Your thoughts, positive or negative, trigger certain emotions.  Sometimes you may not understand why you're experiencing a certain feeling -- be it rage, regret, or optimism -- until you do a little mental gymnastics. Ask yourself this question: What specific thoughts crossed my mind to spark these feelings? Maybe it was thinking about your boss dropping a project on you at the last minute. Perhaps a commercial ran that you remembered first aired five years ago while you were having a terrible fight with your ex-spouse about his drinking habit, which ultimately derailed the marriage. Maybe your friend's putting in a good word at work for the new sales manager position you've been eying elevated your mood. Sometimes the most seemingly inconsequential event can stir up a range of emotions. I, for example, often find myself feeling a bit glum on cloudy days. Yet, you can probably relate to feeling rather ecstatic at the thought of Friday being just a few hours away.  Whether i...

What would you say is the most clear-cut predictor of how someone will behave in the future? If you said "past behavior," you've hit the nail on the head.  Sure, people can surprise us by radically deviating from prior behavior, but this tends to be the exception rather than the rule. For example, if your friend routinely exhibits a noticeable aversion toward silly comedies, chances are he will continue to loathe such movies. If your sister displays an acute dislike of seafood, she's bound to avoid lobster, crab, and all manner of sea creatures for the foreseeable future. When it's hard to decode a person's true intentions, you have only two tools you can leverage: your gut and, you guessed it, the person's track record. If you lure someone away from a competing firm to come work for you, rest assured they can be coaxed into bolting from yours. If someone cheats on their spouse with you, who's to say they won't cheat on you with som...

Today is most certainly a gift. That's why they call it the present.  Yesterday is in the past and cannot be changed. Tomorrow has yet to arrive. While we can plan for the future in certain ways, we'll never be in control of it entirely. All we have is the present moment to shape our lives in whatever ways we see fit. Right now, the present seems a little bleak because of the coronavirus pandemic we're all grappling with. But as I advised in my last posts, there are myriad things we can do with the additional downtime -- from enjoying existing hobbies or cultivating new ones to striving toward goals like learning a new language or how to play a musical instrument. American composer Irving Berlin said that life is 10 percent what you make it, and 90 percent how you take it. In other words, we spend the bulk of our lives responding to events over which we have little control. And the rest of it really depends on us. We're responding to this health crisi...

A New Year means fresh possibilities -- the chance to press that reset button and start anew. An opportunity to leave all the grudges, drama, and negativity that beleaguered you in 2019 behind. The chance to look forward to pursuing goals (new or existing) with renewed vigor. It isn't just about losing weight, getting a better job, or finding true love. It's about becoming a better individual all-around. It's about leveraging what you've learned up until this point through your mistakes and experiences so you can continually become a better, smarter, wiser version of yourself. While we can set out to adopt this mindset any time of the year -- no one says it has to be January 1 -- most of us see that date as a convenient jumping off point for starting with a clean slate. Whatever your preference, one thing is for sure: It's never too late to effect change in your life that will put you closer to fulfilling your dreams. Life is what you make of it. If yo...

So you've made mistakes in the past you're not entirely proud of. Maybe you cheated on a wonderful woman that you envisioned yourself marrying someday. Perhaps you passed on what seemed life a once-in-a-lifetime job opportunity. Or maybe you told a good friend something you knew you couldn't take back once the words came out of your mouth, effectively ending that friendship. We've all had moments we wish we could redo, but the fact of the matter is that life doesn't afford us the opportunity to travel back in time. As hard as it may be, you must accept the fact that it is all behind you now. The past cannot be changed. All you can do is move forward. Beating yourself up over what you did won't do you any good. If anything, it only makes it more difficult to crawl out of his hole, mentally and emotionally. The key is that you learned a valuable lesson and can assure yourself moving forward that you won't make the same mistake again. Because, i...

He promised you he'd always remain loyal to you, but you later discovered he had a girlfriend on the side. She pledged that she'd always be there for you, in good times and bad ones, but when you recently lost your job, she couldn't be bothered to visit or console you. We've all been in situations where people we trusted wholeheartedly wound up letting us down in a big way. Once you realize the individual isn't as great as you thought, you may experience a range of emotions -- from disbelief to anger to utter sadness. Worst of all, you may be tempted into blaming yourself for what happened. You may ask yourself a litany of questions such as: "How could I be so naive?" "Why didn't I see this coming?" "Was it something I did or said?" "How could I have wasted my time and energy in such a heartless person?" Before you know it, you've beaten yourself silly ruminating about the whys and what ifs. Do ...

We've all been there: We tell someone we're drawn to them romantically, but it turns out they don't feel the same way. If someone isn't interested in a relationship with you, it can be pretty upsetting, especially if you've imagined hooking up with them for quite some time. Once you know the feelings aren't mutual, what should you do? Below are a couple of suggestions for dealing with rejection. (Note that many of these tips also work in the event that someone breaks up with you.) 1. Don't beg for another chance. If they've told or shown you they're not interested -- whether it's because they are taken, wish to remain single, or see you only as a friend, the worst thing you can do is press the issue further. This can be viewed as stalking or harassment, and the last thing you want is to ruffle the feathers of his or her partner, family or friends -- let alone get in trouble with the law. 2. Don't mope around at home or elsewhere...

Yes, you've made mistakes. Yes, you have regrets. Yes, there are past decisions that you wish you could change. But what good does brooding over the past do? If you're not careful, you could sink into a deep depression that will be very difficult to claw out of. There's a reason the windshield is bigger than the rear view: Because what lies ahead is much better than where you've been! Turn those missteps into lessons. Leverage those blunders into life-changing growth.  Think of it this way: If we never fell, how would we ever learn to pick ourselves up again? Seize the opportunity to become stronger and wiser . So maybe you wish you had never met your cheating ex or chosen law as your profession. A broken heart or load of debt later, you might kick yourself for not having seen all the signs. But don't spend all your time lamenting your mistakes. Embrace them, and allow them to transform you.  You will find a good partner who remains loyal to you. Y...

There are no regrets in life -- only lessons learned. Regretting that which is now in the past -- and thus cannot be changed -- serves absolutely no purpose but to make us feel dejected. Learn from your mistakes so that you're not doomed to repeat them. In that way, you're actually channeling all that negativity into something positive and constructive. Regrets, then, can help facilitate growth so long as we have the right mindset. Let's suppose you cheated on a wonderful man or woman -- a terrible mistake you refuse to forgive yourself for. If you already apologized to your ex and have pledged to remain faithful to future partners, what more can you really do? Move on, and if you've learned anything from your misstep, you'll know not to jeopardize a relationship ever again. The same reasoning applies to missed job opportunities, friendships gone awry, or any other situations that would have turned out much more favorably had you behaved differently. ...

As we bid adieu to 2018 and welcome a new year, it's exciting to consider all the fresh, wonderful possibilities that await us. Whether you aim to lose weight, start a business, have a child with your partner, buy a new home, or simply read the slew of books collecting dust on your shelf, a new year affords us the opportunity to assess our goals and work toward them in earnest. And what better day to get cracking than on January 1? A new year means a clean slate -- a blank canvas waiting to be filled with your lines and splashes of color. While we're at it, why not make it into a masterpiece? Having a great year necessitates keeping oneself focused on the present . Resist the nagging urge to reflect on what you didn't accomplish or did wrong last year. Move on and focus solely on the ways you can make 2019 infinitely better than 2018. Aim for progress . Rather than comparing yourself to your peers, compare yourself to the person you were on December 31, 2017 and...

It's time to let go of the past and embrace all that awaits you. You can't start the next chapter of your life if you persist in reading the last one. Take the lessons you learned with you, yes, but don't allow your past to prevent you from soaring to new heights. Think of life as a game of football. The clock is ticking. You don't have time focus on the mistakes you made in the second quarter that cost you the lead. So long as you believe in yourself -- and mentally remain in the present moment -- you can persevere. Don't let painful reminders of yesterday get in the way of creating precious memories for tomorrow. Take a deep breath, relax, and tell yourself that you deserve to be happy! Whether your past includes a divorce, a failed business venture, or a series of mistakes you're having trouble shaking off, redirect your thoughts toward the present. While you can't change the past, your present is really what you make of it. Want to fi...

Can you guess what holds many people back from fulfilling their potential and leading a happy life? It's none other than their past. In the worst cases, the past can be a heavy anchor that pins us down, holds us back, and impedes our growth. People perceive their past differently, sometimes depending on how things are going for them in the present.  If things are not that great right now, they may view their past quite favorably, always lamenting that they wish things could be as they were in the "good old days." Then there are those who find it difficult to move past bad experiences. For example, those who went through a bad break-up might become paranoid about entering into a new relationship, turning down opportunities to go out with ostensibly promising suitors. They vow to never trust or give their heart to anyone again.  But we can never be truly happy unless we learn to let go of the past. The more you allow the past to paralyze or hau...

Irish novelist James Joyce once said, "Mistakes are portals of discovery." And if you stop and think about it, he was absolutely right. We wouldn't have learned some of our most valuable life lessons had we not messed up in the past. Those missteps actually enabled us to grow and acquire wisdom we can in turn pass on to our kids, friends, and other loved ones. Sure, we might be ashamed of our mistakes and wish we could have a few do-overs. But one important thing to remember is that no one is perfect. We all make them and have to deal with the consequences thereafter. Harping on our mistakes isn't healthy.  At some point, we must recognize -- and accept -- that the past is behind us, and there's nothing we can do to change it. Rather than carry our mistakes around with us, we should place them under our feet and use them as stepping stones to bettering ourselves. Whether we got into a car accident while driving around tipsy, took a wonderful partner ...

You may have read the title of the post and immediately retorted, "No, selfishness is wrong. Giving to and being there for others is what life should be about." I don't disagree with the latter statement. Whether it's helping an elderly woman cross the street or giving money to a homeless man, a small gesture that brightens one's day can be far more gratifying than, say, pampering yourself with material junk you may never even get around to using. But I would challenge the notion that being selfish sometimes is wrong. Yes, being selfish all the time is beyond the pale, especially if you have people (spouse, children, etc.) who greatly depend on you. But let's face it: Everyone is selfish , albeit in varying degrees. And it's not limited to spending money on themselves. Some people are selfish when it comes to their time. They want to do things according to their schedule, and there's little room for compromise. Still others want to call t...

Never be a prisoner of your past, for it was a lesson -- not a life sentence. There's nothing you can do to change what's already come to pass; all you can do is learn from it so that you don't make the same mistakes. There's no sense beating yourself up over past decisions that, in hindsight, you wish you hadn't made, whether that includes hooking up with your ex, taking a particular job, or making a poor investment. You should never lament anything that (1) once made you smile, even if it was at the very beginning (2) you ultimately learned from, making you a better person today. Our missteps, as a matter of fact, are our best teachers. It's through our mistakes that we gain the most wisdom. If we never made any, how could we ever better ourselves? Of course, that doesn't mean we should deliberately make foolish decisions for the sake of learning a lesson. But there's no question that all of us can cite at least a few choices we have made t...

Whenever we fall into a rut, we may be tempted to "escape" to the past -- a time, our minds tell us, that was surely better than the present. But don't give in or you might sink into a depression! Reminiscing every so often is healthy. We've all taken part in wonderful experiences we can -- and should -- look back on fondly. And if we're lucky, we captured such unforgettable moments in pictures and videos, which certainly heighten the nostalgia. But attempting to run away from the problems we face today by living in the past certainly doesn't solve them; in fact, it can exacerbate them. So why do people seek refuge in the past anyway? Because the past is safe.  We already know what happens. Whatever issues we grappled with then have already been resolved -- as opposed to now, where we don't know exactly what will happen in the future. The mind has a way of tricking us into thinking that things were a lot better in the old days than they are n...

Have you noticed how often we tend to dwell on little things that, in the grand scheme of things, are not all that important? One thing is to worry about a health issue or whether you have enough money to put food on the table for your family tonight. Another is worrying about small stuff we have little to no control over. Here are a few examples: Whether the panel you interviewed with for a new job thought you seemed too interested -- or not interested enough Whether your date noticed you had a small hole in your shirt  Whether your friend is losing interest in hanging out with you because he doesn't seem to call or visit like he used to Most of the things we agonize over can be investigated or resolved with a quick call or email. When you worry so much about things over which you have no control, it builds anxiety, which can adversely impinge on your happiness and well-being. Let things be. Once something has taken place, you don't get a "do over....

Many people find happiness more elusive than it should be. A happy moment is often a fleeting one for them because before long they are right back to thinking about the very things and people that dispirit them -- whether it's their job, ex boyfriend, or the laundry list of chores that awaits them when they get home. But happiness doesn't have to evade us. In fact, in can be a lot easier to achieve -- and sustain --than we think. Below are two ways to attain longer-lasting happiness. 1. Live in the present. Mother Teresa put it succintly: "Be happy in the moment -- that's enough. Each moment is all we need, not more." True happiness lies in the here and now, and we must guard against the temptation to escape mentally to the past or future when things in the present may not be going as smoothly as we like. Rest assured that as long as you remain positive and refuse to give up on yourself, your fortunes will turn around. You've navigated through stor...

Have you noticed how we come to value a moment or experience more fondly in hindsight than we do when we're actually experiencing it? In fact, sometimes we may experience an event we find unpleasant at the moment, only to realize later -- perhaps when comparing it to other situations occurring before or after -- that it wasn't all that bad? This can happen for two reasons: 1. We take the present moment for granted. Perhaps because we're too busy dwelling on the past or worrying about the future, we fail to appreciate and live in the moment. Study after study shows that we're happiest when we're focused on the present. 2. We look back on the past through rose-colored glasses.  Perhaps the experience really wasn't as titillating as our memories of it might lead us to think. That's because, when reminiscing about the past, human beings have a tendency to filter out the bad stuff, leaving only the Kodak moments we tend to capture in pictures. Never...

I want to wish everyone a very safe and Happy New Year filled with love, laughter, health, happiness, and everything else you could possibly want! 2017 was a milestone year for this blog. It garnered more views, comments, and likes than in any of the prior years since it was launched. And it's all thanks to loyal readers like you! Without you guys, this blog would have become obsolete long ago. All the time and hard work I put into it is well worth it because I have the most engaged, intelligent, and -- put simply -- amazing audience I could ever ask for. Whether you'll be awaiting the New Year at home with family, at a fancy restaurant with your significant other, or at a concert with friends, I hope you enjoy the final hours of 2017 to the max. I encourage you to reflect on the moments -- good and bad -- that defined the year for you, as they will help you chart a course for 2018. You'll not only want to replicate those good times in the new year, but build on...