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We often feel lonelier with others than by ourselves

There's a saying that says, "It's better to be alone than in bad company," and I agree wholeheartedly.

How many times have you gone out with a group of people, only to feel completely isolated from everyone else? It could be that you don't know anyone that well, or simply don't share the same interests.

I tend to feel as such when I'm:

  • The only non-drinker in the group
  • The only person who doesn't have kids
  • The only person within my age group
  • The only male in the group
Unfortunately, people tend to act differently when they're around certain people, and I have documented this in earlier posts. For example, let's say there's a person in the group whom you'd genuinely like to meet. You notice that he is all by his lonesome, staring off into space, and you decide to chat him up. All goes well, and you've found yourself a new friend.

Now, imagine that instead of being all alone, he had been carousing and cavorting with his best friend, the two of them acting like liquored up clowns. Do you think the outcome would have been the same? I sincerely doubt it!

At least when you're all alone, you give yourself undivided attention. Whether you're reading, writing, watching TV, or listening to music, you're in your own mental world -- one that no one else can occupy unless YOU give them permission to. If there's one thing that's wonderful about life and being a human being, is that our thoughts are ours and ours alone. 

I staunchly believe that we have to love ourselves before we can love anyone else. There's no one on whom we can rely more than ourselves. Yes, you can still let yourself down. Yes, you can still make irresponsible and regrettable decisions. But it's much easier to be an agent of change in your life than in the lives of others. As much as you can try to get people to change their ways, they seldom will.

I want you to take a second to look in the mirror or glance at a picture of yourself. The person you're looking at is your friend for life. He or she is the only person who came with you into this world, and will be the only one with you when you pass on. 

Whenever you feel pangs of low self-esteem or depression, look within yourself and reflect on all the wonderful things you've achieved thus far in your life. Coach yourself through life's toughest challenges. 

I'm of the belief that we don't need other people to feel happy with ourselves. Others should only enhance our lives. The secret to achieving happiness lies with you -- not with friends, lovers, or family. We are the keys to unlocking true fulfillment. 
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