In the past few years, how many times would you say you've been hurt by someone you care deeply about? Too many to count, right? Maybe you were cheated on, lied to, or ignored outright. Perhaps the incident came about at work, school, or home.  As unsettling as the pain can be, you must remind yourself that such feelings won't linger forever. However, you have to do your part to get the wheels rolling.  What I've observed that holds so many people back from conquering the hurt is that they fail to acknowledge it in the first place.  And men are especially prone to this form of denial. Indeed, it's tempting for us to sweep the feelings under the rug as if nothing happened, or to carry on believing they'll fade away on their own. On the contrary, this wrong-headed approach causes those feelings to fester. Denial provides the very fuel for intensification, like warm water powering a hurricane ever more. This, in turn, produces doubt and blame, which can snowball into a...

Has anyone ever told you you're the only one for them -- that they vow to be faithful to you for the rest of your lives -- only to turn around and cheat on you? Few things could be as devastating.  Imagine that: Someone who you envisioned spending the rest of your life with shattering your trust so egregiously. The fact of the matter is that they were never being sincere about how they felt. Because when someone truly loves you, they wouldn't dare jeopardize the bond you share -- let alone by cheating. And none of these count as justifiable: Drinking too much Being stressed at work Being seduced  Feeling unhappy in the relationship  You don't go around canoodling with other men or women when something is awry in the relationship or, more generally, in your life. You make your partner aware of it so they can help you. You communicate. You discuss your options.  If you see the relationship as no longer bringing you fulfillment, you either agree to seek counseling with ...

It goes without saying that people should never try to hurt others deliberately. Even if someone has hurt or deceived you first -- say, by spreading a rumor about you or cheating on you -- seeking retribution isn't going to make you feel better. If anything, you would be stooping down to their level, making the resentment you feel toward them fester longer. Instead, show you're above such pettiness by speaking privately with them and reaffirming your expectations. If they apologize for what they did, and you wish to salvage the relationship, make it clear to them that you will not carry on unless you're given the respect you deserve. If they do not apologize, or if you're simply at wit's end, make it clear that you want nothing to do with them anymore. (Walking away without declaring your intentions is also your prerogative.) If you want to convey that you're fed up with someone, indifference is far more effective than getting all worked up, as the l...

If your gut tells you that you shouldn't do something, it's always best to listen to it. Unfortunately, many people engage in a slew of behaviors despite being conscious of the fact that they can lead to serious, often-damaging consequences. Some of these reckless acts include: Cheating on their partner Sleeping with someone you don't want to be intimate with  Stealing from others  Drinking more than they should  Taking illegal drugs  Becoming physically aggressive with others Let's delve into cheating for a moment.  There is absolutely no excuse in the world that could justify such an abhorrent betrayal of a partner's trust.  And if your partner cheats on you first, it doesn't give you license to go out and do the same. It's better to be the better person and walk away before becoming involved with someone else.  Payback doesn't solve anything. If anything, it heightens feelings of bitterness and animosity. What gets m...

Steer clear of those who hurt you more than they love you. Avoid those who drain you more than they replenish you. Stay far away from people who bring you more stress than they do peace and joy. Distance yourself from those who try to stunt your growth rather than applaud it. I know what you're probably thinking: In principle, this sounds fine and dandy, but you couldn't possibly avoid every person who occasionally makes you feel like crap, from your toxic boss to your meddling in-laws. To a certain extent, that's true. But one of the most effective ways to navigate relationships with difficult people is to not take what they say or do to heart. If you take everything they say personally, you're essentially surrendering power over your emotions to them. You're enabling them to win. No one has permission to make you feel bad unless you grant it to them. Remember, many of these people are unhappy and disgruntled in their own lives, so they see to it ...

You should never be afraid to lose people -- whether close friends or mere acquaintances -- if keeping them in your life means losing yourself in the process. And how might you lose yourself? You can lose your self-identity by (1) changing yourself to appease them (2) doing everything in your power to please them while neglecting your own needs and wants. Sure, in any relationship, a little flexibility -- some give and take, if you will -- is to be expected. Sometimes you may accede to the other's wishes as far as where to go and what to do. Maybe your friend has kids and you don't, which necessitates planning outings around their busy schedule. But a line needs to be drawn somewhere. If you find yourself making concession after concession while the other person refuses to meet you halfway on anything, let's call the relationship what it really is -- one-sided. Unfortunately, some people become a little too complacent, expecting the other person to always bend...

Wouldn't you agree that it's better to be hurt with the truth than comforted with a lie ? It's no surprise people say that our closest friends give it to us straight -- they're the ones who don't sugarcoat anything, even if we may take it the wrong way at first. However, some people mistakenly assume that they're doing us a favor by not being completely open. They reason that it's worth it if it'll spare you those hurt feelings. What they don't consider, however, is how painful it can be to discover later on that the person wasn't being entirely honest. While it may seem like the person is acting in the other's best interest, they're really only thinking of themselves. Perhaps they fear that if the truth comes out, the relationship might change, or even be in jeopardy. But doesn't the person deserve the truth? Imagine how many marriages or relationships have come to an end as a result of one partner asserting with convictio...

It goes without saying that we should all fall in love with someone who treasures our presence rather than takes advantage of it. Someone who will covet our heart, not trample on it. Someone who will not exercise the power you've given them to hurt you. Ah, easier said than done, right? In a perfect world, every relationship would last a lifetime. No one would experience relationship blues of any sort. And the divorce rate would certainly not be in the neighborhood of 50 percent. The truth is that relationships take serious work -- a lot more than some couples are willing to put in. When you first meet and get with someone, you have your blinders on. They seem perfect to you in every way. You picture yourself walking down the aisle, having kids, and living a blissful life together. Then, reality sets in. You have arguments about matters both petty and serious. You can't seem to agree on anything, whether it's what to eat or where to vacation next. You encounter fi...

If you can't change a person or situation, change how you feel about that person or situation . This notion brings to mind another of my favorite axioms: "Life isn't about what happens to you, but how you react to what happens to you." Let's face it: People are hard to change. Trying to change someone's tendencies, beliefs, or attitudes is often an exercise in futility. People get stuck in routines, and old habits die hard. I wish my wife were more organized and into sports and exercising. As much as I may entreat her to do these things, she will never ever be a neat freak or fitness enthusiast. At times, she makes half-hearted attempts to put in a workout or watch a baseball game, but it's obvious -- from the bored look on her face and her clear lack of enthusiasm -- that she's only doing it to appease me.  It can be frustrating to have to almost beg someone to do something, So what's my only option? To change how I feel about the situat...

During my first semester in college, I clicked with a girl who, to my displeasure, was already in a long-term relationship. If you saw us together, you would probably assume we were a couple. I played with her hair. She looked for me on campus before class. We'd laugh and joke around incessantly. Her behavior struck me as flirtatious, and I always felt that beneath the surface she had feelings for me that went beyond the platonic variety. There I was, on the verge of falling for someone who could not offer anything more than friendship. For the remainder of the semester, I held out hope that our unmistakable chemistry would prompt her to break up with her boyfriend for me. Alas, it didn't happen. She remains loyal to her now-husband to this day, and I'm happily married to my wife. Though things worked out for both of us, I was very disappointed then that I could not pry a great girl from another guy's arms. I learned a valuable lesson from this experience: Cha...

Many of us have a tendency to see people through rose-colored glasses rather than judging them for who they really are. In other words, we're idealistic rather than realistic . We know what people are capable of -- they've done us wrong before -- yet still we decide to give them the benefit of the doubt. We really exclusively on what our heart tells us, to the exclusion of any alarms your mind may be sounding. Unfortunately, this is how people end up in disastrous relationships. When dealing with people, it's imperative that we not solely rely on our emotions. The brain should also play a role. We can compare this to something in politics of all things: the system of checks and balances, where each of the three branches of government can limit the powers of the others. This way, no one branch becomes too powerful. Each branch “checks” the power of the other branches to make sure that the power is balanced between them. It's precisely because of this system that the ...

I know most of us try to avoid fighting with our partners and friends like the plague. After all, no one wants to be left feeling hurt or resentful. While arguments have been the primary culprit for the demise of many friendships and relationships, they've also been cited as the reason many became stronger over time. I've experienced this firsthand. In fact, I have had pretty bad fights with my wife and closest friends over the years. Somehow, though, I grew closer to all of them following the squabbles. I think an argument can only work in both parties' favor if they each concede some wrongdoing. Both have to be humble enough to admit that while they don't deserve full blame, some of the finger pointing is probably justified. If, however, one person refuses to acknowledge fault, fighting will only help the relationship see a quicker demise. Both parties must also be open to taking conciliatory measures. Saying "I'm sorry" is a good start. Both i...