When was the last time you fought with your partner? Perhaps it was today, yesterday, or -- if you're lucky -- you might not be able to remember. Nevertheless, some people say that arguments in a relationship ought to be avoided like the plague.  But is this really true? Persistent arguing can, over time, weaken a relationship. The central questions a couple needs to ask themselves are (1) why they're bickering so frequently (2) whether they attempted in earnest to resolve their points of disagreement, or only allowed them to get worse. Perhaps one partner is easily triggered, or both have similarly combative personalities. When you don't have at least one party trying to make peace, things can escalate -- fast.  As long as these arguments unfold naturally -- with neither partner deliberately trying to spark them -- couples can actually leverage the spats to improve the relationship. Many of us would agree that if not for the occasional fight with our partner, we would not ...

Depriving a relationship of openness and communication is like depriving a plant of water and sunlight; sooner or later, it'll shrivel and die. Many couples have experienced this firsthand. Rather than putting it all on the table (albeit in a civil, non-confrontational way), they either keep their feelings bottled up or resort to more damaging measures, like hurling insults, ghosting, or even cheating on one another. You know for sure that something has gone awry when coming together to discuss your feelings and concerns actually widens the divide between the two of you, leading to more bickering and finger-pointing. You each walk away feeling deeper resentment rather than calm reassurance that things are on the mend. Rather than respecting your partner in spite of their imperfections, things that never bothered you before drive you batty. Moreover, you look for reasons not to be around one another, essentially rendering you both strangers (if not enemies). Frank co...

Studies show that someone may display interest in you only because you liked them first. Needless to say, the human ego is at work here. Few things feel as great as knowing you tickle someone's fancy, so long as you're not perceived to be a creep, weirdo, or stalker of some kind. If you find them attractive, they may be flattered and think you have good taste. And then once they show interest in you, you may be flattered and think they have good taste. Thus, we have a cycle in which interpersonal attraction grows on both sides. But as we all know, attraction can ebb and flow over the course of the relationship. Lusty attraction in the context of the so-called honeymoon stage -- where both partners see each other in the most favorable light -- doesn't last forever. Once the relationship begins to mature and both individuals grow more comfortable with each other, those intense feelings give way to comfort and security -- though that isn't to say the mutu...

Those who have been on a lengthy quest to find Mr. or Ms. Right without success probably thought it was hard enough already. But now that they're being forced indoors due to the coronavirus, they find their possibilities even more limited. So what are they to do? If you're already dating someone, talking on the phone and exchanging texts can certainly get old after a while. But no one says you can't have ANY in-person contact. You could arrange to have dinner at either person's house. Maybe the host can cook, and next time you meet at the other's place. Or, you could just spring for delivery and cap off the night with a good movie. There's also the option of taking a walk around the neighborhood (so long as you practice social distancing from others). So, that works for those who've recently begun dating, but what about people whose little black book is, well, empty? That's easy: They can take to online dating sites. Even if they've...

Relationships don't die on their own. They end because one or both partners fail to invest the time, energy, and effort to sustain them. They put everything before the relationship -- work, chores, kids, hobbies -- and are then left wondering why things took such a bad turn. A relationship can't maintain itself. Just because you've been with someone for 20 years, share the same interests, or you're convinced nothing could ever tear you apart doesn't mean it can't go down the tubes. If both partners aren't actively contributing to the relationship, they can drift apart in no time, potentially opening the door to drinking, depression, cheating, and other circumstances that can put the relationship on a downward spiral from which it may never recover. On the flip side, those who genuinely want the relationship to remain strong never cease doing the little things -- the love notes/texts, a surprise dinner here and there, a kiss upon waking up and bef...

It's easy to see the many ways that relationships -- whether with friends, family members, coworkers, or significant others -- add value to our life. In a healthy relationship, both individuals give and receive love, affection, kindness, compassion, advice, and support. Both invest the time and energy to make the other feel special and acknowledged. Neither takes the other for granted or bolts at the first sign of trouble, whether in the relationship or outside of it. A toxic relationship, on the other hand, is suffused with negativity and riddled with conflict. Distrust snowballs into deep resentment. Lying, lambasting, and lashing out become par for the course. While occasional arguments are normal in a relationship and can be beneficial in the sense that both people learn to work toward achieving common ground, too much fighting can escalate to the point where (1) both individuals are at each other's throats (2) they grow so disillusioned that they stop caring altoge...

They say the only constant in life is change, and people are certainly no exception to that maxim. Partners, friends, relatives, coworkers, acquaintances -- they evolve, for better or worse. Wishing things could revert to how they used to be in any given relationship sets one up for major disappointment. The fact of the matter is that you may have a friend who's very different today from how she was in, say, 2012. Shifting priorities, new experiences, and changing views each play a role in our evolution as people. Unfortunately, such changes can be detrimental to a relationship. Your friend gets married or starts a family and forgets you exist. Your boyfriend has to relocate for his job and now you hardly hear from his anymore. Your closest cousin is hanging out with a different crowd and no longer seems like the person you grew up with. It's understandable that such life events would make people less available. Gone are the days when you could arrange outings on ...

A while back, I came across a rather amusing quote: "Love is like a fart. If you have to force it, it's probably shit."  I don't know who the source of the comical quote is, but he or she was spot on. Love should never have to be forced. If one or both people in the relationship are forcing it, that raises a critical question: Why are they even together? Either the chemistry is off, one or both individuals has grown bored, or, worse yet, they've fallen out of love altogether. As I've noted in prior posts, once a couple passes the honeymoon stage, people's true colors emerge and the relationship begins to feel a little more like "work." Quirks about your partner that once seemed cute may begin to get on your nerves. As passion gradually gives way to complacency, partners may cease doing the little things that so endeared them to each other. You know you're with the right person when: You can be yourself around him or her You ...

If you found yourself chasing after friends or love interests last year who didn't put as much time and effort into your relationship as you, don't let this habit carry over into the new year. End it now! There's no reason why you should pine for someone's attention or company when your own should be sufficient. Sure, we all like to be in a relationship and have at least a couple of friends we can call and meet up when we're bored or lonely. But here's a key piece of information I'd like you to embed firmly in your mind: Friends and partners enhance our lives, not complete them.  You should never feel that your life is incomplete without friends, a partner, children, and so on. After all, we came into this world alone, and will be leaving it in similar fashion. Studies find that the more people enjoy their own company, the happier they are with their lives and the higher their self-esteem and self-worth. I'm not suggesting that you shouldn...

If you're like me, you sometimes give what others do or say far too much importance. I wanted to share a quote I recently stumbled upon, which, I feel, holds a great deal of truth and meaning: "Don't let the behavior of others destroy your inner peace." - Dalai Lama As I've stated in other posts, there's no reason why we should let people "hijack" our thoughts and emotions. Why should we get so bogged down that a friend left us hanging?  Why should the fact that our partners don't always think like we do irritate us? The reason we do these things is simple: It's because we care. Some of us can't help but to wear our hearts on our sleeves. Unfortunately, this can leave us feeling quite disheartened. The solution? We must strive to think rationally as opposed to thinking with our emotions. We must take the attitude that no matter what our friends or partners do to us, we will still be happy and at peace with ourselves. Why? ...

Now that my wife and I have gone on several double dates with friends and their partners over the years, I've come to the realization that double dating just isn't all it's cracked up to be. Personally, I prefer hanging out with my friends, sans partners. What I've noticed is that friends don't seem to act the same when in the presence of their partners. Many of them love serving up jokes when it's just us together, but when their partners are around, they hold back a bit. They try to be on their best behavior and come off as being wooden. It also natural for one to want to cater to his or her partner's whims. For example, I've noticed that, while on a double date, it's much more likely for the night to end early because my friend's girlfriend wants to get some sleep or go with my friend somewhere else. The more people you throw in the mix, the more political and watered down the outing becomes. Sometimes my friends become entirely differ...

Life is too short to waste our time chasing after friends, partners, or potential suitors who are too busy or indifferent to make time for us. I firmly believe that there's the right friend and partner for everyone out there -- the kind whom doesn't make you feel like you need to climb mountains and traverse rivers to see them. If you have one great friend who is always there for you when you need him or her, consider yourself fortunate. I know we all have an ever-increasing heap of responsibilities to worry about, and time just doesn't seem on our side. Still, a true friend will make the effort to squeeze you in. The same applies to someone you may be talking to on the love front. Whenever a girl failed to answer my calls and found every excuse in the book not to see me, I knew what the issue was: She just wasn't feeling me. As I've stressed several times in my posts, we can always count on the company of one specific person: ourselves. I'd rather enjoy b...

Close to two years ago, a movie called "Don Jon," starring Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Scarlett Johansson, and Julianne Moore, hit theaters. Johansson, who plays Levitt's girlfriend in the movie, walks in on him one day as he's watching and masturbating to an adult film. That act alone caused the wheels of the relationship to fall off, and Levitt's character ends up finding a much more understanding partner in Moore, who doesn't seem to mind his habit as much.  The movie perfectly captures how some women may bristle at the thought or sight of their partners watching porn, while others may find it perfectly acceptable. The first group of women may contend that a guy needn't look at porn when he has a woman -- and a good one at that -- in his life. She may eventually sense that, because he finds pleasure in seeing other women naked, he must either be cheating or just isn't satisfied with her -- and, by extension, their sex life. Scarlett Johansson's...

I think the primary reason why so many people want to believe they have a soulmate is because they wish to see their lives play out like a fairytale -- one in which they end up with their princess or prince charming. That might seem plausible when it comes to couples who meet as teenagers, get married, have kids, and live out the rest of their lives together. But how often does this really happen? After all, the divorce rate in the U.S. is somewhere around 50 percent, with some people -- including my boss --  remarrying two or more times. There isn't just one person in the whole world who we're compatible with enough to maintain a long-lasting relationship.  For all we know, there could be hundreds of would-be "soulmates" for us residing in the U.S., Canada, Europe, Latin America, and China. There's no way to meet all these people, so what do people do? They reason that whoever they end up with in a relationship must be their soulmate. But think about ho...