Your life is good. You have a loving partner, great home, wonderful kids, and decent-paying job. You're in good health, and your finances in order. But something always feels missing -- a void you can never quite seem to fill. And this makes for a life you perceive as not entirely fulfilling.  It may very well be that you have what I like to call Bigger Better Syndrome, or BBS. As you can probably guess, it means always being on the hunt for something bigger or better.  That could be the latest iPhone, a new car every year, or a different job. Maybe you just had a kid and are already thinking of the next one, or the condo you purchased recently is no longer cutting it.  You see the grass as always potentially greener on the other side. You become deeply invested in something, but once you acquire or succeed at it, you're on to your next conquest. It's as if you live more in the future than in the present.  Just why do we do this? Seeking others' approval Keeping up w...

Your thoughts, positive or negative, trigger certain emotions.  Sometimes you may not understand why you're experiencing a certain feeling -- be it rage, regret, or optimism -- until you do a little mental gymnastics. Ask yourself this question: What specific thoughts crossed my mind to spark these feelings? Maybe it was thinking about your boss dropping a project on you at the last minute. Perhaps a commercial ran that you remembered first aired five years ago while you were having a terrible fight with your ex-spouse about his drinking habit, which ultimately derailed the marriage. Maybe your friend's putting in a good word at work for the new sales manager position you've been eying elevated your mood. Sometimes the most seemingly inconsequential event can stir up a range of emotions. I, for example, often find myself feeling a bit glum on cloudy days. Yet, you can probably relate to feeling rather ecstatic at the thought of Friday being just a few hours away.  Whether i...

What would you say is the most clear-cut predictor of how someone will behave in the future? If you said "past behavior," you've hit the nail on the head.  Sure, people can surprise us by radically deviating from prior behavior, but this tends to be the exception rather than the rule. For example, if your friend routinely exhibits a noticeable aversion toward silly comedies, chances are he will continue to loathe such movies. If your sister displays an acute dislike of seafood, she's bound to avoid lobster, crab, and all manner of sea creatures for the foreseeable future. When it's hard to decode a person's true intentions, you have only two tools you can leverage: your gut and, you guessed it, the person's track record. If you lure someone away from a competing firm to come work for you, rest assured they can be coaxed into bolting from yours. If someone cheats on their spouse with you, who's to say they won't cheat on you with som...

Worrying never goes away completely, but it's on us to keep our concerns over the future at bay. Teens worry about what college will bring, especially if they plan to go out of state. Seniors worry over their will and making arrangements for when it's their time to go. Expectant parents are nervous about whether they'll be able to handle parenthood. Recently laid off employees feel angst over whether they have enough money to provide for their family while looking to snag another job. Our relationships, dreams, fears, goals-- not to mention the stage of life we find ourselves in -- each play a role in shaping the very worries that plague our minds. While it's imperative we keep our concerns under control so as to mitigate the anxiety that undoubtedly ensues, worries -- and a little pressure, for that matter -- aren't always bad. In fact, they may propel us to resolve problems and strive to achieve goals we might otherwise not pay much attention to....

Today is most certainly a gift. That's why they call it the present.  Yesterday is in the past and cannot be changed. Tomorrow has yet to arrive. While we can plan for the future in certain ways, we'll never be in control of it entirely. All we have is the present moment to shape our lives in whatever ways we see fit. Right now, the present seems a little bleak because of the coronavirus pandemic we're all grappling with. But as I advised in my last posts, there are myriad things we can do with the additional downtime -- from enjoying existing hobbies or cultivating new ones to striving toward goals like learning a new language or how to play a musical instrument. American composer Irving Berlin said that life is 10 percent what you make it, and 90 percent how you take it. In other words, we spend the bulk of our lives responding to events over which we have little control. And the rest of it really depends on us. We're responding to this health crisi...

Relationships can take us to the heights of passion and the depths of despair. There are days we look at our partner and ask ourselves how we got so lucky. Then there are occasions where we can't stand to be in their presence, if temporarily. Nevertheless, relationships entail taking the good with the bad. It doesn't mean you have to settle for less, or let the other person get away with everything. Nor does it mean expecting them to be flawless or of like mind in every way. Here are two musts in order for a relationship to be successful: 1. Appreciating each other's similarities.  Maybe you're both rabid football fans, hardcore comic book geeks, or the biggest Beatles fans anywhere. Or perhaps you're both optimistic, financially responsible, or averse to rollercoasters. There's no question that in order for the relationship to run smoothly, both partners should have some overlapping interests, fears, views, or all of the above. Otherwise, yo...

Many of us become stressed by our inability to control the future. For example, you may be ruminating night and day about how different things at work will be once your boss retires. Or maybe you're on edge over the fact that you've only recently gotten into a relationship and you don't know if it's going to work out. Maybe your spirits are low because you've been looking to buy a house for some time now to no avail. If there's one certainty in life, it's that life is uncertain. The only constant in our lives is change. Rather than sulking about it, we have to roll with the punches. It doesn't benefit you to fear worst-case scenarios that may never come to pass. You can plan for the worst, yes. Just don't convince yourself that the worst is actually going to happen because that will only make you into a nervous wreck. If we do find ourselves in that situation, we deal with it at that point. But agonizing over it in advance will on...

A New Year means fresh possibilities -- the chance to press that reset button and start anew. An opportunity to leave all the grudges, drama, and negativity that beleaguered you in 2019 behind. The chance to look forward to pursuing goals (new or existing) with renewed vigor. It isn't just about losing weight, getting a better job, or finding true love. It's about becoming a better individual all-around. It's about leveraging what you've learned up until this point through your mistakes and experiences so you can continually become a better, smarter, wiser version of yourself. While we can set out to adopt this mindset any time of the year -- no one says it has to be January 1 -- most of us see that date as a convenient jumping off point for starting with a clean slate. Whatever your preference, one thing is for sure: It's never too late to effect change in your life that will put you closer to fulfilling your dreams. Life is what you make of it. If yo...

Ah, the bumpy, unpredictable world of dating. Whether we're meeting someone for the first time on a blind date or being fixed up by a mutual friend, dating can sure seem like a labyrinth sometimes! Not to mention you never really know what to expect. Some people may turn out to be total weirdos. Others may seem like the complete package, only they're already married and looking for some on the side. Still others, despite appearing to be nice people, are ones we're just not attracted to, no matter how much we try to will ourselves toward liking them more. In this post, I'd like to share a dating tip that will improve your odds of finding Mr. or Ms. Right. Ready? When you're getting to know someone, aim to see them for who they are rather than who you want them to be. This is easier said than done sometimes during the so-called honeymoon stage in which hormones are raging and stomachs become flooded with butterflies. But sooner or later, a person...

Yes, you've made mistakes. Yes, you have regrets. Yes, there are past decisions that you wish you could change. But what good does brooding over the past do? If you're not careful, you could sink into a deep depression that will be very difficult to claw out of. There's a reason the windshield is bigger than the rear view: Because what lies ahead is much better than where you've been! Turn those missteps into lessons. Leverage those blunders into life-changing growth.  Think of it this way: If we never fell, how would we ever learn to pick ourselves up again? Seize the opportunity to become stronger and wiser . So maybe you wish you had never met your cheating ex or chosen law as your profession. A broken heart or load of debt later, you might kick yourself for not having seen all the signs. But don't spend all your time lamenting your mistakes. Embrace them, and allow them to transform you.  You will find a good partner who remains loyal to you. Y...

There are no regrets in life -- only lessons learned. Regretting that which is now in the past -- and thus cannot be changed -- serves absolutely no purpose but to make us feel dejected. Learn from your mistakes so that you're not doomed to repeat them. In that way, you're actually channeling all that negativity into something positive and constructive. Regrets, then, can help facilitate growth so long as we have the right mindset. Let's suppose you cheated on a wonderful man or woman -- a terrible mistake you refuse to forgive yourself for. If you already apologized to your ex and have pledged to remain faithful to future partners, what more can you really do? Move on, and if you've learned anything from your misstep, you'll know not to jeopardize a relationship ever again. The same reasoning applies to missed job opportunities, friendships gone awry, or any other situations that would have turned out much more favorably had you behaved differently. ...

This crazy rollercoaster ride we call life is unequivocally, as Ralph Waldo Emerson put it, a journey, not a destination. Indeed, it's not so much about where we end up as it is how we got there. How many times have you gone on road trips, only to reflect more fondly on the time spent making your way there -- cracking jokes with friends, singing songs with the family, exploring the outdoors -- than the destination in question? We have a tendency to focus so hard on the end goal that we seldom stop to appreciate the incremental steps that get us there. For example, we or someone we know likely wishes to lose weight. It can be easy to become fixed on losing, say, 50 pounds as soon as possible. But as sweet as achieving that goal will be, chances are we will come to miss the feeling of working toward their target. The elation that comes from losing five pounds and looking forward to doubling that number. The same goes for college students who assert that graduation can...

One thing is for people to blather on about the drama in their lives. Another is for them to try to whip up drama in ours. The latter is wholly unacceptable, and we should never stand for that. Whether it's a coworker who tries to turn you against someone at work who doesn't rub her the right way, someone you've begun dating who hasn't quite broken up with their ex, or a friend who tries to rope you into gambling or taking drugs, you should never take the bait. Never allow yourself to get wrapped up in other people's problems. While you certainly can lend a hand, their worries should not become your own. They have to resolve such matters themselves and leave you out of it -- otherwise, you may find yourself shouldering a heavy burden. Many people who find themselves down on their luck are so selfish as to try to bring others down with them, especially if the latter seem to be doing pretty well for themselves. Misery loves company, to be sure. In the worst ...

It's time to let go of the past and embrace all that awaits you. You can't start the next chapter of your life if you persist in reading the last one. Take the lessons you learned with you, yes, but don't allow your past to prevent you from soaring to new heights. Think of life as a game of football. The clock is ticking. You don't have time focus on the mistakes you made in the second quarter that cost you the lead. So long as you believe in yourself -- and mentally remain in the present moment -- you can persevere. Don't let painful reminders of yesterday get in the way of creating precious memories for tomorrow. Take a deep breath, relax, and tell yourself that you deserve to be happy! Whether your past includes a divorce, a failed business venture, or a series of mistakes you're having trouble shaking off, redirect your thoughts toward the present. While you can't change the past, your present is really what you make of it. Want to fi...

Can you guess what holds many people back from fulfilling their potential and leading a happy life? It's none other than their past. In the worst cases, the past can be a heavy anchor that pins us down, holds us back, and impedes our growth. People perceive their past differently, sometimes depending on how things are going for them in the present.  If things are not that great right now, they may view their past quite favorably, always lamenting that they wish things could be as they were in the "good old days." Then there are those who find it difficult to move past bad experiences. For example, those who went through a bad break-up might become paranoid about entering into a new relationship, turning down opportunities to go out with ostensibly promising suitors. They vow to never trust or give their heart to anyone again.  But we can never be truly happy unless we learn to let go of the past. The more you allow the past to paralyze or hau...

You may have read the title of the post and immediately retorted, "No, selfishness is wrong. Giving to and being there for others is what life should be about." I don't disagree with the latter statement. Whether it's helping an elderly woman cross the street or giving money to a homeless man, a small gesture that brightens one's day can be far more gratifying than, say, pampering yourself with material junk you may never even get around to using. But I would challenge the notion that being selfish sometimes is wrong. Yes, being selfish all the time is beyond the pale, especially if you have people (spouse, children, etc.) who greatly depend on you. But let's face it: Everyone is selfish , albeit in varying degrees. And it's not limited to spending money on themselves. Some people are selfish when it comes to their time. They want to do things according to their schedule, and there's little room for compromise. Still others want to call t...

All of us experience some anxiety every so often. Maybe we're prepping for a big presentation, awaiting test results, or about to bungee jump for the first time. While a little anxiety is normal, it can quickly spiral out of control unless we're careful. Thinking incessantly about what may happen or go wrong -- otherwise known as overthinking -- can lead one to create problems in their mind that don't exist. We almost convince ourselves that we're going to bomb the presentation, that the test results won't be favorable, or that we'll seriously injure ourselves upon jumping. In essence, we allow fear and pessimism to paralyze us with their ironclad grip. But here's the thing: Anxiety doesn't come from merely thinking about the future. It's caused by trying to control the future. We really have no idea what the future holds, so it makes little sense to fabricate images in our heads of what it will look like. Who's to say things won...

Never be a prisoner of your past, for it was a lesson -- not a life sentence. There's nothing you can do to change what's already come to pass; all you can do is learn from it so that you don't make the same mistakes. There's no sense beating yourself up over past decisions that, in hindsight, you wish you hadn't made, whether that includes hooking up with your ex, taking a particular job, or making a poor investment. You should never lament anything that (1) once made you smile, even if it was at the very beginning (2) you ultimately learned from, making you a better person today. Our missteps, as a matter of fact, are our best teachers. It's through our mistakes that we gain the most wisdom. If we never made any, how could we ever better ourselves? Of course, that doesn't mean we should deliberately make foolish decisions for the sake of learning a lesson. But there's no question that all of us can cite at least a few choices we have made t...

Want to be happier in your life? Here's a strategy for achieving it: Strive to achieve balance . You might be asking, "Balance what, exactly?" Good question. Happy people strike a healthy balance between setting goals and appreciating what they already possess or have achieved.  Look, there's nothing wrong with being ambitious. Some of us already have the next goal in mind even before we've achieved the present one. Whether we aim to lose weight, start a business, get a master's degree, or climb Mount Everest, setting goals keeps us motivated. Many people feel that if they have no goals in mind, they're just settling, thereby inhibiting their own growth. But it's important not to lose sight of how far you've come. Unfortunately, some individuals are never content. They view everything (and everyone) in their lives as disposable, and they find themselves unable satiate their hunger for a more challenging job, a bigger house, a prettie...

Many people find happiness more elusive than it should be. A happy moment is often a fleeting one for them because before long they are right back to thinking about the very things and people that dispirit them -- whether it's their job, ex boyfriend, or the laundry list of chores that awaits them when they get home. But happiness doesn't have to evade us. In fact, in can be a lot easier to achieve -- and sustain --than we think. Below are two ways to attain longer-lasting happiness. 1. Live in the present. Mother Teresa put it succintly: "Be happy in the moment -- that's enough. Each moment is all we need, not more." True happiness lies in the here and now, and we must guard against the temptation to escape mentally to the past or future when things in the present may not be going as smoothly as we like. Rest assured that as long as you remain positive and refuse to give up on yourself, your fortunes will turn around. You've navigated through stor...