It's inevitable: Sooner or later, the intense passion that characterized the beginning of the relationship will start to dwindle.  Little things you once thought cute about your significant become a source of annoyance. The end of the so-called honeymoon phase ushers in reality, when both people's flaws are in full view and you actually have to put in effort to sustain your partnership. Gone are the days when love notes and makeout sessions had you on cloud nine and little else mattered. Once couples have to reckon with this natural phase of an aging relationship, some -- especially those who have been together a long time -- quickly panic, taking this to mean the relationship is on its last legs.  But this isn't always the case.  A relationship is only as strong as the effort BOTH partners put into it. This means that, yes, a 10-year-old relationship could actually be healthier than a 10-month-old one.  So what exactly is the secret sauce to keeping a relationship e...

There are certain people in our lives whom we see on a daily basis, or thereabouts -- from our coworkers to the mailman to our partner. But just what effect does seeing these individuals every day have on us? Do they become more endearing to us over time, or do we eventually grow tired of seeing them? While the dynamics of the relationship comes into play (e.g., a toxic vs. caring boss, a fruitful marriage vs. a lousy one), the answer, according to social psychology, is both. In the 1960s, Robert Zajonc coined and demonstrated the mere exposure effect. As the name implies, mere exposure creates a positive bias toward a stimulus. The effect explains why you might find yourself humming a song you loathed the first time you heard it. The propinquity effect is the mere-exposure effect when applied to social contexts. In other words, we become friends with people in terms of functional or spatial proximity. In one study, residents of an apartment building were four times more li...

As we bid adieu to 2018 and welcome a new year, it's exciting to consider all the fresh, wonderful possibilities that await us. Whether you aim to lose weight, start a business, have a child with your partner, buy a new home, or simply read the slew of books collecting dust on your shelf, a new year affords us the opportunity to assess our goals and work toward them in earnest. And what better day to get cracking than on January 1? A new year means a clean slate -- a blank canvas waiting to be filled with your lines and splashes of color. While we're at it, why not make it into a masterpiece? Having a great year necessitates keeping oneself focused on the present . Resist the nagging urge to reflect on what you didn't accomplish or did wrong last year. Move on and focus solely on the ways you can make 2019 infinitely better than 2018. Aim for progress . Rather than comparing yourself to your peers, compare yourself to the person you were on December 31, 2017 and...

Want to know the secret to keeping your life exciting? It's not much of a secret at all when you think about it. It's just that people are unwilling to invest the effort required. The secret to keeping your life lies in avoiding or breaking something that begins with an "r" and ends in an "e." Can you guess what that word is? If you said "routine," you're absolutely right. Nothing sucks the fun out of life quite like routine does. Granted, there are some routines we can't do away with -- reporting for work at 9 a.m. sharp, taking Suzy to ballet class every Saturday afternoon, vising the dentist every couple of months -- but there's no reason for your life to be scripted entirely. Feeling as though you're running on autopilot all the time is the surest way to feeling bored. Whatever routines we have should be interspersed with new experiences. Visit a new state or country. Take up a new hobby. Try out a restaurant you'v...

It sure is. We all miss the butterflies in our stomach -- the sheer excitement of having someone new in our life. Maybe your partner did little things that filled you with immense joy, like deliver flowers to your job or leave love notes in your wallet. Once the relationship begins to mature, these things tend to happen less often. As you transition from happy couple to married couple to parents, it becomes less about passionate love and more about companionship. Going from seeing each other once or twice a week to living with one another changes the dynamics of a relationship tremendously. Whereas before you waited for your weekly date with bated breath, now you've fallen into a routine of seeing your partner every day. Sometimes I miss the early days in my relationship, when I looked forward to seeing my now-wife with great anticipation. Everything felt new and exciting. We were getting to know each other. Our future together seemed promising. Now that we've been ...

Ever notice that after a while, you get tired of the same things -- whether foods, TV shows, work responsibilities, or -- dare I say it -- people? Several people have asked me why this happens, so I thought it apropos to create a post that addresses this phenomenon. The more we're exposed to a given stimulus, the less satisfaction we derive from it over time. In psychology and economics, this is known as the law of diminishing marginal utility.  Here's the definition provided by BusinessDictionary.com: "The law of diminishing marginal utility is a psychological generalization that the perceived value of, or satisfaction gained from, a good to a consumer declines with each additional unit consumed or acquired." In other words, you can only eat so many Big Macs or watch the same movie so many times before you become completely sick -- which is termed disutility.  In advertising, wearout is defined as the declining effectiveness of a commercial or campaign ...

There's a well-known adage that variety is the spice of life. This is far from a tired cliché; it's the truth. The only way to ensure that our lives don't get stuck in a repetitive rut is to keep them fresh and exciting. We do this by infusing them with new experiences. That can be anything from traveling the world to taking a different route to and from work each day. We are creatures of habit who tend to get stuck in our comfort zone, conditioning us to live each day in "rinse and repeat" fashion. While a little routine is to be expected, we shouldn't feel as if each day is a rehash of the prior one. If, at the end of the week, you can't remember a single thing that distinguished one day of that week from the other -- if the entire week seems like a big blur -- that's a telltale sign you may need to spruce things up a bit. And no one says injecting some spontaneity into your life has to be expensive. The key is to do a few little things ...

One of the main reasons why relationships suffer or ultimately fail is because people become way too complacent in them. They stop doing the things that they did to attract the other person in the first place. That includes everything from staying fit and dressing nicely to being romantic and surprising your partner with little gifts. Thankfully, my relationship with my wife is still going strong after 10 years. (We've been married for close to two years now.) Still, it's evident we've become comfortable in our relationship. For the most part, the "cutesy" things we used to do for each other have taken a back seat to the responsibities of married life -- bills, laundry, and so on. That doesn't mean we don't love each other. It means that our relationship has evolved and matured. And we each still do nice things for each other, if sparingly. For example, I might surprise her with a romantic dinner at a charming restaurant, and she might cook my favorite...

Are you the type of person who:  feels uneasy at not knowing exactly what's expected of you when starting a new job?  has to have things planned weeks in advance?  generally shirks spontaneity?  likes to eat the same foods every day?  likes doing the same things at the same time every day?  likes taking the same route to and from work every day?  generally avoids unfamiliar situations? If this sounds like you, you have a high level of uncertainty intolerance (also called ambiguity intolerance) . If, however, you prefer to live a bit more on the edge and can't help but change things up every so often -- whether it's your wardrobe, job, or partner, you likely have a low level of uncertainty intolerance. Those who avoid ambiguity generally prefer a structured, cut-and-dried lifestyle, while people who embrace it tend to like taking risks and thrive in fluid situations.  I think most of us find ourselves somewhere in the middle, th...

They say variety is the spice of life, but for some people, routine reigns supreme in their lives. Does variety necessarily mean that you have a better life than the next guy? Like everything else in life, what makes a good life is largely subjective. Some people thrive on spontaneity while others like eating the same foods and taking the same route home every day. Neither is necessarily better than the other. A bevy of factors account for these differing ways to live our lives, like genetics, upbringing, and personality. And it's entirely possible that you could prefer one style at one stage of your life and the other at a different juncture. I would venture to say that most people tend to like variety and spontaneity when they're younger and routine in their later years. I am a creature of habit and keep my day quite organized and structured. Know those people who like to prepare to do lists and write everything down in an agenda? That's me. That doesn't mean I ...

There's nothing like spending lots of quality time with your partner. But how much time is too much? How to Understand People is here to answer that question. Though being attached at the hip may sound like it can be beneficial to the relationship, this couldn't be further from the truth. Couples who spend inordinate amounts of time together are more likely to argue and go through bouts of boredom. The thing is that when you're around the same person all day, you're likely to get stuck in a routine; day in and day out, you hit up the same restaurants and shops, watch the same shows, and so on. It's always good to keep the element of surprise alive and well in a relationship. Every once in a while, you should aim to inject the relationship with a healthy dose of spontaneity. Guys, surprise your lady by taking her to a new restaurant on the other side of town, or by planning a weekend getaway to a beautiful hotspot your wife occasionally brings up in conversati...

Judging from what people seeking my advice tell me, it seems relationships fall apart for three key reasons: 1. Lack of trust: Whether because of lying or cheating, it isn't always easy to restore trust once it's been compromised. When it gets to the point where you simply can't confide in the other person, the relationship is doomed to fail. 2. Lack of communication: Problems in the relationship that stem from a lack of trust (see #1) can sometimes be resolved when people put their feelings on the table and are open to compromise. But when even open communication isn't feasible, it signals that the relationship may be on its last legs. 3. Getting too lazy and comfortable: Once we've been with someone for a long time, it's normal to become complacent in the relationship. Gone are the days when you worked on your physique to impress your partner and surprised her with flowers and candlelight dinners. In order to keep the relationship from stagnating, it...