If you've watched your fair share of romantic movies or devoured a romance novel or two, this scene may be all too familiar to you by now: The handsome male lead doing everything in his power to sweep his love interest off her feet -- writing her poems, buying her chocolates, planting a kiss at the end of the night.  And even if the pair are already in a relationship together, it's the man who tends to be portrayed as the one responsible for making his partner feel beautiful and valued.  While it's certainly true that a guy should strive to make his lady feel appreciated, it goes the other way as well. Men may not show it, but they, too, yearn to feel desired, to feel needed. They love receiving compliments, being told they're attractive, and being chased by their significant other every now and then. This, of course, extends to the bedroom. Men like for their partner to initiate and take control when least expected. But even so small a gesture as a call or text to tell...

It's safe to say that all of us lie here and there. Whoever says they never do it is, well, lying! From fibbing on our resume to sprinkling a few white lies on dates in order to make a good impression, there's no denying everyone stretches the truth at times. However, there's a certain group of people out there who lie compulsively and deliberately. They don't care what they have to say or do to get their way, and they're oblivious to others' feelings. For example, there are men who will say just about anything to get as many women in bed as possible -- whether it's showering the women with compliments that don't come from the heart, or lying about their net worth. On the flip side, there are women who deceive men into thinking they really care about them just so the men can buy them anything they wish. These people have mastered the art of lying -- so much so that it has become second nature to them. However, their deceit catches up with...

Many people I talk to (including some of my readers) have a tendency to compare their lives to those of the people around them. I encourage them against slipping into such a mental trap, which may potentially lead to resentment and, if such feelings spiral out of control, depression down the road. I advise them to stop for a moment and consider that the people they're comparing themselves to: Have a completely different path in life Have disparate goals, dreams, and personalities May be facing battles they know nothing about  May not be happy, even if they may appear so on the surface There's a difference between looking up to someone and wishing to emulate them (e.g. wanting to be accomplished like they arr because they've risen to the top of their profession), and lamenting the fact that your life isn't exactly like theirs. Let's assume you're in a troublesome relationship. After a bitter argument with your wife, you walk out to the yard and...

It's a question that many men and women perceived as "nice" -- ones who have struck out repeatedly in the dating market -- have been scratching their heads over for what seems like, well, centuries. Can being too nice make you less attractive to dating prospects? As with anything else, there's no simple answer, and a bevy of factors have to be considered. For starters, "too nice" for one person can mean something entirely different to someone else, just like we all have different opinions on what counts as too sweet or salty when eating different foods. In general, though, a person may be regarded as too nice if they exhibit one or more of the following behaviors: Being highly agreeable  Being a complete pushover by never standing up for oneself  Attempting to buy someone's affections by heaping them with gifts and compliments they probably don't deserve, at least not so early in the game  Trying to avoid disagreements at all costs L...

If you were to look up the word narcissist in the dictionary, you'd likely find a definition along these lines: A person who has an excessive interest in or admiration of themselves. That being said, if I were to ask you to name words you associate with narcissism, you might mention the following: Pride Self-absorbed Cocky Conceited  Selfish Egocentric  Full of themselves Indeed, narcissists love being the center of attention. Getting compliments and "likes" from others further fuels their unbridled love of self. If they're not in the spotlight, it's a lousy day as far as they're concerned.  In the worst cases, narcissists are willing to stab someone in the back or throw them under the bus to get their way.  Perhaps you've witnessed this kind of behavior at work with a toxic boss or slimy coworker who takes credit for your work and never misses the opportunity to laud their "accomplishments."  Or maybe you've had...

Picture this: After a long drought on the dating front, Rachel's well-meaning friends and relatives are fixing her up on dates left and right. She's narrowed her options down to two guys: (1) Kevin, a wealthy tax attorney who calls and sends her romantic text messages several times a day, or (2) Alex, a self-confident but modestly paid construction worker who has more hobbies and talents than he can count with both hands. Whom do you think Rachel is more likely to go for? At first blush, one might be tempted to say Kevin, only because he seems to be on firmer financial ground. That may very well be the case if Rachel is an unapologetic gold digger. But chances are that she's taking several factors beyond his bank account into consideration.  Kevin can have all the money in the world, but if he has no self-confidence, Rachel is unlikely to be drawn to him. If there's one attribute most women want in a man, it's self-confidence . Boldness. One who...

Women don't fall for jerks... They fall for confident men . In my view, no attribute draws women more to men than self-confidence . Self-confidence is the ultimate attraction builder. He doesn't have to be the best-looking, richest, smartest, or funniest man. Of course, all of those enhance his appeal, but they're not nearly as consequential. A man who knows what he wants and goes for it full throttle, in most women's eyes, is an irresistible aphrodisiac. Women love men who will let nothing or no one get in the way of their dreams -- even the women themselves. They love it when men exhibit boundless ambition. Unfortunately, too many men mistakenly assume that giving women flowers and compliments is all that's needed to build attraction. Women are highly perceptive -- they know when you're going overboard on the flattery just to get in their pants or win their approval. But that's just the thing. A confident man doesn't need a woman's appr...

I can't stand it when people try too hard  to be liked by others. It always leads me to think that they're desperate for others' approval, seeking validation for everything from their choice of partner to their hobbies. They can't enough likes on Facebook. They do anything for compliments and attention. Ugh! Why must people be so dependent on other people to be happy? Why does their approval wield such a powerful influence in their lives? Here's the truth: The more people yearn to be liked by those around them, the less happy they are with themselves. They figure that if they aren't getting pats on the back every so often, there must be something wrong with them. But this couldn't be further from the truth. Some people seek others' validation as a way of compensating for low self esteem, depression, or other negative outcomes. What they fail to understand is that such approval can end any day on short notice, and for whatever reason. Maybe ...

In recent weeks, I've written various posts with one common refrain: You should never change just to please other people. Still, many of us find it hard to contain this impulse. We place such a high premium on others' approval that we go to the ends of the earth to get people's attention, fishing for their compliments whenever and wherever possible. A generous compliment every now and then is nice, but isn't your validation of yourself sufficient? I know people who tailor everything about themselves -- from their hairdo to their car to their home -- to others' specifications. And I'm not just talking friends and family members -- these people cater to even their coworkers. When did going with our own opinion -- the one that really matters -- go out of style? Why give someone else so much power over your decisions? I understand that at times we may take our cue from others who are more knowledgeable in certain areas. For example, maybe your cousin o...

The more you seek validation from other people for your actions, the less happier in life you'll be. Lao Tzu said it best: "Care about what other people think and you will always be their prisoner." Abraham Manslow, for his part, said, "Be independent of the good opinion of other people." Another similarly powerful quote comes from Vernon Howard: "“A truly strong person does not need the approval of others any more than a lion needs the approval of sheep.” I think that there are some genuinely good people out in the world, and human beings do need to cultivate social relationships in order be well-adjusted members of society. But there are just as many selfish, inconsiderate ones willing to tear you down just to feel better about themselves. A person's opinion should never matter as much as our own. Eleanor Roosevelt was once quoted as saying that no one can make you feel inferior without your consent. Some people need others' approval in or...

I'm talking about butt kissers. Brown nosers. People who use flattery to curry favor. Sadly, it tends to be the primary weapon in the arsenal of people who want: A promotion at work To get laid  Someone to do him or her a favor And, oddly enough, this strategy tends to work! But that doesn't mean I am going to use it -- not today, not any day.  There's a saying that says, "I'd rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I'm not."  If not complimenting a person's hair or dress every day makes me a bad guy, then so be it. I am nice and friendly, yes, but kissing ass is not in my repertoire -- nor will it ever be. This seems to be most rampant in the workplace, where people kiss up to the big wigs like there's no tomorrow.  If you're going to give someone a compliment, don't do it unless it's entirely genuine. And if you sense someone's compliments toward you are disingenuous, your gut is probably on point...

As you know, I love to observe and comment on human behavior, and that includes patterns I see among people of a certain age. I've worked with three divorced men who have gone on to either remarry or have a serious relationship with someone else. What I've noticed about said women is that they: Are considerably younger (we're talking 15-20 younger) Are child-free (whether by choice or for other reasons)  Have never been married themselves Clearly got some kind of benefit from the relationship (money, citizenship in the U.S., etc.) Usually meet the men at work And this makes perfect sense. For one, many men prefer younger women to begin with, as they tend to score higher on the attractiveness meter. As men see it, they usually have fewer wrinkles and health issues, not to mention better bodies. Hence, many men assume that younger women make better partners in bed. These men are all in their 50s and have already begun looking for someone who could "take c...

From what I've observed at work as well as on Facebook, there are three surefire ways to get people to like you more. I've dubbed this the "CIG Model" so that they're easier to remember: 1. Compliments: Let's face it: Everyone likes flattery, and this is an easy way to get on people's good side. Whether it's complimenting their shirt or their new car, people build positive feelings toward those who make them feel good. On Facebook, this is manifested in the form of a "like" or comment in response to a person's post. 2. Interest : When we show interest in people's lives, they become more interested in ours. If the posts I see on Facebook are any indication, people especially love to be asked questions about their kids. They also like when others express interest in their hobbies, where they do their shopping, and so on. 3. Giving stuff : It comes as no surprise that among the most highly regarded people in the office are those wh...

Studies show that too many compliments can go to your head -- and fast. I can vouch for the veracity of these studies, as I've experienced this firsthand and have seen a few friends change dramatically as a result of too many compliments. Let's face it: When people compliment us, it feels really good. Whether they're commending us on something we put together at work or complimenting us on our getup, compliments feed our egos and make us feel like a million bucks. They lead to increased feelings of self-worth and self-esteem. They validate something about us that we've likely put considerable effort into improving. People thrive on positive feedback from others; it gives us the impetus to continue striving for improvement. When I lost roughly 25 pounds in 2013, I started getting more looks from women at the gym and at work. It felt great considering the hours I was putting in at the gym and the willpower it took to cut back on my favorite goods. It's never fun...

There's a scene in the movie "Ghosts of Girlfriends Past" where Michael Douglas' character, ostensibly a philandering playboy type, tells his nephew that whoever cares least in a relationship has all the power. I replayed this line in my head for days, trying to assess whether it holds water as far as the relationships I've had in my own life. Here's what I've concluded: While I think it's preposterous to assume that you can gain the upper hand by deliberately being indifferent and standoffish, it is true that you can lose points by being overly nice and accommodating -- a doormat, if you will. If you let your partner step all over you and fail to stand up for yourself, you're letting him take advantage of and flat-out disrespect you. Once this becomes the norm, then yes, you have basically ceded all the power in the relationship to your partner. Like everything else in life, moderation works best. You don't have to shower your partne...

Here's a message for single men as well as those in relationships: Like everything else in life, being nice should be done moderately. As crazy as this may sound, women neither want nor expect you to be nice, sweet, and romantic 24/7. If you do this with the intention of getting laid or having her fall in love with you, you will fail miserably! You can be nice and respectful without overdoing it. What is overdoing it? Well, you are sure to lose her respect and get even less hibbity dibbity if you opt not to: Stand your ground and defend your positions Call her out on her screw-ups so as not to "offend" her Take the lead in the bedroom; women like men who know what they're doing, and most of them like "rough and tumble" Keep her on the edge of her feet; unpredictability keeps her wondering what you'll do next and actually draws her closer to you Have your own hobbies outside of the relationship View her as enhancing your life instead of comp...

Over the years, I've had countless men come to me seeking advice on how best to court women. There always seems to a common thread: They shower the women with gifts and compliments, but it yields little more than a "thank you" and -- if they're lucky -- a peck on the cheek. Men, listen carefully. Stop what you're doing right now and sear this in your mind immediately: Women are GREAT at reading men, whereas we're flat-out lousy at picking up on the fairer sex's signals. (And you know it's true, guys. Don't deny it.) It's as though they have a special radar with which they can pin down a guy's motivations -- sometimes within seconds. Women are masters of subtlety, where men are terrible when it comes to keeping their feelings under wraps. Men have to grasp once and for all that you can't buy a woman's affections. There's nothing wrong with giving gifts and compliments -- but, for goodness sake, do it sporadically. Why complet...