If you observe any of these behaviors in people around you -- whether a partner, friend, or co-worker -- it's an unequivocal signal that you've got a toxic problem on your hands -- no ifs or buts about it!  1. They consistently make you doubt YOUR  own reality.  Better known as gaslighting, if someone twists facts to make you feel wrong or crazy, that’s manipulation, not miscommunication. Trust your instincts and know when to call people out on their BS!  2. They celebrate your failures or secretly root AGAINST your success. A real friend or partner supports you. They want you to thrive irrespective of their own successes. If someone revels in your setbacks, however, they don't have your best interests at heart -- they’re just plain toxic! 3. They cross your boundaries after you’ve made them LOUD and CLEAR. Mistakes can happen once, but repeatedly ignoring your boundaries is deliberate. Whether it's the male colleague who persists in getting all handsy or the friend ...

When we're in a happy mood -- whether because we nabbed a promotion or landed a date with someone we've had our eye on -- we don't hesitate to express our emotions. We might smile, laugh, cheer, post a buoyant message on social media, or treat your friends to celebratory drinks. But things play out quite differently when we're going through a rough patch in our lives. We might instead hide our emotions -- sadness, anger, jealousy -- because we don't want to worry others or compel them to probe. As a result, we might turn down invitations to attend parties, call it a night unusually early, and shelve the kinds of things we look forward to when we're in better spirits, like hobbies.  There's nothing wrong with playing your cards close to your chest. In particular, I discourage anyone from bringing your feelings to light on social media unless you've altered your settings so that only those closest to you -- the ones you genuinely trust -- see those posts. ...

Many of my readers have maintained that a key reason they're afraid to jump into a new relationship is because of the disastrous, toxic one they've only just escaped. Fair enough. And you deserve time to grieve the end of the relationship, for even though your life is sure to improve for the better, getting used to not having him or her in your life (especially if you'd been with them for many years) is an adjustment that doesn't happen overnight.  However, I do take issue with people, once ready to get back in the relationship saddle, turning down great opportunities, because, well, their ex John or Beth was a nightmare and this new potential partner may be just the same. Only by giving people a chance do you give yourself the opportunity to move on.  I understand feeling vulnerable and wanting to erect something of an emotional wall at first to protect your feelings.  But you can't allow the ghost of your ex to haunt you forever.  For all you know, this person wil...

Want to get to know people better?  Try to have one-to-one conversations with them. I've found that people tend to be more open and genuine in one-to-one conversations than they are when other people are around. Add more people to the equation and people begin putting on a facade just to fit in and make a good impression, particularly if several people in the conversation know each other. That's not to say it can't happen in a one-to-one conversation -- especially when both individuals met only recently -- but the chances of that happening are slimmer. When it's just you and another person, you're more vulnerable. Efforts be silly in order to elicit laughs may blow up in your face, and there's no one else around to back you up in case you say something you may regret. In addition, more participants bring more noise into the conversation. Suddenly you have people talking and shouting over another, not to mention going off on tangents. This makes it mu...

I've made what I -- and several others -- consider to be an astute observation:  Many people become highly obnoxious when they get together with other people -- whether their friends, coworkers, or others they're close to.  They become looser and less conscious of their surroundings, which often translates into firing off cuss words and lame jokes. Such behavior is only magnified when drinks are involved. I don't take any issue with people having fun with their friends. It's being so silly as to be annoying -- getting drunk, joining forces to demean others, making fools of themselves -- that gets on my nerves.  As I've pointed out in prior entries, people tend toward civilized behavior when they're alone because there's no audience to impress. They don't have to worry about channeling someone else's behavior -- being "part of the group" -- because no one else is there. Thus, when people are alone, they're more vulne...