I often hear people grumble over not having a Valentine or person to spend the holidays with, even though they acknowledge that singlehood still has its perks.  The biggest dating mistake keeping folks single is choosing the wrong people based on instant chemistry instead of long-term compatibility . Many people rely too heavily on that initial spark—mistaking attraction or excitement for a genuine connection. The initial connection is so infectious that they reason it has to be something deep and meaningful.  But chemistry alone isn't enough to build an enduring relationship. In fact, once the honeymoon phase has passed, both people's flaws and problems come to the fore. It is then you really know whether the relationship is built to last.  The key to breaking this cycle is: - Focusing not just charm or physical attraction, but on shared values and emotional availability  - Paying close attention to consistency over time—does this person follow through on what they ...

I was raised by my mom, grandma, and two older sisters.  Growing up, never did I ever take any interest in the girls at school who tended toward exposing more skin. I always treated them as I would my female family members -- with the utmost courtesy and respect.  And anytime I suspected that a male friend or acquaintance of mine adopted a hump-and-dump attitude toward women, I nixed them from my life. I held men who treated women as objects in very low regard, and still do to this day. If women feel empowered to show off their bodies because they love and work hard on their physique, more power to them. In other words, if they're doing it to please THEMSELVES and no one else, good for them.  However, those who do it specifically to curry men's favor are making a big mistake. It sends the wrong signals and actually makes it less likely that a man will want to stick around for a committed relationship (if that's what you want as anyway).  Granted, if you're not lookin...

Studies show that someone may display interest in you only because you liked them first. Needless to say, the human ego is at work here. Few things feel as great as knowing you tickle someone's fancy, so long as you're not perceived to be a creep, weirdo, or stalker of some kind. If you find them attractive, they may be flattered and think you have good taste. And then once they show interest in you, you may be flattered and think they have good taste. Thus, we have a cycle in which interpersonal attraction grows on both sides. But as we all know, attraction can ebb and flow over the course of the relationship. Lusty attraction in the context of the so-called honeymoon stage -- where both partners see each other in the most favorable light -- doesn't last forever. Once the relationship begins to mature and both individuals grow more comfortable with each other, those intense feelings give way to comfort and security -- though that isn't to say the mutu...

Is it possible for someone to pilfer your partner from you? The answer is no. No one is forcing your partner to leave you. His or her decision to bolt into the arms of someone else is a conscious move on their part.  Even if the other man or woman deliberately tried to woo your partner with their bulging muscles or feminine wiles, the latter is still at fault for falling into temptation and decimating your trust.  Being seduced is no excuse for cheating on one's partner.  If one feels drawn to someone else -- whether physically, emotionally, or both-- they have two options before going down the slippery slope of infidelity: 1. Telling that person to back off and having a serious conversation with their partner in an effort to rekindle attraction and closeness.   2. Ending the relationship before commencing a new one with the other man or woman.  At least, that would be the mature, thoughtful way to handle the situation. ...

Ah, the friend zone... that dreaded place no one who's head over heels ever wants to venture to. When someone we care deeply for thinks of us only as a friend, a whole host of emotions can come over us -- from embarrassment to sadness to hopelessness. But we needn't despair. Here's what can happen going forward: 1. Once we realize the feelings aren't being reciprocated, we may decide to move on, causing the relationship to fizzle out. 2. We accept that the person wishes to keep it platonic and we carry on as friends. 3. We continue to pursue them even though they've made it clear they don't hold the same feelings for us. In this scenario, they may feel badgered and tell us to leave them alone. Or, they may eventually give in, much to our delight. Most of us have been friend zoned at one point or another. We have to remind ourselves that it's not the end of the world, even though we convince ourselves that we'll never find anyone as wonder...

Have you ever stopped and considered how illogical attraction can be? Let me give you an example by taking you down memory lane. Remember back when you were in elementary, middle, or high school and there always seemed to be one particular guy or girl whom everyone seemed to like? Don't get me wrong: It makes sense why they would have many admirers. They tended to be good looking and popular (probably on the cheerleading squad or football team) and had tons of friends. Chances are they became prom king/queen. Maybe even you jumped on the bandwagon and counted yourself among the lovestruck. What I've always wondered is: Did all of those kids really like the student in question, or did they just express interest them because everyone else did? I can honestly say that I "fell" for the girl all the guys liked, and it was in middle school. Once the dust had settled, I realized that I didn't have feelings for the girl after all. I had just fallen for a...

We've all heard the axiom, "True beauty comes from within." And I agree wholeheartedly, which is why I've used it in several of my posts. But, in my view, those who say looks don't matter at all are flat-out kidding themselves. Yes, looks should never be the thrust of any relationship. The glue that holds two people together is a deep, emotional connection. But the fact of the matter is that, for better or worse, the first thing our eyes go to is one's physical appearance. Allow me to pose a few pointed questions: Would you want to date someone who weighs 700 pounds? Would you hire the job candidate who shows up to the job interview unshaven and in bedraggled clothing? Would you set your daughter up with a kid sporting a shirt that says, "I'm your next one night stand"? If you answered "no" to any of the above, you care about looks and first impressions to a certain degree. The truth is that we all do, even if some of u...

Women, especially very attractive ones who have countless guys chasing after them, can't help but feel totally attracted to men who challenge  them. Now, a distinction should be made between challenging women and playing games with them. If not returning texts and trying to make the woman jealous is his idea of challenging her, he's in for a rude awakening. As surprising as it may seem to some men, women don't want to feel or be told they're right all the time. They want a man to stand up for what he believes in, even if it ruffles her feathers and runs contrary to her longstanding beliefs or opinions. Why? Because it betrays a sense of confidence , which women find irresistible. It conveys that whether or not she agrees with him, he's going to speak his mind -- in a firm if diplomatic manner. Many men avoid doing this for fear that she'll get upset and lose interest. But this couldn't be farther from the truth. The last thing a woman wants...

Women don't fall for jerks... They fall for confident men . In my view, no attribute draws women more to men than self-confidence . Self-confidence is the ultimate attraction builder. He doesn't have to be the best-looking, richest, smartest, or funniest man. Of course, all of those enhance his appeal, but they're not nearly as consequential. A man who knows what he wants and goes for it full throttle, in most women's eyes, is an irresistible aphrodisiac. Women love men who will let nothing or no one get in the way of their dreams -- even the women themselves. They love it when men exhibit boundless ambition. Unfortunately, too many men mistakenly assume that giving women flowers and compliments is all that's needed to build attraction. Women are highly perceptive -- they know when you're going overboard on the flattery just to get in their pants or win their approval. But that's just the thing. A confident man doesn't need a woman's appr...

Many people vow never to forgive those who have cheated on them, and they're within their rights to do so. Here's my take: If a cheater shows immense contrition -- he or she issues a genuine, heartfelt apology -- then maybe they deserve to be forgiven. However, this in no way means that you ever have to trust or want to reconcile with them ever again. After such a flagrant breach of trust, how can you ever expect the person not to repeat the offense? Surprisingly, many people with hearts of gold give cheaters a second chance. I simply wouldn't be able to do that if I were cheated on. If I cheated on someone -- though I neither have nor ever would -- I wouldn't expect my partner to take me back, as I know the irreparable damage it can cause a relationship and on the wronged partner's psyche. The cheating partner has no right to push the other person to get back with him or her. Once he or she says "no," the person should respectfully back of...

One of the biggest mistakes people can make when dating is disclosing too early how they feel about the other person. Here are a few examples: Saying "I love you" after only a couple of dates Pouring out one's soul about their feelings after a short period of time Giving the person compliments that both people know are undeserved  Whether you feel this strongly about the person or not, it's never wise to tip your hand so early in the game. Why? Well, where's the mystery in that? All those things that lead to a full-fledged relationship -- attraction, feelings, love -- take time to build. Nature has to take its course; things can't be forced or rushed.  When a person professes his love after one or two dates, it reeks of desperation and can lead his date to question his motives.  There's something to be said for leaving the other person guessing, at least in the very beginning. A bit of mystery creates intrigue and leaves the other y...

Whether you're currently in a long-term relationship or haven't been involved with anyone for several years, how long was it before you felt you were falling for him or her? I find the dynamics of relationships and attraction to be fascinating. Usually, it starts with one person (which tends to be the male) feeling attraction toward and courting the other. But let's face it: Sometimes it takes a while for a man to grow on a woman, if it ever happens. Just because he says nice things to her and gives her flowers doesn't guarantee her feelings for him will be anything more than platonic. In other cases, the woman goes along with it, but it's hard to distinguish whether she has feelings for the guy or is just doing it for the attention. Human beings don't like to be lonely, and some of us would much rather settle for someone we know isn't right for us than face uncertain dating prospects in the future. In addition, women are conscious of their "b...

...use your superpower to find out which people: - like or dislike you (among those you know, obviously) - find you physically attractive (among those you know as well as people you've never met before I think the first of the two is easier to infer without possessing said superpower. So I want to focus on the second exercise in this post. Imagine how many people you've seen in your life whom you've found physically attractive, but just never worked up the nerve to say anything -- and vice-versa. If men could see into women's minds and know which ones find them good looking, you can rest assured that many more people in the world would be getting dates -- and getting lucky, for that matter. Attraction is largely a guessing game. While some people are fairly proficient at picking up signals, others are flat-out clueless. Men are usually notoriously bad at gauging women's interest in them. Many assume that if a woman makes even brief eye contact, she must b...

There's a scene in the movie "Ghosts of Girlfriends Past" where Michael Douglas' character, ostensibly a philandering playboy type, tells his nephew that whoever cares least in a relationship has all the power. I replayed this line in my head for days, trying to assess whether it holds water as far as the relationships I've had in my own life. Here's what I've concluded: While I think it's preposterous to assume that you can gain the upper hand by deliberately being indifferent and standoffish, it is true that you can lose points by being overly nice and accommodating -- a doormat, if you will. If you let your partner step all over you and fail to stand up for yourself, you're letting him take advantage of and flat-out disrespect you. Once this becomes the norm, then yes, you have basically ceded all the power in the relationship to your partner. Like everything else in life, moderation works best. You don't have to shower your partne...

There's a raging debate as to whether men and women can have platonic relationships. Some people respond with an adamant no, claiming that members of the opposite sex use "friendship" to mask hidden feelings of attraction toward one another. Others vehemently assert that, yes, men and women can in fact maintain a friendly bond without there being any romantic strings attached. I'm in the latter camp, and here's why: I am friends with a wide range of women whom I hold absolutely no romantic feelings for. Though looks certainly aren't everything, physical attraction plays a role in the early stages of courtship. Many of these female friends have radiant personalities that many men would indeed be drawn to; however, they're just not my type physically. Or, it could be the other way around. I may find her physically attractive, but we're simply too far apart when it comes to hobbies, priorities, or overall lifestyles. I think it's simply ab...