Many people don't realize just how detrimental a lack of self-disclosure can be to a relationship. How frequently do you share your feelings with your partner? Do they share their feelings with you?  Emotional self-disclosure, the exchange of intimate feelings, is instrumental to a relationship's health. One person speaks, and the other listens intently, provides validation, and demonstrates they care. And vice-versa.  The responsiveness of the listener is integral to self-disclosure, building trust and intimacy.  When people no longer share their feelings with a partner -- or share them with someone else instead -- the partner loses an opportunity to build their relationship and the relationship in turn suffers. When this becomes a habit, it may very well indicate that someone is oriented away from a relationship rather than toward it.  A lack emotional intimacy and transparency tends to characterize relationships between casual lovers or acquaintances. That isn't ...

How many times have you encountered someone who's tried to push their beliefs on you, making you feel as though they'll cast you out should you dissent? I am here to tell you one thing: You need no one's validation but your own!  Really, who says others are cool and you're not? Who determines that your way is wrong and there's isn't? Why should you have to defer to others on matters of style? If society frowns upon some of your lifestyle choices simply because they're not in step with what everyone else does -- say, your decision to abstain from drinking or your reluctance to attend late-night parties -- so be it.  Be yourself! There is nothing wrong with being your most unique, individual self. As long as you love and are being true to yourself -- and you're not hurting anyone in the process -- why should your methods be deemed incorrect? If people feel so insecure as to consider no one else's perspective but their own, that's their problem. Whe...

How often have you acted against your own instincts just to secure someone's approval? How frequently do you allow others' idea of happiness become your own? You're not in the minority if you concede you've done the above more times than you could count.  Indeed, we tend to assign a disproportionate amount of weight to other people's opinions and judgments, leaving us sulking when we feel we've failed to meet their expectations. But it's important to remind ourselves whose validation ultimately matters. That's right, our own. It's not to say that your sister's opinion, neighbor's suggestion, or co-workers feedback should be discounted entirely. Other people's input can certainly give a us a feel for how others approach a given situation given their unique life experiences.  But if we're not careful, we may become so dependent on their two cents that they're the ones who will be in the driver's seat of our lives. You wouldn...

Every now and then, the word nerd in me comes out, prompting me to share unfamiliar, weird-sounding words with my readers. I am, after all, a writer by trade. Just recently I came upon one that called for dusting off the old dictionary (or, actually, running a quick Google search).  The word is genuflect, which means to be servilely respectful or deferential. In order words, one is so overly respectful as to command disrespect. They're putty in others' hands.  Synonyms include to pander and to fawn. While courtesy and respect should be expected of everyone, taking it to this extreme can actually be a liability, both in one's career and relationships. It sends the message you're willing to do virtually anything to secure their approval. Never be afraid to stand your ground. You need no one's validation to feel happy and complete. Don't genuflect; instead, be generous and genuine without allowing anyone to walk over or manipulate you!

It's a fact of life: Whether at work, on the dating circuit, or even in our own families, we come across people who try to undermine us. Our first instinct may be to try to prove them wrong. But this is precisely what you shouldn't do. The quicker one realizes that their happiness doesn't depend on anyone but themselves, the faster they can enjoy the sweet smell of life fulfillment. Here are a few tips for dealing with such individuals. 1. Don't let them get the best of you. It's only natural to become defensive when someone attempts to make you feel small. But it can only bother you if you allow them to. As hard as it may be, you must keep your emotions in check. Rather than indulging them in a shouting match, walk away. 2. Don't seek their validation. Striving to obtain others' approval communicates a few things: (a) You think they're above you (b) You think they're right and you're wrong (c) You wish to be more like them than your ...

At the end of the day, what people think of you is none of your business. Why? Because your happiness doesn't depend on other people. It resides within you! So why should the joy and satisfaction you get from life be contingent upon their opinion of you, which may be faulty to begin with? No matter how hard you may try to please others, you will always fall short in someone's eyes. How others see us is not necessarily who we are. They merely base their opinions on how they perceive us. And, remember, human beings are conditioned to accept perception as reality when they don't have all the facts. It's akin to judging a book by its cover. Never allow the noise of others' opinions drown out your inner voice.  The deeper we get sucked into others' opinions -- and the harder we seek their validation in order to feel whole -- the easier it is to lose ourselves. Obviously, we all want to do our part to cultivate a favorable image of ourselves. No one ...

Many people are under the misapprehension that only by gaining the approval of others can we truly be happy. But this couldn't be further from the truth. While people can certainly enrich our lives, some individuals lock themselves into the mindset that without others' validation, they must be doing something wrong. It compels them to plead with these people for answers. It pushes them to change in any way necessary to gain their acceptance. Granted, if the person in question is living recklessly -- say, doing drugs, mistreating his wife, or gambling away his savings every weekend -- it is not surprising that others may not wish to associate themselves with the individual until he changes his ways. But if he isn't harming himself or anyone else, there's no reason to deprive himself of experiencing happiness merely because certain people may not give their stamp of approval. But here's the thing: Happiness comes from inside of you. Others' approval ...

If you sense that you're worthless to someone, don't fret. Smile, because you're priceless to someone else! To the world you may be just a tiny, insignificant speck. But to one person, you may be nothing less than the world. Even though we might have good,  caring people in our lives, many of us become preoccupied with the ones who treat us like dirt. We go to great lengths to rationalize why they're behaving this way, especially if we can't put a finger on what we ever did wrong. We let their mood sour ours. We call and text them numerous times in the vain hope that they will give us the time of day. In short. we let them get the best of us -- but why should we? Your value doesn't decrease just because someone is unable to see your worth. And just because someone perceives you as being of little worth doesn't mean others see you that way. In fact, if you have friends, family, and/or a partner who count you among the most important people ...

Never should we allow others to undervalue us -- nor should we let ourselves do it. At the end of the day, the only opinion about yourself that is completely accurate -- the sole assessment that really matters -- is your own. Self-worth, or self-esteem, results from our striving to treat ourselves with the love, care, compassion, and respect we deserve. Your self-worth can only be determined by you because it comes from within. The higher your self-esteem, the happier you are. And as I've stressed in my other posts, happiness emanates from inside of us. It's obvious that not everyone we come across in our lives -- from partners and friends to bosses -- will realize our worth. Still, that should never decrease our value in our own eyes. In relationships in which we don't feel valued, we have the option to address our feelings with the other person. If that doesn't bear fruit, we must decide whether the individual deserves a place in our lives. Now, this do...

Can you guess what kind of person many people secretly fear? It's the one who neither needs nor expresses any interest in their validation. There's a reason quiet, unassuming people get lambasted all the time by their peers. It's because they -- at least the ones who refuse to give in to social pressure -- can't be bought or swayed into becoming shallow blabbermouths like themselves. Sure, many of these folks are cast in a negative light, with detractors going as far as to call them narcissists or sociopaths. But they could cast such aspersions until the cows come home. These individuals will not crack under pressure, no matter how hard they're pricked and prodded. The fact of the matter is that people loathe those who make them feel insecure. And the ones who make them feel that way couldn't care less about gaining their approval. It doesn't make them selfish or self-absorbed, as these people have friends and loved ones whom they hold in hig...

It's a real shame that people take issue with others loving themselves and being comfortable in their own skin, but that's the sad reality. Why would they have a problem with it, you ask? Well, if the person is markedly different than them in some way -- say, they don't drink or they embrace a minimalist lifestyle -- it could trigger unsettling insecurities. Some individuals don't like the thought of others asserting their individuality because it makes them feel unsure of their own habits, values. and predilections. That in turn may prompt them to try to change the more unique individual into someone that more closely resembles themselves. They'll goad them to have a drink, or to go out and fork over gobs of money on clothes. How should you handle these people? It's quite simple. If they can't handle you at your most authentic, then it's their problem. Under no circumstances should you give in to their desire to change you to fit their...

You will never be good enough for everyone, but here's good news: You'll always be good enough for those people who deserve you. It's a certainty that you will come across people who have something to complain about. You're too quiet or too loud, too clean or too messy, too skinny or too fat, too lazy or too ambitious. It's nearly impossible to meet some individuals' exacting standards. But who says we have to meet such standards to begin with? The right people -- those who accept you for who you are -- will never press you to change. They'll appreciate you whether or not you drink, whether you gravitate toward books or sports, or whether you're bold or docile. (Of course, if you're engaging in dangerous behaviors -- like abusing alcohol or drugs -- they have every reason to goad you to change in that regard.) The right people will acknowledge whatever it is that makes you unique -- whether it's your passion for learning, quirky sen...

While there are always exceptions, women are generally drawn to men who exude self-confidence. Some of you guys may be scratching your heads and asking, "Wait, I thought women were mostly attracted to men who are nice to them and possess resources (money, cars. etc.)?" This, unfortunately, is a rather common misconception that has caused many men to strike out in the dating arena. You can't expect to buy a woman's affections with compliments, flowers, and jewelry. Women can easily sense when a guy is trying to sweet-talk and spend his way into her heart (and pants). Women are attracted to men who show interest in them, sure, but in a more measured manner. If you tell a woman after only three dates that you love her and look forward to your wedding day, you'll do nothing but scare her off. If, however, you maintain a little mystery about you while exhibiting self-confidence, you're sure to keep her on her toes. Women are drawn to self-confident ...

"Being you is all that you can do," or so says a song I heard this morning by rock band Audioslave. The aptly named track "Be Yourself" describes what I feel people should aim to do all the time -- whether they're in the middle of a job interview, on a blind date, or at a party. Now, just because you project the "real you" doesn't mean you can't strive to better yourself, whether that means taking public speaking classes, giving up drinking, or becoming more charitable. But when it comes to your natural core -- your true temperament, your bedrock principles -- you should always stand firm. You shouldn't have to fake who you are just to impress other people. If others don't give their stamp of approval to the most genuine version of yourself, guess what? (1) You don't need their validation to begin with, and (2) You're with the wrong people. The right people for us, on the other hand, accept us for who we are -- flaws...

Go to a mall, grocery store, or even your local gym and you're bound to see people with a sullen look on their face. It doesn't matter that they're carrying around a Louis Vuitton purse or driving a Mercedes Benz -- their sulkiness communicates that they're not happy. While we can never know for sure unless we ask, I would venture a guess that a great deal of them know they're not living the kind of life they want to live; instead, they're living the life others want them to live. Some people strive to impress others, essentially living their lives on others' terms.  Unfortunately, many of these individuals don't realize until later in life that we must each find our own path to happiness. What makes your friend or neighbor happy won't necessarily fulfill you, whether in terms of hobbies, romantic relationships, or careers.  Just because you're not on the same road as someone else doesn't mean you're lost. Finding your own p...

The key to a happier life, as Albert Einstein said, is to tie your life to a goal -- not to people or things. We all have goals we aim to achieve, from getting a degree to traveling around the world to losing weight to spending more time with our family. When you make your happiness contingent upon the acquisition of material possessions or the approval of others, the quality of your life takes a nosedive. For one, material stuff rusts, wears, and tears. Sure, it's always nice to get a new phone or car, but the novelty of the item dissipates quite fast. Before you know it, that phone or car is giving you problems. People who feel they have to be the first to obtain the latest and greatest gadgets will never be content, and it's likely because they're trying to stay ahead of their peers. In the end, buying loads of expensive products you may not even need does nothing but eat away at your bank account and credit. Typing your happiness to other people is similarly ...

If one thing is for sure, it's that not everyone is going to like us. Some people will find us annoying. Others will deem us rude. Still others will think we're conceited, messy, obnoxious, dumb, stingy, or lazy. And it doesn't really matter whether any of these labels have merit or are entirely baseless. All that matters is how we're perceived. Perception is, in fact, reality in the eyes of those who may not know us all that well. If not a single person has a beef with you -- if you feel everyone you know holds you in high esteem -- it boils down to one of two things: (1) They're lying. (2) You're in denial, or in the dark. Someone in our circle -- whomever it may be -- takes issue with something about us, whether it be our religious or political beliefs, our weight, our choice of partner or career, our hobbies, our favorite foods, and so forth. Granted, someone can like you and, say, still clash with you when it comes to politics. But to say th...

A couple of readers I've corresponded with recently have lamented the fact that someone who means a great deal to them -- whether their partner, child, or friend -- is either giving them the cold shoulder or flat-out treating them like garbage. Both are on bad terms because of a misunderstanding or argument of some sort; still, they've done their part to try and mend fences, but such efforts have proven fruitless. Here's a quote I came across today that is quite apropos: "Your value does not decrease based on someone's inability to see your worth."  Put simply, just because one person fails to recognize the immense value you bring to their life doesn't mean others will make the same costly mistake.  That one person's untoward behavior should not eclipse the high marks you receive from those who do appreciate you.  Many people have a tendency to harp on the negative; they can't bear the thought of someone not liking them.  ...

Many people claim to despise Facebook these days, as they say it serves as a constant reminder of things they either don't have or that aren't going as smoothly as they'd like. Those who are single and yearn to be in a relationship are forced to see a barrage of posts of their friends cuddling with their significant other. Those who are in a relationship and long to be married (but they can't for financial or other reasons) have to sit through endless wedding pictures. And then those who are married or in a relationship -- and have either chosen not to have kids or desire them but haven't had them for one reason or another -- often see their Wall saturated with baby pictures. Let's not forget those who boast of their shiny cars, vacations, or dining experiences seemingly every single day. This leaves many of these people feeling like losers -- ones who can't get anyone to "like"or comment favorably on their content because it revolves a...

When people act like they're above you, should you respond in kind? Should you do to them what they're doing to you? Absolutely not, as that would be stooping to their level. Instead, the best way to respond to these haughty people is by being better today than the person you were yesterday . In other words, rather than pretending to be better than others, demonstrate to these very people that you are continually outdoing  yourself . That's sure to get them even more riled up. The way I see it, if someone is going around boasting of their toys or accomplishments -- to the point they're deliberately trying to throw it in your face -- it communicates one thing: You pose a threat to them. You give them competition, and they're out to best you. Perhaps there's even something you possess or have achieved that they're envious of. But don't give in. That's what they want -- an all-out competition to prove they're smarter or more accomplished...