We can all attest to being in some pretty lousy relationships.  While it's normal to fall out with someone and go your separate ways (hopefully in an amicable fashion), some relationships border on abuse, dishonesty, and neglect. Sometimes both individuals are to blame. But oftentimes, only one person is on the receiving end, and they've done absolutely nothing to deserve it.  People sabotage our trust in and love for them by doing these 3 things: 1. Abusing us . When someone mentions abuse, it usually conjures images of bloody lips and bruised arms. But one needn't raise a hand against a friend, partner, or relative for their actions to constitute abusive behavior. Words, in fact, can cut deeper than a knife.  Remember that trite saying we learned as kids? That sticks and stones may break your bones, but words will never hurt you? Yeah, that was pure bunk. Insults can leave lasting scars, no matter how hard we may look to deny it. One reason so many people sink into a de...

Do you ever get that sneaking suspicion that someone is lying to you even though you want to believe them? Maybe it's a co-worker who tries to assure you she wasn't the one who furtively stole the stapler. Maybe it's a friend who calls you at the last minute to say they've come down with a stomach bug and cannot attend your birthday party.  The simplest way to tell if someone is lying to you is to assess whether their words match their actions. For example, I was once involved with a woman who professed her love for me day and night.  I'd met her online and was always eager to meet up in person, but she never seemed to share in that enthusiasm. Everytime I proposed going to the mall or movies together, she came up with a new excuse for why she couldn't go. After much cajoling, she agreed to meet face-to-face. I was smitten and always looked forward to our next encounter, but the feeling didn't seem mutual.  In the end, I saw her two or three times, and then ...

If there's something we could all agree on, it's that there is always going to be something about every individual in our life -- from our partner to our friends to our coworkers -- that we don't necessarily like. There's always going to be a trait, tendency, or quirk that gets under our skin and that we would probably do away with if given the choice. Maybe they're a tad cheap. Perhaps they're a bit stuck-up. They could very well be messy, aloof, or prone to lying. Hopefully, we are able to turn a blind eye to these perceived shortcomings. But for those things that aren't as easy to gloss over, it's up to us to decide what we're willing or not willing to tolerate. The key question becomes: At what point does something we perceive as a character flaw in another person become too much to handle? Let's be fair, though. It isn't as if we're perfect either. So if we decide to cut ties with someone because of, say, their substa...

If there's one thing I've learned in my observations of people, it's that many of them put looking good before being genuine, which is a huge mistake. They try to say the right things to win others' approval. They never admit they're wrong. Some even go so far as to change something about themselves just to appease a friend, love interest, or relative. In other words, preserving their image trumps qualities like sincerity and integrity. They try to live the kind of life society expects them to have, even though deep down it isn't the one they desire. They're lying to others -- and themselves. Moreover, they're willing to fake anything and everything about themselves just to appear more driven, more successful, more likable, or whatever it is they're aiming for. At the end of the day, none of us are perfect. We become wiser people through our experiences, which often include making mistakes we learn from and, hopefully, never repeat. If on...

If one thing is for sure, it's that not everyone is going to like us. Some people will find us annoying. Others will deem us rude. Still others will think we're conceited, messy, obnoxious, dumb, stingy, or lazy. And it doesn't really matter whether any of these labels have merit or are entirely baseless. All that matters is how we're perceived. Perception is, in fact, reality in the eyes of those who may not know us all that well. If not a single person has a beef with you -- if you feel everyone you know holds you in high esteem -- it boils down to one of two things: (1) They're lying. (2) You're in denial, or in the dark. Someone in our circle -- whomever it may be -- takes issue with something about us, whether it be our religious or political beliefs, our weight, our choice of partner or career, our hobbies, our favorite foods, and so forth. Granted, someone can like you and, say, still clash with you when it comes to politics. But to say th...

It's easy to see the many ways that relationships -- whether with friends, family members, coworkers, or significant others -- add value to our life. In a healthy relationship, both individuals give and receive love, affection, kindness, compassion, advice, and support. Both invest the time and energy to make the other feel special and acknowledged. Neither takes the other for granted or bolts at the first sign of trouble, whether in the relationship or outside of it. A toxic relationship, on the other hand, is suffused with negativity and riddled with conflict. Distrust snowballs into deep resentment. Lying, lambasting, and lashing out become par for the course. While occasional arguments are normal in a relationship and can be beneficial in the sense that both people learn to work toward achieving common ground, too much fighting can escalate to the point where (1) both individuals are at each other's throats (2) they grow so disillusioned that they stop caring altoge...

You can be forgiven for your words or actions, but chances are they won't be forgotten. I have forgiven people -- friends, ex-girlfriends, and the like -- who have done me wrong. In fact, I have stayed in close contact with most of them to this day. However, their hurtful words and actions remain firmly etched in memory, ready to be brought to bear should these individuals insist they've never let me down before. I try not to pull the plug on relationships I've invested a great deal of time and energy into. We all know that making new friends, especially as we get older, is no easy task. However, I become much more guarded thereafter, ensuring that they never again exploit my kind and giving nature for personal gain. I try to choose my words very carefully -- and act accordingly-- so that I won't later have to issue an apology. However, if I were to say or do something that results in hurt feelings, I most certainly would expect them to look at me with a cau...

Lying . We all do it almost daily, though in varying degrees. Some of us have made a habit of lying through our teeth, while others are masters in the art of little white lies that often go unnoticed. Whatever one's propensity for lying, we can usually detect lies through certain verbal and non-verbal cues, some of which I elaborate on below: 1. Eye contact : If a person is having a hard time maintaining eye contact while talking to you, it usually means they're hiding something. For example, let's say the person you're chatting with routinely looks at the floor or ceiling during the conversation. Yes, this can be indicative of sheer boredom or a lack of self-confidence, but in most cases, it signals that the individual can't deliver his or her words with conviction. Instead, he or she is displaying the kind of sheepishness characteristic of a person caught in a lie -- or about to be caught in one. 2. Speech patterns : When someone is lying, they're more...

Just last Friday, my boss and I sat down for my annual review. She had great things to say, including the fact that she has seen me "grow immensely" in the last year or two. Mind you, I've been with the company for close to five years. It isn't as if she went by hard data or any accomplishment lists to arrive at such a conclusion, for I provided none. I don't work any harder than I did a couple of years ago. So why is she so certain that I've demonstrated growth on the job? I think perception  -- the state of becoming aware of something through the senses -- is at play here. What is perceived as real can be more powerful than reality itself . The lenses through which we each see the world are dissimilar. I may perceive you to be a shy, rude, or arrogant person, but perhaps your neighbor views you as warm and happy-go-lucky. You may be phoning it at your job or in your relationship, but as long as your boss or partner "thinks" you're put...

As tempting as it may be to lie (even when it's those seemingly innocuous white ones), it is always best to refrain from doing so. As soon as someone catches you in a lie, or vice-versa, it raises red flags, let alone a bunch of questions. However serious the lie, the act constitutes a breach of trust.  You begin to ask yourself things like: Why couldn't the person just be sincere? Is he or she a chronic liar? What happens if more serious lies are on the horizon (e.g. cheating, stealing money, etc.) It's better to be forthright with someone than lie and later see it blow up in your face. For example, let's say you accidentally bump into your wife's parked car while you're pulling out of the driveway. Your wife comes back from a business trip and notices a huge dent on her bumper. (Assume it left no visible damage on your car.)  You could be dishonest and say you have no clue as to how it happened. But once your wife puts 2 and 2 together, she ...