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What effect does seeing people a lot have on us?

There are certain people in our lives whom we see on a daily basis, or thereabouts -- from our coworkers to the mailman to our partner.

But just what effect does seeing these individuals every day have on us? Do they become more endearing to us over time, or do we eventually grow tired of seeing them?

While the dynamics of the relationship comes into play (e.g., a toxic vs. caring boss, a fruitful marriage vs. a lousy one), the answer, according to social psychology, is both.

 In the 1960s, Robert Zajonc coined and demonstrated the mere exposure effect. As the name implies, mere exposure creates a positive bias toward a stimulus.

The effect explains why you might find yourself humming a song you loathed the first time you heard it.

The propinquity effect is the mere-exposure effect when applied to social contexts. In other words, we become friends with people in terms of functional or spatial proximity. In one study, residents of an apartment building were four times more likely to have close friends living right next door than down the hall.

Moreover, both effects can explain why:

  • We can gradually become creatures of routine, always taking the same route to and from work.
  • We like to hang on to old shoes or cars. 
  • Many of us like to stay in the same job for a long time. 
  • The more we hang out with people, the more they seem to grow on us. 
  • We grow to like certain shows, movies, or foods that may not have struck our fancy initially.
  • The lack of physical proximity spells the end of so many friends and relationships. 

However, recent studies demonstrate that prolonged exposure takes us past a boredom threshold and actually reverses the mere-exposure effect. Eventually, you reach a point where a commercial or song really does start to get on your nerves.

Does this mean we're all doomed to get bored of the people in our lives -- friends, partners, and co-workers alike -- sooner or later?

Not at all.

What it means us that we must actively aim to enliven such relationships with variety.

And we can do that by exploring new destinations, checking out new restaurants, taking up new hobbies, watching new Netflix shows, and finding other ways to keep things, well, fresh.

The more new things people can share with one another, the richer their bond will be. Routine, however, coupled with an unwillingness to infuse spontaneity into said relationships, will likely make us tired of the "same old, same old."

When people complain of being bored, all it takes is a push into new terrain -- whether it be planning a trip, getting a dog, or deciding to learn a new language -- to reinvigorate their lives and add new fire to their relationships.
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