I often hear people grumble over not having a Valentine or person to spend the holidays with, even though they acknowledge that singlehood still has its perks.  The biggest dating mistake keeping folks single is choosing the wrong people based on instant chemistry instead of long-term compatibility . Many people rely too heavily on that initial spark—mistaking attraction or excitement for a genuine connection. The initial connection is so infectious that they reason it has to be something deep and meaningful.  But chemistry alone isn't enough to build an enduring relationship. In fact, once the honeymoon phase has passed, both people's flaws and problems come to the fore. It is then you really know whether the relationship is built to last.  The key to breaking this cycle is: - Focusing not just charm or physical attraction, but on shared values and emotional availability  - Paying close attention to consistency over time—does this person follow through on what they ...

There is no question that online dating opens up a world of possibilities for single men and women that would otherwise not be available to them. But is it an avenue worth exploring? Let's run through the pros and cons.  The pros In a sense, by allowing you to specify what exactly you're looking for -- say, a lad who doesn't smoke, enjoys sports, and has sworn off marriage -- these sites take a lot of the pesky guesswork out of the dating grind. You can swap pictures and engage in phone/video chats prior to meeting in person, which can help you both assess compatibility.  Plus, it's much less nerve-racking to "approach" someone virtually than it is cold turkey at a loud nightclub where they might be surrounded by friends.  As with all else, there are drawbacks There are definite downsides to online dating. I know this from personal experience, as I met a few ladies in person back in the day whom I'd first stumbled upon via America Online. For those Gen Zer...

When I was young and knew little to nothing about dating, I thought that pouring my heart and soul early on would somehow make the objection of my affection feel similarly toward me. Unfortunately, after a couple of failed attempts, I realized this approach was doing the exact opposite: repelling the girls and landing me in the dreaded friend zone.  Heaping compliments and gifts on someone not long after you've met them communicates -- often unwittingly -- that you're desperate.  Expressing such intense feelings right out of the gate not only puts a world of pressure on the other person, but it gives them little time to get to know you.  No one is going to be head over heels for someone who makes them their universe, who worships the ground they walk on, after only a few dates.  Understandably, they might question how you can be so smitten when you barely know them.  Chances are they won't buy it and will assume you're either trying to woo them into bed or use t...

Chances are, you or someone you know has dipped their toes in the realm of online dating. For every story of an offline meeting that culminates in a fairy tale story wedding, there is an awful experience that the people in question would be happy to forget. The biggest plus of online dating, as I see it, is that you know exactly what romantic prospects are looking for. You can filter search results so that only those who, say, are single, interested in a romantic relationship, and don't drink come up. This not only saves a lot of time, but it removes a lot of the guesswork involved in determining whether someone makes a good match. When you approach someone at a bar, however, you don't really know whether they're married and just there to get their mind off of work. Not to mention some people become visibly annoyed when they sense they're being watched or courted -- whether it's because they're having a bad day, the time and place aren't right,...

You know you're with the wrong person if you find yourself behaving in ways that don't come naturally to you just so you can appease your partner. In other words, you fundamentally change aspects of your personality and character just to secure the person's approval, which you're sure will translate into relationship bliss. As I've suggested in earlier posts, there's always room for some flexibility and compromise, but you should not feel like a radically different person when you're with your significant other. Perhaps you're not into spicy food, football, or museum hopping like your partner is, but you make the effort to partake in such activities because he or she enjoys them. At the same time, you might expect them to participate when it comes to your leisurely pursuits, whether fishing, painting, or watching National Geographic. But let's say you're a quiet, introverted person by nature, and gradually you come to the realization th...

It's a question that gets thrown my way quite frequently. While others may maintain that only one soulmate exists for every individual on this planet, I contend that there's more than one person in the world with whom we can have a fruitful relationship/marriage. Otherwise, no one would ever remarry in the event that their first marriage goes awry. To assert that the person you're with is the only person you can achieve a deep physical, mental, and spiritual connection with -- and that no one else could fill those shoes -- is, in my view, very naive. What if you'd been born at a different time or in a different place?  What if you had met someone a year before you came across your partner? What if you had opted not to go to that college, party, coffee shop, or other venue where you and your significant other first locked eyes? Exactly. You could very well be with someone else right now. Context and happenstance matter. I'm not saying that we can hook ...

Many people make the grave mistake of saying "I love you" just a couple of weeks into their relationship. In my view, you can't really love a person that early in the game. You're merely getting to know each other at this juncture. Six months to a year makes more sense. At this point, you likely have a better sense as to the person's flaws, how strong your chemistry is, and whether the relationship is built to survive the honeymoon stage. If the "l" word is thrown around prematurely, it could signal to the other person that you have an ulterior motive in mind, whether it's to get in their pants or simply have someone around following a tough breakup. Telling someone you love them is a huge thing -- probably the most significant event in a relationship after being proposed to. Don't rush into it. Don't tell someone you love them until you feel you're ready.

Contrary to popular opinion, opposites do not attract. Studies have proven that the reverse is true: the more two people are alike, the better the chemistry. That's not to say that people can't have dissimilarities. We should all have interests, values, and beliefs that distinguish us from our partner. A relationship in which both people are almost exactly alike leaves little to the imagination and is unlikely to sustain both partners' interest over the long haul. We should each bring something different to the relationship. There's nothing wrong with challenging and learning from one another. However, your interests and beliefs shouldn't diverge to the point where you're both arguing and trying to one-up each other constantly. There are simply some cases where saying it isn't a match made in heaven is an understatement: An atheist and a devout Christian A hardcore liberal and a staunch conservative  A chronic slob and an obsessive neat freak A p...