Many bosses loathe the idea of having their subordinates work from home for one simple reason: It makes them feel as though they've lost some measure of control. Obviously, this doesn't apply to all supervisors, as many of us would agree our bosses are comfortable with our working from home as long as the work gets done. Those who fall into this camp are primarily: Old school, preferring everyone work from the office all the time Control freaks Slave drivers Micro managers Highly extroverted people who prefer verbal to written communication There's nothing wrong with preferring to work at the office because it affords you more structure, you have fewer distractions to contend with, and so forth. But many power-hungry bosses can't bear the thought of not being able to pop into your cubicle and press you on why the budget forecast isn't yet complete.  There's no physical office with their title slapped proudly to the door, visible...

Today is most certainly a gift. That's why they call it the present.  Yesterday is in the past and cannot be changed. Tomorrow has yet to arrive. While we can plan for the future in certain ways, we'll never be in control of it entirely. All we have is the present moment to shape our lives in whatever ways we see fit. Right now, the present seems a little bleak because of the coronavirus pandemic we're all grappling with. But as I advised in my last posts, there are myriad things we can do with the additional downtime -- from enjoying existing hobbies or cultivating new ones to striving toward goals like learning a new language or how to play a musical instrument. American composer Irving Berlin said that life is 10 percent what you make it, and 90 percent how you take it. In other words, we spend the bulk of our lives responding to events over which we have little control. And the rest of it really depends on us. We're responding to this health crisi...

If you expect people to think and act like you, I regret to inform you that those expectations are unlikely to be met! Of course, you do have control over the company you keep. If you want your friends to be liberal baseball fans like you who advocate for the environment, you can make a conscious effort to surround yourself with such folks. And it's only natural to expect others to share common values like loyalty, decency, and respect. Otherwise, why bother keeping them around? But even like-minded people -- from your partner to your closest friends -- won't approach every situation as you would. For example, just because your hubby proposes a markedly different solution to a problem than you would, i.e., how to tackle your kid's poor math grades, should not be taken to mean your suggestion is wrong. Similarly, just because your wife doesn't display affection in the ways you would -- or as often -- doesn't mean she doesn't love you. Neither pers...

Allow me to impart to you this important nugget of wisdom on the pursuit of happiness: Seeking perfection -- whether in your job or your relationships -- will yield no fruit. And the reason why is because there's no such thing as the perfect job or relationship. Sure, one should never remain trapped in a situation that has them feeling drained and utterly miserable. Life is too short for that. But people who hop from one job or relationship to the other until they found one that meets all their criteria are sure to come up empty. When it comes to jobs and relationships -- and, more broadly, life itself -- there is just too much that lies outside our control. In the case of jobs, it's everything from toxic co-workers to economic uncertainty. The company may go belly-up tomorrow, leaving you in the lurch financially. Your boss, normally a cool, easy-going guy, may become a raging psychopath as he grapples with a bitter divorce. And as far as relationships, it...

Many of us become stressed by our inability to control the future. For example, you may be ruminating night and day about how different things at work will be once your boss retires. Or maybe you're on edge over the fact that you've only recently gotten into a relationship and you don't know if it's going to work out. Maybe your spirits are low because you've been looking to buy a house for some time now to no avail. If there's one certainty in life, it's that life is uncertain. The only constant in our lives is change. Rather than sulking about it, we have to roll with the punches. It doesn't benefit you to fear worst-case scenarios that may never come to pass. You can plan for the worst, yes. Just don't convince yourself that the worst is actually going to happen because that will only make you into a nervous wreck. If we do find ourselves in that situation, we deal with it at that point. But agonizing over it in advance will on...

If you lose someone, but find yourself in the process, guess what? You've won. Maybe it's an ex who walked away because they found you too unexciting or conventional for them. Perhaps it's a friend who stopped responding to your messages once they realized they couldn't control you or get you to validate their every decision. You've likely been in this boat at some point or another. At first, seeing the relationship go down the tubes hits us hard, and we may be apt to blame ourselves. But gradually, we come to realize that it didn't work out for a reason, and rather than inducing sadness in us, that fact brings us a great sense of comfort and relief. It reinforces something that we knew all along, but perhaps never contemplated too deeply: If we try to think or behave like others just to gain their approval, we are essentially selling ourselves out, handing them our self-identity in a bag. Sadly, I've spoken to people who will suppress what m...

As we get older, we realize that things don't always turn out the way we planned, or the way we think they should. For example, there may come a point where you concede that your bad back precludes you from becoming the rich professional basketball player you aspire to be. Or, it becomes clear that you won't be going on a date with the new office secretary you've been ogling for months after realizing she has a boyfriend. Additionally, we come to terms with the sobering reality that troublesome relationships cannot always be fixed. As much as we may try, they may never go back to being the way they were in the beginning. Our relationships with certain people may become frayed or fall apart completely. Sometimes it's one person's fault, or it may very well be that both people are to blame. Nonetheless, it can be difficult to see a relationship we envisioned lasting a lifetime go down the tubes. But we must all accept that people and circumstances change...

You're probably thinking, "This guy has lost his mind. Why in the world would getting mad at people be pointless?" Fair question. Of course, there are situations where being mad at people is justified: The guy who stole your car, the customer service rep who accidentally billed you $500 more than she should have, the employer who failed to let you know they'd decided to go with a different candidate for the position you'd set your sights on.  But let's face it: sometimes we get mad at friends or relatives over the most trivial matters. We let our emotions get the best of us, an argument ensues, and one or both of us is left reeling. You may not talk to each other for a while, if ever again.  What many people fail to realize is that people are powerless unless we react react to their behavior.  By showing you're mad, you're essentially conveying that you care -- at least enough to get your emotions involved. Eleanor Roosevelt once said...

Women, especially very attractive ones who have countless guys chasing after them, can't help but feel totally attracted to men who challenge  them. Now, a distinction should be made between challenging women and playing games with them. If not returning texts and trying to make the woman jealous is his idea of challenging her, he's in for a rude awakening. As surprising as it may seem to some men, women don't want to feel or be told they're right all the time. They want a man to stand up for what he believes in, even if it ruffles her feathers and runs contrary to her longstanding beliefs or opinions. Why? Because it betrays a sense of confidence , which women find irresistible. It conveys that whether or not she agrees with him, he's going to speak his mind -- in a firm if diplomatic manner. Many men avoid doing this for fear that she'll get upset and lose interest. But this couldn't be farther from the truth. The last thing a woman wants...

We give up our power when we become convinced we don't have any. What power, you ask? While we may not be able to control everything that happens to us, we have the power to shape what comes after that. In other words, we can control what we do with what happens to us. Though it may seem difficult at times, we should try to look at hardships and challenges in a positive light. Notice how we emerge stronger after overcoming obstacles life throws our way, and are better able to navigate future ones. We should never take a defeatist attitude in life. Getting down on yourself won't solve anything. Instead, believe in the power within you to shape your own destiny. If you want to effect change, let your voice be heard. It doesn't mean you'll get what you want every time, but you will at least have tried. Imagine if people who changed the course of history -- George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, Harriet Tubman, Albert Einstein, and Martin Luther King Jr. among th...

Just like the only constant in life is change, the same can be said for relationships. Can you point to a relationship in your life -- whether with a friend, your partner, or an old coworker -- that is exactly the same as when you first met the person? Relationships evolve, just like the people in them. They go hand in hand. Experiences and lifestyle changes lead to changes in both individuals, which in turn effects change in the relationship. If that weren't so, we'd remain very close with every person we've called a friend. But we all know factors like distance, scheduling conflicts, our job, marriage, and kids can change the dynamics of a relationship. It isn't always easy to swallow such changes, but that's what life is all about -- adapting to changing circumstances. Sometimes people change for the better -- like when they give up smoking, become more helpful around the house, and so on. In other cases, however, people can behave in ways detrime...

When you can't control what's happening in your life, challenge yourself to control the way you respond to what's happening. That's where your power truly lies. As I've stressed in other posts, life is less about what happens to you than what you do with what happens to you. Approach the problem with as much faith and positivity as you can possibly muster. Try to arrive at ways to tackle the problem piecemeal; taking small steps is more effective than doing things on a whim. Breathe slowly and remain patient. Recognize that Rome wasn't built in a day -- it might take some time for things to turn in your favor. Whatever it is you're going through, resist the temptation to blame yourself. There's no use beating yourself up over things you can't control. "Buts" and "could haves" will get you no closer to resolving the issue. Be forward-looking. Work toward achieving the outcome you want. Focus on the future and how great ...

As I've gotten older, I've become only more convinced of one thing: Life is never going to be exactly as you want it to be. You may have an idea as to how you want your career, relationships, and friendships to be. You can try your best to will things toward certain outcomes -- whether by manipulation or sheer persistence --but they will never be ideal. The main reason why is because people themselves are too volatile. Experiences and life circumstances shape us into who we are, a process constantly in flux. I wish that I were a lot closer to many of my friends and relatives, but life has pulled us in different directions. Responsibilities like work and children, and even factors like distance, can change the whole complexion of a relationship. And as much as I wish I could choose who I work with and the tasks I am responsible for, this just isn't feasible. There are aspects of my job that I like and others that make it hard to get out of bed in the morning. So wh...

I have noticed that a couple of guys I know have deliberately set out to find a particular kind of woman: one who's disadvantaged in some way. This can take many forms, including women who: Are broke Don't know English Come from humble beginnings (poor, not educated, etc.) Are vulnerable because of problems they're going through, like divorce or unemployment Recently immigrated to the U.S. and need help assimilating, getting their affairs in order, etc. Now, I'm not saying that these men aren't well-intentioned. They claim to love these women, and some of them have gone on to marry and have kids with them.  Here's what disturbs me: They admit they like the fact that the women are disadvantaged because it means they'll always have to rely on them for support. It empowers them. It makes these guys feel like they're in the driver's seat -- in full control. In fact, some of them insist that the women remain housewives, just so that the m...

Many men take issue with the fact that certain women become overly possessive in relationships -- not the relationships the men themselves are in, but those of their friends . To be quite frank, I have to side with these frustrated men on this one. A lot of men do, indeed, become "whipped" -- they get into relationships and vanish without a trace shortly thereafter. This ends up seriously diluting the guy's friendships. I've seen this transpire with a handful of guys I went to high school with, and I'm still attempting to wrap my head around it. Trying to make plans with them is an exercise in futility. They don't turn you down outright, but tend to flake out at the last minute, which I find to be even worse. I've come to the conclusion that the guys most likely to exhibit this kind of behavior: Are newbies in the world of dating, and it happens to be their first real relationship Because it's their first relationship, they don't want to ...