In light of all the reshuffling that Covid has produced in the workplace, there's now a popular phrase being used to describe when workers essentially "check out" and do the least possible to keep their jobs while searching for better opportunities on the down low: quiet quitting.  This had me thinking: Could quiet quitting not also be applied to relationships? Indeed, many of us have been in that unfortunate situation: Our partner unofficially quits on us and the relationship by doing the absolute minimum. Once we confront them about their not pulling their weight, they become defensive if not downright hostile, charging that we're being overdramatic. Easy for them to say, right?  Carrying the entire relationship on one's shoulders is a major cross to bear. When we suspect our partner isn't doing their part, it can be mentally and emotionally devastating.  All kinds of unpleasant thoughts begin to cross our minds. Are they cheating? Are they no longer attract...

The past two or three years have felt like something of a blur -- a weird dream of sorts that we can't seem to wake up from. We'd never before experienced a pandemic in our lifetimes, and neither had our parents or likely even our grandparents. Between lockdowns and social distancing/mask mandates, COVID-19 seemed the perfect recipe for isolation and all of the adverse outcomes that spring from it, including anxiety and depression.  Now, this isn't to say that we've all felt helplessly lonely during these rather unusual times. Introverts -- those like me who recharge through solitude -- have welcomed with open arms some of the changes brought on by the pandemic. Among them are wider acceptance of staying home rather than partying out, people settling for WhatsApp video conversations vs. face-to-face encounters, and, at last, companies giving employees the flexibility to work from home regularly.  Still, the more extroverted folks among us who relish in-person connection...

The pressure society places on us to change can be quite intense. Commercials encouraging us to whip ourselves into shape so that we can look like runway supermodels.  Friends goading us to nix our career dreams in favor of safe, lucrative professions -- from law to medicine -- in which we may have zero interest. Co-workers pressuring us to talk more since our quiet disposition puts them ill at ease.  This can all make us quite tempted to fundamentally change our personality and interests -- to curry favor with others, to win their approval. What these ads and individuals don't tell you is that changing who you are is antithetical to a happy life.  If anything, it's a recipe for adverse physical and emotional health outcomes, potentially leading to anything from eating disorders to anxiety or depression. Do realize that marketers and the people in your own life all have an agenda. The former are trying to appeal to your emotions so as to get you to part with your hard-ear...

Worrying never goes away completely, but it's on us to keep our concerns over the future at bay. Teens worry about what college will bring, especially if they plan to go out of state. Seniors worry over their will and making arrangements for when it's their time to go. Expectant parents are nervous about whether they'll be able to handle parenthood. Recently laid off employees feel angst over whether they have enough money to provide for their family while looking to snag another job. Our relationships, dreams, fears, goals-- not to mention the stage of life we find ourselves in -- each play a role in shaping the very worries that plague our minds. While it's imperative we keep our concerns under control so as to mitigate the anxiety that undoubtedly ensues, worries -- and a little pressure, for that matter -- aren't always bad. In fact, they may propel us to resolve problems and strive to achieve goals we might otherwise not pay much attention to....

Can you guess something, according to recent studies, that most of us have been doing quite more than usual in this era of social distancing? Eating? That's probably true, but it isn't what I'm alluding to. The same goes for using Facebook and binge-watching shows on Netflix. While these may certainly apply, I'm talking about something we hardly report doing, at least in normal times. Give up? I speak of dreaming,  whereby a series of ideas, emotions, images, and sensations occur involuntarily in the mind during the REM phase of sleep. Sometimes the dreams are positive, sometimes they're negative, and sometimes they make absolutely no sense -- and that's if we can remember them vividly enough to make such a characterization once we wake up! As it turns out, the stress and anxiety precipitated by the pandemic are behind this high incidence of dreaming, not to mention an increased prevalence of insomnia. We use dreams to cope with intense emotions,...

Gallup's annual survey of global emotions has unveiled that last year, Americans experienced anger, stress, and worry at levels eclipsing those observed over the past 10 years. The data is based on polling of over 150,000 people around the world, including 1,000 Americans. Americans' stress levels were significantly higher than the global average of 35 percent, leaving the U.S. tied for fourth (alongside Iran, Albania, and Sri Lanka) in Gallup's ranking of the most stressed populations around the globe. Greece came in first at 59 percent, while Tanzania and the Phillipines followed closely behind. As far as worry, the U.S. came in at 45 percent, slightly higher than the global average of 39 percent. (Mozambique has the world's most worried population with 63 percent.) And in terms of anger, although Anericans experienced the emotion at levels on par with the global average of 22 percent, this figure was still higher than in prior years. In fact, U.S. respo...

He promised you he'd always remain loyal to you, but you later discovered he had a girlfriend on the side. She pledged that she'd always be there for you, in good times and bad ones, but when you recently lost your job, she couldn't be bothered to visit or console you. We've all been in situations where people we trusted wholeheartedly wound up letting us down in a big way. Once you realize the individual isn't as great as you thought, you may experience a range of emotions -- from disbelief to anger to utter sadness. Worst of all, you may be tempted into blaming yourself for what happened. You may ask yourself a litany of questions such as: "How could I be so naive?" "Why didn't I see this coming?" "Was it something I did or said?" "How could I have wasted my time and energy in such a heartless person?" Before you know it, you've beaten yourself silly ruminating about the whys and what ifs. Do ...

We've all been there: We tell someone we're drawn to them romantically, but it turns out they don't feel the same way. If someone isn't interested in a relationship with you, it can be pretty upsetting, especially if you've imagined hooking up with them for quite some time. Once you know the feelings aren't mutual, what should you do? Below are a couple of suggestions for dealing with rejection. (Note that many of these tips also work in the event that someone breaks up with you.) 1. Don't beg for another chance. If they've told or shown you they're not interested -- whether it's because they are taken, wish to remain single, or see you only as a friend, the worst thing you can do is press the issue further. This can be viewed as stalking or harassment, and the last thing you want is to ruffle the feathers of his or her partner, family or friends -- let alone get in trouble with the law. 2. Don't mope around at home or elsewhere...

How do you know if someone you hold in high esteem really feels the same way about you? What's a surefire way to tell whether they're in for the long haul, or if they'll disappear when least expected? Let them see you at your worst -- with health issues, money woes, and problems at home or work. Allow them to see you racked with self-doubt, anxiety, or depression. If, despite all this, they choose to stand by you, then you know they genuinely care about you. Those who bolt at the first sign of hardship aren't true friends or loving partners. They're likely in the relationship for selfish reasons, though they might try to create the opposite impression. Obviously, we should never take on the role of savior for anyone, as they're responsible for solving their problems on their own. Still, if we truly value the individual, what kind of a friend or partner would we be to abandon them in their time of greatest need? At the same time, those who only ...

It's a question I'm asked almost constantly, so I felt it was time to write an entry on this topic. Some people have no qualms about maintaining contact with their ex, while others are categorically opposed to it. This is one of those cases where, at the end of the day, it's at the discretion of the person in question. But there are certainly a few factors to consider that may help them make a decision. First, if the person is in a new relationship, their partner should have a say in the matter. They may question their significant other's motives in remaining chummy with the ex. Or, they may very well be swell with it, but they still have a right to know. If for whatever reason you feel ill at ease disclosing this to your partner, take it as a sign you probably should not maintain ties with your ex. If your partner finds out you've been keeping things from him or her, their trust in you will become seriously compromised. Another thing one has to question...

How many times have you caught yourself ruminating interminably about that blind date you have coming up, that big presentation you're scheduled to deliver at work in a few weeks, or that doctor's appointment you've been pushing back for months now? Overthinking can have corrosive effects on us. Not only does it build anxiety, but it can negatively affect our sleeping routines, eating habits, relationships, and self-esteem. And the worst part about it? Overthinking solves nothing. Sure, a little angst is healthy, but brooding over things that have not yet come to pass won't in any way affect the outcome. Most people will admit to dreaming up doomsday scenarios in their head that never even come to pass. Our negative thoughts, in effect, can run rampant. This can trap us in a vicious cycle that can be very difficult to come out of. When you're anxious, you lose your zest for life. As is the case with depression, you may turn down others' invitations to ...

One of the most disconcerting trends I've noticed in the dating world concerns people who go on dates with others despite not being interested in them. After the date, they remain in contact with the individual, giving the impression that they look forward to going on future dates with them even though they have no intention of doing so. In fact, they may very well be going on dates with other men or women in the meantime. So, why not just tell the person they're no longer interested? Why string them along at all? Reasons can be quite varied: They've just ended a relationship and wish for another's company.  They are not attracted to the person, but still relish the attention.  They see the potential for a budding friendship.  They already have their eye on someone they have yet to snag, so they use other dates as temporary stand-ins.  I don't blame people for not having feelings for someone else. After all, the heart wants what it ...

There are no regrets in life -- only lessons learned. Regretting that which is now in the past -- and thus cannot be changed -- serves absolutely no purpose but to make us feel dejected. Learn from your mistakes so that you're not doomed to repeat them. In that way, you're actually channeling all that negativity into something positive and constructive. Regrets, then, can help facilitate growth so long as we have the right mindset. Let's suppose you cheated on a wonderful man or woman -- a terrible mistake you refuse to forgive yourself for. If you already apologized to your ex and have pledged to remain faithful to future partners, what more can you really do? Move on, and if you've learned anything from your misstep, you'll know not to jeopardize a relationship ever again. The same reasoning applies to missed job opportunities, friendships gone awry, or any other situations that would have turned out much more favorably had you behaved differently. ...

Earlier this week, I watched a video on psychological techniques employed in marketing and advertising. One of the subjects they talked about extends well beyond the world of promotion. In fact, it's something we do in our lives quite often, sometimes to our detriment. They touched upon what is called the focusing illusion.  In a nutshell, it means that the more you think about something, the more importance you assign it. The moment you convince yourself that you're hungry, you might not want to do anything else until you've grabbed something to nosh on. And you might find yourself unable to stop thinking about an ad you saw on TV promoting the Starbucks pumpkin spice latte the night before. Moreover, we tend to see the focusing illusion in action when it comes to those things that make us excited, nervous, or sad. A couple of examples include: Not being able to take your mind off a new girl you just met Being consumed by negative thoughts as your doctor...

Becoming overly preoccupied with what others are thinking -- especially about you -- and doing is not conducive to a happy life. In fact, it can bring on feelings of anxiety and even depression if one isn't careful. When I say "don't think too much about people," I don't mean blocking out thoughts of, say, your adorable daughter's first steps, or repressing thoughts of your sister's recent promotion.  There are obviously favorable events tied to those we love that in turn bring us joy because we care deeply for them.  No, I speak of negative thoughts that can send us down the rabbit hole of overthinking. Examples include: Your boss throws you under the bus in a meeting, and you find yourself unable to let it go the rest of the day -- even though she apologized profusely and chalked it up to things she's going through in her personal life. Your partner agrees to pick you up from work on her day off work since the two of you are curre...

Whether you're nervous about a presentation you're slated to make before investors, worried about lab results following a doctor's visit, or freaking out about a blind date you have coming up, does it benefit you in any way to think the very worst? Absolutely not! As soon as a situation presents itself that forces us out of our comfort zone, for many of us a sense of pessimism kicks in immediately. We assume we're going to bomb the presentation. We convince ourselves the lab results will reveal something serious. We anticipate the date will be a total disaster. Seeing the glass as half empty erodes our confidence and can even do a number on our self-esteem. It's normal to feel a little anxiety in such situations, but getting extremely worked up won't help matters at all. Instead, we need to force ourselves to consider alternative -- and decidedly positive -- scenarios. Who says things can't things go smoothly? Chances are you've been in...

All of us experience some anxiety every so often. Maybe we're prepping for a big presentation, awaiting test results, or about to bungee jump for the first time. While a little anxiety is normal, it can quickly spiral out of control unless we're careful. Thinking incessantly about what may happen or go wrong -- otherwise known as overthinking -- can lead one to create problems in their mind that don't exist. We almost convince ourselves that we're going to bomb the presentation, that the test results won't be favorable, or that we'll seriously injure ourselves upon jumping. In essence, we allow fear and pessimism to paralyze us with their ironclad grip. But here's the thing: Anxiety doesn't come from merely thinking about the future. It's caused by trying to control the future. We really have no idea what the future holds, so it makes little sense to fabricate images in our heads of what it will look like. Who's to say things won...

Have you noticed how often we tend to dwell on little things that, in the grand scheme of things, are not all that important? One thing is to worry about a health issue or whether you have enough money to put food on the table for your family tonight. Another is worrying about small stuff we have little to no control over. Here are a few examples: Whether the panel you interviewed with for a new job thought you seemed too interested -- or not interested enough Whether your date noticed you had a small hole in your shirt  Whether your friend is losing interest in hanging out with you because he doesn't seem to call or visit like he used to Most of the things we agonize over can be investigated or resolved with a quick call or email. When you worry so much about things over which you have no control, it builds anxiety, which can adversely impinge on your happiness and well-being. Let things be. Once something has taken place, you don't get a "do over....

As satisfying as the feeling of completing a project or getting a pat on the back from the boss may be, being overworked is never a good thing. It means you have less time for the things and people you value in your life. If you're under a great deal of stress, you may be suffering from sleep deprivation, anxiety, depression, and other health issues. That's why it's always best to work smarter rather than harder. Assess your work day and see if there's any way you can reshuffle your tasks/agenda so as to give you a little breathing room. Maybe you could use a temp or assistant, or perhaps you can ask your boss if he or she can cut back on the number of jobs being thrown your way. And if you feel that all the extra work merits a promotion or pay increase, let your supervisor know. You may very well be rewarded handsomely for the extra time you're putting it, but you won't know for sure until you broach the subject. At the end of the day, employers really ...

Overthinking isn't bad when you're ruminating about something that's generally positive: how lucky you are to have such a wonderful family, the material you want to have down cold for tomorrow's finance exam, the ideal place to propose to your girlfriend. In other words, thinking deeply pays off when it's something that induces positive emotions in you. You imagine yourself succeeding in whatever it is you're aiming for. You're focused on what you have rather than what you lack. If you're consumed with thoughts that breed negativity -- from how stupid you were for turning down that date to how sure you are that you're going to bomb the presentation this afternoon -- overthinking can have an adverse effect on your physical and mental health. It can lead to anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, and other detrimental conditions. It's a fine line to tiptoe. Indeed, we should all strive to adopt a "half glass full" mentality. I don...