A person whose words have been shown to contradict his or her actions is one you're better off without. Maybe it's the girlfriend who professes to love you but always misses your milestone moments.  The friend who talks up your being best buddies, but has been caught spreading lies about you. The co-worker who assures you that you can always count on them, but is furtively angling for your job. The truth is that it's not always easy to decipher people's real motives, especially when you don't know them that well. But once you observe on more than one occasion that their actions don't mirror their words, you ought to cast a wary eye.  People can make promises all they like, but if there's no action to back them up, it's evident they've got a penchant for disingenuousness. Don't be too quick to hand over your trust. We are much more apt to do this when the person in question is charming and charismatic.  A rule of thumb to go by: You don't real...

Do you ever get that sneaking suspicion that someone is lying to you even though you want to believe them? Maybe it's a co-worker who tries to assure you she wasn't the one who furtively stole the stapler. Maybe it's a friend who calls you at the last minute to say they've come down with a stomach bug and cannot attend your birthday party.  The simplest way to tell if someone is lying to you is to assess whether their words match their actions. For example, I was once involved with a woman who professed her love for me day and night.  I'd met her online and was always eager to meet up in person, but she never seemed to share in that enthusiasm. Everytime I proposed going to the mall or movies together, she came up with a new excuse for why she couldn't go. After much cajoling, she agreed to meet face-to-face. I was smitten and always looked forward to our next encounter, but the feeling didn't seem mutual.  In the end, I saw her two or three times, and then ...

The other day, while reading a book or article, I came across a word I'd never seen or heard before in my life: milquetoast. Being the inquisitive word nerd that I am, I immediately set off on a two-pronged mission: First, to determine whether this was, in fact, a bona fide word, and, if so, what in the world it meant. I had an immediate hunch it might have something to do with breakfast, likely because it sounds like "milk and toast." But I was dead wrong on that front. To my surprise, milquetoast is indeed a word! According to my dictionary app, it means "a meek, submissive, or timid person." Synonyms include childish and unassertive. Now that you know the world's meaning, what comes to mind? To me, it conjures an unemployed 40-year-old man who still lives in his mother's house, plays video games most of the day, and lets whatever few friends he has walk all over him. Sounds rough, I know, but that's the scenario that played out in ...

"Well done is better than well said" is a popular axiom you may have heard before. Can you guess who came up with it? (Hint: He appears in the image featured in this post.) Well, it is attributed to none other than Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790). To say this Founding Father of the United States had an impressive is an understatement. He was a printer, author, political theorist, postmaster, diplomat, inventor, scientist, humorist, civic activist, statesman, among other things. Essentially, what Franklin is saying that, while words are nice, one's actions ultimately carry far more meaning. Put simply, actions speak louder than words. And we all know from experience that while many people can talk the talk, not everyone can walk the walk. Maybe you were once in a relationship with someone who claimed he cared about you, but never invested the time and energy you did. Or perhaps you had a friend who never seemed to be there when you needed her most, even tho...

When giving someone your all isn't sufficient in the relationship, you're with the wrong person. Whether your efforts fall short in their view because he or she is that hard to please (e.g., she doesn't feel you buy her enough stuff) or he fails to recognize your varied contributions (e.g., chores, emotional support, and so on), being with such an individual can be draining, if not demoralizing. What's frustrating is that the person may never come to appreciate all the time, energy, sweat, and tears we've invested into the relationship. When you arrive at this juncture, one really has to ask whether trying to salvage the relationship is even worth it anymore. Broaching the subject may or may not help. He or she may take offense to your claims and insist that they do value your efforts, even if their actions contradict their words. And even if it does help initially, the person may revert to their old habits once they sense all is fine and dandy again. ...

Don't just pay attention to people's words. Give greater importance to their actions , for they count far more. Think of words as being like the facade of a home, and actions being akin to the foundation. Sure, a house can look pretty and structurally sound on the outside, but if the foundation is compromised, it can have dire consequences. The same goes for a car whose impeccable exterior masks problems that lie under the hood. In the content of a relationship, people may say they would go to the ends of the Earth for you, but if their behaviors fail to back up their words, such individuals are full of hot air. It's people's actions that lend their words substance. Imagine how many relationships have gone down the drain because people's words didn't match up with their deeds (or misdeeds, I should say). Maybe you're in a relationship with someone who says he loves you, but he never seems to be around when you're most in need of his supp...

How do you know if someone you hold in high esteem really feels the same way about you? What's a surefire way to tell whether they're in for the long haul, or if they'll disappear when least expected? Let them see you at your worst -- with health issues, money woes, and problems at home or work. Allow them to see you racked with self-doubt, anxiety, or depression. If, despite all this, they choose to stand by you, then you know they genuinely care about you. Those who bolt at the first sign of hardship aren't true friends or loving partners. They're likely in the relationship for selfish reasons, though they might try to create the opposite impression. Obviously, we should never take on the role of savior for anyone, as they're responsible for solving their problems on their own. Still, if we truly value the individual, what kind of a friend or partner would we be to abandon them in their time of greatest need? At the same time, those who only ...

If merely saying "I love you" to one's partner countless times determined whether a relationship or marriage would last, we'd see far fewer divorces and breakups in our lifetime. Those three words, as we very well know, get tossed around quite a lot.  Unfortunately, the divorce rate is so high in part because people fail to back their declarations of love with concrete actions.  What good is professing to love someone if a person doesn't demonstrate it? Actions lends such words substance.  To give you another example, you can tell people, "I am intent on losing weight," but if you continue to eat fatty foods every night, your words come off as little more than hot air. So why do people think stating they love their partner is enough? Some couples have been together for a long time. Once complacency begins to set in, they may stop trying as hard, assuming their history and the comfort they feel in the relationship alone will carr...

A person may like you, but that doesn't necessarily mean they value you. So what's the difference? Someone can like you and still take you for granted, treat you with disdain, and run the relationship into the ground.  In other words, whether a person likes you or not says nothing about their willingness to invest in and commit to the relationship. One can like that someone possesses certain attributes -- whether ambition, a sense of humor, integrity, or loyalty -- and still not value them as a person. Take cheaters. Do you really think that people who cheat on their partners don't like them? On the contrary, despite their transgressions, many assert that they love and would do anything for their significant others! However, the mere fact they would even entertain the idea of cheating demonstrates they don't value the person in the slightest. If they did, they would know to put on the brakes and not risk jeopardizing the relationship. We also see this ...

When people treat you as if they don't care -- no matter how emphatically they might say they do -- always go by their actions. It might sound pretty cliche by now, but actions really do speak louder than words. Actions, not  words, reveal a person's true intentions. If one's actions don't align with their words, it's pretty obvious they're being dishonest. If anything, our actions should back up whatever comes out of our mouths. So when people say they'll call or visit you, but you're left waiting weeks -- if not months -- for them to reach out to you, it's safe to say they never intended to establish contact in the first place. Some people think they're doing us a favor by telling us things we'd like to hear, even if they might not be entirely honest. Reality check: untruths, half-truths and white lies are all variants of dishonesty, even if such individuals say they're doing it to spare our feelings. Most people would prefe...

While certain circumstances in life are beyond our control -- death and taxes among them -- there are three things over which we can maintain control: (1) Attitude: We can see the glass as half empty or half full. Whether we view a situation negatively or positively is our choice. (2) Our words: The words that come out of our mouths, as well as those we put down on paper, ought to be chosen carefully, as they're not always easily forgotten. (3) Our actions: Life is less about what happens to us than what we do with what happens to us. Our lives are a direct reflection of the decisions we make. However, this is easier said than done. Oftentimes, we're blindsided by unforeseen circumstances that cause our emotions to supersede rationality, resulting in our later regretting some of the things we say or do. For example, you might be having an awful day after being passed for a promotion or getting fired. Upon getting home, you snap at your spouse when he complains for t...

You can be forgiven for your words or actions, but chances are they won't be forgotten. I have forgiven people -- friends, ex-girlfriends, and the like -- who have done me wrong. In fact, I have stayed in close contact with most of them to this day. However, their hurtful words and actions remain firmly etched in memory, ready to be brought to bear should these individuals insist they've never let me down before. I try not to pull the plug on relationships I've invested a great deal of time and energy into. We all know that making new friends, especially as we get older, is no easy task. However, I become much more guarded thereafter, ensuring that they never again exploit my kind and giving nature for personal gain. I try to choose my words very carefully -- and act accordingly-- so that I won't later have to issue an apology. However, if I were to say or do something that results in hurt feelings, I most certainly would expect them to look at me with a cau...

Love isn't just about what you say, but what you do. Because communicating orally is something we can't escape from, our actions should serve to reinforce our words. Sure, everyone likes to hear an "I love you" thrown their way every so often. But what good is uttering such words when they're not backed up with substantive action? It's those concrete actions that really give the words meaning. Far too often, people rely solely on words to placate their partner or get themselves out of arguments. More likely than not, what leads to those arguments is an absence of action -- one or both partners failing to live up to something they said they would do. If love were based only on words, people would get away with lying and promising things without intending to deliver in earnest. It's no wonder relationships start to go downhill when someone is caught in a lie, let alone repeatedly. If you don't trust your partner -- if you don't feel c...

Lying . We all do it almost daily, though in varying degrees. Some of us have made a habit of lying through our teeth, while others are masters in the art of little white lies that often go unnoticed. Whatever one's propensity for lying, we can usually detect lies through certain verbal and non-verbal cues, some of which I elaborate on below: 1. Eye contact : If a person is having a hard time maintaining eye contact while talking to you, it usually means they're hiding something. For example, let's say the person you're chatting with routinely looks at the floor or ceiling during the conversation. Yes, this can be indicative of sheer boredom or a lack of self-confidence, but in most cases, it signals that the individual can't deliver his or her words with conviction. Instead, he or she is displaying the kind of sheepishness characteristic of a person caught in a lie -- or about to be caught in one. 2. Speech patterns : When someone is lying, they're more...

People are better at processing information or learning in certain ways than others. Back when I was in high school and college -- and to this day this remains true -- I was more adept at learning something by reading actual text about it (textbooks, handouts, etc.) than by having someone explain it to me verbally. In math class, for example, I usually didn't grasp the class content until I got home, read the chapter, and worked through a few problems on my own. When I tried to follow the teacher's lecture, however, he or she would leave me stumped.  I still struggle at times to quickly comprehend what someone is trying to explain to me, whether it's at work or at home. I think part of the reason for this is that people tend to speak hurriedly. When I'm reading a book, however, I can go at my own pace and digest the information in small doses. Even if I try telling someone to slow down, I've found they'll continue to gabble on. In my case, instruction manu...