich our lives, even if we may not be able to celebrate the holiday with some of them in 2020 due to COVID-19 restrictions.  I'd like to wish you and yours a happy, safe, and blessed Thanksgiving.  Thanks for giving up some of your time over the course of the week/month to read, share, and comment on my posts. You guys rock, and I mean it from the bottom of my heart.  There's a reason I aim for variety in my choice of content/messaging. It's my hope that the more sobering posts offer comfort and valuable tips to those going through tough times, and that the lighthearted ones -- from silly puns to funny memes -- elicit laughs at a time of great uncertainty.  Our lives may be far from perfect, but we still...

Here's one important tip to remember when navigating the vagaries of human relationships: You don't have to choose between being kind and drawing boundaries. Both can be done simultaneously. In other words, you can be courteous without permitting others to step over you. You can be firm without launching into an expletive-laced tirade. Unfortunately, some people struggle to walk this fine line. They can't help but vacillate between outright rage and saccharine kindness. You'venbecause a person likes you doesn't mean they respect you. And if you never stand up for yourself -- in a diplomatic manner, of course -- they'll just assume they can get away with everything and anything. This extends to all relationships in your life -- your marriage, your friendships, and your work relationships included. Now, standing up for yourself doesn't have to mean engaging someone in a fight, whether of the verbal or fist variety. In fact, merely walking aw...

Have you ever been in a relationship devoid of trust? Did it ultimately break down because you simply couldn't confide in your partner? When trust evaporates in a relationship, it becomes very difficult -- if not impossible -- to restore. Trust is as integral to a relationship as honesty, love, communication, kindness, and loyalty.  Trusting the other person is our decision, but it is their choice to value our trust and demonstrate that they're deserving of it. If you have to play detective in your relationship, then the trust just isn't there. If you have to second-guess their every move because they keep you on edge all the time, trust is non-existent. It is at that point that one must do whatever is necessary to build or restore it, or simply call the relationship quits. Here are just some of the ways trust in a partner can cease to exist: They lie to us. This can take a host of forms (e.g., cheating, feigning their love, etc.)  They steal from us....

Does anyone treat you like you're below them -- whether it's because they have a higher position, nicer car, or bigger house? Kick them to the curb. If a person is so shallow as to put physical objects before the things that really count -- friendship, love, respect, humility -- give them the boot. No one is above anyone else. A janitor is just as deserving of others' respect and kindness as a CEO of a Fortune 500 company. One's possessions say nothing of their character. While I'm not trying to begrudge them their success -- especially if they worked their butts off to get what they have -- it should never make people feel entitled. Who's to say that the garbage man or waitress hasn't gone through tremendous hardship in life preventing him or her from going to school and rising above their station? And who's to say they can't eventually reach that point if they truly commit themselves? Yet, not everyone yearns to be rich. They ma...

We've all heard the axiom, "True beauty comes from within." And I agree wholeheartedly, which is why I've used it in several of my posts. But, in my view, those who say looks don't matter at all are flat-out kidding themselves. Yes, looks should never be the thrust of any relationship. The glue that holds two people together is a deep, emotional connection. But the fact of the matter is that, for better or worse, the first thing our eyes go to is one's physical appearance. Allow me to pose a few pointed questions: Would you want to date someone who weighs 700 pounds? Would you hire the job candidate who shows up to the job interview unshaven and in bedraggled clothing? Would you set your daughter up with a kid sporting a shirt that says, "I'm your next one night stand"? If you answered "no" to any of the above, you care about looks and first impressions to a certain degree. The truth is that we all do, even if some of u...

Allow me to commence this post by posing a question: Do you judge attractive people to be nicer or smarter than less attractive people? (Now, I know people have different taste, but let's assume, for the purpose of this hypothetical situation at least, that we generally find the same people to be attractive the world over.) Most of you might say, "Of course not. Physical beauty has little to do with traits like kindness and intelligence. Studies show, however, that thanks to human perception, they're more entwined than we think.  People have a tendency to judge beautiful people as sharing a variety of psychological characteristics based solely on their looks. Beautiful people are perceived not only as nicer, but more successful.  One study in 2014 found that viewers judged an attractive person who smiled as happier than a smiling person with an unattractive face.  It's mind-boggling to think that people would assign so man...

If you were to look up the word narcissist in the dictionary, you'd likely find a definition along these lines: A person who has an excessive interest in or admiration of themselves. That being said, if I were to ask you to name words you associate with narcissism, you might mention the following: Pride Self-absorbed Cocky Conceited  Selfish Egocentric  Full of themselves Indeed, narcissists love being the center of attention. Getting compliments and "likes" from others further fuels their unbridled love of self. If they're not in the spotlight, it's a lousy day as far as they're concerned.  In the worst cases, narcissists are willing to stab someone in the back or throw them under the bus to get their way.  Perhaps you've witnessed this kind of behavior at work with a toxic boss or slimy coworker who takes credit for your work and never misses the opportunity to laud their "accomplishments."  Or maybe you've had...

In order for a relationship to run smoothly, partners need to function as a team while still maintaining their distinct identities. It's a delicate balancing act many couples struggle to master. As I've stressed in recent posts, both individuals have to pull their own weight. If the same person is left doing all the chores every week -- whether it's cooking dinner, tending to the dogs, or doing the laundry -- while the other goes off to carouse with friends, how long do you think it will be before the former feels aggrieved? Chores should be divided evenly so that both parties can free up time for themselves, whether it's to go to the movies together or catch up with their buddies. (There are always exceptions, of course, as when couples agree that one will stay at home taking care of the children and the household duties.) When a couple adopts a team mentality, they essentially leave selfishness at the door. They make concessions for one another and, rather...

Shallow individuals are those who place a great importance on things of a superficial nature rather than on meaningful ones that should carry the most weight. We all know at least one person (I know a few, as a matter of fact) who makes looks a top priority when assessing potential suitors. While looks certainly matter, a "face like Brad Pitt's" or a "body like Jennifer Lopez's" should not top anyone's list of must-haves. At the end of the day, physical chemistry may get the ball rolling, but it's the mental and emotional connection you establish with someone (and, hopefully, a spiritual one) that sustain a loving relationship. Sooner or later, we go gray, get old, and gain weight. We can't expect to look like we did in our 20s and 30s forever, nor expect as much of our partner. Beauty is only skin deep. Qualities like intelligence, kindness, loyalty, integrity, and a great sense of humor are reliable gauges of one's true characte...

Whether we're at work or at the mall, people often judge us based on two criteria -- very superficial ones, I might add -- in our daily lives: (1) what we own and (2) what we've accomplished. Ever heard the expression, "You are what you eat?" A more accurate version would be, "You are what you wear, what you drive, what you have in your wallet, and what you do for a living." It's a testament to how shallow society has become. Granted, your job is important in that it's part of who you are. But I find it rather unsettling that people would measure others' worth based on what brands they sport and what their title is. For example, a friend of mine is incredulous at the fact that I have no aspirations to become a vice president or CEO. I've told him repeatedly that managing others and spending most of my time in meetings doesn't appeal to me. I'd much rather remain low enough in the food chain where I'm making a decent ...

Over the course of our lives, we meet all types of people -- smart, courteous, obnoxious, rude, and everything in between. While we all wish we could meet only people who make a positive impact in our lives, each and every individual serves a valuable purpose. In fact, those we come across generally fall under one of two categories: 1. They're a blessing. They lift us up when we're feeling down through their infectious optimism, generosity, and sense of humor. They exhibit warmth, kindness, and hospitality whenever we're around them. Time seems to fly when we're conversing with these wonderful souls. Even if we go weeks or months without getting in touch, we can easily pick up where we left off. They're not all smiles all the time, though. When we're out of line, they're not afraid to put us in our place -- yet, we don't mind because they do so tactfully. They're a welcome enhancement amid a sea of fakers. 2. They're a lesson. Let...

The right man or woman will love you for your heart and mind, and not just for your body or wallet. Above all else, he or she will value your top character traits, whether that be kindness, faithfulness, loyalty, intelligence, integrity, or a great sense of humor. A good man gives precedence to a woman's feelings, goals, and passions over the size of her breasts and how good she is in the sack. A good woman focuses on ways his qualities complement hers rather than how much money she can wring from him. (And let's not make the dangerous mistake of pigeonholing men and women into traditional gender roles. Some women can be just as superficial as men when it comes to looks, and some men are on a mission to find only sugar mamas.) But we'd be remiss if we didn't concede that physical appearance and financial resources do count to a certain degree. Would most of us want to go on a date with someone who's 300 pounds overweight, broke, and deeply in debt? Pro...

How people treat other people is a direct reflection of how they feel about themselves . If they treat others with kindness and respect, chances are they respect and are kind and compassionate with themselves as well. If, however, they treat others terribly, deep down they're likely unhappy with themselves and, more generally, with the life they lead overall. Narcissists tend to fall under this category because even though they may project an air of self-confidence, they're really trying to overcompensate for self-doubt and low self-esteem. It's been said that misery loves company. If people are feeling miserable, they often look for ways to upset others so those negative vibes can rub off on them. Maybe they tell you that you look fat in that dress, they leave you hanging with no explanation after you both agreed to meet up for drinks, or they reel off a list of your past mistakes -- all to get under your skin. Sure, you might  simply catch someone at the wrong m...

I've noticed that people generally good at practicing reciprocity -- the act of giving back the same treatment that someone has given you, whether it's good or bad. If you give someone a gift for his birthday, he'll likely give you one once your birthday rolls around. If you give him nothing, it's probably best not to expect anything in return. Very rarely do people give without first getting something themselves. More often that not, acts of kindness are rooted in those that came prior. It's a "you do, I do" dynamic. It's almost like playing tag. The same goes for negative behavior. If someone does something to upset you, your first instinct is to do the same to them. In reality, though, the best relationships are those where you do someone nice for someone else and expect nothing in return . They'll felt a sense of duty to return the favor, though, because we don't want to create the perception that we're unappreciative or taking...