Everyone strives to be liked by all whom they come across -- co-workers, friends, acquaintances.  But what good is gaining someone's favor if it means changing who you are? Let's face it: There will always be something about you that someone is going to be displeased about, whether it's your gift for gab or penchant for quietness, your insistence on not drinking or your passion for the environment. Indeed, certain interests or personality traits may put you at odds with some people because they may not be, dare I say, mainstream? For example, almost all my sports-loving friends are football fanatics. I've never been big on pigskin, but I have been drawn to baseball from an early age.  I happen to think baseball is exciting, but most of my friends would beg to differ, always questioning how I can get into such a "dull" game. You may have found yourself in a similar situation when it comes to your political views, religious beliefs, or quiet demeanor. What I...

In my prior post, I noted how knowledge is the only thing that can't be taken away from you. I'll now qualify that statement by adding that your uniqueness -- the essence of your truest self -- cannot be pilfered from you either, unless you allow it to be. There will always be someone who envies or feels threatened by you. To overcome their insecurities, they might try to steer you down a different path -- as in, make you more like them and less like yourself. But never give in! No matter what sets you apart -- your aversion to drinking, your bookworm tendencies, your preference for the single life, your decision to rent and move every two years as opposed to buying property and putting down roots -- your life is your own, and you should strive to do whatever makes you happy. (So long, of course, as you're not hurting anybody in the process, even yourself.) If being yourself doesn't make you the coolest guy or gal in the room, so be it. It's better to ...

Instead of striving to be superior to other people, we should aim to be superior to our previous selves. It can be easy to assume, judging from the content people post on social media, that they lead perfect lives. As we sift through photos of Facebook friends sunbathing in the Caribbean, sharing cheesecake at a 5-star restaurant with a partner, or driving away in a souped up Mercedes Benz, we may find ourselves green with envy. But comparing ourselves to others -- whether our coworkers, our neighbors, or are friends -- is an exercise in futility. Really, people are not some monolithic group. We have different tastes and interests, goals and fears, struggles and challenges. While it's good to look up to others and admire what they've accomplished, there's no sense in wishing for the lives they have. After all, they may be doing a good job at masking the fact that their lives leave a lot to be desired. They may very well be having health, money, or marital problems...

If you had a choice between being reviled for who you are, or valued for who you're not, which one would you be? Sadly, many people would go with the latter because they're under the misguided impression that we need others' approval in order to feel whole. So they go so far as to take on others' beliefs even if they don't agree with them, and others' interests despite not being drawn to them in the slightest -- all to get in their good graces and feel accepted. But here's the thing: If you feel you have to go to such lengths to cultivate a good relationship with someone, you're in the wrong company. While there's nothing wrong with being flexible on some fronts (e.g., trying out new foods, exploring new activities), if you find yourself fundamentally trying to change the very essence of your character and personality to appease others, something is not right. Never try to be someone you're not just to impress people who, at the end o...

It's a real shame that people take issue with others loving themselves and being comfortable in their own skin, but that's the sad reality. Why would they have a problem with it, you ask? Well, if the person is markedly different than them in some way -- say, they don't drink or they embrace a minimalist lifestyle -- it could trigger unsettling insecurities. Some individuals don't like the thought of others asserting their individuality because it makes them feel unsure of their own habits, values. and predilections. That in turn may prompt them to try to change the more unique individual into someone that more closely resembles themselves. They'll goad them to have a drink, or to go out and fork over gobs of money on clothes. How should you handle these people? It's quite simple. If they can't handle you at your most authentic, then it's their problem. Under no circumstances should you give in to their desire to change you to fit their...

People need to stop comparing themselves to others, or happiness will always elude them. Someone will always be smarter. Someone will always be more attractive. Someone will always be younger. Someone will always be more popular. But they will never be you. Society makes being "the best" out to be the Holy Grail, but is uniqueness not more important? We bring a unique combination of qualities, skills, and quirks to the table -- ones that make us who we are. By comparing yourself to other people, you're essentially saying there is a standard against which you wish to compare yourself. This, for many people, leads to a sudden urge to want to be more like others, thereby relinquishing key facets of their individuality. Sure, you might admire smart, health-conscious, or stylish people and wish to surround yourself with those of that ilk so as to learn a few things from them. However, that should never translate into abandoning the very goals, principles, attit...

It can be painful when we learn that someone we trust, admire, and respect -- whether an old friend, family member, or colleague -- is talking behind our back. We feel betrayed, cheated, violated. And to add insult to injury, they try to act all nice when they're around us, as if they genuinely cared. If that doesn't sound like the quintessential fake person, I don't know what does. People talk behind others' backs for three primary reasons: 1. They envy something you have that they perceive as lacking in their own lives, whether your looks, social status, relationships, possessions, or title.  2. They aim to make themselves feel better by spreading falsehoods about you.  3. They know they can't emulate your lifestyle, so they figure talking smack about you -- especially around people who hold you in high esteem -- is the only way to hit where it hurts.  Our immediate impulse may be to go and rip them a new one. But see, that's exactly the reaction...

"Being you is all that you can do," or so says a song I heard this morning by rock band Audioslave. The aptly named track "Be Yourself" describes what I feel people should aim to do all the time -- whether they're in the middle of a job interview, on a blind date, or at a party. Now, just because you project the "real you" doesn't mean you can't strive to better yourself, whether that means taking public speaking classes, giving up drinking, or becoming more charitable. But when it comes to your natural core -- your true temperament, your bedrock principles -- you should always stand firm. You shouldn't have to fake who you are just to impress other people. If others don't give their stamp of approval to the most genuine version of yourself, guess what? (1) You don't need their validation to begin with, and (2) You're with the wrong people. The right people for us, on the other hand, accept us for who we are -- flaws...

Don't allow other people to define you. You define yourself . Your value doesn't depend on others' perception or opinion of you. Your value doesn't decrease based on someone's inability to see your worth. People will judge you no matter what you say or do; they will always find something to criticize about you. Even if you've done countless nice things for them, they have no qualms about dredging up the one time you made a mistake or displeased them. Unfortunately, if you allow other people to define you, you'll likely be defined by your shortcomings rather than your best qualities. People are entitled to their own opinions about you, but they're certainly not entitled to their own facts about you. You're the gatekeeper to your own happiness. Never relinquish that role to anyone else. Never give people the power to dictate whether you smile or frown, stand or fall, move forward or recoil. Embrace your uniqueness -- all that makes you diff...

Do you embrace your uniqueness? Do you like the fact that you have quirks, talents, and convictions that set you apart from your peers? Do you take pride in the fact that there can never be another you ? If so, the last thing you should allow is for other people to change you. I mean, really...who are they to dictate how you should think and act? Are you not a grown adult capable of making your own decisions? As I've stressed in several other posts, people will try to goad you into changing for a variety of reasons: There's something about you that's a little different, and that makes them feel uncomfortable and insecure. They subscribe to the herd mentality, believing everyone in their immediate circle should share exactly the same beliefs, habits, goals, etc. They secretly envy you: Rather than celebrate your good qualities, they'd rather see you lose them; instead of cheering your successes, they take delight in your failures.  Indeed, certain people we...

Today's quote is quite empowering -- and it comes from none other than Dr. Seuss himself! "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." Essentially, he's saying that the people who ultimately matter in your life are the ones who will value you for who you are. On the other hand, those who try to prod you to change -- most likely out of a deep-seated urge to seek validation for their own thoughts and decisions -- shouldn't have any place in your life. Those who take exception with your interests, beliefs, and values do little to enrich your life, whereas people who embrace what makes you you are true keepers. There's nothing I find more irritating than a person trying to persuade me into thinking or acting more on them, let alone after I tell them I want to stick to my guns. There's a difference between suggesting someone consider something they may initially be opposed to, a...

I may not know you personally, but I do know for a fact that you're a wonderful person. How do I know this, you ask? Because you have something great to offer the world, whether it's your radiant smile, an impressive talent, or your generous nature. While we each have our flaws, it's our strengths -- our positive attributes -- that shape our legacy. You make people in your life happy, whether it's your friends, spouse, or children. People look up to you. People see you as brightening their day. There's no one else in the world exactly like you. You ought to take pride in your uniqueness, not feel compelled to change just to appease someone else. You are capable of achieving amazing things. Never doubt yourself. Never feel as though you're beneath anyone else. You deserve happiness and success as much as the next person. But success doesn't simply come knocking at your door. You have to work hard in order to enjoy the fruits of achievement. Me...

Trends. Fads. People wanting to do what everyone else is doing because it's the "it" thing. Whether it's dressing a certain way, decorating one's home in a popular style, or buying a particular product everyone and his brother seems to own, trends can spread like wildfire quickly. But I see trends as overrated. I equate them with the so-called herd mentality, where people are driven to shadow their peers in their choices -- just so they can fit in. I'm not like most people, which is why I don't subscribe to the herd mentality. I'm big on uniqueness and doing whatever you -- not the rest of society -- think is cool, however socially unacceptable it may be. Most people probably don't place me on their "coolest people I know" list. Why? Because I'm not materialistic, I don't drink, and I'm a huge psychology and history geek. Probably not most people's idea of fun. Regardless, I take pride in bucking trends r...

Which qualities do you possess that you wish other people shared? In my case, it's two in particular: 1. Non-judgmental: While many other people have a knack for criticizing something about everyone else -- whether it's their weight, house, or the clothes they wear -- I've remained largely non-judgmental throughout my life. As a kid, I was often teased about my weight, so I know firsthand what that's like. I also refrain from pressuring people into doing things they don't want to do, even if it goes against the grain. In general, many tend to criticize people's looks, decisions, and lifestyles when they deviate from the norm. I'm proud to say I've never been that way. 2. Intellectually curious:  Unfortunately, most people don't share my passion for learning. The vast majority of those I come across are unwilling readers. They admit that they haven't opened a book or watched a documentary since graduating from college. In my view, this...