We all know how easily toxic people -- with their knack for negativity and gossip -- can throw a monkey wrench into our days.  But what if we leveraged that toxicity to our benefit? How, you ask? There's a myriad of ways to do this. Among them are these:  1. When they say you can't accomplish something, do you let their words derail your hopes and dreams? No, you use them to further  fuel your motivation to accomplish your goals. After all, who are they to judge? 2. When they criticize you for your style of dress, interests, or any other facet of your personality, do you scramble to change? No, you double down on preserving what makes you unique, which in turn will build self-confidence and boost your self-esteem. 2. When they disrespect you, whether by spewing outright lies or demeaning your character, do you turn around and do the same to them? No, you're better than that. You stand up for yourself, firmly if civilly, without hurling insults. This will equip you with th...

How many times have you encountered someone who's tried to push their beliefs on you, making you feel as though they'll cast you out should you dissent? I am here to tell you one thing: You need no one's validation but your own!  Really, who says others are cool and you're not? Who determines that your way is wrong and there's isn't? Why should you have to defer to others on matters of style? If society frowns upon some of your lifestyle choices simply because they're not in step with what everyone else does -- say, your decision to abstain from drinking or your reluctance to attend late-night parties -- so be it.  Be yourself! There is nothing wrong with being your most unique, individual self. As long as you love and are being true to yourself -- and you're not hurting anyone in the process -- why should your methods be deemed incorrect? If people feel so insecure as to consider no one else's perspective but their own, that's their problem. Whe...

What makes us powerful is not that we're better than anyone else, for everyone has flaws. It's that we're different from them. Sure, "different" can carry a negative connotation if it means the person is, say, a drug addict, woman beater, or compulsive gambler. In this context, however, different means unique. Maybe you know no one who can whip up a mean apple pie like you can. Perhaps people lean on you for all things spelling and grammar because they regard you as the ultimate wordsmith. Or, you're an expert a fixing cars, playing the violin, chess, or scubadiving. We all bring a different set of talents to the table -- ones we should not only embrace, but continually aim to strengthen. Having unique skills shouldn't be perceived as an excuse to show off or pretend one is above others. Instead, it affords us the opportunity to: 1. Demonstrate to others the kinds of things we love (which may not align with their interests, and that...

Never should we allow others to undervalue us -- nor should we let ourselves do it. At the end of the day, the only opinion about yourself that is completely accurate -- the sole assessment that really matters -- is your own. Self-worth, or self-esteem, results from our striving to treat ourselves with the love, care, compassion, and respect we deserve. Your self-worth can only be determined by you because it comes from within. The higher your self-esteem, the happier you are. And as I've stressed in my other posts, happiness emanates from inside of us. It's obvious that not everyone we come across in our lives -- from partners and friends to bosses -- will realize our worth. Still, that should never decrease our value in our own eyes. In relationships in which we don't feel valued, we have the option to address our feelings with the other person. If that doesn't bear fruit, we must decide whether the individual deserves a place in our lives. Now, this do...

While fake people have an image to maintain, real people just don't care about what others think of them. Fake people worry incessantly about what house, car, or clothing will make them look the best. Real people, on the other hand, are humble. They recognize that if a person is going to judge them based on whether they own a Corolla or Benz, that person shouldn't be in their life. Fake people alter their personality -- not to mention their values, beliefs, and attitudes -- just to appease others in a given situation. Real people stick to their principles no matter how much they're pressured to change. Fake people want to be loved by everyone so badly that they're willing to part with those things that make them unique. Real people would rather be hated for who they are than loved for who they're not. Real people know they may not always get their way, or be the most popular/admired person in the room, but they value integrity too much to sell out ...

It's a real shame that people take issue with others loving themselves and being comfortable in their own skin, but that's the sad reality. Why would they have a problem with it, you ask? Well, if the person is markedly different than them in some way -- say, they don't drink or they embrace a minimalist lifestyle -- it could trigger unsettling insecurities. Some individuals don't like the thought of others asserting their individuality because it makes them feel unsure of their own habits, values. and predilections. That in turn may prompt them to try to change the more unique individual into someone that more closely resembles themselves. They'll goad them to have a drink, or to go out and fork over gobs of money on clothes. How should you handle these people? It's quite simple. If they can't handle you at your most authentic, then it's their problem. Under no circumstances should you give in to their desire to change you to fit their...

You will never be good enough for everyone, but here's good news: You'll always be good enough for those people who deserve you. It's a certainty that you will come across people who have something to complain about. You're too quiet or too loud, too clean or too messy, too skinny or too fat, too lazy or too ambitious. It's nearly impossible to meet some individuals' exacting standards. But who says we have to meet such standards to begin with? The right people -- those who accept you for who you are -- will never press you to change. They'll appreciate you whether or not you drink, whether you gravitate toward books or sports, or whether you're bold or docile. (Of course, if you're engaging in dangerous behaviors -- like abusing alcohol or drugs -- they have every reason to goad you to change in that regard.) The right people will acknowledge whatever it is that makes you unique -- whether it's your passion for learning, quirky sen...

They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Similarly, happiness means different things to different people. Joe's ideas of happiness may be earning 200K a year because it provides him the means to afford his big mansion and fancy cars -- even if it comes at the expense of having to work long 60 hour weeks. Ana's version of happiness may be far more modest. Give her a small apartment filled with books and pets and she's in bliss. Sam, for his part, might find happiness in moving to a different city every other year, while Betty might take delight in being a stay-at-home mom. Different strokes for different folks. Judging others for their likes and lifestyles is no less inappropriate than passing judgment on, say, their physical appearance. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, yes, but that doesn't grant them the latitude to criticize others' choices just because they don't align with theirs. I may aspire to become a manager, but you mi...

We all have dreams that may seem like a longshot to other people, whether it be starting a business, publishing a book, or traveling the world. But should others' opinions really get in the way of our hopes and aspirations? Absolutely not! When people doubt you and go as far as to say you won't achieve something, take the utmost pleasure in trying to prove them wrong. Don't allow their skepticism to make you question your abilities; instead, let it fuel your passion and drive even further. As long as we believe in ourselves, work tirelessly, and continue to fight for what we want despite the odds being stacked against us, we have a shot. In life, we won't really know unless we try. And even if it turns out that we come up a bit short, it doesn't mean we've failed. It just means life has different -- and better -- plans in store. There will always be those who dismiss our plans as mere pipe dreams. Don't listen to these folks, for they're li...

Many of us get into relationships and fall into one common trap: losing one's self-identity. Both individuals spend so much time together that they neglect their personal needs and interests -- the ones independent of the relationship. This can only lead to trouble on several fronts. For one, when two people are attached at the hip, especially early on in the relationship, they may eventually settle into routines and grow bored of each other. Both people should continue to cultivate the hobbies they enjoyed before they hooked up. Similarly, they should continue working on goals -- career-related or otherwise -- that they set out to achieve when they were single. Not only does this ensure continual progress in their personal or professional lives, but it means they have something they can share with one another that goes beyond themselves. This, in turn, keeps the relationship fresh. Giving each other space is doubly beneficial: it affords you the opportunity to miss e...

I'm going to go against the grain of society and say that if you're a quiet person -- and like being that way -- you shouldn't aim to fundamentally change who you are just to appease other people. On the other hand, you should take pride in being different from the vast majority of people out there. I get so annoyed when people -- be they coworkers or acquaintances -- ask others why they're so quiet. It makes me want to turn around and ask them, "And why can't you keep your mouth shut?" Of course, there are situations in which you can't escape communicating with others -- interviewing for a job, making a presentation, calling a disgruntled customer over the phone, etc. Sometimes you just have to "fake it to make it." But that doesn't mean you have to change the essence of who you are. Why would you? Let's face it: No matter how hard you may try to change from a timid, unassuming introvert to a loquacious extrovert, the real ...

Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.  "Finding yourself" seems to imply that there's only one possible version of you that can exist, and you're on a quest to find it. But this couldn't be farther from the truth. For instance, just because you're innately shy doesn't mean you can't take public speaking courses that will help bring you out of your shell. And just because you were dreadful at math as a kid doesn't mean you can't work at bettering your math skills, paving the way for a successful career as math teacher or financial analyst. With drive and hard work, we can will ourselves to become any way we like. We have more of a hand in shaping our future and achieving goals we set for ourselves than most of us readily acknowledge or realize. Unfortunately, many people choose to down a path different from what their heart desires because they want to fit in with or please others. In that case, yo...

So many of us have a tendency to base our decisions around those of others. We buy a certain car because our neighbor just bought a similar one. We suddenly feel the urge to have a child because all our friends are having kids. Our coworker gets a promotion and all of the sudden, we want one. Even though we don't drink or eat sushi, everyone in our book club does, so we feel pressured to follow suit. Unfortunately, many us fall victim to the herd mentality. We'll do almost anything not to stand apart from our fellow peers in any way. We hate the thought of being ostracized or left out, so we try to shadow their behavior -- in everything from the clothes they wear to the products they buy. I'm of the belief that embracing your uniqueness is the key to self-fulfillment. People will always try to impose their beliefs and attitudes on you so you can think and act like them. Why? Because it validates the decisions they've made. If you opt to go down a different pat...

I know how tempting comparing our life to that of a friend, co-worker, or neighbor can be. He has a BMW and I don't. She has a Louis Vuitton purse, but I don't. They have beautiful children, but we don't have any. If you're constantly comparing your life to others', you'll never be truly happy. Why? Chances are, there will always be something someone has that you don't. I've talked in other posts about how people's need for approval can prompt them to act, dress, and live like their peers, even if it isn't what they really want to do. It doesn't matter whether they incur loads of debt or go against their core values as a result. Some people cannot resist the urge to keep up with those Joneses. The pressure to conform to societal norms is alive and real. But no one says you have to succumb to it. Do things -- whether it's buy a fancy car, dress in a certain style of clothes, or have children -- because you want to, not ...

If people laugh at you because you're different, laugh right back at them for being all the same. I've written several posts on the importance of embracing one's uniqueness -- and disregarding what people say we should and shouldn't do -- because I think far too many of us fall victim to the herd mentality that has become so pervasive in society. On Thanksgiving night, my brother-in-law put me on the spot for not drinking. He still can't wrap his head around the fact that I don't drink. Then, two days later at my niece's afternoon birthday party, I returned the favor by asking him, "No alcohol for lunch today?" That made him a little defensive -- he pointed out how he only drinks two or three times a week -- and hopefully it conveyed that it's time to put the issue to rest. Peer pressure is even less effective on me when it comes from someone I hardly come into contact with throughout the year, like him. Here's another example: ...

"Have it your way" was Burger King's slogan for 40 years. The thrust was that consumers could customize their burger any way they wished -- without cheese, with extra pickles, and so forth. I always thought the slogan could be adapted to construct a very powerful inspirational quote -- by changing the first two words to "live life." Thus, "live life your way." That's the motto I feel we should all live by. Dress as you wish. Pursue a career in the field of your choice. Savor the hobbies that make you feel alive. Live your life by your own terms. As I've stressed in several posts, I am ardently opposed to following the herd. Life is too short to try to appease everybody. You'll always disappoint someone. You'll always fall short of someone's expectations.  What's really the point of trying to do things to others' liking? You never know if that relationship will end tomorrow.  We should all embrace our Go...

While everyone around me seems to do anything they can to fit in and follow the herd, I strive to highlight what makes me unique. Many people are leery of being too different from other people because they fear they won't be able to relate to them. In the worst cases, some even fear social isolation. Being a huge bibliophile, history geek, and psychology lover sets me apart in that most people don't delve into these things for leisure and personal fulfillment. They see it merely as work -- something that has no place outside of a corporate or college setting. I love to hit up museums and historic sites while on vacation. Most people would derisively call that a field trip, not a vacation, and proceed to sunbathe on a picturesque island somewhere. The fact that I have such a strong proclivity for learning and ideas doesn't make me any better or worse than the next person. It just means that I'm probably more intellectually curious than most individuals I come a...

Take a moment to ask yourself these questions: To what extent do you strive to live up to society's expectations of you?  How frequently do you try to do what everyone else does, only because that's the so-called "norm"? How often do you do things to appease others just so that you're liked and accepted? We live in a society that promotes a herd mentality rather than individuality . It's normal to be concerned about what others think of us, but some people follow the crowd to the exclusion of their feelings, likes, dislikes, and beliefs. How did we become like this? Why do so many of us care so deeply about what people who don't pay our bills and who likely won't be at our side when we're dying say and think about us? It all goes back to the days of early civilization, when cavemen roamed the earth. Back then, people had to band together in order to ensure their survival. The more people they could collaborate with, the better th...

As much as I would love for Donald Trump to change his obstreperous demeanor, I'd never expect him to. He probably likes the way he is and wouldn't change his personality for anyone. For that, he should be commended, even though he'll have no choice but to bring it down a few notches if he wishes to appear even remotely presidential. Just a few moments ago, I heard my boss and co-worker conversing about the times they did drugs when they were younger and sharing videos of people making fools of themselves. I'd love to tell them to change, but who am I to do so? They must like being that way. But just as I'm respectful toward others, I expect the same treatment in return. I can't stand it when people question why I'm a certain way. "Why are you so quiet?" "Why are you so calm?" "Why are you so focused?" The implication is that something should be changed or fixed. They're making "loud and talkative" out to be ...

One question people often ask me is why time seems to go faster with age. They see themselves in their 40s and 50s and cannot believe how quickly the years have gone by. Perhaps you find yourself asking the same thing. Studies show that routine is to blame. The more repetitive things become, the less likely you are to stop and smell the roses, so to speak. You just take each day for granted in rinse and repeat fashion. That's precisely why we should aim to fill our lives with novel experiences. Whether it's exploring new destinations or trying out new foods, experiences that are unique and uncommon extricate us from the monotony of daily life and give us a fresh perspective. They make us think. They make us pause. When something is new and exciting, we engross ourselves in it, and we look forward to the next time we can partake in such an experience. Think about all the times we waited with bated breath for Christmas to roll around as children. Having to wait 12 months fo...