Every now and then, the word nerd in me comes out, prompting me to share unfamiliar, weird-sounding words with my readers. I am, after all, a writer by trade. Just recently I came upon one that called for dusting off the old dictionary (or, actually, running a quick Google search).  The word is genuflect, which means to be servilely respectful or deferential. In order words, one is so overly respectful as to command disrespect. They're putty in others' hands.  Synonyms include to pander and to fawn. While courtesy and respect should be expected of everyone, taking it to this extreme can actually be a liability, both in one's career and relationships. It sends the message you're willing to do virtually anything to secure their approval. Never be afraid to stand your ground. You need no one's validation to feel happy and complete. Don't genuflect; instead, be generous and genuine without allowing anyone to walk over or manipulate you!

In order to ensure a long-lasting relationship, it's imperative that both people let their true selves come out from day one. Imagine your partner falling in love with a phony version of yourself you've been projecting just to impress them, whether it be a filthy rich playboy or bookish intellectual. Now picture yourself being head over heels for someone who's been dishonest about their personality, life goals, and hobbies. This seemingly wonderful person whom you thought you knew so well is more like a stranger. Wouldn't you want them drawn to the most authentic version of you? Otherwise, the other person will be with you for who they think you are, which could be an entirely different person. One's true colors come out sooner or later. Putting on a facade might help you in the short-term (e.g., you appear more confident or spontaneous), but eventually the real you will be thrown into sharp relief, and the other person may not be keen on sticking around -...

We all have experience making a gaffe or two on a first date. Maybe we've arrived late, accidentally tripped, hesitated when asked a personal question, or inadvertently burped. While these are all unintentional slips, some people make a far more damaging mistake -- one that precludes the possibility of a second date. If there's something that can send your date running for the hills in no time, it's moving too fast.  Here are just a few examples of ways that someone can overdo it on a first date: Getting touchy Trying to plant a kiss too quickly Mentioning meeting each other's friends and parents Discussing long-term plans, like becoming exclusive and getting married People have to remember that this is a first date! Take a deep breath, relax, and enjoy yourself without getting all wrapped up in the serious stuff so soon.  You will cross that bridge once you get there, provided that the two of you are compatible and wish to continue seeing eac...

Many of us find ourselves scratching our heads when our loyalty to certain people isn't reciprocated. Maybe it's a friend who turned their back when you needed them most. Perhaps it was an ex who you discovered had been cheating on you for months. Or maybe it was a coworker who swooped in and landed the position they said they would help you get. The reasons why people aren't loyal to us are varied, but here are the theee most common ones: 1. They're selfish. Some people enter relationships expecting loyalty from the other person, but think they're somehow exempt from doing the same for them. Reality check: Relationships are a two-way street. Those who persist in their selfish ways and are unwilling to take another's wishes and feelings into account are ill-prepared for the sacrifices that a relationship involves. 2. They take us for granted. A person takes for granted the things and people they don't value. And it's impossible to be loyal to...

It's a real shame that people take issue with others loving themselves and being comfortable in their own skin, but that's the sad reality. Why would they have a problem with it, you ask? Well, if the person is markedly different than them in some way -- say, they don't drink or they embrace a minimalist lifestyle -- it could trigger unsettling insecurities. Some individuals don't like the thought of others asserting their individuality because it makes them feel unsure of their own habits, values. and predilections. That in turn may prompt them to try to change the more unique individual into someone that more closely resembles themselves. They'll goad them to have a drink, or to go out and fork over gobs of money on clothes. How should you handle these people? It's quite simple. If they can't handle you at your most authentic, then it's their problem. Under no circumstances should you give in to their desire to change you to fit their...

Rather be by yourself than around fake friends? You're not alone. Rather be alone than in a relationship with a superficial individual? Join the club. Every coin has two sides. Similarly, many people we come across on a daily basis are unapologetically two-faced. Here are just a few reasons why people struggle to be genuine: They succumb to social pressure, relinquishing their individuality in the process.  They think they need to be different in order to gain approval from others, even if "different" means shallow and conniving.  They're selfish . They want to get their way, and they don't care whom they have to backstab -- and in what fashion -- to do so. They have a low self-esteem. These people firmly believe that being themselves isn't good enough, so they must resort to being deceptive and disingenuous.  That being said, never pay any mind to those who say it's better to be around fake people than it is to enjoy your own company. ...

There's something to be said for those who embrace their uniqueness wholeheartedly, impervious to pressure from other people to subscribe to the so-called herd or pack mentality so many fall victim to. Unfortunately, fake people want others to be fake just like them, even if it calls for turning one's back on the very principles, beliefs, and interests that make them who they are. For some, the need to be liked overwhelms their desire to project their most authentic selves to the world, prompting them to act in ways that, deep down, may feel wholly unnatural to them. This may impact everything from their style of dress and political views to their choice of hobbies. Never allow yourself to be ensnared by those seeking to "convert" people into carbon copies of themselves -- all to inflate their egos and compensate for their insecurities. Follow your true passions. Pursue whatever career calls out to you. Hold fast to your beliefs and core principles. Do not b...

If there's one thing I've learned in my observations of people, it's that many of them put looking good before being genuine, which is a huge mistake. They try to say the right things to win others' approval. They never admit they're wrong. Some even go so far as to change something about themselves just to appease a friend, love interest, or relative. In other words, preserving their image trumps qualities like sincerity and integrity. They try to live the kind of life society expects them to have, even though deep down it isn't the one they desire. They're lying to others -- and themselves. Moreover, they're willing to fake anything and everything about themselves just to appear more driven, more successful, more likable, or whatever it is they're aiming for. At the end of the day, none of us are perfect. We become wiser people through our experiences, which often include making mistakes we learn from and, hopefully, never repeat. If on...

Ugh... fake people . We all have a couple of them in our midst -- perhaps at work, in school, or via Facebook. They wear different masks depending on the situation and context. They change  their attitudes, opinions, and stories whenever they know it will benefit them. They'll do and say just about anything to look good in front of others. And they can't be trusted . The moment you tell them something in confidence, they turn around and spill the beans. They'll step on your toes just to get ahead. They'll pretend to be your friends, then throw you under the bus when you're not around. They're backstabbing opportunists . They'll post a barrage of Facebook updates in which they gloat about their vacations, meals, cars, and jewelry. They pretend to have the perfect life in an attempt to make others jealous. Little do these fake people know that there are some highly perceptive individuals out there who can see right through their little charad...

Some people really are all about the chase. And it's precisely those who we should avoid! You know, the ones who get bored once they realize they no longer have to work as hard to win your affections. Instead of rejoicing at the thought of the person they're dating being serious about and committed to the relationship, they actually miss being kept on their toes. They'd rather be kept in the dark as to what the person feels about them. Once their date is no longer a challenge, they go in search of a new one.  Playing hard to get might be acceptable when you've only just met someone and are trying to build interest, but once you've gone on a few dates with the person over the span of, say, a month or two, enough is enough. At that point, the two of you should be well past the games and focused on building a real relationship.  And don't count on the person ever changing. If you remain with them in hopes of their changing, you risk getting hurt or che...

This can be further expanded as follows: "Say what you mean and mean what you say; say what you do and do what you say." Put simply, be genuine. Your actions should always back up your words, and vice-versa. Now, let's be real here. All of us lie on occasion. No one follows through on every single thing they say 100% of the time. We sometimes say one thing and do another. Our actions don't always align with our words. For example, you've likely lied to your boss about being sick in order to miss work for a concert or some other leisurely activity. Maybe you've lied to a friend or relative to get out of having to attend a social function. I'll be the first to admit that I've told people I plan to something and fail to live up to my word. In such cases, I've apologized and made a conscious effort not to repeat the mistake. People have done the same thing to me. A little fib here and there is to be expected. However, if this becomes the no...

Those who try too hard to be liked by everyone demonstrate two things: (1) they're insecure (2) they need others' approval/validation to feel better about themselves . They're the ones who cunningly adapt their personality to get in the other person's good graces. Consequently, they come off as being less genuine, willing to do almost anything to bolster their appeal. For example, they might say they share your passion for baseball or gardening when, in reality, they wouldn't be caught dead watching a game or fiddling with soil. I like to call these people fakes, charlatans, posers. There's a fine line between being gregarious and trotting out a deceptive persona. I urge people to be true to themselves -- to let the real them shine through. No one says that everyone has to like you. No one says you need the approval of all those around you. The day you relinquish the need for others' validation is the day you'll feel much happier in and about ...

A relationship becomes insincere and pointless the moment you feel forced to be someone you're not . I don't care how much a person likes someone else. If you have to fake your personality to impress them, it's not worth it. On the other hand, you know when you're with the right person when you feel comfortable enough letting your true colors come out. Sure, in the beginning of the relationship, people try extra hard to make a good impression, doing their best to hide all their flaws. But sooner or later, a genuine version of yourself should be in evidence. You shouldn't have to force yourself to like or support something only because the other person does. Part of being in a relationship involves accepting each others' differences. Just because your partner is a football fanatic or history buff doesn't mean you to have to be one. Having different views and disparate hobbies can be advantageous to a relationship. The former can make for interesti...

I can't stand it when people try too hard  to be liked by others. It always leads me to think that they're desperate for others' approval, seeking validation for everything from their choice of partner to their hobbies. They can't enough likes on Facebook. They do anything for compliments and attention. Ugh! Why must people be so dependent on other people to be happy? Why does their approval wield such a powerful influence in their lives? Here's the truth: The more people yearn to be liked by those around them, the less happy they are with themselves. They figure that if they aren't getting pats on the back every so often, there must be something wrong with them. But this couldn't be further from the truth. Some people seek others' validation as a way of compensating for low self esteem, depression, or other negative outcomes. What they fail to understand is that such approval can end any day on short notice, and for whatever reason. Maybe ...

There's a girl I work with (let's call her Ana) who loves chatting up Cindy, my cubicle neighbor. Though Cindy is about 15 years Ana's senior, you'd think the two are best friends upon hearing them converse. They can blather on for hours about everything from food and children to the usual workplace gossip. Today, my department had a holiday lunch at a nearby restaurant. Ana, a male coworker named Andy, and I carpooled to the restaurant. On the way there, Ana began dishing about Cindy and some of the other women in the department. She commented on everything from their dressing habits to their rather "old school" perspectives, as she put them, on life. (Mind you, these women are in their 50s and 60s.) You might be thinking, "Poor Cindy. She probably doesn't deserve that." But Cindy herself has been known to talk behind others' backs, so, as I see it, she's getting a taste of her own medicine. This goes to show you that backstabbers ...