Many people I talk to (including some of my readers) have a tendency to compare their lives to those of the people around them. I encourage them against slipping into such a mental trap, which may potentially lead to resentment and, if such feelings spiral out of control, depression down the road. I advise them to stop for a moment and consider that the people they're comparing themselves to: Have a completely different path in life Have disparate goals, dreams, and personalities May be facing battles they know nothing about  May not be happy, even if they may appear so on the surface There's a difference between looking up to someone and wishing to emulate them (e.g. wanting to be accomplished like they arr because they've risen to the top of their profession), and lamenting the fact that your life isn't exactly like theirs. Let's assume you're in a troublesome relationship. After a bitter argument with your wife, you walk out to the yard and...

They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Similarly, happiness means different things to different people. Joe's ideas of happiness may be earning 200K a year because it provides him the means to afford his big mansion and fancy cars -- even if it comes at the expense of having to work long 60 hour weeks. Ana's version of happiness may be far more modest. Give her a small apartment filled with books and pets and she's in bliss. Sam, for his part, might find happiness in moving to a different city every other year, while Betty might take delight in being a stay-at-home mom. Different strokes for different folks. Judging others for their likes and lifestyles is no less inappropriate than passing judgment on, say, their physical appearance. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, yes, but that doesn't grant them the latitude to criticize others' choices just because they don't align with theirs. I may aspire to become a manager, but you mi...

Many people swear by the notion that there is only have one person in the world whom we can call our "soulmate." In their view, destiny has picked out one individual who complements them on myriad levels -- physically, mentally, emotionally, and even spiritually -- like no one else. And the ones lucky enough to be in long-term relationships, not surprisingly, say they're confident their partner is their other half. But is this really true? Can only one person in this entire world -- mind you, there are 7.6 billion human beings living on this planet -- be ideally suited for us? While I would love to believe that life plays out like a fairy tale, I can't subscribe to the idea that we couldn't click and carry on successful relationships with several people -- whether we live in London or Las Vegas. Instead, I believe that we can have varying degrees of compatibility with different people, and it's up to us to decide which differences are too much to bea...

Want to please everyone around you? Don't even bother. It's a fact of that life that people always find something to criticize you about, whether it's your new car ("it's so small"), the decorations used at your wedding reception ("they're so tacky"), or your profession ("she could have gone into something more lucrative"). Needless to say, someone will always take issue with something you do or don't do. Should you care? Absolutely not! As long as you're happy, that's all that matters. Be confident in your choices and do whatever gratifies you. It is, after all, your life and not theirs. I'm of the belief that people who have a knack for putting others' choices down are probably dissatisfied with their own. Perhaps feelings of envy are bubbling below the surface, and they try to make themselves feel better by undermining the other person's successes. Thus, misery loves company. It's a shame tha...

Doesn't it annoy you when someone you hardly know -- a coworker, an acquaintance, or even someone you just started dating -- pretends to know you better than you know yourself? They proceed to give you unsolicited tips and advice based on their own personal experiences, expecting you to follow suit without hesitation. Ugh! Eventually, you'll have to break it to them plainly: No one knows you better than you know yourself. You really have to hand it to some people. They speak with such verve and self-confidence that it's hard not to buy into their every word and do exactly as they say. To be fair, I'm not saying that their advice should never be welcome. Sometimes people really do have valuable wisdom to impart, especially if talking to younger folks seeking some guidance. The problem is when they try to make decisions for us. They push us to leave our doctor for theirs, buy our next car at their preferred dealership, or even date someone whom they're sure ...

Women don't fall for jerks... They fall for confident men . In my view, no attribute draws women more to men than self-confidence . Self-confidence is the ultimate attraction builder. He doesn't have to be the best-looking, richest, smartest, or funniest man. Of course, all of those enhance his appeal, but they're not nearly as consequential. A man who knows what he wants and goes for it full throttle, in most women's eyes, is an irresistible aphrodisiac. Women love men who will let nothing or no one get in the way of their dreams -- even the women themselves. They love it when men exhibit boundless ambition. Unfortunately, too many men mistakenly assume that giving women flowers and compliments is all that's needed to build attraction. Women are highly perceptive -- they know when you're going overboard on the flattery just to get in their pants or win their approval. But that's just the thing. A confident man doesn't need a woman's appr...

Don't waste your time, energy, and brain cells on people who simply aren't worth it. Who cares that Sally from high school makes more money than you? Or that a neighbor you hardly even know has a better car? Or that several people you have on Facebook -- whom you barely ever speak to -- travel to Walt Disney World five times a year? It's really a shame that, for so many people, life has become little more than a competition to best their peers. They can't help but assess how well they're doing in life by comparing themselves to other people -- people that may have completely different goals, interests, values, and personalities altogether. As I've noted in prior posts, sites like Facebook can bring out the worst in some people. It has evolved into a breeding ground for narcissism unlike anything I've seen before. Selfies, gloating about eating at the hottest restaurant in town, pictures galore while on vacation in the Bahamas. It's become more abou...

The notion that opposites attract is a persistent myth that many people continue to swear by to this day. Opposites do attract to a certain degree, but only in the early stages of dating . And, to be honest, I don't know if I would even call it "attraction." A more appropriate word might be "intrigue." Meeting someone who seems like our complete opposite seems like a breath of fresh air at first. After all, we're used to having friends and dating people who share our interests, so this can feel like a pleasant change. However, as time wears on, the differences begin to really manifest themselves, and what once seemed like an interesting quality in the other person begins to get on our nerves. Here are a couple of examples: A liberal person dating a conservative one A neat freak dating a slob An avid football fan dating someone who loathes sports A well-heeled professional dating a person who's constantly broke and unemployed An introvert...

Our lifestyles are a direct reflection of various factors, including our personalities, jobs, and responsibilities at home. Parents' lives are presumably much busier and more stressful than those of the child-free. Teachers will lead much different lives than doctors, cops face a much different set of pressures than, say, couriers and chefs.  Some of us have more active social lives than our peers. While I have only three really close friends in my life, some people would need more than two hands to count all their buddies.  There are those who embrace a busy, strenuous life, and then there are people like me who prefer a more relaxed, deliberate pace. Neither is necessarily better than the other. We are each wired differently and derive stimulation from disparate sources -- the more introverted among us from reading, writing and other solitary activities, and the rest from social engagements like parties. Some of us go to church, others to sports games.  So...

The best people to be around aren't necessarily the nicest, prettiest, or most popular. It's those with whom you feel totally comfortable being yourself . This is how the best, most durable relationships are forged. If you find yourself holding back from being yourself or deliberately putting up a facade so that the other person likes you more, that isn't the kind of company you want in your life. Sure, when we're first getting to know someone, we may hold back somewhat or try to act more in line with the other person's expectations; we are, after all, trying to make a good first impression on them. Gradually, though, the walls should come down and you should feel more at ease letting your true beliefs, opinions, and mannerisms come out without fear of being judged. Those whom we call our friends never make us think or act in ways that feel unnatural or conflict with our values and personalities. If you abstain from drinking or smoking yet are constantly b...

As I've pointed out in other posts, being alone and being lonely are two completely different things. When people wish to be alone, they usually do so deliberately, whereas being lonely tends to be an undesirable consequence of a particular event, like breaking up with your boyfriend, moving to a new city, etc. People can desire to be alone for a host of reasons: To clear their heads To gather their thoughts To recharge after a long day at work To read or pursue other solitary tasks in a quiet environment They're not in the mood to be around people, especially after someone has done something to disappoint them And many more... Unfortunately, sometimes society makes people who crave alone time out to be weirdos. They're constantly given labels like "antisocial" and "stuck-up." Oftentimes, these descriptors have no basis in reality. Many people -- especially the highly extroverted, who thrive on social interaction -- fail to understand tha...

...use your superpower to find out which people: - like or dislike you (among those you know, obviously) - find you physically attractive (among those you know as well as people you've never met before I think the first of the two is easier to infer without possessing said superpower. So I want to focus on the second exercise in this post. Imagine how many people you've seen in your life whom you've found physically attractive, but just never worked up the nerve to say anything -- and vice-versa. If men could see into women's minds and know which ones find them good looking, you can rest assured that many more people in the world would be getting dates -- and getting lucky, for that matter. Attraction is largely a guessing game. While some people are fairly proficient at picking up signals, others are flat-out clueless. Men are usually notoriously bad at gauging women's interest in them. Many assume that if a woman makes even brief eye contact, she must b...

With the divorce rate still between 40 and 50 percent in the United States, it's plain to see that many people end up in the wrong relationships with the wrong partners. Below is just a sampling of reasons why relationships may ultimately fail. 1. Both people hold different values, whether religious or otherwise 2. Both people come with disparate views on marriage and/or having children 3. They don't share the same hobbies/interests 4. Their personalities don't mesh well (one is a bookworm while the other loves to party) 5. One or both are irresponsible with money, chores, or other duties 6. One or both are unable to remain faithful 7. The romance dies out completely because one or both become complacent 8. Children strain the marriage irreparably Some of these things aren't easy to predict early into the relationship. But once we've been with someone for anywhere from a few weeks to a few months, we can get a sense of views or habits that may not necessa...

I have friends and coworkers who put a lot of stock into the zodiac as well as their horoscope. But I must say that using information on others' zodiac signs to gain a sense of their personalities and predict how they may react in certain decisions would be ill-advised. Granted, I think the general characteristics associated with each sign tend, for the most part, to be true. For example, per the zodiac, people of Pisces (like me) are dreamy, emotional, romantic, empathetic, and poetic, among other things. Also, Pisceans tend to be drawn to the arts, with many ending up as painters, musicians, or writers. While that describes ME fairly well, I know other Pisceans who aren't even remotely creative or introspective; instead, they're in to finance, real estate, and other areas in business. Per the zodiac, my parents, a Capricorn and a Virgo, should have been a match made in heaven given they are both classified as earth signs. Well, the marriage ended in divorce when I was...

Society generally frowns upon those who keep to themselves. But just because someone is quiet doesn't mean he's stuck-up, indifferent, or harboring devious plans of some sort. On the contrary, quiet people are usually quite convivial once you get to know them. All it takes is breaking the ice and making the person feel comfortable enough to open up. I was a very quiet kid through my high school years, but finally came out of my shell when I started college. To this day, I can clam up while in the presence of a lot of people, especially those with whom I have nothing in common. People have to become more tolerant of others' personalities and resist the urge to categorize them in the absence of more information. For instance, people attempt to fill in the gaps by assuming that the quiet person must think she is superior to everyone else. In actuality, she may just be an introvert who thinks very carefully before speaking. Some people are more introspective than others and...

Throughout my entire life, I have always been a relatively quiet guy -- the type who lets work and writing do the "talking" for him. I tend to observe and gather my thoughts before stepping in. I don't usually open my mouth unless I have something meaningful to say. I avoid small talk like the plague. These are the well-documented hallmarks of an introvert. Though I have always found comfort in my introspective ways, this certainly hasn't sat well with some people I've come across at school and in the workplace. In middle and high school, I had several peers (and even some teachers) question why I was so quiet. My taciturn demeanor and reluctance to speak up, unfortunately, made me an easy target for bullies, some of whom I came very close to getting into fist fights with. It isn't as though I didn't have friends or speak to classmates; I simply kept a low profile and minded my own business. I've encountered the same issue at work -- that is, peo...