Eleanor Roosevelt (1884-1962), the longest-serving First Lady in U.S. history, astutely advised people to do as follows: "Do what you feel in your heart to be right -- for you'll be criticized anyway." Essentially, she's saying that no matter what course of action you take, someone will take issue with it. So why not follow your heart and do what makes you happy? Roosevelt would be disheartened to learn that in 2018, over 5 decades after her death, people still get sucked into the "herd mentality" that drives them to seek others' validation. They believe and perpetuate the notion that true happiness lies with others rather than with and inside themselves. She'd quickly realize that social media has a lot to do with it, seeing as how people will post just about anything to amass as many likes and followers as they can. Whether you like football, abstain from drinking, are in a long-distance relationship, have only one child, enjoy travelin...

In the absence of information about you, people resort to passing judgment. To fill in the gaps, they make unfounded assumptions about your personality and character. Here are a couple of examples: Because you're quiet, you must be weird, antisocial, or stuck-up. Because you don't want to have kids, you must be selfish.  Because you don't drink, you must be boring, religious, or uber conservative.  Because you don't eat meat, you must be vegan. Because you relish simplicity and have no interest in flashy gadgets, jewelry, or cars, you must not have a lot of money. Anything that goes against the grain of society tends to be judged harshly. People frown upon those who do or say things that run counter to the so-called herd mentality.  The fact is that you have no obligation whatsoever to justify your views, beliefs, or attitudes to anyone. While they have a right to think as they wish about you, you're entitled to live life as you wish without ...

So many of us have a tendency to base our decisions around those of others. We buy a certain car because our neighbor just bought a similar one. We suddenly feel the urge to have a child because all our friends are having kids. Our coworker gets a promotion and all of the sudden, we want one. Even though we don't drink or eat sushi, everyone in our book club does, so we feel pressured to follow suit. Unfortunately, many us fall victim to the herd mentality. We'll do almost anything not to stand apart from our fellow peers in any way. We hate the thought of being ostracized or left out, so we try to shadow their behavior -- in everything from the clothes they wear to the products they buy. I'm of the belief that embracing your uniqueness is the key to self-fulfillment. People will always try to impose their beliefs and attitudes on you so you can think and act like them. Why? Because it validates the decisions they've made. If you opt to go down a different pat...

Trends. Fads. People wanting to do what everyone else is doing because it's the "it" thing. Whether it's dressing a certain way, decorating one's home in a popular style, or buying a particular product everyone and his brother seems to own, trends can spread like wildfire quickly. But I see trends as overrated. I equate them with the so-called herd mentality, where people are driven to shadow their peers in their choices -- just so they can fit in. I'm not like most people, which is why I don't subscribe to the herd mentality. I'm big on uniqueness and doing whatever you -- not the rest of society -- think is cool, however socially unacceptable it may be. Most people probably don't place me on their "coolest people I know" list. Why? Because I'm not materialistic, I don't drink, and I'm a huge psychology and history geek. Probably not most people's idea of fun. Regardless, I take pride in bucking trends r...

If people laugh at you because you're different, laugh right back at them for being all the same. I've written several posts on the importance of embracing one's uniqueness -- and disregarding what people say we should and shouldn't do -- because I think far too many of us fall victim to the herd mentality that has become so pervasive in society. On Thanksgiving night, my brother-in-law put me on the spot for not drinking. He still can't wrap his head around the fact that I don't drink. Then, two days later at my niece's afternoon birthday party, I returned the favor by asking him, "No alcohol for lunch today?" That made him a little defensive -- he pointed out how he only drinks two or three times a week -- and hopefully it conveyed that it's time to put the issue to rest. Peer pressure is even less effective on me when it comes from someone I hardly come into contact with throughout the year, like him. Here's another example: ...

Have you noticed that when a renowned musician dies, sales of his or her songs/albums go through the roof in the weeks that follow? That's precisely the case with Prince, the mega-successful singer, songwriter, and music producer who died at the age of 57 on April 21. According to Nielsen Music, Prince’s albums and songs (including song downloads) have sold over 4 million copies in the U.S. since his untimely passing. Just to put that massive number into perspective, Prince’s music sold comparably little the week prior to his death: just 5,000 albums and 14,000 song downloads in the week ending April 15. We saw a similar phenomenon play out when Michael Jackson died in 2009 and James Brown passed away in 2006. So why do people do this? For starters, they're big fans of the person's music and do it as a way of honoring his or her life. Now that the individual is gone, they can no longer look forward to seeing them live in concert or at awards shows on TV. They ...

Late musician Kurt Cobain (1967-1994) was once quoted as saying: "You laugh at me because I'm different. I laugh at you because you're all the same." I think the quote perfectly captures a persistent problem in our society: That people are ostracized when they're noticeably different in some way from the mainstream. This runs the gamut from virgins to non-drinkers, introverts to nerds, tree huggers to the extremely religious, childfree to vegan. Herd mentality describes how people are influenced by their peers to take on certain behaviors, follow trends, and/or purchase products. Whether you're contemplating which car to buy, whom to make your next doctor, or what constitutes trendy nowadays, you'll probably take your cue from someone else. It could be a friend, family member, or coworker. The thought of someone who's a little different is unsettling for many people. That, in turns, drives us to do all we can to conform to societal expec...

Take a moment to ask yourself these questions: To what extent do you strive to live up to society's expectations of you?  How frequently do you try to do what everyone else does, only because that's the so-called "norm"? How often do you do things to appease others just so that you're liked and accepted? We live in a society that promotes a herd mentality rather than individuality . It's normal to be concerned about what others think of us, but some people follow the crowd to the exclusion of their feelings, likes, dislikes, and beliefs. How did we become like this? Why do so many of us care so deeply about what people who don't pay our bills and who likely won't be at our side when we're dying say and think about us? It all goes back to the days of early civilization, when cavemen roamed the earth. Back then, people had to band together in order to ensure their survival. The more people they could collaborate with, the better th...

Far too many of us depend on our partner, friends, and relatives to break out of the boredom that comes over us day in and day out. But why? I'm not saying you can't look to these people occasionally, but really...with all there is to do in the world -- from books to blogging to Netflix to skydiving -- why do so many of us make fun and leisure, in all its incarnations, out to be a shared experience? I think certain activities and sports like bowling and basketball are indeed more enjoyable when more people are involved. However, some have taken this to a whole new level. They refuse to go to the gym or watch a movie unless someone accompanies them. It's as if they can't even enjoy a simple workout unless someone else is on hand. It's either that, or flat-out laziness. Some of us can't be bothered to move a muscle unless someone else is there to provide a nudge. This happens quite frequently in relationships: one partner will rely on the other to get thin...

Today's quote comes from Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882), an American poet, essayist, and lecturer who led the Transcendentalist movement of the mid-19th century: "To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment." - Ralph Waldo Emerson It's amazing how Emerson's words ring especially true in this digital era we live in. Whether it's on Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram, people are always trying to one-up each other in an effort to get as many "likes" and positive comments as they can get. They lose sight of their true selves and instead turn into the individuals society wants them to be. In essence, they sell out for social approval. Indeed, society says that we should do all the following: Look as skinny as possible Have as many kids as possible Get married as early as possible Work in the most prestigious high-paying jobs (vice president, etc.) Possess as much money and materi...

My wife and I went to a family get together at her parents' house last night, where one of her brothers and two of her sisters-in-law got completely wasted. Her family knows full well that neither my wife nor I drink. It's not as if I've never tried. I've tasted a slew of drinks and have found all of them, with exception to the fruity daiquiri, to be almost intolerable. I simply lack the taste buds for alcohol. As for my wife, she likes only a couple of drinks, but for the most part refrains from drinking as well. As you can expect, this doesn't exactly sit well with them. For years now, they've made every attempt to get us to take a few sips at every gathering. The pressure to drink last night was more palpable than usual, ostensibly in light of the fact that my wife and I are now married and I am "part of the family." I fret at the pressure society puts on people to conform to what everyone else in the group does. When it comes to drinking, I t...