It's a question asked of me quite often. In the rough-and-tumble that is the dating world, do you stand out if you actually care less? Well, that depends on the people we're dealing with. Take a blonde bombshell who gets asked out all the time, with guys buying her flowers and candy left and right. Then, out of nowhere comes an attractive guy who isn't swooning over her. Though friendly, he treats her as he would any other woman he meets. She doesn't know for sure whether he's interested in her -- something she, quite frankly, is unaccustomed to -- and that piques her interest. The guy is effectively posing a challenge, and she's compelled to unearth why he doesn't allow himself to be made putty in her hands like all the other chumps do. That being said, giving off a more non-chalant vibe might work when the target is very attractive and has no shortage of options to choose from. Some people perceive those who give them the cold shoulder to...

When you think about the person you wish to spend the rest of your life (assuming you have yet to find him or her), which qualities come to mind? Chances are, you want this individual to be kind, loving, smart, funny, loyal, honest, communicative, responsible, hard-working, and the like. But these desirable attributes don't mean didly squat if the partner in question expresses no interest in being with you long-term -- assuming that, too, is what you yearn for with them.  Maybe you've been with someone for four years who hasn't so much as broached the topic of marriage. Or, perhaps you ask them what they picture their life being like in a few years and they fire off a slew of items on their To Do List -- traveling, meeting new people, launching a business -- that seem to have little or nothing to do with you. Being with someone who fears commitment -- the kind I've termed commitmentphobes -- can be emotionally draining. You just never quite know whether th...

One hotly debated topic is whether women should come out of pocket early on in the relationship. When asked, some women retort with an emphatic "no" while others assert that a woman should indeed offer to help out. While opinions will vary, my take is as follows: I think it's a nice gesture when a woman offers to pay for something, however small. It doesn't have to be lunch or dinner, but maybe a bag of popcorn at the movies, a game at the local fair, or even a movie rental via Redbox or Amazon. He may still go ahead and pay himself, but it's the thought that counts -- and he will certainly appreciate the thought. It demonstrates to the guy that she's invested -- whether emotionally, mentally, or financially. However, each person's financial situation ought to be considered. If either is strapped for cash -- maybe they recently got laid off -- it's only fair for the other to step up for the time being. Some women are certainly more ...

Being single certainly isn't as bad as some make it out to be. Sure, it's nice to have a partner to hug on Valentine's Day, exchange gifts with during the holidays, and accompany you to work/social functions. But the reality is that singlehood affords myriad benefits as well, including: Not having to deal with a partner's drama. Being free to watch whatever you want on TV. Not having to compromise on where to eat dinner or which movie to watch at the theater. Having more time to enjoy hobbies/solitary pursuits. Not having to spend money on your partner.  Not having to confront meddling in laws.  Having more time for friends and relatives.  Even if ultimately you do long for a serious relationship, marriage, and the whole kit and caboodle, it doesn't mean you can't capitalize on your freedom.  In fact, it gives you time to scout possible love interests. When you know you're enjoying the single life, you're in no hurry to hook up. It...

Many people ask me whether a relationship or marriage can withstand the devastating blow dealt by a partner's infidelity. My answer? It depends. Some may, and some most certainly won't. You see, once a person cheats, their partner can never look at them in the same light ever again no matter how hard they may try.  Even if the victim finds it in their heart to give their significant other another chance, such an abominable breach of trust gives way to future suspicion of the cheater's motives. Are they really heading out to the gym at 9 p.m., and, if so, whom do they interact with there? Are they truly texting a friend as they say they are? If so, why must they do it during dinner and at late hours of the night? The cheater may thus come to resent having all his moves put under a microscope given his pledge to make amends for his wrongdoings. The victim might retort that their behavior is justified. After all, they forgave the cheater for straying in the re...

We all have experience making a gaffe or two on a first date. Maybe we've arrived late, accidentally tripped, hesitated when asked a personal question, or inadvertently burped. While these are all unintentional slips, some people make a far more damaging mistake -- one that precludes the possibility of a second date. If there's something that can send your date running for the hills in no time, it's moving too fast.  Here are just a few examples of ways that someone can overdo it on a first date: Getting touchy Trying to plant a kiss too quickly Mentioning meeting each other's friends and parents Discussing long-term plans, like becoming exclusive and getting married People have to remember that this is a first date! Take a deep breath, relax, and enjoy yourself without getting all wrapped up in the serious stuff so soon.  You will cross that bridge once you get there, provided that the two of you are compatible and wish to continue seeing eac...

Have you ever been turned down by someone you really, really dig? It can be a real bummer when a person you fancy is unable to reciprocate the feelings you have for them. But you mustn't let such an outcome get you down. Everyone experiences rejection at some point or another. It's not a reflection of your physical appearance or character necessarily. It is simply indicative of the fact that different people have different taste. Maybe you fall a little short (no pun intended) when it comes to their preferred height, or they're seeking someone who's more on the adventurous side. Or, perhaps they realize the two of you have chemistry, but they're already in a relationship. Or it may very well be that they just got out of a rocky marriage and wish to remain single for now. In other words, you may not meet that specific person's criteria, but it certainly doesn't mean that'll be the case with every man or woman you pursue. You will eventua...

A relationship begins to decay as soon as one or both partners gets in the habit of personalizing blame.  The formal psychological term for this is “causal attribution.” In a nutshell, when something goes wrong, one person can assign blame to the other by attributing the problem to what they perceive as his or her weaknesses, flaws, or characteristic behavior. The accuser make things personal by beginning sentences with the word “you." Examples may include: “You never listen” "You always screw it up" “You’re always too busy” "You're never on time" "You never take my feelings into account" "This is so typical of you" It goes without saying that this type of attribution can be catastrophic. Personalizing blame can elicit defensive behavior from the other person that may potentially lead to a vicious cycle of blame. Once one person starts pointing the finger, the other tends to follow suit. And if neither is willing ...

What's worse than being home by yourself while all your friends and family are out and about? That's easy: A relationship in which your partner makes you feel lonely. Think about it. You're with someone whom you turn to for affection, attention, and advice. But whether it's because your partner is always working, traveling, indifferent, or in their own world mentally, your needs always go unmet. You feel as though you're living by yourself, but you're really not. It can be like crying out for help and never receiving a response. If you've raised the issue with your partner but still seem unable to get through to him or her, it might be time to decide whether you should seek counseling, or if you're better off pulling the plug altogether. It has been scientifically proven that loneliness distorts our perceptions of our relationships. Studies have discovered that merely asking people to recall times they felt lonely was sufficient to make t...

How many people have you come across in your life who have been envious of something you possess or have accomplished? Maybe it's the new car you bought or the Hamilton tickets you managed to snag. Perhps it's the promotion you landed as a result of your hard work. Or perhaps they envy your fairytale-like marriage. While I've emphasized that material possessions don't bring us lasting happiness, you have every right to acquire and enjoy whatever you please. As long as you're not spending recklessly and hurting yourself or others in the process, what you buy with your hard-earned money is no one else's business. People should focus on themselves and quit worrying about what others are buying, whether it be cheap or expensive.  The problem is that human beings have this seemingly unshakeable tendency to compare themselves to other people.  Certain individuals can't live with the fact that others may have a better house, a prettier spouse,...

Earlier this week, I watched a video on psychological techniques employed in marketing and advertising. One of the subjects they talked about extends well beyond the world of promotion. In fact, it's something we do in our lives quite often, sometimes to our detriment. They touched upon what is called the focusing illusion.  In a nutshell, it means that the more you think about something, the more importance you assign it. The moment you convince yourself that you're hungry, you might not want to do anything else until you've grabbed something to nosh on. And you might find yourself unable to stop thinking about an ad you saw on TV promoting the Starbucks pumpkin spice latte the night before. Moreover, we tend to see the focusing illusion in action when it comes to those things that make us excited, nervous, or sad. A couple of examples include: Not being able to take your mind off a new girl you just met Being consumed by negative thoughts as your doctor...

Many people swear by the notion that there is only have one person in the world whom we can call our "soulmate." In their view, destiny has picked out one individual who complements them on myriad levels -- physically, mentally, emotionally, and even spiritually -- like no one else. And the ones lucky enough to be in long-term relationships, not surprisingly, say they're confident their partner is their other half. But is this really true? Can only one person in this entire world -- mind you, there are 7.6 billion human beings living on this planet -- be ideally suited for us? While I would love to believe that life plays out like a fairy tale, I can't subscribe to the idea that we couldn't click and carry on successful relationships with several people -- whether we live in London or Las Vegas. Instead, I believe that we can have varying degrees of compatibility with different people, and it's up to us to decide which differences are too much to bea...

Whether you're on a date or talking to a potential suitor online for the first time, the wrong person for you is the one who compels you to act in unnatural ways just so you can gain their approval. Here are a few examples of ways we may project a phony representation of ourselves: You try to be funnier or more sociable than you really are.  You're dishonest about your past relationships, dreams, goals, and the like. You force yourself to like sushi, Harry Potter movies, or the Yankees just to impress him or her, even though none interest you at all.  In other words, you try to become someone you're not -- all for the sake of making a favorable impression on the other person. But do you honestly want the person you end up with to feel drawn to the person they think you are -- or the person you really are? Why would you go such lengths for an individual who could walk away tomorrow? That's just putting the relationship on shaky ground from the get go....

Sometimes it's hard to accept the fact that certain people whom we were once very close to know nothing about our lives anymore. I've noted the reasons why people can drift apart in other posts. Some of those include: A major life change (marriage, kids, etc.) Someone moves far away A job change that places major demands on the person  One person begins to hang out with a different crowd When both people experience such lifestyle changes simultaneously (e.g., both graduate from college at the same time), the changes don't feel nearly as drastic, and the adjustment process can is almost seemless. But when only one person changes course, the other is often left with a major void in his or her life. This happened to me a few years ago. My closest friend -- the best man at my wedding, in fact -- moved to a city 5 hours away from me. Though we see each other occasionally, our friendship hasn't been the same since. If I'm lucky, I'm able to get ...

Is your neighbor jealous of that new car you worked so hard to buy? Let them. Is your perpetually single coworker envious of your 20-year marriage? Let them. Does your friend begrudge you the passion you have toward your hobbies and life itself? So be it. Let's face it: Not only is it impossible to please everyone, but there will always be someone who will try to put us down for the simple fact that they lack something we have. Don't pay any attention to them. Rather than satisfying your urge to confront or lash out on this individual, you could try to share your positive vibes. See if your zest for life rubs off on them. That way, they are more likely to focus on what they already have rather than yearn for what they're missing. Or, they can set and work toward goals rather than harp on what others possess, which is really none of their business. Now, if you go around boasting of your possessions in person or on Facebook, you may very well be engendering such...

My wife and I have been together for 12-and-a-half years, of which over three have been as a married couple. I often reflect on the beginning of the relationship, which was surely a magical time. We were both juniors in college with ample butterflies in our stomachs. Our relationship came as something of a surprise, as we had met in the 6th grade and didn't see or speak to one another again until the year we hooked up -- which, by the way, came almost a decade later after reconnecting on MySpace! Now that we've been married and living together for several years, it's easy to see how different things are from the way they were when we got together. Aside from the obvious (e.g., you're not as embarrassed to fart in front of one another), you essentially become a team once you're married -- one that has far more important things to worry about than simply choosing what movie to watch or restaurant to dine at. From bills to helping the kids with homework, marri...

The key to being happier isn't having everything you want, for that just isn't feasible. The key to being happier is  achieving balance. It's recognizing that although every single thing in your life may not be perfect -- your job, your marriage, your relationships with friends and family -- it could be worse. It's acknowledging that you can work on bettering your life while appreciating what you already have. There are aspects to our job that we may love -- say, the salary, benefits, and very mission of the company we work for. But we may be less thrilled about the people we work with, starting with our boss. Your spouse could be helplessly messy and disorganized, and yet they're still a loving partner and parent. And while you may butt heads with your friends, they may always be there for you when you're in a bind. Life is all about taking calculated risks. The grass may very well be greener on the other side -- but it may not. We must guard ag...

It's a question that gets thrown my way quite frequently. While others may maintain that only one soulmate exists for every individual on this planet, I contend that there's more than one person in the world with whom we can have a fruitful relationship/marriage. Otherwise, no one would ever remarry in the event that their first marriage goes awry. To assert that the person you're with is the only person you can achieve a deep physical, mental, and spiritual connection with -- and that no one else could fill those shoes -- is, in my view, very naive. What if you'd been born at a different time or in a different place?  What if you had met someone a year before you came across your partner? What if you had opted not to go to that college, party, coffee shop, or other venue where you and your significant other first locked eyes? Exactly. You could very well be with someone else right now. Context and happenstance matter. I'm not saying that we can hook ...

Just like the only constant in life is change, the same can be said for relationships. Can you point to a relationship in your life -- whether with a friend, your partner, or an old coworker -- that is exactly the same as when you first met the person? Relationships evolve, just like the people in them. They go hand in hand. Experiences and lifestyle changes lead to changes in both individuals, which in turn effects change in the relationship. If that weren't so, we'd remain very close with every person we've called a friend. But we all know factors like distance, scheduling conflicts, our job, marriage, and kids can change the dynamics of a relationship. It isn't always easy to swallow such changes, but that's what life is all about -- adapting to changing circumstances. Sometimes people change for the better -- like when they give up smoking, become more helpful around the house, and so on. In other cases, however, people can behave in ways detrime...

One of my favorite quotes of all time comes from poet Robert Frost: "In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on." Indeed, for better or worse, things will never go back to the way they used to be in our lives. We change and the people in our lives change, which in turn means that our relationships evolve.  Some of us are lucky enough to have friendships that have remained mostly intact for many years -- ones we forged as early as childhood.  But such friendships are a rare breed.  Our experiences over time affect virtually every facet of our lives: personality, lifestyle, beliefs, attitudes, taste in food and music, and so on.  Nothing changes a friendship quite like a major lifestyle change -- from moving to getting married and having kids.  But change isn't always a bad thing. How would we grow if our lives all remained the same? It doesn't mean our relationships have to end; they simply evolve....