How comparing ourselves to others is harmful

Many people I talk to (including some of my readers) have a tendency to compare their lives to those of the people around them.

I encourage them against slipping into such a mental trap, which may potentially lead to resentment and, if such feelings spiral out of control, depression down the road.

I advise them to stop for a moment and consider that the people they're comparing themselves to:

Have a completely different path in life
Have disparate goals, dreams, and personalities
May be facing battles they know nothing about
May not be happy, even if they may appear so on the surface

There's a difference between looking up to someone and wishing to emulate them (e.g. wanting to be accomplished like they arr because they've risen to the top of their profession), and lamenting the fact that your life isn't exactly like theirs.

Let's assume you're in a troublesome relationship. After a bitter argument with your wife, you walk out to the yard and spot the neighbors holding hands or hugging.

You can't help but notice they always seem to be engaging in public displays of affection, leading you to surmise they're likely the happiest couple you've ever known. This makes you crave a relationship like theirs more than ever before.

Here's a different example: Let's suppose you meet up with friends once a month. Each time you convene, Sarah seems to have something new to show off -- whether it's a car, pair of shoes, or piece of jewelry. You feel pangs of envy as you watch your buddies heap her with praise and compliments.

You are currently feeling the pinch after losing your job. In fact, you had to have a garage sale to make money and even had to resort to trading down your vehicle. You feel as though you would do anything to be Sarah's financial position.

There's no reason to desire someone else's life because everyone is a unique individual with a particular set of goals, dreams, and character traits that no one can replicate exactly.

Sure, we all go through tough moments in life that make us ask ourselves "Why me and not them?"

Whether it's a promotion or a date, sometimes things we want seem to elude us, making us impatient and frustrated.

But here's the thing: Our lives are what we make of them, and whatever someone else has that we perceive as lacking in our own lives should have no bearing on our happiness, or how we set out to achieve our goals.

Rather than envying them, you might consider asking them for tips. For example, they may shed light on the fact that networking has played a crucial role in their career success -- something you may not have thought about before.

See how easy it is to turn a situation fraught with negativity into a positive one?

One other thing to consider is that while the person you compare yourself to might seem to have the ideal life, it doesn't mean it would be the ideal life for you.

Maybe you don't want to be traveling for business 8 months out of the year. Perhaps being married isn't your cup of tea. Or, you're not someone who's ever taken an interest in flashy high-end merchandise.

When you think about it, their life might precisely be the kind you would never wish to have.

Indeed, there's always more than meets the eye.

And you never know if someday the person you see as happy and successful now will appeal to you for help or advice. Life has a funny way of turning the tables like that.

Rather than comparing yourself to others, focus on yourself. Compare yourself to the person you were six months ago, a year ago, or even five years ago. That is undoubtedly a better gauge of progress.

Do you have Isolophilia? Find out...

You're probably asking yourself, "What in the world does Isolophilia mean?" It sounds like it would be something negative, doesn't it? After all, words that end in "philia" (e.g., pedophilia) tend to involve things we want nothing to do with. But Isolophilia isn't something all people deplore. In fact, introverts like me welcome it. Put simply, Isolophilia is defined as having a strong affinity for solitude. It describes a person who relishes being alone. While extroverts can only take so much solitude, we introverts find that it rejuvenates us. In order to recharge our batteries, we need to retreat to a quiet environment where we we're left alone to rest and/or gather our thoughts. Extroverts, on the other hand, become bored and drained when they're alone for a lengthy period of time. Social interaction is the fuel that drives them. So while an extrovert would probably do anything to avoid feelings of Isolophilia in most cases, an...

No response from someone IS a response

Make no mistake about it: When you don't get a response from someone -- whether they fail to answer your texts or return your phone calls -- it is still a response, and a powerful one at that. When a person fails to respond, it's a direct reflection of their interest -- or lack thereof -- in the relationship. Few things are more aggravating than having to hound a partner, friend, or relative for some sort of reply after we've reached out to them. Yes, we get busy from time to time, but that doesn't give anyone the right to leave the other person hanging. A terse text with something like "Been busy, will reach out soon" doesn't say much, but at least it shows some effort to bring the other person up to speed on why they've fallen off the radar. Failing to provide a response for weeks -- if not months -- communicates that you are just not a priority, and that you'll have to wait your turn to get this individual's attention. This is n...

Women vs. Men: Who likes to backstab more?

Whether it's on TV or in the workplace, the general consensus seems to be that women gossip, backstab, and stir up more conflict than men do. But, as with every other topic, I thought it only fair to put this so-called stereotype under the microscope. If you watch reality shows like Celebrity Apprentice, you'll notice it's the women who spend far more time bickering. While the men do at times become embroiled in tit for tat, it's the women who are portrayed as meaner and more hostile. In the workplace, I have noticed that women seem to gossip far more than their male counterparts. I haven't really seen any cases where a person blatantly backstabs the other, but I have caught both men and women in little white lies. If it is true that women are generally more into backstabbing and gossiping than men, why is this the case? I believe that it isn't fair to make a blanket statement like "all women play these games while all men keep to themselves and pre...

Search This Blog