Has anyone ever told you you're the only one for them -- that they vow to be faithful to you for the rest of your lives -- only to turn around and cheat on you? Few things could be as devastating.  Imagine that: Someone who you envisioned spending the rest of your life with shattering your trust so egregiously. The fact of the matter is that they were never being sincere about how they felt. Because when someone truly loves you, they wouldn't dare jeopardize the bond you share -- let alone by cheating. And none of these count as justifiable: Drinking too much Being stressed at work Being seduced  Feeling unhappy in the relationship  You don't go around canoodling with other men or women when something is awry in the relationship or, more generally, in your life. You make your partner aware of it so they can help you. You communicate. You discuss your options.  If you see the relationship as no longer bringing you fulfillment, you either agree to seek counseling with ...

Whether you love reading history books or romance novels, fishing, cooking, dancing, or playing the piano, you should immerse yourself wholeheartedly in your hobbies -- and strive to cultivate new ones. Life is too darn short NOT to do the things that enrich us physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. And if we can find people with whom we can share such passions, it's all for the better. It's always nice to turn to something that affords respite from the daily grind, reminding us that our days shouldn't only be filled with stress, worry, and negativity. And it doesn't have to be anything extravagant. For many people, something as simple as taking the dog for a walk at a nearby park or reading science fiction stories counts as a favorite pastime. But when we're busy with work, chores, or the kids, we can be hard-pressed to work time for hobbies into our schedules. That's when having a friend or relative who can lend a hand -- even if onl...

With the country -- check that, the world really -- on lockdown, many of us find ourselves with some extra time on our hands to contemplate life and weigh decisions that can have a huge impact on our future, whether personal or professional. Many people who lead busy lives welcome the change of pace, even though having to balance work and childcare at home can be awfully challenging for some. Life will go back to being what it used to be. It won't be long before we're once again stuck in traffic, jostling through lines of shoppers at the local Publix or Macy's, and exhorting unruly teenagers at the theater to quit making noise during the movie. That means it's going to take a conscious effort to hit "pause" and take a deep breath once in a while, as was the case pre-pandemic. Here's a suggestion for doing just that: Assuming you have one, just stop what you're doing and look at your pet or baby. Indeed, they teach us that we can be find h...

Many of us would say that we loathe uncertainty. If it were up to us, every day would play out like a familiar script. But there comes a time where we have no choice but to venture into unchartered waters -- whether it concerns landing a new job; grappling with a new health condition; or making a large purchase, such as a new home. Stress is inevitable. You're likely to second guess your decisions. And, worst of all, you're bound to start down the slippery slope of imagining the absolute worst. If these feelings aren't reined in, they can lead to adverse outcomes like anxiety and depression. While some might advise you to simply think positively, I think a far more effective approach is to hope for the best, but plan for the worst.  Think about it: What are the chances of the worst coming to pass? Very slim, of course. Usually we end up dreaming up scenarios in our head that come nowhere near reality. Still, there is always a slight possibility that the job ...

Gallup's annual survey of global emotions has unveiled that last year, Americans experienced anger, stress, and worry at levels eclipsing those observed over the past 10 years. The data is based on polling of over 150,000 people around the world, including 1,000 Americans. Americans' stress levels were significantly higher than the global average of 35 percent, leaving the U.S. tied for fourth (alongside Iran, Albania, and Sri Lanka) in Gallup's ranking of the most stressed populations around the globe. Greece came in first at 59 percent, while Tanzania and the Phillipines followed closely behind. As far as worry, the U.S. came in at 45 percent, slightly higher than the global average of 39 percent. (Mozambique has the world's most worried population with 63 percent.) And in terms of anger, although Anericans experienced the emotion at levels on par with the global average of 22 percent, this figure was still higher than in prior years. In fact, U.S. respo...

If you've ever been cheated on, it can feel like being hit by a freight train. Cheating represents the ultimate betrayal of one's trust. You give someone your heart, only to see it crushed by your partner's selfish, deplorable act. Cheaters can try to justify their behavior in a million ways, even though nothing in the world could excuse their infidelity. They might pin the blame on: Problems within their relationship  Heavy drinking Stress at work The other person ("they seduced me") Other factors they claim to have been out of control Yet, one of the key reasons people cheat in the first place is because they feel they won't get caught.  They tell themselves that they'll keep it to themselves, rationalizing that what their partner doesn't know can't hurt them. They get away scot free, and their partner carries on thinking they've both been completely faithful.  It's a win-win!  No, I'll tell you what it i...

Sometimes we need to extricate ourselves -- even if temporarily -- from others' drama and negativity. We need to wriggle free of adversity we may be confronting at work, home, or elsewhere. Our well-being depends on it! So how exactly can we do this? It depends on whatever it is you like -- whatever it is that drives you. Perhaps nothing spells relaxation like losing yourself in a good book during your lunch break before heading back to your desk. Maybe you recharge by taking a leisurely stroll in the park after work. You may notice that you haven't taken a vacation in almost a year and yearn to get away from it all -- whether that means sunbathing in the Caribbean, skiing in the Alps, or exploring historic attractions in Washington, D.C. Or maybe a spa weekend that includes a rejuvenating massage or stress-melting sauna session is just what the doctor ordered. No one says that relaxing has to carry a big price tag. For some people, putting the phone down and ...

As satisfying as the feeling of completing a project or getting a pat on the back from the boss may be, being overworked is never a good thing. It means you have less time for the things and people you value in your life. If you're under a great deal of stress, you may be suffering from sleep deprivation, anxiety, depression, and other health issues. That's why it's always best to work smarter rather than harder. Assess your work day and see if there's any way you can reshuffle your tasks/agenda so as to give you a little breathing room. Maybe you could use a temp or assistant, or perhaps you can ask your boss if he or she can cut back on the number of jobs being thrown your way. And if you feel that all the extra work merits a promotion or pay increase, let your supervisor know. You may very well be rewarded handsomely for the extra time you're putting it, but you won't know for sure until you broach the subject. At the end of the day, employers really ...

One of the surest ways to feeling stressed out is the sense that the walls are caving in on you. Rather than being in control of your life, your life is controlling you. You feel like a prisoner with no way out in sight. Those who report feeling this way tend to have too much on their plate. A job that requires ridiculous hours. A spouse and kids. Community service activities. A rigorous exercise routine. And so forth. While packing as much as we can into our schedule certainly prevents life from getting boring, we need to leave ourselves a bit of breathing room. Studies show that stress leads to negative health outcomes like headaches and heart disease. What's more, it may lead to coping mechanisms that can also be disadvantageous to one's health, like overeating, smoking, drinking, or taking illegal drugs. Once you feel as though there's not enough time in the day to do a single thing you enjoy doing for leisure -- read a book, watch a show, listen to music -- it ...

Many people -- myself included -- let life get them down sometimes. We fret over the fact that life never quite seems perfect -- there's always a problem to be resolved, an issue to be addressed. Here's the reality: Life was never perfect before, it won't be perfect today, and it won't be so in the future either. We can do things to put our ducks in a row as best as we can, but we can't just sweep everything under a rug and go about our business. It doesn't work that way. As counterintuitive as this may sound, it's a good thing that life presents a steady stream of challenges. It keeps us on our toes and striving to better ourselves. Can you imagine a life completely devoid of worries or goals? We'd have nothing to look forward to if things remained the same day in and day out. Of course, you want to minimize the stress in your life and not allow problems to tailspin into crises. But you shouldn't feel despondent over the fact that your l...

In life, you must always remember to focus on the right people . Whom do I refer to when I say "the right people"? Those who inspire you , of course. Whether it's a parent who raised you all by herself, a teacher who taught you a valuable lesson or two, or an important figure in history whose contributions have resonated deeply with you, these are the kinds of individuals who deserve a permanent place in our thoughts. On the other hand, we must resist the urge to ruminate on people who engender in us a sense of negativity that's hard to shake off -- the ones who bring us down the very second we think of them. That may include an obnoxious boss, a jaded ex who can't take no for an answer, or a friend who only reaches out to you when she needs you. Your mind is cluttered enough as it is. Why waste whatever mental real estate you have available on people who simply aren't worthy of your thoughts? They sure as hell aren't thinking of you, so why shou...

I've observed that many people are too lazy to do two things that are greatly beneficial to our health: read and exercise . Their usual excuse tends to be that they're too tired to read or exercise when they get home from work. But the myriad benefits of these activities can't be overstated. Exercise helps you lose or maintain your weight, provided you also watch what you eat. It not only reduces the risk of heart disease, but it helps lower your cholesterol and blood pressure. Most people (including me) report feeling so much better when they exercise regularly. That's because exercise had been proven to reduce stress and anxiety and put people in a better mood. Then there's reading. It's obvious how beneficial reading can be for one's mental health. It keeps the mind busy. You learn new facts, new concepts, new vocabulary words. If you're reading non-fiction, the author's perspective can lead you to reassess your personal beliefs or opi...

Many childfree individuals like myself get asked repeatedly when it is that we plan to have children. The pressure is even more pronounced for women, who society expects to kick into baby-making mode as soon as the so-called clock begins to tick. What doesn't add up, though, is that many of the parents asking the question are the same ones who complain about the stress and headaches brought on by parenting. They're endorsing the very thing that's making them go haywire. It's like being miserable at work as an accountant and encouraging others to follow the same career path. As hard and stressful as it may be, having kids is the norm in most people's eyes. It's just "what you do," and if one decides not to have children, people assume sterility is to blame or that something else is wrong.  It's unfair to say that all parents are envious of the childfree, but it's certainly likely that a few of them are. After all, the childfree hav...

We have a tendency to get bogged down over stuff that, in the grand scheme of things, isn't all that important. We fret about toxic people who appear to dislike us but are themselves disliked by most people, insignificant gossip that we worry sullies our reputation at work and elsewhere, and being betrayed by even our closest friends. In other words, we make mountains out of molehills . Life is short, guys. There is no reason to let such negative thoughts infiltrate your mind. Worrying constantly about people hurting you is like worrying over your car breaking down on you right before you have to give the biggest presentation of your life, or your wallet being stolen. There's no use worrying about things so excessively. A better approach is to be proactive so that bad things are less likely to occur. For example, never deign to join the gossip fray at work and talk behind others' backs. That's just asking to become someone else's target. At the same tim...

Your career choice shouldn't be predicated solely on earning potential. While money is important, it means little if you're going to be miserable. I started college as an accounting major. While few other career paths are nearly as lucrative and stable, I just couldn't see myself crunching numbers for the rest of my life. I switched to marketing, which wound up being a much better fit. Many factors beyond money merit consideration, like opportunities for growth, number of hours required, stress, and, most important, whether one actually likes the work. You don't have to be ardently passionate about what you do. After all, you're there to work -- not to have fun. However, your work should be tolerable; if anything, you should enjoy it at least a little. We spend most of our waking hours in the office. Doing something you detest for 40 or more hours a week translates to pure agony -- at least it would for me. One other important factor to consider: Do you su...

From unending chores and attention-seeking children to stressful jobs that squeeze every last drop of energy out of us, our lives seem to get busier by the day. Not only does this place an immense burden on us physically and emotionally, but it is also mentally exhausting, often inducing anxiety, poor eating habits, low libido, sleep deprivation, and frayed relationships with those closest to us. Though certainly not a panacea, making a conscious effort to simplify your life will help you feel more in control of it. What’s more, it’ll keep those nerves in check! So what are some ways that you can keep your life simple? For one, if you’re contemplating having a boatload of kids – say, five or six –  you can rest assured that a plethora of sleepless nights are in your future. Why not just aim for one or two and go from there?  You get the opportunity to experience the joys (and headaches) of parenthood without feeling as though you’ll be changi...

With all the rewards that sex has to offer, it's no surprise most of us are inclined to get as much of it as we can. It feels really good, it's free (assuming it's between you and your partner, of course), and, most important, it can be the key to a healthier, longer life. According to WebMD, the myriad benefits of sex include: 1. Boosting your libido 2. Lowering blood pressure 3. Helping keep your immune system working properly 4. Improving women's bladder control 5. Lowering heart attack risk 6. Lessening pain 7. Serving as good exercise 8. Improving sleep 9. Reducing men's chances of getting prostate cancer 10. Easing stress The health benefits associated with sex are well documented. Not only do sex and intimacy boost your happiness and self-esteem, they reduce anxiety and induce feelings of relaxation. Being that sexual intercourse can result in the conception of a child, it is arguably the most intimate thing you can do with another person. I...

New research published by the Society for Personality and Social Psychology has found a clear link between perfectionism and burnout at work, school, and sports. The findings suggest that perfectionistic concerns create a great deal of stress, resulting in depression, eating disorders, fatigue, anxiety, and even early mortality. Sounds almost counter-intuitive, right? When we're perfectionists, we're aiming to do our very best, so we figure that trying to be perfect at everything can only lead to positive health outcomes. But when things aren't going our way -- say, we can't seem to earn the grades at school or promotion at work we've worked so hard to get -- we start doubting our performance. Such feelings of insecurity can snowball into myriad health issues and interfere with our relationships. We begin viewing every mistake as a setback, and we lash out at people who display genuine concern in us. Not surprisingly, perfectionist concerns had the stronges...

I'm in a stage of my life where I am having trouble relating to some of my friends and family. It's not necessarily a bad thing, but at certain times it makes for a little awkwardness. My wife and I got married close to a year ago. We don't have kids, and we don't drink. That last sentence tells the whole story. By neither having kids nor the interest to drink, you can build a clear divide between yourself and many of those closest to you. I've noticed that people who have kids tend to drink. Some of those people admit that drinking helps them deal with the stress that children, married life, and their jobs bring. I've also observed that those things I'm deeply interested in (reading, writing, museum hopping, movies) either don't appeal to these people or they just don't have the time for them. As you've probably noticed from earlier posts, I am still ambivalent as to whether I want to have kids. Even if I decide to have one, I still wo...