There are varied and various ways that toxic individuals may try their best to mentally and emotionally overpower you.  This doesn't mean they all employ every single one of these techniques. But it's important to know what kinds of tools these deceitful folks keep in their arsenal so that you're ready to fight back.   1. They try turning you into them.  Misery loves company, and because toxic folks aren't happy with their own lives, they want that misery to rub off on others. And there's no greater satisfaction for them than to hold a firm grip over your emotions. If they know they've gotten the best of you and ruined your day, they know their ploy worked. 2. They use the carrot-and-stick approach . Toxic people love to combine a promised reward with a threat to take something away from you. For example, your boss tells you that a raise hinges on your working Saturdays and Sundays, and that should you opt not to come in on those days, you'll lose your job. ...

How often have you come across someone -- whether at school, work, the grocery store, or even on Facebook -- who tries to meddle in your business? Perhaps you've just been laid off or come out of a tumultuous relationship, or maybe you've lost someone dear to you. Some people are hardly satisfied in just knowing why you've seen better days; they press you for more details despite your showing a desire to be left alone. Why are they this way? While some may be driven by a genuine yearning to comfort you, others may simply be nosy. Make no mistake about it: Certain individuals are constantly comparing themselves to others although doing so -- unbeknownst to them, perhaps -- only makes them less happy in the end. Sadly, some of these people take pleasure in other's misfortunes, and still others use it as fodder for gossip. Thus the reason I always advise my readers not to disclose too much information to others. If it falls into the wrong hands, it can open...

Just the other day, I came across the following quote: "Make sure everyone in your 'boat' is rowing and not drilling holes when you're not looking." In other words, know your circle. Familiarize yourself with the company you keep. Not every person who smiles at you and tells you nice things is your friend -- let alone someone in whom you should confide your biggest secrets. As I've stated in recent posts, some people are masterful at faking it. They're pretenders. It's not always easy to distinguish genuine people from fakers, but one of the telltale signs is when their actions don't seem to mirror their words. For example, in the workplace they may claim to be working hard, but that might not jell with the fact they're always trying to leave early or dump their work on subordinates. Then there are those friends who say they care about you, but never seem to spare a moment to call you or reply to your texts. Again, when what peo...

Know why people judge others? For starters, they seem to forget that they themselves are not perfect. They don't like others to judge them unfairly, and yet that's precisely what they're doing. They live each day under the false premise that they are somehow "better" than others, which entitles them to pass judgment on people they may not even know that well. In the absence of information, they can only go by what they see. So if the person casting a critical eye notices another wearing, say, a "tacky" sweater, they might assume the person is poor or lacks any fashion sense. In the worst cases, they might go a step further and speculate that the person has a lousy love life. As I've noted before, some people try to compensate for their own perceived shortcomings by focusing on those they "detect" in others. In fact, they may even attribute their own flaws and weaknesses to other people -- a defense mechanism known as projection. I...

Have you ever heard or used the word apocryphal before? When I first stumbled upon the word in a book I was reading, I thought the word had a dark, brooding feel to it. Perhaps it's because you can almost spell "crypt" in the word. In reality, it means something -- whether a story, account, or statement -- that is of doubtful authenticity, although widely circulated as being true. Synonyms for apocryphal include fictitious, untrue, spurious, unsubstantiated, bogus, and false. I'm sure we can all point to one specific thing in school or the workplace that can often be described as apocryphal: rumors and gossip. Many of the statements made by candidates during the presidential election last year could also be classified as such, which is why fact checking has become all the rage in politics. All of us have friends, relatives or coworkers who relate stories that at times seem, well, exaggerated. And, yet, even though their authenticity may seem questionable...

Don't believe everything you hear -- at work, home, or the dry cleaners -- no matter how plausible it may sound. Want to know why? Because rumors and lies spread faster than true facts. You know what they say: A story begins one way and changes considerably with every additional person who tells it. Some people lie outright -- others just embellish details to make the story a tad juicier. We should take everything people tell us with a grain of salt -- and be careful not to disclose private details of our own lives -- unless we're completely sure we can trust them. Unfortunately, people will lie for myriad reasons, whether it's to get ahead at work, feel better about themselves, or put others down. Sometimes it isn't easy to tell when someone is lying, but once I catch them in a lie, I immediately presume them to be compulsive liars who will strike again at a moment's notice. It then becomes very difficult -- if not impossible -- for me to trust them...

Gossiping always comes back to bite you in the rear end, which is why you should avoid it at all costs. Either the person who you're gossiping about uncovers your treachery, or the ones you're gossiping with stab you in the back by telling the individual it's you doing the dirty work behind the scenes. Even if your target is so vile as to deserve what you're doing to her, you don't want to get involved. You never really know who you can trust, which is why you should maintain a neutral position at all times. You can rest assured that you'll be pressured to join in on the bashing. It's at that point that you should politely decline. This is how it works: People have a herd mentality. If you're not with them in talking smack about Betty behind her back, surely you must be against them, making you a threat. What you have to do is say -- nicely but firmly -- that you don't want to take sides. You want to keep it professional at all times. But the...

There's a girl I work with (let's call her Ana) who loves chatting up Cindy, my cubicle neighbor. Though Cindy is about 15 years Ana's senior, you'd think the two are best friends upon hearing them converse. They can blather on for hours about everything from food and children to the usual workplace gossip. Today, my department had a holiday lunch at a nearby restaurant. Ana, a male coworker named Andy, and I carpooled to the restaurant. On the way there, Ana began dishing about Cindy and some of the other women in the department. She commented on everything from their dressing habits to their rather "old school" perspectives, as she put them, on life. (Mind you, these women are in their 50s and 60s.) You might be thinking, "Poor Cindy. She probably doesn't deserve that." But Cindy herself has been known to talk behind others' backs, so, as I see it, she's getting a taste of her own medicine. This goes to show you that backstabbers ...