In relationships, there’s one pivotal factor that often goes unnoticed until it's too late. It’s not about communication, trust, or even love. While these are not unimportant, there’s something more fundamental that shapes the way we connect with our partners. This overlooked element can either strengthen the ties between you or cause subtle fissures that may widen over time. So, what is this game-changing factor? It’s emotional availability . Emotional availability is the ability to be present, to listen and respond to your partner’s feelings, and to share your own emotions in a healthy, honest way.  When both partners are emotionally available, they create a safe space for each other to express worries, desires, and vulnerabilities without fear of judgment, reprisal, or rejection. This emotional connection is the foundation upon which intimacy, trust, and understanding can thrive. However, when one or both partners are emotionally unavailable, even the most loving relationships c...

The past two or three years have felt like something of a blur -- a weird dream of sorts that we can't seem to wake up from. We'd never before experienced a pandemic in our lifetimes, and neither had our parents or likely even our grandparents. Between lockdowns and social distancing/mask mandates, COVID-19 seemed the perfect recipe for isolation and all of the adverse outcomes that spring from it, including anxiety and depression.  Now, this isn't to say that we've all felt helplessly lonely during these rather unusual times. Introverts -- those like me who recharge through solitude -- have welcomed with open arms some of the changes brought on by the pandemic. Among them are wider acceptance of staying home rather than partying out, people settling for WhatsApp video conversations vs. face-to-face encounters, and, at last, companies giving employees the flexibility to work from home regularly.  Still, the more extroverted folks among us who relish in-person connection...

If I asked you which would be easier to tolerate -- hunger or loneliness -- what would you say? Hopefully, none of you have ever suffered through a prolonged lack of food or social intimacy -- both terrible circumstances far too many people are grappling with in this pandemic.  But on the question of which is more corrosive to our mental health, studies suggest they're two sides of the same coin: People who are forced to be isolated crave social interactions similarly to the manner a famished individual longs for food.  After one day of total isolation, the sight of people having fun together activates the same brain region that lights up when someone who hasn't eaten all day sees a picture of a bowl of scrumptious spaghetti. This bolsters the argument that positive social interactions aren't simply good-to-haves, but a basic human need. And acute loneliness, for its part, is an adverse state that drives people to repair what is lacking, much like hunger.  In both cases, ...

Have you ever felt desperate to jump into a relationship -- whether out of fear of loneliness, pressure from peers or family members, or merely to have someone around for special occasions like Christmas and Valentine's Day? I can understand the yearning to have someone at your side, experiencing the highs and lows of life with you. Having a partner can offer myriad benefits. It's great to have a shoulder to lean on/ear to listen to you on those really tough days, just as it is to have a partner to share in your successes. Assuming one has a wonderful partner who goes out of his or her way to make them happy, a companion can undoubtedly be a blessing. But no one should jump into a relationship unless/until they feel the time is right. Your friends may try to hook you up with an acquaintance whom you don't necessarily deem attractive or your type. Maybe you're talking to a guy online who wants to move a little faster than you feel is appropriate. Always let...

Breakups can be unexpected and emotionally taxing. But every now and then, two former partners decide it give it another shot. The pair may very well feel that they're happier together, having realized during their time apart that their lives aren't as rich without the other person. Perhaps they tried dating a few others beforehand but none could hold a candle to their old flame. Friends or relatives of the two considering reuniting may advise against the move, claiming it's a train wreck waiting to happen. Others may be a little bit more sanguine about their prospects, possibly intimating that they never felt the lovebirds should part ways. The reason why they broke up in the first place should always be factored in. For example, if someone cheated, can the other person really trust them? Similarly, if someone broke things off because, say, they needed space, or for undisclosed reasons, who's to say they won't do it again? Partners have every righ...

Want to know the most ironic thing about those who are full of themselves? It's that people who are full of themselves are mostly empty on the inside.  If someone is heavily preoccupied with themselves, it can only mean that they're aiming to compensate for something they perceive as lacking. They can't quite put a finger on what's missing, so what do they do? Spend hundreds of dollars and countless hours on clothing, makeup, cars, and the like. So what might these people be trying to compensate for? It could include: Low self-esteem A sagging level of confidence Loneliness Feeling as though their life lacks direction  It's no surprise that many people who were perceived as bad boys/girls in their younger years later admit that they were the farthest thing away from tough and confident.  They simply rebelled as a way of channeling the discontent they felt about and in their lives. Let us make a clear distinction between confidence and co...

What's worse than being home by yourself while all your friends and family are out and about? That's easy: A relationship in which your partner makes you feel lonely. Think about it. You're with someone whom you turn to for affection, attention, and advice. But whether it's because your partner is always working, traveling, indifferent, or in their own world mentally, your needs always go unmet. You feel as though you're living by yourself, but you're really not. It can be like crying out for help and never receiving a response. If you've raised the issue with your partner but still seem unable to get through to him or her, it might be time to decide whether you should seek counseling, or if you're better off pulling the plug altogether. It has been scientifically proven that loneliness distorts our perceptions of our relationships. Studies have discovered that merely asking people to recall times they felt lonely was sufficient to make t...

Society peddles the tired notion that one isn't truly content unless they're married or in a relationship. Our culture, as you've probably noticed, is highly relationship-centric. Valentine's Day, dating apps, celebrity weddings, juicy hookups bantered about at work. Our Facebook News Feeds replete with articles and memes pertaining to love and relationships, not to mention posts of people professing their love for their partner. We might as well call it what it really is: a craze. An obsession, if you will. There's no question that relationships are a wonderful thing. Who doesn't love to hear stories of couples getting engaged on the Eiffel Tower or celebrating their 50th anniversary? A person can derive a wealth of benefits -- physical, emotional, and financial -- from being partnered up. Provided one is in a healthy relationship, a person's significant other can greatly enrich their life, being there to cheer their successes and help them throug...

Whether you've been with someone for a long time or only just recently began dating them, you may find yourself doing just about everything you can to keep the relationship strong. Sadly, not everyone is similarly disposed. Staying in a relationship makes no sense when you are the only one investing in it -- physically, mentally, and emotionally. Relationships cannot maintain themselves. Just like an air conditioner or refrigerator can't operate without routine maintenance, a relationship is not self-sustaining. Moreover, it isn't fair for only one person to shoulder all the work. Each partner deserves to feel loved and appreciated. Each person should feel as though the other has their best interests at heart. Sticking around and hoping they'll change is not a risk worth taking when they've shown time and time again that what you see is what you'll get. They don't have to say a word; their actions prove that either they're in the relationsh...

According to a recent survey conducted by health insurance firm Cigna, social media can in fact make us lonely. It all depends on how engaged one is on such platforms. If you're passively using it -- say, scrolling News Feeds and mindlessly checking out what people are commenting on each other's posts -- it could very well lead to negative outcomes like depression and loneliness. But if you're considerably more active -- reaching out and connecting to people to facilitate eventual face-to-face interactions -- social media can be beneficial. The findings held across all age groups. What's more, respondents who said they have more in-person interactions on a daily basis reported being less lonely. Further, the survey unearthed that working too much or too little is also associated with the experience of loneliness. There's no question that people should work in-person interactions into their schedule. While social media has made it easier to keep in to...

If one of your New Year's Resolutions is to ease the pain of loneliness, I have news for you: Being in the wrong company can be far worse, as such feelings are only magnified.  Ask yourself this: Do you really think you'd feel lonelier by yourself, or in a group of people you hardly know and may have little in common with? As shocking as it may be to some, it's perfectly normal to enjoy your own company. You don't need other people to enjoy such hobbies as reading, writing, listening to music, and exercising. Besides, sometimes you need alone time to contemplate and catch a breath of fresh air after a tough day. In essence, being alone and being lonely aren't one and the same. The former can actually be a plus -- something one seeks for their general well-being. The latter, on the other hand, is a negative condition one generally tries to extricate themselves from. Having others around can be a boon if you know and trust them. In the absence of such rap...

As George Washington, the first president of the United States, once said, " It is better to be alone than in bad company ." He of all people would know. He was constantly surrounded by them, from his days as general of the Continental Army during the American Revolution to his tenure as the nation's first commander in chief. Washington was touted as being a great judge of character. You can only imagine the tough personalities he had to deal with in public life. Though he was unanimously elected to two terms as president of the fledgling nation, he had no shortage of critics who were quick to pounce on policies  -- like the infamous Jay Treaty -- that they vehemently objected to. Washington had days where he probably felt the urge to tell his detractors to go fly a kite. Indeed, as the quote above suggests, he preferred his own company to that of certain people. For whatever reason, many people have been led to believe that enjoying their own company -- being a...

As ironic as it may sound, sometimes the surest way to feeling lonely is by being around others. The late and great Robin Williams once said: "I used to think that the worst thing in life was to end up alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel alone."  Indeed, while all of us have friends and family members who can certainly help cure our loneliness, there are other people we come across who only serve to exacerbate the problem. That could be a neighbor who always cracks jokes at your expense, siblings who talk to each other at family events but always seem to leave you out in the cold, acquaintances who seem to click with everyone in the room but you, and so forth. The chief problem is that we shouldn't depend on others to help us overcome our loneliness in the first place. That's setting yourself up for disappointment, as there will always be times where people will not be able to come to your aid. While ther...

You can be forgiven for your words or actions, but chances are they won't be forgotten. I have forgiven people -- friends, ex-girlfriends, and the like -- who have done me wrong. In fact, I have stayed in close contact with most of them to this day. However, their hurtful words and actions remain firmly etched in memory, ready to be brought to bear should these individuals insist they've never let me down before. I try not to pull the plug on relationships I've invested a great deal of time and energy into. We all know that making new friends, especially as we get older, is no easy task. However, I become much more guarded thereafter, ensuring that they never again exploit my kind and giving nature for personal gain. I try to choose my words very carefully -- and act accordingly-- so that I won't later have to issue an apology. However, if I were to say or do something that results in hurt feelings, I most certainly would expect them to look at me with a cau...

Society leads us to believe that thrusting oneself into social settings is the antidote to loneliness. Yet, many people would agree that one can feel lonelier around a big group of people than when the person is by themselves. For starters, just because a person is alone doesn't mean they're lonely. There are actually people out there, myself included, who enjoy and thrive on time spent alone -- to relax, contemplate, clear their mind. Finding yourself amidst large groups of people whom you don't know can be more isolating than being by your lonesome. Sure, you can always try to strike up a conversation with someone, but it can come off as awkward and doesn't always lead to the desired result. This is especially true when everyone around you already is engaged in conversation with someone else. I feel much more at ease interacting with people when small groups of 2 to 3 people are involved. You don't have people talking and shouting over another. You d...

Many people use the words "alone" and "lonely" as if they mean the same thing, when in reality they don't. I wanted to address the key differences between both in what I hope will be a very illuminating post. The primary difference between these words is as follows: Being alone is done by choice, while loneliness is not sought by the individual. How many times have we said or heard someone say "I'd like to be alone." There are times when even the most extroverted among us seek solitude, whether it's to clear our heads, gather our thoughts following an unexpected breakup, or just relish some peace and quiet. On the other hand, feeling lonely is not something people typically aim for. Loneliness has a negative connotation to it because it reflects a yearning for someone else's company -- an unpleasant state we'd rather not be in. As I have mentioned in earlier entries, a person could actually feel lonelier in a group than by himse...

...and assume the following: you find him really, really attractive you're single and craving some companionship you desperately need the job you figure that a little rough-and-tumble in bed can only open up promotion opportunities Your first reaction is probably, "That's preposterous. No woman with a healthy level of self-respect would ever do that." But let's be real. In the heat of the moment, anything can happen. Loneliness can leave us feeling vulnerable. And when a person you find very attractive comes on you, it isn't always to resist his or her advances.  However, sleeping with your boss can open a can of worms when: one of you presses the other for something more serious the sex results in an unwanted pregnancy you decide you want to leave the company, much to your boss's chagrin, or vice-versa the boss treats you differently if you're not putting out If I found myself in this situation, I would do my best to muster e...