Most relationships don’t fall apart overnight. They erode gradually, often in ways neither person notices at first.  The real damage doesn’t always come from incessant fighting, cheating, or even falling out of love. More often, it comes from a silent, menacing killer that poisons the connection between two people. And it doesn't matter whether the pair have been together two months, two years, or even two decades. This scourge has the potential to destroy partnerships weak and strong.  So, what is it? It’s the expectation that your partner should act, feel, and think the way you do. At first glance, it seems harmless — even logical. If something makes sense to you, shouldn’t it make sense to them as well? If you would react a particular way, isn’t it fair to expect they would too? But that mindset is a trap. It sets up an impossible standard where your partner can never win —because they’re not you. This expectation surfaces in subtle ways: You get frustrate...

Relationships can take us to the heights of passion and the depths of despair. There are days we look at our partner and ask ourselves how we got so lucky. Then there are occasions where we can't stand to be in their presence, if temporarily. Nevertheless, relationships entail taking the good with the bad. It doesn't mean you have to settle for less, or let the other person get away with everything. Nor does it mean expecting them to be flawless or of like mind in every way. Here are two musts in order for a relationship to be successful: 1. Appreciating each other's similarities.  Maybe you're both rabid football fans, hardcore comic book geeks, or the biggest Beatles fans anywhere. Or perhaps you're both optimistic, financially responsible, or averse to rollercoasters. There's no question that in order for the relationship to run smoothly, both partners should have some overlapping interests, fears, views, or all of the above. Otherwise, yo...

Whether it's our partner, a friend, or a relative, we should refrain from idealizing other human beings -- or it may come back to haunt us. Let's start with what "idealizing" means. According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, to idealize is to "give an ideal form or value to." In other words, it's the tendency to attribute ideal characteristics to things or people. There are quite a number of situations we can think of in which people regard others as being more perfect than they are in actuality. I'm sure you know at least one person who has taken a stab at online dating (perhaps it was you). The longer two people carry on exchanging pictures and talking on the phone -- without actually meeting in person -- the greater the potential for idealization. Why? Since you've never interacted with the individual in person, all you have to go by is what you've seen on your screen or heard by phone. You are most likely clueless as t...

Relationships go down the road to ruin without a willingness on the part of both partners -- not just one -- to do the following six things: Invest time in the relationship Invest energy in the relationship  Communicate their concerns and address any areas where they feel there is room for improvement  Remain transparent  Love and trust one another  Be understanding rather than judgmental  A relationship is like a car in that it requires routine maintenance. What would happen if you were to stop changing the oil and rotating the tires? It would cease to work properly, right?  The same logic applies to a relationship.  And here's the thing: When a car starts giving you problems, you don't immediately go out and get a new one. Similarly, you shouldn't pull the plug on a relationship without making the effort to resolve whatever problems the two of you are facing. Ending a relationship prematurely would mean giving up on somethin...

Some of my readers have asked me how they can gauge whether their relationship is built to last. Those who are currently single have similarly wondered what the keys to a fruitful relationship are. To both camps I respond as follows: While there is no such thing as the perfect relationship, you know yours has the potential to last a lifetime if the two of you connect on four fundamental levels: (1) physically (2) emotionally (3) mentally and (4) spiritually . Below I touch upon what each connection entails. Physical connection:  While looks are certainly not the most important facet of a romantic relationship, they still count to a certain degree. You don't need a partner who looks like Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie to appreciate their beautiful eyes, nice legs, smooth skin, or wonderful smile. In other words, while the person may not be a "10" on the attractiveness scale, they still have physical assets that you, as their partner, can admire. But we needn't plac...

In many relationships, partners are particularly finicky about how much they feel their partner should weigh. As someone who prefers curvier women, I'll admit that I've told my wife I prefer she not get too skinny . But it seems most women (and men, for that matter) have the opposite dilemma: their partners insist that they keep their weight at or below a certain threshold. Notice how I used the word "prefer" above when referring to my wife's weight. If she chooses to lose more than I'd like, that's really her decision. I won't love her any less for it. If she were to gain weight, I'd still love her just the same. I would never put pressure on her to cater to my preferences. I might only become more emphatic in my desire that she gain or lose weight if I see her going too far in one direction. When health becomes a serious concern, that's when I'll make sure she hears me loud and clear. I think it's perfectly normal for our part...