There's a very thin line between being nice and allowing oneself to be a complete doormat -- a line many kind-hearted people struggle to identify.  Here are a few indicators that you probably should tone down the niceness factor just a little bit: 1. No matter how many t imes people let you down, you continue to issue them free passes.  All it takes is an ostensibly heart-felt apology for you to take someone back. Perhaps you're still with your boyfriend even after he cheated on you three times. Maybe you've kept in your life an old friend who has been spotted talking behind your back on a number of occasions. It's important to recognize that saying sorry means nothing if the person repeats the very behavior they express contrition for.  2. You constantly put others' needs and wishes before your own.  One thing is to help out those who find themselves in a real bind. Another is to bend over backwards for them at the expense of your own happiness, even when their...

According to research conducted at Georgetown University, social media tends to leave people lonelier and more depressed. You're probably thinking it all sounds, well, counterintuitive. After all, we all enjoy receiving likes and compliments on sites like Facebook, so it would seem like social media should improve one's mood and bolster self-esteem. Likes and comments do in fact promote small rushes of dopamine. But the study revealed that these tiny boosts don't come anywhere close to compensating for the large loss experienced by no longer spending real-world time with the person in question. The researchers note that smartphones have a way of cultivating behavioral addictions. People may not necessarily wish to spend so much time online, but between flashy games, humorous memes, and content posted by our buddies, we become inextricably sucked in -- often resulting in physical, mental, and spiritual exhaustion. Those who embrace what researchers have dubbe...

What's worse than being home by yourself while all your friends and family are out and about? That's easy: A relationship in which your partner makes you feel lonely. Think about it. You're with someone whom you turn to for affection, attention, and advice. But whether it's because your partner is always working, traveling, indifferent, or in their own world mentally, your needs always go unmet. You feel as though you're living by yourself, but you're really not. It can be like crying out for help and never receiving a response. If you've raised the issue with your partner but still seem unable to get through to him or her, it might be time to decide whether you should seek counseling, or if you're better off pulling the plug altogether. It has been scientifically proven that loneliness distorts our perceptions of our relationships. Studies have discovered that merely asking people to recall times they felt lonely was sufficient to make t...

Society peddles the tired notion that one isn't truly content unless they're married or in a relationship. Our culture, as you've probably noticed, is highly relationship-centric. Valentine's Day, dating apps, celebrity weddings, juicy hookups bantered about at work. Our Facebook News Feeds replete with articles and memes pertaining to love and relationships, not to mention posts of people professing their love for their partner. We might as well call it what it really is: a craze. An obsession, if you will. There's no question that relationships are a wonderful thing. Who doesn't love to hear stories of couples getting engaged on the Eiffel Tower or celebrating their 50th anniversary? A person can derive a wealth of benefits -- physical, emotional, and financial -- from being partnered up. Provided one is in a healthy relationship, a person's significant other can greatly enrich their life, being there to cheer their successes and help them throug...

According to a recent survey conducted by health insurance firm Cigna, social media can in fact make us lonely. It all depends on how engaged one is on such platforms. If you're passively using it -- say, scrolling News Feeds and mindlessly checking out what people are commenting on each other's posts -- it could very well lead to negative outcomes like depression and loneliness. But if you're considerably more active -- reaching out and connecting to people to facilitate eventual face-to-face interactions -- social media can be beneficial. The findings held across all age groups. What's more, respondents who said they have more in-person interactions on a daily basis reported being less lonely. Further, the survey unearthed that working too much or too little is also associated with the experience of loneliness. There's no question that people should work in-person interactions into their schedule. While social media has made it easier to keep in to...

If one of your New Year's Resolutions is to ease the pain of loneliness, I have news for you: Being in the wrong company can be far worse, as such feelings are only magnified.  Ask yourself this: Do you really think you'd feel lonelier by yourself, or in a group of people you hardly know and may have little in common with? As shocking as it may be to some, it's perfectly normal to enjoy your own company. You don't need other people to enjoy such hobbies as reading, writing, listening to music, and exercising. Besides, sometimes you need alone time to contemplate and catch a breath of fresh air after a tough day. In essence, being alone and being lonely aren't one and the same. The former can actually be a plus -- something one seeks for their general well-being. The latter, on the other hand, is a negative condition one generally tries to extricate themselves from. Having others around can be a boon if you know and trust them. In the absence of such rap...

As George Washington, the first president of the United States, once said, " It is better to be alone than in bad company ." He of all people would know. He was constantly surrounded by them, from his days as general of the Continental Army during the American Revolution to his tenure as the nation's first commander in chief. Washington was touted as being a great judge of character. You can only imagine the tough personalities he had to deal with in public life. Though he was unanimously elected to two terms as president of the fledgling nation, he had no shortage of critics who were quick to pounce on policies  -- like the infamous Jay Treaty -- that they vehemently objected to. Washington had days where he probably felt the urge to tell his detractors to go fly a kite. Indeed, as the quote above suggests, he preferred his own company to that of certain people. For whatever reason, many people have been led to believe that enjoying their own company -- being a...

You're probably asking yourself, "What in the world does Isolophilia mean?" It sounds like it would be something negative, doesn't it?  After all, words that end in "philia" (e.g., pedophilia) tend to involve things we want nothing to do with. But Isolophilia isn't something all people deplore. In fact, introverts like me welcome it. Put simply, Isolophilia is defined as having a strong affinity for solitude. It describes a person who relishes being alone. While extroverts can only take so much solitude, we introverts find that it rejuvenates us. In order to recharge our batteries, we need to retreat to a quiet environment where we we're left alone to rest and/or gather our thoughts. Extroverts, on the other hand, become bored and drained when they're alone for a lengthy period of time. Social interaction is the fuel that drives them. So while an extrovert would probably do anything to avoid feelings of Isolophilia in most cases, an...

No matter how forcefully society may try to push forward the notion that solitude is something to be avoided, I relish it more and more each day. With all the noise we deal with on a daily basis -- chatty coworkers in the office, rambunctious kids at home, intrusive advertisements on TV -- we NEED to carve out some time for ourselves, even if it's a mere hour per week. Whether we want to gather our thoughts or clear our heads, it's very difficult to do so with people interrupting us. Sometimes we have no choice but to do it outside the home at a quiet locale like the local park or library. The fact you enjoy solitude doesn't make you weird, antisocial, or -- the most irritating of them all -- lonely. Maybe you're an introvert who draws energy inward and needs to spend time alone in order to recharge. Maybe you dream up your best creative ideas when no one else is around. That doesn't make you awkward -- it makes you human! Being lonely and being alone ar...

Many assume that if someone is alone, time must sit still -- that within a matter of minutes, he or she is probably bored out of his mind and itching to do something to make the clock move a little faster. Well, while this may be true for some, it certainly doesn't apply to those who actually relish their time alone. Why? Because if the person is alone, there's a high probability they're introverted and enjoy their own company. If that's so, there's no reason to think they'd want time to fly. Being introverted doesn't mean you're shy, antisocial, or snobbish. It means you draw energy inward. Peace, quiet, and solitude recharge you. You enjoy being deep in thought. Heavy social interaction leaves you exhausted. In reality, introverts have such rich imaginations that they can momentarily escape reality and live comfortably in their heads when the urge strikes. From debating the merits of climate change to picturing what life was like in the...

As ironic as it may sound, sometimes the surest way to feeling lonely is by being around others. The late and great Robin Williams once said: "I used to think that the worst thing in life was to end up alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel alone."  Indeed, while all of us have friends and family members who can certainly help cure our loneliness, there are other people we come across who only serve to exacerbate the problem. That could be a neighbor who always cracks jokes at your expense, siblings who talk to each other at family events but always seem to leave you out in the cold, acquaintances who seem to click with everyone in the room but you, and so forth. The chief problem is that we shouldn't depend on others to help us overcome our loneliness in the first place. That's setting yourself up for disappointment, as there will always be times where people will not be able to come to your aid. While ther...

Society leads us to believe that thrusting oneself into social settings is the antidote to loneliness. Yet, many people would agree that one can feel lonelier around a big group of people than when the person is by themselves. For starters, just because a person is alone doesn't mean they're lonely. There are actually people out there, myself included, who enjoy and thrive on time spent alone -- to relax, contemplate, clear their mind. Finding yourself amidst large groups of people whom you don't know can be more isolating than being by your lonesome. Sure, you can always try to strike up a conversation with someone, but it can come off as awkward and doesn't always lead to the desired result. This is especially true when everyone around you already is engaged in conversation with someone else. I feel much more at ease interacting with people when small groups of 2 to 3 people are involved. You don't have people talking and shouting over another. You d...

Society makes singlehood out to be something weird or unfortunate -- something that needs to be remedied. When some people find out a person is in their 40s and 50s and still single, they tend to give the individual awkward looks and assume something must be wrong with them. Well, guess what? Studies show that many people are single and loving it. When asked why they're content being single, many say they relish being free and unshackled. They like not having to depend on or run decisions -- whether financial or otherwise -- by a partner. They love doing whatever they want, whenever they want, with no one to get in their way. Want to wake up at noon? No problem. Leave for Hawaii on a whim? No one's stopping you. And when they're asked whether they do get lonely sometimes, they say they're able to avoid such feelings by tapping into their wide network of friends and relatives. Many of these folks have been burned in the past by an ex and refuse to give thei...

If you found yourself chasing after friends or love interests last year who didn't put as much time and effort into your relationship as you, don't let this habit carry over into the new year. End it now! There's no reason why you should pine for someone's attention or company when your own should be sufficient. Sure, we all like to be in a relationship and have at least a couple of friends we can call and meet up when we're bored or lonely. But here's a key piece of information I'd like you to embed firmly in your mind: Friends and partners enhance our lives, not complete them.  You should never feel that your life is incomplete without friends, a partner, children, and so on. After all, we came into this world alone, and will be leaving it in similar fashion. Studies find that the more people enjoy their own company, the happier they are with their lives and the higher their self-esteem and self-worth. I'm not suggesting that you shouldn...

There's a saying that says, "It's better to be alone than in bad company," and I agree wholeheartedly. How many times have you gone out with a group of people, only to feel completely isolated from everyone else? It could be that you don't know anyone that well, or simply don't share the same interests. I tend to feel as such when I'm: The only non-drinker in the group The only person who doesn't have kids The only person within my age group The only male in the group Unfortunately, people tend to act differently when they're around certain people, and I have documented this in earlier posts. For example, let's say there's a person in the group whom you'd genuinely like to meet. You notice that he is all by his lonesome, staring off into space, and you decide to chat him up. All goes well, and you've found yourself a new friend. Now, imagine that instead of being all alone, he had been carousing and cavorting with h...